In the media, we always hear the stories of men who go to sleep in a drunken stupor after weeks of partying and wake up next to a wife and 3 kids and wonder how on earth they got there.
It should not come as any surprise that this happens to women too.
I just woke up the other day and realized that I am coming up on 40 years old. I am tired and burnt out of my primary job. I am the caretaker of a cancer patient who is starting to rebel against treatment and taking care of himself. My eczema is out of control though it's trying to make it's way back.
I looked around at my friends. People I used to stay out to all hours of the night, people who drunkenly stood on chairs with lampshades on their heads, friends who kept me up all night crying about this man or that woman - who broke their heart.
They are all married with kids now.
I saw a comedian. I can't remember his name but he's in nine million films. The two favorite roles that come to mind are the kiss-ass sales guy in pretty Woman and the father in !0 things I hate about you ( otherwise known as The TAming of the Shrew).
This guys stand up is so incredibly funny. He does a bit where he's talking to his friends newborn. He's looking as if into a crib and speaking as if to a baby.
"Hi there - did you know I used to hold your dad's head while he threw up??? Did you know it was YESTERDAY?"
He goes on to say that he is unclear how anyone that he knows is allowed to have children - without a permit or anything. No test??? Are you kidding???
I never laughed so hard.
But it did get me to thinking about some things.
Forty is a big birthday and a big number. Have a led an honorable life? Have I done anything to be proud of?
Logically the answer is yes to both. Emotionally, I feel like I have forgotten to put on my underwear before leaving the house. I feel like I forgot to do something. I can't REMEMBER what it is.
Growing older to date has been a gentle process for me. THis one is starting to freak me out a bit. I feel like there is too much at stake and too much I didn't do.
And I"m scared.
You see - We found another lump. It's on his throat. It's not large. But it's prominent enough to see. I got him to make his doctor appts today.
I'm worried, I'm stressed and I'm scared. Oh and a little bit pissed because his radiologist office called the house today claiming they have been trying to reach him and no resonspe fo r WEEKS!!!
WEEKS!!!!!
As I felt my head explode inside, I calmly picked up the phone and called him. My call was not taken ( big surprise) so I lef the information on his voice mail. I also sent him a text message as well.
He walked in 10 minutes later and I handed him the phone and said "Call them. NOW".
And he did.
I complained that I have the opposite of the midas touch to him tonight. He looked at me and hugged me tight. He said " I don't see that - I have doc appts I wouldn't have made if you hadn't gotten on me. That's major."
It's being a grown-up.
Since when did I become the adult? He's 12 years older than me and I am constantly on him about getting things done. Thats not me. I'm the one content to sit on the couch and watch movies when I should be doing the dishes!
We all grow up at our own pace.
But 40 is still scary. For now.
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