The Plan: Month 10 and 11

I thought I had done a month 10 and discovered with a sinking feeling that I had not.

I am combining October and November into one. Sad to say that overall I am just maintaining not improving.

• Scenario 1 - Health / Exercise: Well the weight is maintaining. I am not getting sick as often and the B/P seems to be stable at the moment. I need to go back to that doctor to have a prescription refilled and I am so afraid that my B/p will be high again and he won't give it to me. I DO NOT want to start on B/P meds if I can avoid it.
• Scenario 2 - Job/Career- My boss should retire. I should be so lucky. He treats me like I am incapable of tying my own shoes. Evidently I ride the special bus to work in the morning. I generally just yes him to death and do what I normally do every day. This seems to be the only plan till year end when we can tell him to cut out the micromanaging. I would be miserable if I were the only one he does it too. But alas - it's my entire team.
• Scenario 3 - My home. I am afraid very little changed there till this week. I took care of 2 out 3 closets today. I did my desk. The Air conditioner is still not in, but that was time related.
• Scenario 4 - finances - Started Christmas Shopping. Have some personal business to deal with and a will to make, officially.
• Scenario 5 - Education - Took on one last kid as a favor but that is it. Now it's just replacement kids as they grow up and graduate.
• Scenario 6 - Relationships and Friendships - Working on my relationships with friends and family. They are coming along. I have discovered where some of my personality traits have come from based on some interesting events that have transpired recently. I was threatened bodily by a former friend ( the diva). she took a swing at me. I noticed that I was not only NOT afraid, but almost hit her back. It was some serious restraint and the thought of another person standing between us that prevented me from swinging back at her. I never had that happen before. I am usually the one to run away from anything physical like that. That situation will take care of itself as I am bringing her up on disciplinary charges within our group. Even she isn't above the law. Meanwhile I am still dealing with the depression of my best friend. I noticed on Thanksgiving eve that he makes sure he puts on a good act and good front for our friends. He doesn't drink that much and he doesn't misbehave. He says and does all the right things so people don't see how bad it is. Then he comes home to me and it all comes out. I know that this is only my problem by proximity but it worries me. I can't stand seeing someone I love in such pain. We are working on it though.
• Scenario 7 - Self esteem - This waxes and wanes. Overall I feel that it has improved. I am trying really hard to be the strong person that I am but it's hard to overcome 20+ years of bad self esteem.
• Scenario 8 - Spirituality - I am really trying t o make it to church. 8:30 call for a 10:15 service is driving me bananas. I am not the best sleeper and to invest almost 3 and half hours at church on a Sunday is a bit much. I am really trying to sort this out. This is the third year this way. I may have to just attend church and not sing in the choir because it's too much for me. I also am having some issues with the new director. She's reaally nice and immeasurably talented but she's hard to understand. Will continue to make and effort while I lobby to get a rehearsal during the week.

The Plan Month 9

Nope I haven't forgotten about the plan.




Scenario 1 - Health / Exercise: My blood pressure is more stable now. I have been taking something for the stress and anxiety that I have been dealing with for 6 months. A friend of mine is a holistic healer and she gave me a combo of Skullcap and Mother wart.... in a vodka base. I still say it's the vodka but whatever. It's doing the job.


Weight is still down at 25 lbs. I started walking with 1 lb hand weights 2-3 miles a day. I feel good and the inches are moving. Slowly but surely, the numbers will budge too. I am having some difficulties on this plateau but I can get through this.



Goals for October: To continue the walking and add Weight training 3 days a week. Keep Blood Pressure within range. Keep skin stable.


Scenario 2 - Job/Career- Eh - nothing new here. Same old same old. Not good, not bad. Just the same.



Goals for October: Maintain the pace and not murder my boss.


Scenario 3 - My home - A/C is still not installed. My super was out of town. I Organized my books and CD's. I am trying to stay on top of the pickup so that it's not so overwhelming when Maria is coming.

Goals for October:

1. Install A/C
2. Organize and pare down closets
3. Organize Kitchen
4. Fix Faucette in kitchen
5. Fix hall Closet door
6. Hang mirror
   

Scenario 4 - finances - New car issues have cropped up. I am working on creatively getting the money together to deal with that.

Goals for OCtober - Clean up Car issues and resume savings

Scenario 5 - Education - I'm getting tired of being THIS busy all the time. I am not taking any new kids now. This is it, I need to have time to myself and my personal life needs some attention.

Goals For October - No more new kids. I need time for me.

Scenario 6 - Relationships and Friendships - I'm working on nurturing them. Its tougher than I expected but at the same time I am starting to notice that I am opening up. the openess has caused me to re-evaluate some of the "old" wounds that are scabbed over but not as healed as I had thought. Things that do not even pertain to my current situation.

New situation with me being the only one has taken a new chapter out and we've taken a slight hit in a sense, we now hae to learn to be just us. A not bad problem to have honestly, but it's manifested in places I wouldn't have expected. It needs some work and some nurturing but I have confidence in it. And I have Maple Mama to thank for some assistance.

Goals for OCtober - Work on the new relationship. Keep communicating. Don't be so afraid.

Scenario 7 - Self esteem - Admitting and acknowledging something in my past to my my best friend caused me some issues, in my own head of course. I took some of these matters into my own hands to help re-build confidence in my own self. I feel better and I think I can take this issue and work with him to toss it permanently.

Goals for October - Get out of my own head and my own way. Be open to some new ideas and activities. Don't be so afraid. Rejection is not around the corner.

Scenario 8 - Spirituality - I am sort of back to church. I was sick one week and working the next. I hae all intentions of being there week. I still pray every night and I can see God's blessings in my life and on others.

Goals for October - Try and make every Sunday in October

The Plan:Month 8

• Scenario 1 - Health Exercise: My Blood Pressure spent 2 weeks on the crazy high side. Upon further analysis from a doctor and nutritionist, I am suffering from extreme stress and a lack of potassium. Who knew? I started taking a potassium supplement in addition to eating 1 banana for breakfast every morning. other than that, the weight continues to chink down slowly but surely. We are around the 25 lb mark at this time and I have the clothing size differential to prove it. I am doing Pilate's moves every day but am planning to step up the process by going back to walking every morning. I'm planning to add more strength moves in 2 weeks. I am making an appointment with the dermatologist soon to renew allergy meds.
• Scenario 2 - Job/Career- It's better, not wonderful. Leader was clearly spoken to and is being more reasonable, however this may not be a long term solution. My review was funny. He came all the way out here to give me my mid year and the reality was - he didn't come out here for me. He came out here to go to the US open. The worst possible time too, A/C was broken in the building. Project is almost wrapped up. I'm taking another vacation at the end of Sept. I need the down time seriously.
• Scenario 3 - My home - New A/C arrived. I'm very excited. It's not installed yet, but I'm working on it. I need to start fall cleanup. I LOVE the fall and I seriously can't wait to start seriously cooking my soups and stews and entertaining again. It's very much my favorite season. So I am going to be in an organizational mode over the next few months.
• Scenario 4 - finances - Things are looking up. I'm very pleased with it overall. I'm even planning to go back to the original plan for Christmas of being everyone a gift rather than secret Santa.
• Scenario 5 - Education - School starts on Wednesday. Kids should be going back to their schedules and I should be in better shape. I am personally singing at a black tie event in 2 weeks and then again at my own installation in October. I'm working hard and planning a recital in roughly a year with my voice twin.
• Scenario 6 - Relationships and Friendships - My family is still amazing. My newest nephew is absolutely precious. He smiles now. My newest niece is a real prize - she's got the best sense of humor, she crawls, and is valiantly trying to walk. She loves to play and giggle and really likes her voice. I was lucky to have an entire day with the two of them to myself this past weekend. My mom is going to babysit with Anna banana next weekend while my brother and SIL, J and Rae, go to a wedding out here. It should be great fun for my mom. My friends are awesome. We just did the girls August birthdays at the beach. It was entirely lovely. The next set of birthdays is going to be weird, I have one in October, one in November, my best friend in December and another in January. I traditionally do the January one. But I also now do the December one. It's going to be busy and interesting.
• Scenario 7 - Self esteem - Higher than it's been in a while. I am feeling more secure than I have in awhile and I think we all know why. I spend a lot of time on the topic here but this post is largely about the status of ME so I don't want to get into that here. I'm taking care of myself. I'm doing all the things that I know I need to do for myself and then some. I'm happy.
• Scenario 8 - Spirituality - I took the majority of the summer off from church attendance. For a variety of reasons. Primarily I had conflicts out of town, but the ones when I was here, I needed the rest and the ability to not have to look at people that I have known my entire life and tell them that everything is wonderful and fine when it wasn't. So I just avoided the entire place for the balance of time I wasn't able to go and I am now ready to go back next week. I miss it too. I have been praying every day, thanking God for the miracles and blessings provided to me.

Today is labor day. I took today off. I slept the majority of the day. I am still tired. But I feel good. My BP has been in low range all day which is lovely for me. Today is my day, I am not nervous or stressed about work tomorrow. I feel rested, relaxed and calm. I am happy and content.

The plan - Month 6 & 7

Wow - I was so caught up in my own life that I truly thought I did my update for June and didn't!

To be honest - June was not a month I choose to want to remember.

Scenario 1 -

1. HealthExercise: Exercize has been badly lacking. I have been swimming some, but not enough to really count. I have been eating well though and have hit the 20 L B milestone. My B/P continues to remain average to low, even in stressful times. Sleep has been so/so but that will right itself soon enough
2. Scenario 2 - Job/Career- I'm starting to notice the effects of burnout. This happens from time to time with me. I took a week off to re-charge. I came back to an executive escalation ( for those of you who don't know - really NOT a good thing). The good news is my boss is on vacation. The bad news for him is he is sort of working. He called me today and reassured me that this has nothing to do with me and he was impressed with how I left things for my back up. Breathing better but still tense.
3. Scenario 3 - My home - Really went to the dogs in the past 2 weeks. I started whipping it back into shape today actually. I need to do mountains of laundry and my housekeeper comes on Friday.
4. Scenario 4 - finances - better. Much better. And you know what I found out, it's kind of true.... money can't buy happiness. It can buy fabulous shoes though.
5. Scenario 5 - Education - Kids are studying. My piano kids finally got a piano. Very exciting for them. I got a new voice student which is wonderful. I am stsil taking lessons and have a full plate of music to learn now.
6. Scenario 6 - Relationships and Friendships - My family is amazing. My sister's baby is being baptized this weekend. We are so excited. My friends are wonderful. When I needed them most, even though I was unable to talk about what was going on, they still came through for me. My relationship with my best friend is an on going saga and I love him. Enough to marry him. But things aren't there at this time. So it's a long and strange road that we are on right now and I may change direction. It's a lot up in the air for now.
7. Scenario 7 - Self esteem - I don't think it's all that high. But I have been told by my priest that it's higher than I think it is for the movement and steps to take care of myself that I have made. Regardless of where I am on this journey, I am making sure that I am taking care of me on the way. So I suppose my self esteem is actually improving. I have been taking better care of my body, I am sitting out in the sun for about an hour or two a day wth sunscreen of course. My eczema is clearing up by leaps and bounds because of it, eliminating the need for steroids. I have my sugar scrubz and take my sugar and salt baths each night. I read HP and it was amazing. I have started wearing makeup again.

my updates seem bland and boring even to me. But honestly - I feel good about them.

Act 1 Scene 4 - Finders Keepers

OK now in the last couple of "The Plan" posts, I have casually mentioned some DMV issues under finance.

The fact is, 7 years later, I received a notice giving me 90 days to respond to a lapse of insurance in February of 1999.

Can I just mention that I haven't been with THAT insurance company in probably 5 years? Minimum?

And because the notification JUST came in - those records got shredded ( 7 years right???) and I am pretty religious about that. IN fact I had JUST done it which really pissed me off.

I went to the court that issued it and they gave me an extension - even though I tried to plead that they shouldn't even be asking for this now. 7 years later. But since they are going to insist and being a County court, they can, I awill do my diligence and try and get proof.

Having very little luck with my former insurance company ( I happen to work in the MAJOR building in NYC when I am there), I opted to go to the agent I have now and ask for some guidance.

Never made it to her office for the appt as it's tomorrow.

Do you want to know why? I reached into my night stand drawer today to take my required blood pressure and grabbed a book that was sitting on top. It's an interesting book and I hadn't remembered it was in there. I opened it and pulled out a piece of paper.

It was the insurance cards from said company. Covering me during that time.

Prayers are answered sometimes. This one weighed on my mind. I really wasn't sure how I was going to get the paperwork from so long ago. Now I just have to bring it down to the Court and get my clearance slip, take it to the DMV and have it registered so they don't suspend my license.

I cannot tell you what I sigh of relief this brings me.

Seriously.

The Plan: Month 5 - the birthday doth approacheth

Month 5 was a really crazy month full of more ups and more downs than I think I have had in the last 12 months. I made a lot of progress in almost all areas.....at least the ones that were important to me this month.


Scenario 1 - Health

Exercise: I am maintaining my exercize plan though I took a few days off this week for good behaviour. truthfully I took a few days off to accommodate some work issues. I will be going back tomorrow.

Food - Hit a lovely plateau and then moved past it. I'm very happy about that and noticing that my appetite has actually decreased. AND I am no longer emotionally eating. I do need more veggies but fruit and dairy is kicking some nice booty.

Journal - I continue to journal every single day. Every bite of food, every bit of activity. I have added a space for my daily weight taken in the morning. My daily resting heart rate. I check my blood pressure once in the morning when I wake up and again before I go to bed. Unless I feel really stressed or pressured. Then I check it again to see where it's at. It's a good gauge because I really do tend to internalize things. I have been better about it. but it does factor into the blood pressure.

Overall Health Management - I went back on the birth control pills with no adverse reaction to blood pressure. Yay me. I hate not being on them. For a variety of reasons.

Scenario 2 - Job/Career
Leader is making me a little bit nuts. He doesn't think before he speaks. His answer when face with a problem, change whose addressing it. I feel undervalued and expressed that. I feel that I am taking the bulk of the heat from him when he is called on the carpet by his boss. I have expressed to him that I feel like he is forcing me out of a job and he thought I was crazy. Which I may be. One of the things my team has noticed is he likes pushing the button for job insecurity with me. So I had a heart to heart with Poodle and decided that I was not going to respond or react to those danglers. Instead I will address the content through which they are coming from only. If a defense is needed, it will be succinct and not reactionary. I am deciding that I am going to be in a good mood at work and that everything is going to be awesome every day. It worked today and I was busy as hell, but in a great mood and very productive.

Scenario 3 - My home
House is still clean - in fact it's being cleaned tomorrow. I lost the vacuum cleaner bags. I found them as soon as I bought new ones - Argh! so I won't need new ones for quite some time. I still haven't taken the time to change my curtains and slip covers. Maybe we'll do that on my birthday.....

Scenario 4 - finances
Got paid some extra $$$ for working the recital for my kids - I wish I had been in a better frame of mind to enjoy it more. But it was a panicky thing for me.

I got my car serviced, got my inspection done and now I need to get my new registration.

The IRS rudely sucked up all of my tax refund and the bad news is I still owe - but it's much lower now.... so that's good. I just keep paying them monthly.... You know what they say - nothing is guaranteed except death and taxes!

Scenario 5 - Education
My last kid FINALLY went to competition. NO idea how he did score-wise. But all accounts say he kicked BUTT. He was a nervous wreck. He's so adorable and has so much talent and promise.

My two other voice students came back with 28's - perfect scores on their songs. I couldn't have been prouder of them both. All my kids did so well this year. I'm thrilled for them.

I am singing a solo from Brigadoon ON my birthday. Waitin' for my dearie. Oh dearie....

Lessons are still going well. I am most likely not going back to Bel Canto in the fall. I doubt they will even have a new director since my coach turned in his resignation after the last concert. I am more or less disgusted by the situation political and otherwise. My step mom, while I love her, will never be able to support a new director since my dad. We just had our third one separate and she turns on all of them the minute they make an error. it's like she has everything scripted, but they aren't allowed to see the script. So if they go off script, they get written out of the final act. I can't continue to participate in a group that operates like this. So I'll take a semester or two off for sure and see where they end up. I hate to abandon ship but it's not right.

Scenario 6 - Family & Friends
My family is wonderful. My sister looks well, Munch is a stunning and wonderful baby. Anna Banana is quite the charmer now - smiling and flriting with everyone. Sucking on beer bottles ( her fathers idea and they are empty). My parents were in good form. We had a lovely early Fathers day in NJ. It was the anniversary of my dad's passing. I miss him a lot but I really try to live my life to make him proud.

I am still spending a lot of time with my best friend. It's definately interesting. It's definately proven to me that I am willing to stand up for myself when needed and stand my ground when I am right. It has also taught me about apology ( his not mine) and showed me a lot of what's important to me is also important to him.

I am spending a lot of time with my best girl friend here in town too. I am starting to teach her son piano in exchange for laundry which is a dream for me. I hate doing laundry. I resent paying for it in my own building. So this arrangement works out for both of us. I love her family and her so much - they are so good to me. I am very lucky to have them in my world.

Scenario 7 - Self esteem
OK learned a LOT last month. A real lot. I have to say, living life in the middle is safe. Very safe. "Nothings gonna harm you, not while I'm around" runs through my head when I think of living in the middle.

But it's boring. Once I realized that life is about the ups and downs. And the middle. I was able to experience those things fully and enjoy them for what they are. Learn from them if they are mistakes.

I am probably living my life for better or worse and experiencing it for the first time in years. I am enjoying and savoring it, and I get some awesome stories to tell later. ( See the post on throwing a drink NOT a glass- it was a hoot!)

My self esteem is steadly going up or maintaining. In some areas I still feel lacking a bit but I am learning how to deal with that and improve myself as well.

Scenario - Faith
I saw my priest for some counseling. it was probably the single best thing I did in the month of May. While I really don't want or need to divulge the details of the session, I walked away taking part of the advice fairly immediately and tucking some away for some future date when I may or may not need it.

I am attending church weekly again. Something about the ritual makes me feel closer to God when I am there. I pray while I am there, not just go through the motions. I sing I rejoice and no matter how bad things feel at the time, I am loved there. By God and by Fr Chris and by my fellow parish family. It's a good place to be and a good thing to do. I sang a funeral there for a friend's grandfather 2 weeks ago. I spent Mother's day with that family as well. ( after being with my own mother of course).


Scenario - Inner Goddess
Tried the eyelash extensions. Not sure if we'll go back to well on that one again, but if I do they will be shorter for sure. They appear to be high maintenancec.

The green contacts are ME!!!! I love them - this is it.

Hair is colored. Hair is cut - too short. but it grows.

Had the pedicure.

Need to see Dentist still and dermatologist.

Bought new clothes - they are stunning. I look good them.



Overall I am pleased with the work that I have done here. I am continuing to do the work and make the progress. I am down 10 lbs. My WW attendance is low but I plan to bring that back up.


I am taking charge again. Watch out.

The Plan: Month 4

As I close out Month 4, I want to give a couple of people some special thanks:

Lisa, Post-Doc, Titles, Berni e , Maplemama, and Am. You guys were really supportive and great when I was hitting the wall on my medical tests.

Now that we are passed that...

Scenario 1 - Health

• Exercise: I am kicking some serious ass here. I am doing Pilates 3 times a week and getting much better at it. I can do most of the exercizes better now than when I started 2 weeks ago and have added part of a really hard one. I have added 10 minutes of serious ab work every day and push-ups ( modified ) until I can't do them anymore ( somewhere around 25)..... I also walk 2 miles on the off days.
• Food - Clothing fits better - I am comfortable in my eating system. Now I am trying to be healthier about it. I am adding back more fruits and veggies. Tons of water. I am really doing well here and am seeing the results at the scale.
• Journal - I am journaling every single day. Every bite of food, every bit of activity. I have added a space for my daily weight taken in the morning. My daily resting heart rate. Once my B lood presure monitor gets here I will add that too.
• Overall Health Management - I had some challenges with a positive pap on my last OB/GYN visit. I was fortunate that the second test a few days later revealed a false positive but to play it safe I am getting quarterly paps for the next 12 months. Additionally after the second pap, they took by blood pressure again which was extremely high. The week before it was extremely normal. It has me a little bit worried that it's more than just stress but I will manage it and watch it just in case though I suspect it is all stress related. I have a LOT of that right now.

Scenario 2 - Job/Career

• Project is going OK. It could be going better to be honest. but it could be going worse. I am working reallly hard to make things happen on this and slowly but surely they are making their way home. I am not bothering with leader and that crap. I just don't care. I don't have time to care. In the grand scheme it's not as important.

Scenario 3 - My home

• House is Clean. House is somewhat organized. I'm looking at organizing my hall closet this weekend.

Scenario 4 - finances

• I had a tax refund YAY.
• I had to pay something back to the IRS that came out of my refund. That's OK too.
• I have some DMV things to deal with still.
• Otherwise all is OK.

Scenario 5 - Education

• 2 of my kids came back with 27's out of 28 on their solo's. First time they went and they went on level 3 out of 6. I couldn't be prouder of them.
• I am scheduled to take the adjudication courses next year ( The sign up was over by the time I found about it...)
• Still studying voice and doing well. I'm on hiatus performance -wise for awhile.
  

Scenario 6 - Family & Friends

• Things are OK here.
• I hosted a Murder Mystery in my house - went really well.
• I attended a 70's party at a friends house - also went well - mostly.
• I am spending more time with a friend lately. Someone important to me.

Scenario 7 - Self esteem

• I had some chinese food at PF Changs the other day. One of best friend's, jenna, made me eat when I was too depressed to even think about food. I will have to say "memo to self - that was some good stuff!"
• My self Esteem took some hits this month. Not in the way that you think though. Some were really positive and amazing. Some were less so. I live my life better when I am in the middle. The peaks and valleys make me insane.
• Life lessons are taking hold, I am already caught up and behind again. It's not that I am not doing the work, I am just not writing it down. I am reading a new book that always boosts my self esteem and confidence. It's called A bombshells guide to life.
• I am spending more time telling myself that I am beautiful. I am told that by others, but I can't believe them until I believe it. So I continue to dress and do my hair and put on my lipstick, but I am attractive even if I am just lounging in my home. I just have to remember that.
• I have had someone in my life tell me that I am beautiful of late. It's meant a lot.
• I am doing my life Makeovers. This is a great help for putting my life in order.
  

Scenario - Faith

• I have been meditating lately. It's really restful and peaceful. It makes me realize I am but a small dot in the world but it also makes me realize how important I am.
• I have been praying a lot too.
• My prayers have 3 forms. One in which I as forgiveness for things that I have done or didn't do that should have been either thought through better, executed better or not at all. Some things are stupid.... others made sense at the time - you get my drift. The other form is parying for those that need prayers - I have a long list and if you need to be added or someone who does, let me know. I also add the real serious ones to the prayer list in my church. Lastly I pray for me. For the things that I want and need in my life. I have only one item in there right now.

Scenario - Inner Goddess

• Eyelash extensions which elimate the need for perming, tinting and mascara. they are an expensive application but it's a one time gig. After that it's just maintenance
• I recieved my green contacts in the mail. Can't wait to try them!
• I have scheduled my hair to be done in May. Highlighting and cut.
• I am planning on a massage and a facial for June and July.
• I am making an appointment with the dentist to make some adjustments to my teeth.
• I am making a followup appointment with the dermatologist to change up the allergy meds I am on. they are simply not addressing the allergies the way they need to. In the interim, he has me doubling up the dosage but cutting back from 3x a day to twice. I am already feeling better.
• I have a pedicure planned for May.

I think I have made some major progress this month and I owe it to a lot of unsettlement in my life. It lit a fire under me.

whatever it takes- right?

A melange of things

Today I had a busy and interesting day. And I like days like this because at least part of it is all about me, the other parts just include me and most of all it keeps my mind occupied.

And right now mind occupation is a good and important thing.

I had my voice lesson which was pretty good- I have so open ended questions about a performance I am supposed to do, but as I forgot to ask that's not my issue right now. I'll get it tomorrow.

So I went to Weight watchers and weighed in - 1.2 down. Very exciting - I was whistling on the way home and singing to upbeat Santana tunes ( the 70 degree weather was inspiring actually).

I got home and spent 40 minutes picking out outfits, changing. trying on new outfits. It was a tough call because I was going to a dinner party at my moms and didn't want to be too dressed up but not too casual and then there was the 20 degree swing in temperature that I needed to contend with.

I finally decide on a lovely sweater with three quarter length sleeves and horizontal stripes that alternate black, white and blue grey. Paired with black slim pants and 4 inch Black croc slides, I felt ready. Packed up my makeup and headed for my nail appointment.

Got my nails done, got waxed and had my eyelashes permed and tinted. The latter was a little bit torturous this week because my allergies were not happy, but it gave me the opportunity to practice some yoga deep breathing.

I headed to my mom's for her dinner party. Lot's of old friends and collegues. We had a lot of fun. I haven't seen these people in so long. It was lovely. We had a moment of remembrance for Rod. We ha a nice time catching up.

I left after 6 hours and drove home having eaten too much, but happy, having helped my mother in the kitchen - and she let me and didn't re-wash anything, and called an old friend I haven't talked to in 5-6 months. We caught up and agreed not to let the time get away and we're going to schedules some time to get together next week.

I have some major improvement plans for myself and I need to make some other adjustments to The plan:

1. Health:

I'm excerising more now - I have added pilates two - three times a week, walking is being ramped up to 5 days a week, core work every day.

I am eating healthier. I am shooting to get 3 dairy servings a day and 5 fruits and veggies servings.

I am keeping my portions small.

2 . Beauty:

All of the above AND

Eyelash extensions which elimate the need for perming, tinting and mascara. they are an expensive application but it's a one time gig. After that it's just maintenance.

I am getting green contacts. I have always wanted them so I am investing the money and doing it.

I have scheduled my hair to be done in May. Highlighting and cut.

I am planning on a massage and a facial for June and July.

I am making an appointment with the dentist to make some adjustments to my teeth.

I am making a followup appointment with the dermatologist to change up the allergy meds I am on. they are simply not addressing the allergies the way they need to. In the interim, he has me doubling up the dosage but cutting back from 3x a day to twice. I am already feeling better.

I am making my ob/gyn appt so I can get back on my birth control pills. My body works better on them. I went off out of necessity but that has passed and I need to go back on from a health perspective. The doctor suggested it and I agree - so I am going back soon.

I have a pedicure planned for May.

3. God

I am doing a lot of meditating. On myself and for others. I like that peaceful feeling when I am done so I am planning to make this a nightly plan.

I am planning on better attendance at church. I did not contact my priest yet on my situation but I do feel like I am in better control of it now. But as long as I continue my good relationship with God I think I will be OK for now. Not to be hokey but that's the way it is.

Going to meditate now...

The Plan: Month 3: Check Point

I am a tad late in my month three Check point.....

Scenario 1 - Health

• Exercise - Really not so great here. I am more active overall but I am not doing regular activity. I am really committed to this for Month 4. I just thought I would be better at it by the end of this month but no.
• Food - I have seriously turned a corner. I have lost about 3 lbs in the last 2 weeks and I am feeling better than ever. I continue on this plan and my clothes are going to fit better than ever. My mom even commented how well I look.
• Journal - Honesty in my journal has become the primary. I am being very specific and weighing everything. It is actually gone well for me because I am eye-balling things better now making eating out or at someones home less of a crisis.
• Overall Health Management - My skin looks OK but it's allergy related. We have a high pollen count here ( High 9's) so I am actually feeling better than I should. I completed an internal cleanse and am doing the daily upkeep now. Lots of water and healthy food.
• Scenario 2 - Job/Career
• Boss is vindictive. We as a team are standing our ground with him. We have even agreed to jump levels on complaints if the need arises.
• Our Communication as a team has really improved over this past month. We are really working well as a unit now.
• We continue to give boss busy work to do so we can get our work done.
• I am just doing the best job I know how and taking the lead away from boss as often as possible while making sure that anything that has to have boss's name attached to it as actually done by Boss.
• I'm taking my lunch when I am supposed to. I am taking random 15-20 minute breaks to get my brain focused. I am shutting down at 5 and I no longer work weekend, after hours or holidays unless I am on call.
  
• Scenario 3 - My home
• It's clean and neat and that's all I can ask right now. The plans for interior design have been put off due to every weekend being tied up and NYSSMA

• Scenario 4 - finances
• My financial plan must be working because I am not feeling as much of a pinch as I had been.
• I am staying with Chase temporarily till I find someone better. Honestly their website has more minuses than pluses, but the pluses are big ones.
• I wrapped up my 401K loan just in enough time to pay my taxes this time. Which was the plan.

• Scenario 5 - Education
• Getting my kids ready for Solo festivals in this state.
• I am scheduled to take the adjudication courses next year ( The sign up was over by the time I found about it...)
• Still studying voice and doing well. I'm on hiatus performance -wise for awhile.

• Scenario 6 - Family & Friends
• Easter was wonderful. I spent the day with my brother and his in laws. My mom was there and my step dad, Mariana an Bill and their kids.
• Sister had her baby shower. It was a baby shower. But she received some lovely gifts.
• I am hosting a belated birthday party this weekend for my friends. It will be a lot of fun.
• My Friends are an interesting group of folks and I love them so very much. I spend time with my Jenna and her family - I adore them so. Eeman comes by when he can or I stop at a gig. Chris and I email, Lil and I catch up on the phone. It's wonderful. Chris is having a party soon too - a 70's theme!!! Yay!!!

• Scenario 7 - Self esteem
• Remember the low point with the Chinese food? Haven't had any since. Seriously. But that's all to the good. I love it, but it's not worth the caloric intake. I'm sure the delivery guy misses me.
• My self esteem is up up up up up up up up up. I just have to keep the euphoric feeling going.
• Life lessons are taking hold, I am already caught up and behind again. It's not that I am not doing the work, I am just not writing it down. I am reading a new book that always boosts my self esteem and confidence. It's called A bombshells guide to life.
• I am spending more time telling myself that I am beautiful. I am told that by others, but I can't believe them until I believe it. So I continue to dress and do my hair and put on my lipstick, but I am attractive even if I am just lounging in my home. I just have to remember that.
• I am doing my life Makeovers. This is a great help for putting my life in order.
  
• NEW Scenario - Faith
• Was not able to get to church as often as I wanted this month, but I did make a point of being there the week before Palm Sunday, the week of Palm Sunday and of course all of Holy Week.
• My Lenten reflections were on the good things that I have been provided with in my life. I know that I have a great capacity for love and I am using it to my best ability right now. I am using it for good and trying to do this unselfishly. I am in some uncharted waters here and will likely need guidance. Love is tough for me. Not actually loving, but the decision to allow it to happen at all. That is very hard for me.

I handled this month better in many ways and worse in others than Months 1 and 2. I had challenges I didn't plan on, some good and some not so good and some have the jury still out on. I will be continuing this plan and we'll see how it goes Next month!

As usual my credit line goes to Post - Doc for "the plan" and the inspiration to adopt it!

90 miles an hour with my hair on fire

At least that's what it feels like I am doing these days.

One of colleagues had a terminal illness in the family and was summoned to NY on Tues night. Unfortunately weather conditions delayed and routed him to Philly. By the time he landed at the airport in Long Island, this person had passed away. It's very sad to lose someone at all but someone who's 41 is very difficult.

I mention this because while all this was happening, and I was covering his workload, I also had a wake to attend for the daughter of a family friend. Also 41. She passed away due to a car accident. I didn't know the daughter to speak to as she was enough years older than me growing up. Her dad had passed away in December so this is a double whammy for the mother.

Now, I am the only member of my family who attended the wake. My step mom, who is closest to the mother, called her and they had some discussion about it. But Ellen knows that my step mom really avoids wakes at all cost since my dad died. I go, pay my respects to the family, but I do not approach the coffin for any reason. It is a rare day. I did for my grandmother but honestly, I didn't look at her.

When they opened the coffin for the private viewing for my dad, I was stunned to see how much healthier he looked in death. We buried him in his tails. I put his conductor's baton and pictures of his cats in with him. That bothered me, how well he looked. People shouldn't look better in death and I honestly lobbied for a closed casket. I just don't see the need to look at a person in that state. Not that they care. They no longer inhabit that body.

So, I don't do viewings. I do pay my respects and offer to cook meals etc for the family. The wake was the strangest I had ever been to. People were hysterical and throwing themselves on the coffin. I saw many of my dad's friends and collegues - some I hadn't seen since before he died - and so I as accepting my own condolences at someone else's wake. Weird. Even my neighbor, who went with me, agreed this was really odd.

As tragic as all this death was, I actually handled it so much better than I had this time last year. Those posts reflect how far down I went dealing with so much death. No clue why.

Through all of this I am working like a dog on both my work and my colleague's. I tend to put more effort into keeping my colleague's work from piling up than my own during that time. And with that in mind I spent my entire day correcting 4 international orders because the ruleset for that country changed since Monday ( this is a pet peeve of mine), then entering the last 6 orders for the same coutries under the new ruleset. The corrections took 2 hours and the new orders took a total of 30 minutes.... silly. I hate this system.

From there, I left to have my routine bloodwork done, visit my office briefly, teach 1 kid for an hour and another for 30 minutes.

The very first time I sat down to do anything remotely for me was 8PM. Now this may appear to be a complaint. It's not. To be home at 8 vs 10 is always a treat. I feel like I have gained time.

I am trying to slow my pace down. I'm not doing as well with it as I want. I have a tendancy to overbook in an attempt to make everyone happy. I'm a people pleaser and I always have been.

So in review of month 2 of the plan - I need to not be going 90 miles a hour with my hair on fire all the time. I am planning one activity and if another comes up, well, I'm sorry but I made the commitment to activity 1 first, can we reschedule for another time?

It's a piece of my personality that I don't want to get rid of ( it's very helpful in my professions), but I do need tame it. Manage it better.

So, yes this post is a little bit rambly - but I reserve the right to do that!

The Plan: Month 2 check in

Here I am for month 2 of the borrowed plan:

Scenario 1 - Health

• Exercise - I have made the commitment to walk 5 days a week. I am probably actually doing this 2 times a week on the average. 30-45 minutes. It's more consistent then last month but not entirely where I want to be.
• Food - Here I am doing 100% better. I am journaling my food daily. I am eating more fruit and re-discovered banana's. I am very happy with my overall food choices. I need work still in restaurants. I want to start including more veggies.
• Journal - going really well. More days than not. I have 5 days down consistently and the weekends get shot to hell. So my goal is every single bite gets marked down.
• Overall Health Management - My skin looks amazing. I am even back to wearing makeup. I had my eyelashes permed and tinted. I have the humidifer going daily 24 hours. I started an internal cleanse and that is going really well. I am resting when my body says to rest. It's a lot lately but that's OK. When I don't need it, I won't take it. My water and fluid intake is excellent. I am taking baths in baking soda, dead seal salt, ,baby oil with aloe and vitamin E and a touch of Blue Food coloring to make me feel like I am in a Spa every night. It's really relaxing. I have started doing Yoga again - though I just literally started so the benefits aren't quite there yet.

Scenario 2 - Job/Career

• I have started managing my boss better. Boss no longer manages me, I manage Boss. Things are different now that I ( and my team) know that Boss is not competent either as a manager or as an employee. That's fact not opinion.
• I am starting to keep the communication lines open more for the 5 other people on my team. I have one new person and one person who has trouble managing workload. Given that one my major responsibilities is to load balance the workload of the team, I took back this task from my manager. Boss doesn't know enough at this point to do that job and isn't interested in learning.
• We as a team have started giving boss busy work to do so we can get our work done.
• I am just doing the best job I know how and taking the lead away from boss as often as possible while making sure that anything that has to have boss's name attached to it as actually done by Boss.
• I decided that I will not be doing Boss's job anymore unless it is to back him up in his absence. If my projects are dependent on Boss doing some task, then boss has to ante up and get that task done. Either Boss gets the job done or Boss has to answer to Herr Direktor.
• I'm taking my lunch when I am supposed to. I am taking random 15-20 minute breaks to get my brain focused. I am shutting down at 5 and I no longer work weekend, after hours or holidays unless I am on call.

Scenario 3 - My home

It's clean and neat and that's all I can ask right now. This month I have things to start doing in terms of organization and interior design.

Scenario 4 - finances

• Paid off one credit card. Have less than 100 left on the other
• Last payment on 401K loan is pending the end of this month
• Started making the payments to the IRS on my tax adjustments from a prior tax year
• Continuing to add money to my investment portfolio
• My bank ( Bank of NY) was bought out by Chase so I am now interviewing new banks to see if moving my money makes sense. I hate JPMC. And I'm doubly pissed that they bought out my bank that I have been with since I am 10.
• Working through my debt and bring that number smaller and smaller. It's so manageable right now that I am thrilled.

Scenario 5 - Education

• Getting my kids ready for Solo festivals in this state.
• I am taking the courses required to become certified to adjudicate in these festivals for next year.
• Still studyding voice and doing well. My next performance is 3/18.

Scenario 6 - Family & Friends

• My mom threw a wonderful reception after my recital. It was excellent.
• My brother chose to go to the baptism. It's not OK. I'm over it now.
• Communication is still going well with the family. My sister is having a baby shower, and though I was late in RSVP'ing, I still did.
• I am putting a lot of effort into my relationships with my friends. I had lunch with a bunch of them on Saturday morning. That was just lovely. I have 3 people that I met in the past 2 years that we are still getting to know one another. I am, as always, grateful to my college buds, who are there for me no matter what. If I do something stupid, the worst thing I ever heard from them was "We tried to tell you..." I love them for it. We cultivate each other through Blogging now. I love that, but I miss them.

Scenario 7 - Self esteem

• I had hit a really really low low low low low point. If you can even believe how it revolved around Chinese food. The delivery boys at the local restaurant miss me. I no longer do takeout. Or anything else there. I can't stomach it any more. I overate and hit rock bottom. Once you are there - there's nowhere else to go but up.
• I am taking some life lessons from the young ones that I am friends with. Yes they are in their early twenties., but I think that's a bonus actually. The things I take away from the two of them is that they are very self assured in the capabilities and when they are not they are not afraid to get the assistance or do the work needed to improve. This impresses me about both of them and I have started believing in my own abilities and seeking assistance where needed. It was the belief system that was flawed here, not my ability. Identification in such a specific form was helpful
• I am working really hard to play back new inproved soundtracks in my head. A new one that I like these days is "You are only human. There isn't anything that has happened that can't be corrected" and the other one I like is " You can't please all the people all the time". Trite? maybe - but they are helping a lot. slowly but surely
• I am making more of an effort when I walk out of the house. Now I don't mean my appearance so much ( I always look fabulous! wink wink) but how I carry myself and my attitude.
• I am doing my life Makeovers. This is a great help for putting my life in order.

NEW Scenario - Faith

• Effort being made to make it to church every week for 10:15 service. It's tough as I need to start at 8AM so this is a long haul of a day for me. But it's my favorite service, its the family service with the most ( and best) music.
• I am taking more time to reflect during this lenton season. I chose to make the effort to exercise 5 days 30 minutes rather than give something up.

There it is - month 2. I think I have made a lot of progress in some areas and I know there is work to be done in others. I need to develop some behaviours and then get them into practice so that they are second nature before taking on smaller things. I have made mini goals and these monthly check points are just that check points so you can see how the plan is coming along.

As usual my credit line goes to Post - Doc for "the plan" and the inspiration to adopt it!

Things are better now

Things are back to normal.

My housekeeper came today and cleaned my house - it's so nice now. My Christmas tree is down and my house is clean.

I found that I was down to my last check so I re-ordered. I bought pretty tropical ones from Colorfulimages.com.

I don't want to talk about the bad things that happened with my coach. He apologized. That's all I can ask for. I doubt he's changed but that's my challenge not his. My challenge in terms of can I tolerate and do I want to? For now, yes. But it did force me to look at the relationship and examine those things that I don't like. Voice Twin and I had a conversation today about that and we are both on the same page about it but we will probably act on it in different ways. Our voices may be similar but we are different people in many ways. good ways, and she's starting in a different place than I am. The thing that continues to come up for me, is that when you are an adult taking lessons from a peer, there's a fine line between friendship and teacher/student. There's more control on the student end of that relationship. I forgot that and I need to start remembering that. I am a teacher as well. I am not a newbie or anything like that. And that children, concludes our fairy tale.

So my house is clean, I went back to the insanity ( my day job) and now I am settling in to watch the snow.

I am reveling in the normal-ness of things and I am in a good place now. I have heard the files and I am very happy with the job that I did. I ate very healthy, normal quantities of food today. I am deciding what to do for dinner even as we speak and there is a hot bath and hot chocolate in my future. Tomorrow there are big plans for exercise and some critical listening to the recital for my own notes.

This weekend coming up I will be making some family sized meals to freeze - I am going to start doing 1-2 a week. One that I love and another that's new. Portion them out and freeze. then I won't be in such a hurry to stop for fast food on the way home.

My life is getting back to normal. I think I just need to keep remembering that I do have some level of control over the outcome of things like this. Being Recital-zilla isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I do better in my life when the status is quo.

First Month of the Borrowed Plan

I am here to report on my first of the plan.

Situation 1: Health.

1. Exercize: intermittent 30 minutes of walking per day. Not constistent but trying.
2. Food: Eating better breakfasts. Need some work still on balancing the meal. I have started adding yogurt and yogurt smoothies. I like the Dannon Light and Fit smoothies and the Crave Control yogurt in strawberry or vanilla.
3. Journal: Journal went by the wayside for 2 weeks but I re-vamped and I am back.
4. Much better with allergies and managing it. I have been working on my eyes and my skn lately. It's going much better even in the single digit cold we are experiencing which is traditionally my worst times.

Situation 2: Job

1. I am managing my time just fine thank you very much. I am still at ther mercy of the workaholic that manages my team.
2. I am not worrying about everyone else as a rule and certainly not in terms of their performance. We have started truly supporting and leaning on each other in order to work around a certain micro managing individual.
3. I have determined that I don't have a choice but to bring management in whether I want to or not. Micro managers don't trust the people that work for them. They don't believe that other people can do the job equally as well or better.
4. I did finally determine after 2 VERY long days in cold Tampa FL that this person has very poor self esteem and is eager to please the people above him and his customer. but doesn't give much thought to the people that make it possible for that to happen. It does help to know this so we can, as a team, work around him. It hurts us knowing this because our patience, as a team, is gone. Time will tell.

Situation 3: My Home

1. Nothing beyond cleaning has happened to better my home at this point.

Situation 4: Finances

1. Special Savings is actually in the works but not completed yet.
2. 2 momr months on the 401K loans
3. Payment schedule in place on debt
4. Added investment money to money market account
   

Situation 5: Education

1. Voice Lessons are going well. Continuing to learn and work
2. I am managing the stage fright better because I am trusting my new found voice more
   

Situation 6: Family & Friends

1. Will schedule vet appointments after weather warms up. I am not bringing the cats out in sub-zero temps.
2. communications are going well. My mom is doing my reception after the recital which unfortunatley coincides with the baptism of my niece. That's OK - we split the family for it.
3. Made some good headway here. I am standing up for myself when I need to and not taking any crap. I am picking my battles as well. And working on the good stuff too. I have made a subtle break from one person who is not treating me as well as she could be. I am not one for scenes, so I just slowly backed away from the relationship.

Situation 7: My self esteem

1. Strangely, seeing the manager with low self esteem and how that relates to the folks who work for that person and how the whole thing really doesn't work well gave me new perspective.
2. I have decided that when I do something well I don't need to be ashamed of it. I have people in my life. Well one person, who feels that you shouldn't brag ever because it develops an ego. I realized that when I am with one friend of mine, who is 13 years younger, I am the mentor version of myself and am very relaxed about my gifts and sharing them and the wisdom that I have. That helps me be relaxed about what I am doing and how to handle others.
3. Better with compliments - I am finding that I tend to look deeper into why they are given and by whom. Some are not the surface value that I think they are.
4. Keep repeating to myself that other people do not decide how valuable I am.... I do.
   Stop listening to negative soundtracks playing in my head. Create new GOOD ones. Trouble on this one - but it's slowly getting there.

This was not the best first month out of hte gate. I made some significant progress in some areas and actually regressed on others. I know where I need to improve for next month and have already taken some serious time to reflect on how. I am moving more towards yoga and holistic lifestyles again. I find more peace and feel better when I am doing more of that.

Thank again to Minor revisions for this adaptation of the Plan.

Day 1 of the plan

So here's how the first day of the plan worked out:

Situation 1: Health - Day 1 overview. Ate OK, could still be improved. Groceries - good healthy one's bein delivered tomorrow. Did not exercize today but intend to tomorrow. Journaled as usual. Took meds as presribed today - no change yet.

Situation 2: Job - First day back. I spent a good deal of time catching up. I did not actually speak to that many people but did "chat" via email and IM. I shut my email and IM's down at 5PM and went about my evening. I took my hour lunch during the day.

Situation 3: Home - No time to attack this one today. Have plans for the weekend though

Situation 4: Finances - No special work to be done here today.

Situation 5: education - Lesson is Saturday. Shepherd on the Rock is really shaping up well. I have 5 regularly scheduled lessons left before the big day. I'm starting to get nervous. I worked on Juliette's Waltz today too. Each day I am picking 2 songs and working the hell out of them. That should put me well over the top for the recital. If I don't die of nerves before-hand. FEBRUARY 11th for those who are local at 4PM at Abiding Presence Lutheran Church in Fort Salonga NY. I have stage fright already so you will all have to just smile and work with me as I work through this. This is my first major vocal recital of this magnetitude.

Situation 6: Family and Friends - reviewed Pet Insurnance policy for 2007. No major changes. No major cost increases for both cats. Spoke to step mom today for 10 minutes regarding student whose home burned down. They have moved into a rental home 2 blocks west temporarily and will let me know what is needed by the end of the weekend. I put their account on hold until next week when they are ready to resume lessons. Called College Roomie to thank her for lovely Christmas gift. Left Message for Voice twin, spoke to co-worker friend and Voice coach.

Situation 7: Self Esteem - This was not really worked on specifically today although I did read Minor Revisions today and a neat anecdote written there did remind me that People who have a tendancy to brag about themselves or make jokes at their own expense ( meaning me), really don't have a high opinion of themselves. People who do have high opinions of themselves rarely give it a thought. When you know you are good, you don't need to convince others. I have spent a lot of my adult life apologizing to certain family members for being smart and/or talented ( fill in the blank) . Is that not the MOST RIDICULOUS thing you have ever heard? I was appalled at myself! The fact is that the person who made me feel as though I should apologize for that has a lower opinion of herself than I do. Not that I am competing - hello. So now that I really have a grasp on that kind of behaviour I am working on changing it. I am also working on taking a compliment and just smiling and saying a gracious Thank you.

First day back to work and on the plan was exhausting. I am seriously ready for bed. But I take a moment to thank Post-Doc for granting me the priveledge of using her plan. As a project manager, it's never good to re-invent the wheel unless you have to and Post-Doc's templates are always good. It is good, however, to get the author's permission first or simultaneously. ( I really didn't think she would mind.!) .

Thank you again Post Doc. I am liking this plan thus far and will only modify as needed.

vacations

I heard an interesting line from a sitcom of all places.

"everyone has their own version of what a vacation is. Mom meditates, Edward and Kitty go on their cruises and Larry "leaves" too. Greg just left for awhile to re-charge his batteries"

That last part is what I like - the re-charge of the batteries.

In my youth, I was a classic work-a-holic. Look up the definition in any dictionary and you see my smiling face right there.

I truly believed that the world would stop on it's axis if I didn't go to work. I worked nights, weekends, birthdays and holidays.

I lost my 20's to my job. Through my own decision.

One that I regret today. Oh I have some great memories from my 20's but there is so much more that I missed. And the funny part is that I am more accessible now than I was then.

I work on a high profile account. My customer is very demanding BUT reasonable. You have to know your target audience, but they are largely trustworthy with personal phone numbers and cell phones etc. They will not use them unless instructed to or a true emergency ( Fire flood, that kind of thing.). I have a company issued pager that is text and numeric and looks like a mini laptop. Very cute. Goes in the fridge when I am not on call ( once every 6 weeks).

I work for a man who for the past 12 months that is an even bigger work-a-holic than I ever was. He has shown my entire team new heights to this. He wants constant and total access to us 24 hours a day. He has even gone on an actual vacation - taken the plane to the island, hotel, wife, the whole deal and STILL called in from there under the guise of making dinner reservations.

This person uses our cell phones whenever the mood strikes him. I have actually been sitting next to my office phone and will hear his personalized ring come in from my cell phone in my bag. I will listen to it ring the theme from Jaws until it goes to voice mail. Then I will wait for the call on my landline. You see, the principle of the thing is, the company, while I do have a phone by this company, doesn't actually PAY that bill. I do. I gave my phone internally to my team for true emergency use ( power outages and such). Not to be on call 24x7x365. I love my job, but this is the fastest road to burnout and I don't plan to spend a lot of time on this road.

My boss, while a wonderful man and very well meaning, well, frankly we are concerned for his health. This is how heart attacks happen. I would love it if he would slow down a little bit. We still get the same results without the frenzy. The customer loved us before him, they will be OK. But Each person has their own demon to battle and this job and the approval from above means a lot to him.

This past week has shown me that I have grown out of my work-a-holic tendencies by and large, however I know for a fact they are still in there. You know how I found out? I slept almost non stop every time I sat down the minute I walked out of the virtual door of my office. The relaxation was total and complete. And it continued to go like this for thirteen days. Normal people get that out of their systems in a couple to a few days. But not this crazy. It takes me thirteen before I can resume a normal life. Now I don't consider my primary job to be the only cause to this. I have a tendency to burn the candle at both ends and I am busy all the time. So it's a mixture of things.

At the end of the day or 13 days as it turns out, I am feeling super rested, very healthy, very relaxed. I spent an uncounted amount of time sleeping, in my bed, on the couch - whatever. I ate healthy food. I just feel great. My batteries are just about re-charged enough for me to jump back into my life on Thursday.

But for my last day, I will be practicing, teaching an unbelievable amount of kids, and cleaning my house and organizing closets and making preparation for my new DVD player.

Then it's back to our regularly scheduled craziness called...

Life.

For old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind....

New Years is a time to wipe the slate clean. All wrongs are righted, all slights forgotten.

Right?

Well even if it's not accurate - I believe that.

With each new year I try to change one thing about me for the better. I try to change one thing about my environment for the better.

This year I bet you all think I am going to say that my personal change is going to be to get to goal weight don't you?

Ha ! Gotcha WRONG.

That's probably going to happen or get close to it, because I am already on that road, comfortably and happily and refuse to put a time limitation on it. If it happens in 2007 - excellent. If it takes me into 2008 so be it. A time limit just adds stresses to the situation and causes setbacks. So no, not this year.

No this year, my goal is to go through my personal inventory of people in my life and keep all those that are good solid healthy relationships or work on a plan to modify the relationship so that it is mutually beneficial to both people or cut that relationship out of my life. With no guilt or anything like that.

Now to be honest I have already started that process. First of all, I am not ruled by pride. I took a lot of time to offer the peace to a dear friend with whom I had a falling out right before my dad died, but I did it. We both know that we are stubborn and we both know we didn't behave admirably but at the end of the day we are good people whose motivations were only for the best, we just acted on them stupidly. hell - we aren't perfect. But we are a road to recovery.

The second thing that I need to do this year is not sweat the small stuff. I have a tendency to grab onto a little thing and roll it, like a downhill snowball, into a huge thing. I tried to exercise this plan this morning in church.

We have a member of our choir who is a cherished person in my life. I have known she and her husband for most of my life. They are brilliant people and valued musicians. But they have had their share of musical trials in terms of post retirement employment. Peg was our interim organist and choir director after my father passed leaving the vacancy. She was not the best at it to be honest and fair, but we love her and we supported her 2000 %. So it was not the huge surprise that my new priest ( with a degree in music prior to seminary) asked for her resignation in his first year. He hired another choir director organist. Peg decided that she would remain at St Judes and sing in the choir as this was now her spiritual home. We were delighted but knew the transition would be tough on her. Now sitting firmly in Soprano 2 section of our choir, she creates her own descants on every hymn at will whenever the mood strikes her. This makes me crazy. Unless our director tells us to do that, I don't think we should be just arbitrarily creating things on the fly - what if the whole choir did that? There would be no melody and other than the words, no one would have recognized O come all ye faithful or any other hymn!

Today I chose to practice some anger management techniques with this one. yes it drives me crazy, but if it makes her feel more important to do that, after all she's been through ( that's not the first church to let them go by the way), isn't it worth it to keep her a little bit happy? She's an amazingly wonderful albeit quirky person, so is this really important? Is it going to really alter my day? NO. So I had to let it go.

A stupid story, but it begs the point about me holding on to things that do not matter in the grand scheme of things.

So I am working on letting the little things go. Some little things can't be let go because they create a precedent which isn't right either, or that little thing can rapidly snowball into a big thing if not reacted to quickly. The trick for me is to know which is which. this year I reacted ( or overreacted in many cases ) to everything to make sure that nothing slipped by. that really wasn't the best plan. So this year I am going to pick the battles differently. Perhaps with more wisdom. I may not react at all immediately I may just wait on it, think on it and pray on it.

This year is also about getting my allergies and immune system tanked up again. It's important for me overall but I have a ulterior motive in my singing. So - weight loss certainly plays a part as does exercise and intelligent food choices. Regulating meds and what not. I know what to do an I certainly just have to keep doing it and keep reading on it.

So this year the three important things that I resolving to are:

1. Review and restore / recycle the relationships in my life
2. Don't sweat the small stuff
3. Get Immune system pumped up.

Happy New year to my oldest, bestest friends Lena, Maple Mama, Bernie, Jax, Jenna - I Loev you all!

Happy New Year to my newer friends - Post-Doc, Jules, Lori, Val....

"Make new friends but keep the old, one Silver and the other Gold"