Oprah

I am not an Oprah fan.

I am not a Martha Stewart fan either - and I actually have personal access to her.

However, my mom, meaning well, subscribed me to the Oprah magazine.

I am stupidly behind in my periodical reading given how busy life has become in 2008. So in my travels, I always bring one with me to read so I can catch up.

I took one to the beach with me the other day when walking. I tend to do the full boardwalk and then sit on one of the many benches and watch the ocean and the folks around while reading and listening to my ipod.

I read a fascinating article on love and the universe. It told the story of a woman who was advised by her psychic to write down a list of qualities she wanted in a partner "right down to the color of his socks" and put it away. The universe would deliver him to her. According to the story - it did.

Nice story - very oprah-esque - but I wasn't buying it.

So when my massage therapist gave ME the same advice I looked at her and laughed. She then proceeded to tell me how she went through a rough period - really rough - until she met her current partner. Whom she is madly in love with and he with her. They are an amazing couple too. I worship them because not only are they amazing people but they inspire others. Just by being themselves.

After that last huge fight, I went to teach her a voice lesson and being so in tune with me - she immediately asked me what was wrong.

We talked for awhile and after imparting that advice, I went home and did just that. I made my list. And with only one or two minor exceptions, that man is sitting in my home. He's just not ready. The universe delivered me a half baked cake. Maybe I'm so supposed to finish off the recipe.... tee hee.....

Anyway - the bottom line is when you step back and discover that the problem isn't yours, but you are involved due to proximity, the only thing you can do is work on yourself. You can't solve another's mid life crisis, or growth period. Which is more or less what this is.

So - I started doing just that. And I noticed a big change - in him and in us. Good ones.

We aren't all the way there but in 4 short days, he started working out again, he started making calls to his doctors to set up appointments, he is cooking again, we went out to a movie and had a drink in public, we are going to a play in the city this weekend ( the most affordable theater in NYC I might add - 18 dollars a ticket) and we started making some music together.

What did I do? I know you are dying to ask. For one thing, I stopped all discussions of money unless he initiated it. Temporarily. Just give him some time to get his head together. I did the food shopping so he didn't worry about how much money food was.

I went to my Pilates class. I am planning to do at least one more day per week starting next week. We started clearing and organizing the music room and he made some contacts with his old land lady to get our dining room table out of storage so we can get rid of mine ( its 20 years old and VERY Unstable).

I made a new deal with myself too. That each day I am going to write down 5 things that I am thankful for. Right here. For all of you to see. If I commit to doing this here, I will at least make an effort.

Sounds Oprah-esque doesn't it? Well it is. I got an anniversary mini book in one of the magazines called "What I know for sure". IN it she rights all kinds of neat gems with stories.

This one - called - "Be Thankful" is very ironic as it's November and very timely for Thanksgiving. She talks of her meltdown on the phone with Maya Angelou. And All Maya said to her was "Say Thank you". She was shocked into silence and asked why. Because by being thankful you are accepting the gifts you have and being grateful for the opportunity to receive. Thus making you able to receive even more. And I think we can all agree - Oprah's life has been bountiful and she has been sharing that bounty for years.

So in keeping with that, here are my five things from today:

1. I am thankful today that I have a roof over my head and healthy food to eat
2. I am thankful for all my friends and family.
3. I am thankful that the man that I love is getting better.
4. I am thankful that our country is getting a fresh start. Now let's see what he does with it.
5. I am thankful that I have a job - two - and that I am able to provide for my family.

There won't be any repeats for awhile. I am going to try and keep my word on that.

You know what's kind of funny about this exercise, is that I do something similar with my students. I have noticed that no matter what kind of family I teach in, I have kids with self esteem issues. I don't know what that's about to be honest, but given my own, if I can help a child release that burden I try. So what I do with them at each lesson is I tell them things about them that I like that are not necessarily music related and part of the general conversation. Then at the end of the lesson I make them tell me two things about them that I like that are NON MUSIC related and then two things that they think they could improve on. Then I let them do that to me. It's worked wonders on one kid who has a manipulative and lying streak in her.

Another thing that I do is that when we fight or we have things like this happen that don't really involve me but I am involved in due to proximity, I go to work on something that I am doing FOR HIM. Like his fundraiser that he doesn't yet know about. Like the Christmas party that I arranged to have so many of our friends at so we can be there for his first performance and his birthday. Like his Christmas gifts. All those things. I feel better for doing those things and refocuses my energies of anger elsewhere.

Oprah's show may drive me crazy - I do like her as an actress - but her magazine has some really good stuff in it. I'm not sorry I get that magazine now. It does have some good points.

She's not quite my hero but she does have some wisdom to impart.

Revelations

I have had a number of interesting revelations recently.



Revelation number 1: I've been hacked.



OK - chances are if you are reading this, you already know that. I don't exactly want or NEED to go into the details, but suffice it to say that someone, well, inappropriate, got their hands on my material and frankly, I wouldn't care in other circumstances, but I don't need added stress or pressure. So for the time being, the blog will remain on an invite only basis. I have invited all my normal readers, plus a couple who lurk now and again that I trust.

Lets leave it at that for now.

Revelation number 2: THe whore is not the problem

I have spent a lot of time blaming the whore for an untenable situation in my household. Now that I have met and seen her and spent time with her.... she has moved on from him. He's trying desparately to hold on. This, by the way, is not that uncommon with him. He's done it with every woman in his life to this very day. It has nothing to do with me. Logically and emotionally he's made a different choice and understands why it is the way it is. He just hasn't FULLY let go yet.

I will tell you that this brings a level of relief to me, actually. If it's only generated from him and not being returned, he'll move along appropriately. History shows me that. He has abondonment issues ( being addressed by his psych's now by the way) and this plays a major part in that.

Now that I am aware of it, I have relaxed a bit. Not all the way, mind you, but I have certainly relaxed a lot more with him. It shows in how we are relating now too. All good things.

Revelation Number 3: I have new skin care and it changed my life. And my skin. I am beyond thrilled with this company and their products and I haven't even bought them yet.... though that's coming soon... Swiss made botanical skin care. My face never looked this good. IN 2 and half days ( 5 uses) Jon noticed and my best friend noticed. Without prompting. I HIGHLY recommend you take a look at the website. Try it, don't try it - but I am SOLD. Arbonne is the name. They make skin care, body care, spa treatments, supllements, weight loss, makeup, baby lines, teen lines, skin care for men, all very comprehensive. I will not lie and tell you it's drugstore quality or prices. But I will tell you a little goes a long way and it's worth every penny.

These are revelations in intelligence ( number 1), emotions ( number 2) and physical ( number 3). They have taken place over the past week.

I am proud of all of them.

Counseling Part 2

It's 11:31.

IT'S 11:31!!!!!

Holy crap. I'm supposed to be at a students house RIGHT NOW.

I jump out of bed and run to the phone.

"Hey I'm running behind today. If I get there in the next 15 minutes is that OK? "

After hearing yes, I jump into some clothes and run off to my students house. I'm not even sure what roads I took to get there.

The lesson was like pulling teeth with this kid in the beginning. I am sure that that I am 60% of t he problem, but the parents even agree she's been at little bit surly with me. Or with any adult for that matter.

I asked her what SHE thought was not going well. She told me she has trouble with her breathing. Too bad, we all go through it, I think to myself. Then I opened my mouth to speak and out came:

"How old were you when you started skating. ?" She answered 5 or 6.
"What would you say was the hardest move you had to learn" She answered her axel,
"HOw long did it take you to master it to where you were confident in it" She answerd 2-3 years.
"Learning how to control your breathing is lot like that axel. You can't run out and buy good breath support or a good axel, You can't order it off the internet. It's something that takes time. Time for your body to understand what you are asking it to do. Something you've never demanded of it before. Do you remember the day you mastered that axel?"

She smiled. She said yes.

"It's going to be like that when one day you sing this note for as long as it needs to e held and you don't even realize it but you've moved on with the song. Because it was right and it felt right. I don't let you use words in the beginning so you can get all the other stuff you need to think about down. When we add the words, it's usually a quick trip to the performance isn't it?"

She smiled again.

She didn't say anything. But I saw that smile again,

She got it.

I came home and put my PJ's on. All of a sudden I wanted to sit out by the pool. I put my suit on, got my book, my ipod and my water and sat outside till the sun moved to the west side of the building. The clouds kept moving in and around the sun.

At one point I looked up and I swear God was watching me back. I had the most benevolent feeling. Aside from the fact that this particular member of his flock as now strayed 4 weeks in a row, I was sort of surprised.

I asked him what on earth was he thinking? Why am I targeted for this heartbreak? This is not going to make me a better person, it's going to turn me into a freaking hermit, you know the crazy cat lady at the end of the street who's never married???? That's going to be me.

Naturally I didn't expect the sky to open it's cloud mouth and give me the answer. I returned to my reading.

I chose to make today a no thinking day. I read an entire James Patterson book cover to cover outside in the sun. I watched Grumpy Old Men and then Side Order of Life. Which has soem weird undertones that match up with my life in some weird ways.

I have my appointment tomorrow with my priest. I am going alone, my best friend is not invited. Though he wants to be badly. As much as I think he's genuinely interested in meeting this man, I think a portion of it stems more from his wanting to tell his "side" of things. I know that in this scenario if the roles were reversed, that's what I would be thinking and his self esteem is in worse shape than mine these days.

As was true the last time, I feel almost awkward about going to see my priest about this. I feel like I should be able to sort this through myself.

And I know I said it the last time. And yes, he helped me a bit then. So it stands to reason this should be helpful now, yes?

I can't organize what I think, what I feel, what was actually said vs. implied commentary. So this is going to be an interesting session to be sure.

Somewhere, someday this all needs to make sense.





But all of a sudden, she stopped resisting me and everything she did was just glorious. I mean shiningly so. So I grabbed an

Looking at the positive

I have a birthday coming up in roughly 12 hours.



On that day I have a performance with a group of people who may not be the best at what they do but are so unbelievably lovely and warm and welcoming that I can't possibly say no to them ever.



That of course is following the Outdoor church service and BBQ at church. Where my friend and I will have our birthdays blessed ( we have the same name, same spelling and were born on the same day... very bizarre).

As of last week, I was supposed to order in dinner and watch a movie with my best friend.

As men go he's pretty good most of the time but even he can mess things up pretty bad. He made plans with someone he wants to be involved with ( it's a long story and very boring) on that day because we are also celebrating our mutual birthdays the following weekend with friends. I absolutley stared at him as he was saying it and he faltered annd looked at me and said "your ACTUAL birthday is Sunday. OK I just officially blocked out the day and I'm all yours as we planned - I screwed up"

I should be happy but I was annoyed by that. I would have expected that he wouldn't need a freaking reminder after all these years. But everyone is not a walking calendar so I let it go. It was when I finally verbalized it that it stopped bothering me. I mean, he really did do the right thing. I just got mad that he would blow off his best friend for someone who doesn't even want him the way he wants her.

If you've ever seen the episode of Friends where Phoebe reads out Joey for breaking their date for another woman and then goes and breaks their date herself because HAnk Azaria is back fron Minsk for one day only - this is like that. Only we are the Ross and Rachel of our group.

I had dinner with my family today on the water at a lovely restaurant. I ate more food today than I have eaten all week. The same goes for last night. I actually got nautious. which is a first. I fell asleep when I got home too for about 30 minutes while waiting for neighbor to come over for a quick drink.

But I had a good early birthday gift - I went to Weight Watchers and stood on the scale - 6.2 lbs in the last 3 weeks for a grand total of 13.4! Happy Birthday to me.

This is the last year I am sharing my age too.... hence forth you all better keep track if you really want to know. A lady doesn't share her age.

That's enough about the birthday. I want to talk about the real gift I gave myself this year. Looking at the positive. I tend to be a glass half full person to start with but time and circumstances can cause a person to be somewhat jaded and a loss of perspective.

I am reading a book by Alexandra Stoddard called the Art of the positive. I highly recommend it. It teaches you how to live your live and enjoy it. If you are like me, and you work for a person who tends toward the crazy and tyrannical, it can tend to make YOU as much of a workaholic as they are. The trick is, take the time that is actually yours and use it. If you are required t o work from 8-5 and you are entitled to a one hour lunch break, start your work at 8., take your 1 hour and leave at 5. You will find that when you use the time that is yours in a way that is pleasing to you, you are better equipped to do your job and therefore do it better.

Now I work in an environment that can support this plan but not always. So I, along wi th my team, take comp time for overtime that we work since we do not get any other financial reimbursement. And we do this when it is excessive. Starting at 4 hours and going up from there. We never used to do it, we do it now.

She also suggests with work that when you are no longer excited by your job, but you love your career choice, it's time to take you career to the next level. I took a long look at my career. I love my job, I do it well. I am good at it. I am not ready to take it to the next level or leave. Not yet.

Making "possibilities" into "realities" is not easy, but it can be done with a little bit of change.

One of the other things I received this week was from my sales guy. He sent me an email that is titled two choices.

It basically says that Every situation that comes up in life gives us two choices, either we react negatively or we find the positive message in it. It's a long email so I won't post it here, it's very cute and has funny moments and serious ones. If you want me to send it to you, post a request in the comments and I will be more than happy to forward it on. It is not a chain - I hate those things. it's just a nice message.

But it made me think. I was having a pretty crappy day when he sent it. Work was not going well. So when I saw that it mae me smile and made me think.

Each day I get up as if it were on purpose now. I also get up with an attitude of positivity. I decide that today will be a good day and even better than yesterday.

When I am faced with a situation or challenge ( I no longer allow the word "problem" to exist in that capacity), I look at it from the perspective of what good can come of this.

An example is my best friend's recent stupidity. I was hurt, he knew it and knew he screwed up. He corrected it immediately and apologized. Now. I can look at this and say well obviously this chick is more important to him than I am. OR I can say, he recognized his mistake and realizes what is important and changed his agenad accordingly - he is human after all.

We are human beings. We sometimes screw up and if you screw something up, you need to fix it as soon as you recognize the screw up. I once forgot I had to teach a kid. the mother called me very angry that it was so late and I never showed and never called. I immediately looked at my calendar, apologized, made a new date and didn't charge her due to my negligence.

Being Positive is what makes things possible. That and hard work. and Hard Play.

So on this my 38th year ( ha this is the last notification you will get of the actual age people!), I have reviewed the things that I have learned and I have looked ahead to the things I want to accomplish.

Some things I am proud of:

1. My First Vocal recital. It was spectacular and I have to thank Bernie, Jax and Voice Twin for helping me.
2. I can lose weight when I really do what I am supposed to. the whole package.
3. My heart is not frozen in time. It is warm and capable of loving and accepting love.
4. My spirituality is humming along nicely.
5. When you love yourself enough to take care of yourself, love from others naturally follows.
6. My family is insane. They are crazy. They are amazing - and they are mine and I love them.
7. My friends are an Incredible and eclectic group. I don't dare name them all for fear I will miss one as I am tired. But I am lucky lucky girl. I have amazing people in my life.
8. My dad may be gone from earth but he's with me when I need him.
9. Perfection isn't a realistic or good goal. Being the best that I can be in everything that I do is a better choice. Just by doing the best that I can will make me a stronger, more positive and better person. This goes for my music, my career, being a good friend, being spiritually strong, communicating better all of it. perfection sometimes leads you to being a perfect failure. So be the best you can be. Geez I sound like an ad for the armed forces.
10. Fight fair. Don't bring up the past, stay in the present and fight about the current situation. Put it to rest before you go to bed.

I am counting down now.... I have 12 hours an 55 minutes left on this year.

I'm vitually blowing out my candles with you and making my wish for this year. ( I can't tell or it won't come true )

On crushes

Remember your first crush? How about one more recent?

I do. He was wonderful. So cute and a wonderful person. He was a year ahead of me at prep.

I realized today in talking with a student who has her first crush, how much this boy taught me when I was in school. To be sure, she is 10 and I was 13, but whatever - times they are a changin'.

We'll call my crush Richard. He was taller than I am ( not a stretch even now), same color hair and wonderful blue eyes. He was slim but not string beany. I met him in band. I played the flute, he played a brass intrument ( his primary source of income today incidentally).

We got to talking one early morning before school started, because I had an early morning lesson and he just arrived there to watch. I wasn't terribly excited at the prospect. And I told him so. He laughed at me, and mentioned that I looked familiar.

Time marched on, and we both found ourselves at those early morning lessons, study halls and lunch periods, down in the band room, or the auditorium. Alone more often than not.

I learned how to slow dance with this boy. He would hum "the way you look tonight" and teach me to dance. Right there on the stage.

We played the silliest of games. We would walk from chair to chair in the auditorium on the arm rests, jumping over the aisles. We had good balance and sometimes not such good balance.

He loved to sit with me and run his fingers through my hair, which was at that time, down to my waist. That 80's big haired thing was completely lost on me. My hair wouldn't then nor now ever support it.

We would play duets. We would file music. We would play the perfect pitch game on the piano - he would play a note with my back turned and I would "guess" what it was. I always won. Only then I didn't know why. Now I do. We had memorized the entire movie "Arthur" with Dudley Moore and a Favorite past time on the phone was to throw out a line and see if the other person could name the next one.

After a long time of this loveliness, he decided to ask my best friend Sharon out. And she decided to accept.

I was devastated as only a teenager can truly be.

Then my best friend broke up with him.... days later at the most. He rode his bicycle ( a 12 speed we couldn't believe ANYONE our age would own something like that) to my house in the pouring rain, and cried in my arms that she had broken his heart.

I didn't say anything about my own heart and the pain I felt at what I perceived to be his deception. I was too young to know how. But not so young as to know that I won in the end.

So when my student tells me she has her first crush.... I think about the happy times before he dated Sharon. They flash to my mind immediately. I look at her face and she is glowing with happiness. Her eyes are brighter, her smile wider, she is buoyant. She has the attitude that only comes with a crush or falling in love that she can do anything.

She is very young. She is, as I said, 10. She asks me if she can sing "So in love" by Cole Porter.
I tell her that, honestly, it's not age appropriate. She can't sell it to the audience since she hasn't felt it. That's when she springs the crush on me. Evidently he is in her class and he treats her nicely.

She is beautiful. Blue eyes, blond hair.... But she carries some extra weight on her. I noticed today that she looked thinner and her clothing was different..... Ah ha - the crush! That explains EVERYTHING. Then she tells me she is a little bit tired because she woke up at 6AM today so she could exercize. I asked her what that meant - she told me she did 20 minutes on the eliptical and 20 minutes on 10 different exercizes with the ab roller and some pilates.

I commended her something awful. She is a smart young lady. so talented and so beautiful. I am really priveldged to teach her.

In talking with her, I realized that my crush on Richard was very important to me. It really gave me ground work on how I behave around men now. What I do today isn't dramatically different. Well.... I don't hop around on armrests anymore.... I'd probably break something!

The followup to this is that though he did date my best friend, he came back to me, and from there, we dated for a long time. My first crush became my first boyfriend. He treated me very well. We were good for each other.

Today he lives far away in another state. He has a family. We keep in touch periodically over the years. when he travels to NY for work, we try to get together for a drink. We're so far apart from those two middle school teens, but it's a nice piece of my history.

What I found most striking today, was how talking with my student brought it back to me in a specific relief. It suggested that there is some groundwork as to why I do some of the things that I do.

I left her smiling - we both were. She was thinking about her crush. And I was thinking about my first one. It was a lovely trip down memory lane for me and an educational one.

Palm Sunday

Palm Sunday was yesterday.

I dressed appropriately for Church and went to Dunkin Donuts to get my coffee ( That's my special treat on Sat and Sun -I don't MAKE my own coffee - I buy at there. ) before my rehearsal with the Choir.

I get there and the Choir Director/organist is in the Chapel with some members of the choir. We reviewed a piece that I am playing the flute on for Maundy Thursday ( I was actually a Flute major in under grad! ). Our priest came in and sang his part, the choir did their part ( I sing most verses with them) and then I played the intro and closer to the tune. Boom. we were done.

Church begins in the parish hall. We do the blessing of the palms. We read the blessing of the palms and coordinating lessons and Gospel. Then we recreate the ride into Jerusalem by processing out of the church,palms in hand, and walk around the building to the sanctuary ( yes - outside), singing Ride on Ride on in Majesty a capella. I get to the lead the troops here, because I have perfect pitch so I can get them in on the right notes so we match up with the Organ in the Sanctuary when we get there.

Once Inside, we start our service as we normally would on a random sunday. We process down the center aisle to the alter, split off and and walk around the side aisles, out the door and up to the choir loft.

We continue through the service. We sing our anthem, Lift up your heads, oh ye gates. ( No not the one from Messiah), and wrap things up.

I head over to my students house, where I proceed to give her a double lesson. 10 years old and she has an hour an half lesson. She is in Once Upon This Island and learned her songs wrong. So we had to go back to the drawing board. She cantored that day and didn't look at the music she was assigned on Wed until Sunday morning. I nailed her on that, because it sounded like she was seeing it for the first time. Her sightreading for NYSSMA however was astly improved, so that was a plus. I probably spent a good 30 mnutes out of that hour and half lecturing her - and I HATE that I had to do it at all. Not a solid 30 mins - 30 mnutes spread out over the entire time.

Lesson was overall good though. She was very focused and she is stopping the baby talk and using her words to speak to me without being reminded 20 times.

My brother called and invited me to his in-laws for Easter Sunday - so that wil be fun.

I went home and watched TV, literally, the rest of the day until my rehearsal. I needed to decompress and for those of you who know me, I can't ordinarily sit still that long. But I did and I'm not sorry. I had a lot of plans for that day, but nothing that couldn't wait. I caught up with some friends, read some blogs, but largely just sat.

I was bored witless. I couldn't even identify the feeling because I haven't been bored since the third grade. I discovered that I ate all day long yesterday due to boredom. the good news is, Noticing that I was bored and that I was eating to compensate, I was also eating good and healthy things like fruit and vegetables. I wasn't eating crap or heavy foods. I had yogurt which Wolfi felt should be partially his. Overall, my snacking was reasonable. I just have to address the behaviour. I felt good about that and the fact that each item I ate, got written in my food journal.

At rehearsal that night, I spoke to the other "normal" soloist about the directors mid week calls. I wanted to know if I was the only one that recieved them, and thankfully, no I wasn't. She had the president of the group shut them down, so I will be doing the same thing. The problem for me, is that the director is also my voice coach. It will work out.

I took a hot bath and rested last night. I fell asleep fairly quickly and slept through the night with no aid. It was wonderfully refreshing.

It wasn't the Palm Sunday I planned on, but it wasn't a bad substitute.

Anger and things learned

I have a really long fuse.

And I am not a yeller or a screamer.

Most people don't know that unless they are really close.

I get overly sarcastic at times....

But honestly - anger? rarely. Irritated, annoyed and frustrated. But rarely angry.

But when my fuse runs out - beware....................


I attended a 9:30AM call that has been moved 4 times since 9AM and twice since Friday.

I hate these calls regardless of date and time because they are never structured, there is no agenda and when interaction is requested it is always met defensively and all opinions are immediately invalidated.

So having this call first thing on a Monday morning was not setting the necessary tone for the week.

I decide that I am getting on the call but not involving myself, I just couldn't expend anymore emotional energy on this weekly call.

But leader certainly knows how to bait each and every one of us. And Leader does it. But doesn't want to hear any of the feedback that is being requested. But FL girl she makes some commentary, stating fact, and leader lies right to us, using the CYA tactic. I feel obligated to back FL girl up as I was present in the same meeting, so I venture my facts along with hers, and quelle surprise - we are both being shot down and lied too. I decide it's time to retreat temporarily and I IM FL girl and advise her of this. By now leader is mad as a hatter.

So NYC guy jumps in and starts talking about other things. Brooklyn Girl asks me for some assistance on SSB Project and CB project - we essentially started talking to another and leaving leader to listen in. I made sure that everyone's workload was manageable and started to wrap up the non productive 30 minutes of the week.....

But no, Lead starts talking about metrics and how this is the first time we are using them. Again, I can't let this go. So I mention that we have been measured on Metrics since before him. We both drop it. Leader is bound and determined to be right, so I stop speaking altogether. My team however is incensed. So they are fighting leader on a variety of topics now.

I have my phone on mute - I'm pretty sure. I look at the phone, mute light flashing merrily and I say in the most venomous tone that scared in me..... "Can't you just shut the &*()@!) up????"

I go on to say "SOMETHING STUPIDLY INAPPROPRIATE?"

" Why can't you just stop making additional work for everyone so you can take credit and look like a hero ?"

Then I realize I am actually screaming at my muted phone. My neighbors could hear me.

And swearing.

And wishing it wasn't 10:15 AM so I Could have a glass of red wine and I don't even drink all that much!

Then I got past screaming and just venom was coming out of every pour. My team started calling one by one to make sure that I was Ok...

I honestly can tell you that FL Girl made an interesting point. Leader beats up on her a lot and I take severe umbrage to that. She told me that she awoke at 6AM and took her phone off the hook and turned the cell off and went back to bed. Then she mentioned that leader makes her really angry and frustrated and then she takes it out on her ailing parent. I thought about that and realized that I do that too.

When I say nothing and even when I choose to say something, it's not what I need to say and it would fall on deaf ears anyway since the fact is, leader is of the belief that staff is not necessary to run the account since leader did it successfully in the smaller company for 1 year. It shows an amazing amount of ego, that statement does. What it shows if anyone is paying attention is that the smaller company had less business. But that statement can't be made without political uprisings.

I realized through this conversation with Fl Girl that I was taking this out on my poor kids. These kids work hard during the week and don't deserve to be yelled at by me. Even if they don't put in the time they should, I have been WAY too hard on them. Over the top too hard.

At 5pM I changed my clothes into an outfit that I feel good in and went out to teach my kids. The two that I have are not usually two that I need to have a problem with even on a bad week but I really paid close attention to my interactions with them. I was so wrapped up in this stupid situation, I almost messed up a NYSSMA festival date for 2 kids because of school break and vacations. Thank goodness the one I had today I was able to work out and negotiate for her and enable her to make her requirements for the school she attends in addition to the festival itself. Phew!!!! I won't make that mistake a second time tomorrow!

I feel bad that my kids have taken a beating of late, so I have made up my mind that they deserve a better experience with me. I love my kids and adore teaching them. They deserve a kinder and more understanding teacher.

I am simply not going to be baited anymore. I am going to address leader like an elderly dog. We love the dog and the dog may piddle in the corner so we train the dog with some strong words and a perhaps rap on the rump.

It was quite a day.

IPOD Hell revisited

For those of you who will recall, I hated my IPOD.

So today I call the parent of one of my students because she has a lesson today, but the email I received last night quite clearly indicated that everyone had a stomach flu. And there was NO WAY I was going anywhere near that house if that were the case.

But no, that was not the case, thank goodness. But the mother has a favor to ask. Now I'm good friends with her, so it's not the imposition you would think. Her brand new IPOD broke. It just one day died. The IPOD store replaced it with a new one, but she was unable to get her Itunes downloaded.

So she asked me.

She is technically challenged.

So she asked me.

Has she not been reading my Blog?

I spend the better part of an hour after the lesson screwing around with it. I finally grab mine and plug it in to her cable. It recognizes mine. That's good. that rules out the USB port AND the cable.

But it doesn't seem to be good new for the IPOD itself.

Which is new. Did I mention that? Brand new. And a replacement.

So I write down the serial number and we call tech support.

Thankfully the answer is a quick reboot. That enabled me to transfer her playlist. Now things work fine.

I wrote the reboot command down. And told the tech support that they needed better documentation sent with the unit itself. 6 pictures and 12 words AIN'T gonna cut it.

It just makes me crazy when they tailor technology to a generation that applauds the inability to read and follow directions.

Is that smart? Is that shrewd? or is it just STUPID? ( I can't take credit for this one - Jamie Lee Curtis A Fish called Wanda).

It's Stupid. I have lately noticed that people in my generation fall into one of two categories. Those who raise their kids to be good, upstanding citizens (and I would have to tell you that most of the people I associate with fall into this category) and those who do everything for their kids but their kids grow up with an unbridled sense of entitlement. I teach kids who have fallen into this category every year but this year. By and large the kids I teach fall into the first category. The ones that don't drive me banana's.

As a society I am concerned when things like reading and doing chores to help out in the household are tossed aside. This episode with IPOD only enforced it for me.

The ten year old could figure it out, but me with a minor in Information Technology couldn't? I was an IT director for 10 years, I could program in 6 languages and take a PC apart and put it back together in 20 minutes without one pause. But the IPOD directions were overly simplistic. What does that say? That we are a society of idiots? Obviously not, if their overly simplistic instructions were so ambiguous that I still had to call tech support just to learn how to reboot the thing. Meanwhile that was a tip I had personally learned from Jax, but I didn't think to apply it here.

The point is, I can admit when something is beyond me, but don't oversimplify and expect that I am going to read your mind. That implies that I am stupid and I am not.

What bugs me more, the kids have no problem with the instructions. I think I am more frightened by that than not. I have students who are too lazy to read. They are raised with excellent value sets but I write the instructions for them to practice with in their assignment book and I find that in order to make sure they read it I have to test them on it the following week.

It's a scary world out there and due to the information being so readily available in so many mediums, it's small wonder that kids today don't have to work as hard as we did to get the same answers. But I think that loses something downstream for these kids when they become adults. The propensity for demanding adults who expect their jobs to be handed to them on a silver platter is huge. There is a large population of 20 somethings who already fall into this category. The ones that I am close to are wise beyond their years and have an awesome work ethic, but I can't say that is the large majority.

I am not expecting to be a parent and not sure I would be up to the challenge. I don't know if I am brave enough. But I sincerely hope that all the things I see and learn about from my friends with kids would prepare me somewhat for that job should it arise. I have some fantastic role models around me, Maple Mama, The Digital Father, Peet Fointed, to name a few and I urge you to check out their sites. They are all easy to read, but make you think. I enjoy all three and I am always looking forward to the new ideas that are brought forth, the challenges, the opinions all of it. I find a lot of my answers to the things I encounter during teaching from these folks.

So my hats off to my friends and readers who are parents. You guys and your spouses do a marvelous job and I am always amazed and enlightened at the challenges that come up and how you all handle them with intelligence and class. The world needs more parents like you!

And Apple needs to actually write NOT DRAW their manual.

An update and recap

"I need some reader assistance"

Update: I bailed on the 2 kids. They went back into the pool to be picked up by some other unsuspecting schmo on my team. But I did ask that the management team advise whoever takes these kids what the parents are like. If they never experiencec it, great, but at least they won't learn the hard way .

OH - and I got paid for the lessons too.

"A new size"

The clothes are great. And I lost 1.6 today at Weight watchers. that leaves .4 left from that weird gain. I am doing a 30 minute power walk on a video every day.

"THIS is what I am talking about"

DVD player is the new joy of my life. I now use to work out with. My entertainment center looks strangely empty now. That I Can adjust to.

Another jumps over to the dark side. Now three of us in my crew of friends not only went over the IPOD darkside, but we did it without consultation of one another which, in and of itself is odd, AND all three of us got the same exact one. and we all had the same headaches. But we see light at the end of the tunnel. I do feel that 99 cents per song is an unbelievable rip off. Even Rhapsody at 89 cents was ridiculous. That puts entire albums more than the retail cost to buy it in the store. Sorry Apple folks - Apple = Arrogance. ( not that they haven't earned it, but they really make their users lives sucky).

"A weird reality"

I had my dress rehearsal today. I felt it went well. I loved singing with the orchestra. I enjoyed being part of the "soloists". Thats kind of a cool feeling. I did also like the costume discussion amongst the three of us at the end of rehearsal. We are all wearing all black. yay. I hate Black and White.

"Pre-performance Stress"

Well I know I am going through a portion of that now. I am also frustrated at the being criticized for everything - both right AND wrong.

Seriously I don't think that has as much to do with my music career as my day job. My boss in my job is highly critical and doesn't even know HOW to do what I do each day. He got himself in a world of trouble with my team on Friday and spent the day calling around to us to make sure we weren't mad at him.

So any criticism after the week that I have been through is too much. It's me mostly - not them. I am pretty good at taking constructive criticism - just not this week. I need to get some things wrapped up and then I will bounce back.

I have times where I just got frustrated and disgusted with everyone and everything. It's not personal, I can't tell you what one thing is driving the mood, it just is. When that happens, the best thing for me is to stay home and not socialize. Or socialize with very few people.

Today is one of those days.

Can you tell???

I'll bounce back tomorrow.

More on keeping your kids and YOURSELF safe

I recently recieved this email from a friend and collegue in the Kiwanis club. As a followup to protecting our kids - this information is good for women of all ages to be aware of.

I recently listened to some really wonderful poscast episodes of the Digital Father They were amazingly informative an really provided some insight into protecting our children and how to address certain issues and topics. He nicely does justice to the issues of how to keep your kids informed and safe while allowing them to be kids.

In the spirit of that and in keeping all people safe I am sharing this information. Some we have heard before but there are few things here that I can safely tell you surprised me. I know I've learned something new.



Through a Rapist's Eyes

This is important information for females of ALL ages .

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts :

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle . They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed . They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair . Women with short hair are not common targets.

2) The second thing men look for is clothing . They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly . Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.

3) They also look for women on their cell phone , searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5:00a.m. and 8: 30a.m.

5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots . Number two is office parking lots/garages . Number three is public restrooms .

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming .

9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas , or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question , like what time is it, or make general small talk: "I can't believe it is so cold out here", "we're in for a bad winter." Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.

11) If someone is coming toward you , hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP or STAY BACK ! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back . Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

13 ) If someone grabs you , you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them . If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it;
it hurts.

14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN . The writer knows from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful . You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there .

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you , grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible . The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings , take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!! You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

Even if some of this is knowledge you already have it bears repeating and please share with your teenagers and young adult women.

As a single woman I have a few more to add.

1. NEVER accept a drink in a bar from a stranger. Its entirely too easy to have someone slip something in your drink and hand it to you. If they are smart on on the money they will introduce themselves and ask you if they can buy you a drink and allow you to order it. Don't be swayed by flattery.

2. Don't leave a bar alone. Have a trusted escort walk you to your vehicle. Make sure you have your cell phone on. Call someone you know as you leave and again when you return home.

That's it for now.
Keep safe!

I need some reader assistance

I work for a contract organization that supplies Music Teachers like myself students and we get a contracted rate that is a portion of the overall rate. I receive one check monthly for lessons taught the month prior. I don't deal with billing or any of that administrative stuff, all I need to do is log the lessons I teach into their website.

Having said that, their process for advising teachers of potential students is put the bare basics out in an email to the teachers on that instrument list in that area. The deal being first come first serve and once you commit, you pretty much have to have a valid and good reason for not taking the kid on.

I took on a sibling set for piano back in November. I say "took them on" meaning I agreed to give them the intro lesson that enables that parent to meet the teacher and make sure there is a bond.

I contacted the parent within 48 hours of the inquiry being sent to me and made arrangements for the lessons for the boys. I had to completely re-arrange my schedule to accommodate the initial lesson. I provided the mother with my contact information if something were to come up between this call and the initial lesson. I was not impressed with the parent at all. She seemed lukewarm at best. She was not reacting to any of the usual things that I say that make parents smile and feel good about their choice. She seemed detached and not interested.

Not knowing her from Adam, I overlooked it. Who knows what kind of day she had or what was happening in her life at that point.

I arrive on the day agreed upon a few minutes early. My test run had heavier traffic than it did the night that I actually went so I got there early. I waited in the car until the time agreed on, and rang the bell.

There were cars in the drive, lights on in the house and noise from a TV or some audio device coming from somewhere in the interior. Yet no one answered the door. I waited about 5 minutes and rang the bell again, this time listening to make sure I heard the bell ring - and yes there it is. Another 5 minutes goes by and it's cold and I was starting to notice. I ring the bell one last time and knock on the door. Still nothing. I give it up and leave.

Not really thrilled at being stood up, I figured she changed her mind or some emergency came up an she forgot to call.

I try to call on the way home, rings and no answer. I try every other day a total of 3 times - ring no answer. I call the director of the group I work for and report my situation. They decide to compensate me anyway - which is nice, but not why I called.

I called because I needed them to know that I made good on my end of the deal. And this family seems to suddenly be MIA. Director didn't seem terribly concerned other than for my personal time - again really nice guy, super to work with. So we discuss this business and some others and move on. I sort of forgot about it what with the Holidays coming.

Then I get this email last week:

Contessa,

Back in November you were assigned to a student by the name of Student 1. As we were following up with the students and assignments where any status was unclear, an email was sent to the Student Parents. Student 1's parent sent me an email with the impression that you had not showed up for Student 1's lesson and that the cell phone number she had listed for you was disconnected. In the time that you have been teaching with us, we have been very happy with your performance and responsibility, so it was hard for us to believe that the situation had occurred exactly as Student's Parent had observed. Please know that we are happy with your teaching for us and we suspect there was unfortunately some form of miscommunication between you and the Student Parent's at some point regarding the time and details of the lesson.

To be brief, she is still interested in lessons for Student 1 and I have listed her number below if you are still available to teach him. If you are unable to take him at this point, please let me know as soon as possible so I can assign him to another teacher.

Dear Rep,

Now, this email gives me the option of an out. But I respond mostly because I am upset at the implications this parent made.


This upsets me. I advised Director within 48 hours while we were talking about another situation and he had actually mentioned that he would see about getting me payment for going there and having no one show up.

My cell phone has not changed ever. it was and has been 516-555-1212. I gave her that and my home number which is also listed in the phone book and 411.,

I'm disturbed about this because I mentioned it to Director immediately after it happened. I had re-arranged my entire schedule to accommodate Student Parent's kids for the initial lesson back in November 14 at 6PM . No one was home when I got there however I was a few minutes early - I waited on the front porch, ringing the bell for 15 minutes. It appeared that people were home but no one came to the door or answered the phone when I called. Each time I tried to call thereafter ( 11/15, 11/19 and 11/20) was met with a Ring no answer on there part.

The number that I had for her is 631-123-4567.

I would be happy to arrange for another date with her, but I she was luke warm about this/me to start with on the phone. I'm not sure I am the person who should be teaching her kids, but I would be willing to try it if you guys think it's the best thing for the client.

Please advise how you would like me to proceed.

Best Regards,

The Contessa

And the reply that I got back was

Contessa,

I am sorry I forgot to mention in the email, but I had spoken with Director before sending the email regarding the conversation you had had with Director. He related the story of you going over there and the student being a no show. We were obviously surprised by the email we receive from Ms. Student Parent. You will be compensated for your time. It seems that Ms. Student Parent is still interested and I sincerely appreciate your willingness to proceed for lessons. I wanted to relate Ms. Student Parent's comments so that you had some idea of where she would be coming from when you spoke with her. Please know that we are extremely grateful for your flexibility and patience and we are happy to have you as a teacher.

Please let me know if I can be of any assistance.

Rep


See my problem is, I am unsure if I should even agree to continue on this path with this client. I don't usually question my gut instinct on a parent. I also don't usually put my feelings for a parent ahead of the need of the child. But do I really want the head-ache that is already presenting itself and I am not even the child's official teacher? what will happen if I have to re-schedule due to illness or work ? One needs a certain relationship to be developed with the parents for things like that to happen on both sides, but I don't see that happening already.

So my fair education minded friends - I need you to read this and help me in my plight.

My gut says - run like hell from this one and don't look back, but I don't want to ruin my reputation with this company either - I get a lot of business from them and they get a lot from me.

Thoughts?

A visit an discussion of schools

" Did you know the post road is backed up to one lane" My friend asked at 9:45AM
"nope, I'm still in bed" I replied - thankful to be there.
"well I know another route so I'll still be there by noon-ish." she said
" OK call if you get lost" I said and dozed back off

My Friend from New England ( the really SOUTHERN part) was on her way to see my "not so new" home. And Bringing a toy to test drive with my cats. They are so spoiled those boys.

She got here, I gave her the tour including the the horrible GRAY bathroom, the bedroom that charms me to know end and my Living room with my new tree!

We had some tea and tortured my cat with a remote control mouse. He finally got tired of chasing it and picked it up in his mouth and carried it around. He's such a brute!

Then we went to a local Hibachi style Japanese restaurant that I LOVE. We had a great time. She didn't stay for long, but I showed her around town and some of the historical buildings and odd things that make up the town that I lived in. The fiber of the town if you will. I have lived in this town on and off for most of my life and I can say with certainty that, other than a major city, there isn't a town in suburbia quite like this one.

When I call it a melting pot, that would be an understatement. We are a community that celebrates Christmas and Hanukkah, but also boxing day and Three Kings day ( known in the US as epiphany) just to name a few. The PR day parade is not just limited to NYC either. We have one here. We have a large Hispanic, black and Caribbean culture in this town. I am the minority.

We have so many varying degrees of income here too across all cultural sections. From the very wealthy ( less than 5%) to the average ( about 70 %) to the impoverished ( less than 5%) and then we have the odd thing, 20% of the school taxes are based on kids that do not live in the community and attend our schools il-legally for lack of a better word. They attend our schools by putting an address down that's valid and then having someone pick them up and drop them off at that address or they take the train in.

The reasons are somewhat valid although I can say for sure that I do not agree with them. Most of us in town don't as a matter of fact. Our school system provides a Bi-lingual Kindergarten. Which I think is very important and a stroke of brilliance. What a great way to help these children integrate into a new life in a new country. But it doesn't end there. Our schools offer the full curriculum up to graduation in the alternate language. Here is where I disagree. It pigeon-holes kids so they have no opportunity to improve their language skills and go on to college and have a career that might give them a better life. I really have an issue with a school district that segregates kids and the programs that they initiate are actually fostering the segregation than tearing it down.

Additionally our district belongs to the un-official program "no child left behind". No funding for this program, a great idea in theory, but when you can't even clearly identify the children that actually live in the district versus those are attending subversively there really isn't a way to get this program off the ground. This program makes sure that no child gets left back. It's largely based on the standardized tests for the State. I don't understand how you can take a bell curve and skew it so that all children fall into the same categories. I am no statistician ( ask anyone!) but something seems rotten in Denmark. I love the idea but I don't think my district's execution is truly benefitting the children.

Part of the "busing in the bad element" issue has been corrected. Now the HS in the town directly north of us has re-opened and that is supposed to relieve us of some of the "bad element" that was coming from the Corridor. I do have to say that either I have learned to turn a blind eye ( which I doubt) or else I really don't see that element here like I did in the past. There was always a concern as the corridor is not that far away and it can always seep back in if we aren't vigilant but I do happen to know that most parents are crazy vigilant about those elements and education about that kind of element and dare I use the word (shhh we don't speak the names aloud) is happening in the home now. Most importantly the signs of that kind of activity have gone by the way side. I simply don't see it like I did in my childhood. I am ever vigilant as a precaution but it's really improved.

Due to the major cultural diversity here, we get school grants way above and beyond what most districts get and slowly our schools are improving. But I don't see any effort being made to make life for the children easier from an integration standpoint. I did see a major renovation done to the school administration building. it's gorgeous. and if 10 kids per year grace it's doorstep I would be shocked. To be fair to those folks who work there that place was run down when my dad had his office there 25 years ago - so it was overdue but still not to the degree it was done. Italian marble? I have to be seriously concerned at what they are using that money for. I do realize that you have to use it up to get more. But like that????

We give speeches to the student bodies now in two languages in the High School. Most recently for a scholarship. If you want to be fair about it - it's necessary but I don't think that we should make things this easy. Yes I think a translator is neccessary for anything involving the parents, but just the kids? No. I think that we do them a dis-service at learning the language side by side with what's spoken at home if we use translators in every day life.

In my tour around town with my friend today, we talked about this. In her sleepy New England town ( near Martha Stewart by the way), this kind of thing doesn't go on. But in the town where she grew up and lived until 7 years ago it still happens to this day. She has the same feelings that I do and commented that my town looked very similar to that one. She also mentioned that by busing kids in and having those kids subversively brought in, their parents are trying to pave the way for a better life for them.

On the one hand I agree with her, but on the other hand I beg the question - at whose expense? I have no problem paying tax money to help my community educate the children. I have no problem donating additional time and money to help kids who have a need. Hell, I am Kiwanian - that's what we DO. Our goal is to help the children of the world one child at a time. But I think people who are taking advantage of the system are really putting a lot of additional pressure on the economy of this incorporated village and the grant money that we get does get chewed up much faster than I think it aught to.

Most of my friends with kids send them to catholic school in the next town after kindergarten. That to me speaks louder than anything else. I want to see this district improve so that our parents are comfortable sending their kids here. I want to see the kids that need help learning english get that assistance and I want to see this community work together to bridge over these gaps. Education-wise, while we have the right idea, we have the wrong execution and while it makes things easier for the ids NOW, they pay in the long run. Community-wise, our kids are paying dearly for being bused in and out, snuck in and out via train or what have you. They don't get to participate in their community, they don't get to be in after school activities and they are leading separate lives - one home life and one school life with no bridge between.

It was a fun visit. We had a great time. Our chat's really brought this particular issue to light for me in a very specific relief. It's tough to be an educator AND a tax payer at the same time.

But it made me really think about these situations and the ramifications of them.

Aunts and Santa

"I'm an Auntie!" I cried to no one in particular.

I was in the car at the time and had just hung up with my step-father who announced that he was a grandpa again.

Only this time it will be different.

This kid will see us and know us and call us "Aunt" or "Grandma" or "Nana" or whatever it is they choose.

My youngest brother is the nicest sweetest boy in the world. Well, Man I guess now. Hard to imagine him old enough to have kids, but the boy is a dad now. He has a beautiful little girl named Anna Guilianna. After both grandmothers.

I love her already and am so thrilled that my sister-in-law didn't have a C-section but delivered naturally and both mama and baby are doing well!

So I am an Auntie and I cried tears of happiness and joy on my way home. Her birthday is today. Happy Birthday Anna!

On Santa.

I had to call Santa today to put someone on the Naughty list. For poor listening skills and temper tantrums.

She wasn't listening to her mother at all. Or me - or anyone for that matter. She wanted to sing a Christmas song for me, but was not allowed because she was told several times not to touch somethings in the house and she continued to touch them. That generated a full out tantrum on the floor with crying, screaming, kicking and both her mom and I ignoring. Until she took it too far. Her mom suggested I call Santa, so I picked up the phone and called my answering machine and left a full blown, one-sided conversation with First Mrs Claus and second Santa himself.

In the middle of this, she sat up looked at me and said she was crying because she missed her boyfriend ( she's 4 - has a more active love life than I do.) which was hilarious as his name hasn't been mentioned in 2 weeks easily. Then she ran out of the room and yelled that now she was mad at ME. ha - like I care. It's going to be short lived any way.

so I wrap the conversation with my answering machine. She's in the other room now, quiet. Her mom looks at me and says "Your good!".

"My mom didn't call me Sarah Heartburn for nothing!" I said.

The munchkin makes her way back into the room and we play with her Carebear for a few minutes. Then She is told to turn down her bed. She starts in with getting fresh again. So we pretended that the Carebear went home with me ( it's in a kitchen cabinet incidentally).

She did let me put her to bed and asked me to read her a story so the sweet little girl I know did finally come around.

But I will tell you - her mom has a halo and wings and an express ticket to heaven because this is a more common experience than I knew. Her kids are wonderful though and the history proves that they grow out of this.

she still deserves that express ticket and to be thin, young,. beautiful and eat whatever she wants forever as far as I am concerned!

My machine cracked me up to no end when I got home though. I almost wish I could save it.

A day off

I took today off at the last possible second.

The fact is I was supposed to have been able to take off last Friday and Monday but with family situations at hand I was unable to. So last night at 7PM I called my boss and told him that I was taking the day and my cover was taking Monday.

Seriously I needed a day to get organized. Of course I wasted some time. I wouldn't be me if I didn't do that.

But I got my Christmas decorating done except for the tree which I will do tomorrow night with my Hot Cocoa in hand.

I taught a lesson today. It was a real challenge. My Friday kids ( a brother and sister) are two of my long standing kids and quite possibly my favorites.

I swear my parents are getting their money's worth for the Child Psychology classes I had to take to graduate. Seriously.

The sister of this crew I have talked about before. Very Bright, very driven, all honors classes and busts herself to get all A's. and succeeds. But not without a price.

Time is her enemy. She tries hard but like me, wastes time on silly things. We have tried to work out time mgmt techniques, but she's stubborn and doesn't want to change. That's OK. It's not my job to fix ALL of her issues. Technically it's my job to make sure she's doing what she's supposed to for ME. Being a "fixer", I had hit my head against a wall for two years.

Today I stopped.

And not with the negative connotations that implies either. Honestly, not to pat myself on the back, but I think I did the best job with her that I have ever done in my life.

I asked her what made her happy. What is she doing that makes her happy. I told her to tell me the first thing that comes to mind and it can literally be anything.

She was quiet for a long time.

Then she told me she really doesn't like school. But since it's required she needs to be as good as she can be at it.

OK, I can respect that answer out of a 13 year old. She's been at it long enough to know that she really doesn't like it, but she does want to do her best at it. And she does.

So we talk about it for a few minutes. Then she mentions that her friends make her happy. Normal 13 year old response. That made me feel better about her.

The I asked her about Music. Independent of school. If there were no obstacles, does she enjoy the piano and practicing.

I held my breath on the answer because we are on the final straw here......

"I love music" she says.

"So yes, if I had it to do my way, I would do that". she says as a tear slides down her face.

"OK, that makes me very happy. So lets find a way to keep you happy." I say

" I have 3-5 hours of homework every night" she says. "I just can't fit it in".

(The tears are still flowing)

" Your homework for me is 30 minutes. School works is 3-5 hours". I say

She laughs. ( still crying)

"Why don't you come home from school, put your book bag away - DO NOT SIT DOWN - get a drink and go down and practice immediately. At least 15 minutes - the whole 30 if you can swing it. then you are done. For the entire day. "

She looks at me in wonder.

"That might actually work" she says.

As I am hugging her, I whisper in her ear....

" You are so good, so talented and such a bright young lady. You are so capable. You can DO this. I know you can. We are going to do this together. Don't give up on me. "

She hugs me back and whispers "I won't - I promise!"

I truly felt that I made a difference with her today.

Then we ended up on the floor under the ping pong table coaxing her brother out who was crying.

I need combat pay.

Work is work and personal is personal

For some people this concept is easy. For others not so much.

I fell into the latter.

One day I woke up and realized that I needed to separate my career from my life. I was astounded to find I didn't actually have a life.

You know the expression - get a life? Well I did.

I work in a high pressured environment. It is a job that can easily become 24x7x365 without a blink of an eye. The trick is balance - what can wait till tomorrow? What needs to be done now? What is the customer's true priority?

I have become adept at answering all of these things - but my 20's are gone and I can't get that time back. So I am making the most of the time I have now.

I taught a student last night who, by rights, could be me at that age. Right down to her birthday being the day before mine. She's in her teens however. And she has no real life. She is all about school work and sleep. She is having some difficulties with time management. I have been trying to teach her about time management and not making the same mistakes that I did. Of course, as always there are differences. I occasionally sacrificed grades for friends and for music as it was my intended career choice at that time. I was a procrastinator as she is and a detail freak ( and I still am). She has the same issues with self control that I had at that age too.

I was giving her her lesson when my cell phone rang. It was my boss. I looked at the phone because though I have personalized ringtones for each person in my phone book and a generic one for numbers I don't know, I absolutely couldn't believe that my boss was calling on the Friday night of a holiday weekend. The 20 year old me, would have excused myself, returned the call and left early to work on whatever the call was for. I listened patiently to the voice mail and made the decision that this can wait until Monday. Then I turned my attentions back to my student and discussion why she had not time for practice again.

What I noticed with her is that she has developed a pattern over the years. She works from January to June like a pro. From June through December it's me getting angry for not practicing, me lecturing, her being disappointed in herself, her crying, us working out time lines and different practice techniques to get the most bang for you buck and most definitely NOT in that order. Then January comes and I don't have to tell her anything. She just does it. And well. She 's truly gifted on the piano. She loves it too which is more important.

This week her report card came home while I was there as well. So we had to add that to the mix. This is a true straight A student. And yet the comments bother her. She doesn't like them. I found them funny. I mean, A+ in a class and the comment is Works Satisfactorily? That's code for something I won't print here! My other favorite was A+ in a class and the comment is excessive lateness. So that caused an emotional outburst. I personally would have taken the straight A's an partied like a lunatic. But that's me now, that wouldn't have been me at the same age. I explained that those two qualify in the "stupid" category. Logically if the lateness was adversely affecting her grade - she wouldn't have an A+. And this is an easy one to fix. Get up on time.

So we had the discussion about time mgmt. I told her she was on strike 1 of three strikes and you're out. I talked her through some time mgmt techniques and she's going to give them from now until January to try them out and make sure that they are doable.

The moral of the story here, Adults are not the only ones who can't separate the two. Kids suffer more now than we did at that age. Partly because the school work is rather intense in the honors classes as far as time goes not necessarily difficulty. Kids are also spread too thin in general. Kids should have 2 or 3 activities and that's it. I had a ton at that age and all through High school and I suffered the stress that goes with that and I have to tell you that it wasn't until I was a senior in HS that I got it under control. I did it by scheduling my AP classes in the Morning taking 2 study halls and a lunch back to back and going home to sleep during the day. I came back in time for Band/orchestra. I was a work-a-holic even as a student.

I'm not anymore. I sleep at night - very well thank you. I do not have medical scares because of unusually high stress levels. And most of all at night when I stop working - I'm truly done unless it is my week to be on call or I have PLANNED after hours activities.

I teach music lessons but it seems that I wear more hats than just that. I am teacher, parent, counselor, friend, minister, doctor, you name it. Last night, I was life lessons coach.

I hope she learns it now. My boss is heading for a heart attack that we cannot prevent. I don't want that to be this child's future.

Playing safe in the neighorhood

I'm piggy backing on Maple Mama a little bit here but the information I have now is really important.

And mind boggling.

I tend to have a very positive view of the world and human nature. So it is incomprehensible that there are human beings out there who want to harm children physically, emotionally or any other way.

I have Friends and Family who have been through this before, so it's very real, but I can't get wrap my mind around the kind of person who would do these things. I have a tendency to try and get into the mind of the person to react in the most fair way possible. I literally try to stand in their shoes to understand where they are coming from before acting. Having said that I cannot do it with these types of people. I don't get it.

The damage that ensues from both the physical and emotional trauma is sometimes so intense that it takes a long time to get past. So education and prevention is very important.

I agree with Maple mama that you have to run a fine line with teaching kids about this. They need to know to be cautious but you don't want them petrified to leave the house. I don't have children myself, but I have been trained to identify abuse in many forms. No matter whether the kids are related to me, or students, or friends' kids, I am always looking out for them and their well being.

I check myspace regularly for my students ( under the age limit or suggestion as I call it since there is no way to enforce it!) and my friends' kids. I also check those that are of age to make sure that not too much personal information is being given out. I warn them that I scan so they know that I do and why.

My new sister-in-law sent me a wonderful website called http://www.familywatchdog.us. I checked it out myself and was astonished to note how many sex offenders of varying degrees live in my town - none too close to me, but in town none-the-less. There is in fact a building that I swear has a policy that states if you DON'T have a sex offense charge you can't live there as so many occupants do. Thankfully that's not in my town.

What is neat about this website, is you put in your address, and a map pops up, your house is marked by a house and the schools are posted and the whereabouts of the sex offenders are noted around the maps. You click on any one of the sex offender dots and that person's address, picture and the specific crimes that they were convicted of come up. There are different color codes for child molestation, rape, sexual battery and "other". Each color has a corresponding color for the work location of these people as well.

It was very much a wake up call to me as my stomach kept turning over as I saw more and live ( and might I say skeevy) people, mostly men, but surprisingly some women, come up on my screen. Seeing them face to face like that just made me ill.

The website also has tips about teaching kids and helping them identify what is OK and what is not. I thought it was a well done website that as long as it is updated regularly will be an invaluable tool to parents.

I have sent it off to most of my family at this time and have plans to forward to all my friends.

Please check it out and forward it as this could make a difference!

For your reference here it is one last time: http://www.familywatchdog.us

And the rockets red glare

I hate to jump on the Star Spangled Banner boat but I feel I have something to add. Bernie's World really stated the situation in this country perfectly, however my addition is in a positive light.

I have a student who has huge promise musically. She has already decided that this is her dream and she has the drive and the talent to do so. She is a stunning young lady and incredibly personable. My hour with her is one of the privileges of my life. She makes me work harder as a teacher than I have ever had to and as a professional she makes me work as hard as I make her.

Tonight we had a lesson. I should tell you that going to her house is always an experience. I don't know the town that well though its directly north of me I never have cause to go there.
She lives in a lovely neighborhood and has a large house. Her mom, breeds small white fluffy dogs not sure if they lassa's or bijon's but they are small and white and loud and yipey.

Each time I go there, a pack of 6-10 of them come rounding the corner and if you could please picture the bumpus hounds from "A Christmas story" only miniature you would be able to appreciate the musical soundtrack behind it. then they descend on you. One of the pack is an ankle nibbler I refuse to call him a biter since I could fling him across the yard with a well placed flick of my foot. They are all sweet dogs ( and this is a HUGE step for me since I hate little dogs as a rule), but they are all jealous of one another.

Once I make it past the cavalry, she and I settle into our lesson. We talk about school and apparently this week, her English teacher decided to do a few lessons on the Star Spangled Banner, its history and the text and what it means. This same teacher also proceeded to play different versions of it for the class. My student was able to name the artists singing and tell what was wrong AND right with the performances.

I can't tell you how important it is to me that our schools are doing this. I am frankly surprised that the English teacher is doing it, but I don't care if the SHOP teachers do it, as long as it gets done. lets face it, we are a country that doesn't have any experts on the national anthem, since we barely know it as a country.

I am performing it in two weeks at the Kiwanis installation where I am receiving my award. Its the first performance in my season of singing this tune.

If you haven't read it, please read it on Bernie's world. IT IS a crisis. We as educators, parents, and citizens need to help correct it.

This has been a public service announcement. :-)