It's really interesting.
When something happens to you that on the surface looks bad, how do you react? What does it mean?
I recently found myself on the receiving end of the 11AM phone call on a RIF day. I have only heard about it up to then and I have to tell you it's every bit as bad as you think it's going to be.
For me, the worst part is how it tore my boss apart to have to make that call to not one of his team leads ( me) but both. He lost his top two producers that day and the team is likely to be disbanded before the year is out.
For the past two decades I have had two phases of my career. The first 10 years, I affectionately refer to as my 20's I look back at on my 30th birthday. I was unhappy with the look of my life. Work was my only priority. I gave up things in favor of my job.
That job ending ,a month before I turned 30, forced me to evaluate what I was doing and what direction I wanted my life to go in. I got my new job which had me commuting to NYC each day and I was worshipped and revered by my company and clients.
That was 2 weeks AFTER I turned 30. A total of 6 weeks out of work. I never even filed for unemployment!
Of course, the economy was better. At least initially. I managed to work at MCI after it turned into WCOM and we all know how THAT ended, then back to MCI then Verizon then VerizonBusiness.
Turning 40 and having lost my job a month later in an economy that is so poor and frightening right now, made me review my life and my choices.
I have a lot of fear in me. I was always a fearful child. I didn't like change - I still don't.
I was afraid that as the primary household breadwinner, now out of work, my household would collapse. It didn't.
I was afraid my partner was secretly only here for the money - he isn't.
I was afraid that losing my job was somehow my fault - it wasn't.
I was afraid that unemployment would turn me down - they didn't.
I am afraid that the money will run out. Jon had a plan. A good one. And without my knowledge or discussion met me and some friends for what I affectionately refer to as our Pub crawl last week and started talking to restaurants about himself and us. We can earn money with our music.
He decided that I was right about that business. Merge my performing and teaching with his performing and voila - a business has formed.
We are not yet incorporated though that is in discussion and a plan is being worked out - but what we are doing in preparation for that day, is collecting our receipts and creating a business plan and operating as if we were already incorporated.
Being the finance and VP to be - I am being VERY prudent with the package I got. I paid off the car - I own it fully now. We use it as the primary vehicle except for gigs because it is the car that's in better condition and newer. I paid all the insurance for the year - homeowners and car. All other bills are current or ahead.
Financially we are somewhat secure. For awhile.
I continue every day to network and try to find a job while working at the new business with additional fervor.
For me, the issue is still change. I'm less afraid of it now. Jon doesn't let me get afraid, he jumps ahead and anticipates my reaction - as much as he can. Its still hit or miss but I can't deny it has made this life transition so much easier in many respects.
We have joined the Rec Center here in town and I now work out several times a week. We got his bike fixed so we can ride together. We go to concerts or bands and hang with our friends a couple of nights a week. I am amazed at how free this feels and I am actually enjoying this time more than I thought.
Don't get me wrong, I still stress. The relationship has taken a few hits of late requiring some additional work when things crop up. You can't be the age the two of us are and not have some shit back up on you! It's not even possible.
The thing that backs up on us most, believe it or not, is miscommunication. And some trust. I won't go out there and say there isn't trust, but I always thought the trust problem was mine and I discovered that it wasn't. We are working through that by communicating and laughter. Sometimes there's yelling and sometimes there are tears - largely frustration. But we try every day in every way.
His health is still a priority with me and we now have a medicaid advocate. In two hours she was able to solve problems that took us months of red tape - she's amazing and we love her. She's the mom of an up and coming musician and her husband is a musician friend of ours as well.
My health is a priority with him as well and we work on solutions for my skin all the time.
I don't recall the last time I took time like this for myself to enjoy and just be. It's wonderful and amazing and a little bit scary. But I kind of like it and being with Jon enables me to work through change so that it's less scary.
I know that things will work out for me in the future, but for now, I'm having some fun for a change.
