My inner Martha

Oh my G--

I'll say it again.

OH ...... MY....... G--.

My first issue in my renewed subscription to Martha Stewart Living arrived today. I had been a 2 year subscriber when a friend gave me those 2 years as a gift.

The magazine would arrive. I would thumb through it, think, wow I wish I could do this stuff or be this person. And File the magazine away for future references. I have 24 issues in chronological order in Magazine holders to be stored on a bookshelf that isn't here yet. Or ordered but that's ok.

When that subscription ran out and it didn't look like the friend was coming forth with another year ( not that I expected her to! ), I let the thing lapse despite the year of begging they sent me.

When my students and my friends kids all started the school year off fund raising for this trip and that event, the school fundraiser of choice was magazine subscriptions. I dutifully didn't renew anything and split my periodical reading up across them all.

Then out of nowhere, a kid who never participates and rarely asks anything of me beyond the normal lesson, asked me to buy a mag subscription. Crap.

I flipped through and Martha screamed at me.

Well - not quite SCREAMED so much as suggestively smiled out from the ad for the magazine. Without a thought - I scribbled out the check and taught the lesson.

I totally forgot about it when my first issue was suddenly at my door.

I started reading and felt a sudden "peace" within me. I know it sounds crazy and corny but it's true.

So I slowly and guiltily started reading it. I refuse to read it fast just to move on. I plan to savor every bit of it and even try one thing from each issue. ONE.

I have a lot of friends who naturally exude their inner Martha. Maplemama has been doing this since I met her which predates the magazine by some 10 years...., Vinny's wife also has an inner Martha that I only get glimpses of at parties but you can see it her home, her cooking and the way she keeps her family rolling along without too many gliches ( Yes that means teamed up with VInny!), Lisa also has a Martha thing going on. I had been visiting many many years ago ( before kids no less!) in their lovely home and the beautiful touches they put on dinner when they weren't even expecting to have me there ( bad weather) were so lovely it was as if they expected me and I was an honored guest. Ms. Jax-now-Greg has been tapping into hers since she got married and the baking and cooking that comes out of her kitchen is something spectacular.

To name a few.

I am determined to find my inner Martha in 2009. I know she's in there. Probably screaming to get out but I have to locate her first.

It will probably be a little bit like letting the Genie out of the bottle - once out they rarely go back. But that's OK with me. I don't have embrace ALL of it - just the parts that fit. It will make life better and I know it will make Jon's life better.

Ironically as a side note, the friend that gave me the subscription just rented her home and moved into her husbands. This may not seem like a paricularly eventful item BUT the home she just rented - down the road from Martha - They wave to one another on her runs in the morning.

She found her inner Martha too - she is now the career woman who completed the renovation of her husbands home and cooks a gourmet HEALTHY meal every night for her hubby and wants to retire and own a B&B.

Come to think of it - Jon and I want to do that too. Maybe a joint venture.

Clearing space

Jon and I spent the day clearing space.

He cleared his brothers space - bringing home a lot of stuff for our home. I cleared our actual space - with the intent to clear out more than was being added.

For my part, I boiled the stove. This stove has probably never been THIS clean since it was new. Of course I exaggerate - but I managed to break the electric pilot light mechanism at the same time. Mercifully Jon was able to fix that - and we have no idea what was wrong,

I also took the time to actually clean up the bedroom. This room is crazy, for it seems to be the catchall for all our crap.

He came home wearing a Ramones shirt that his brother is on, and his brothers boots - suitably distressed. He looked so much like his brother I didn't know what to say.

We talked about clearing his space and my clearing of ours. It had been quite productive for both - for now we can attack - once and for all - the office/music room area. Once that is set up then we can start working properly.

The other thing that is neat about clearing space is about clearing the air. We are trying to clear the air about us and about his brother. He accused me of harboring and I said I wasn't - he just keeps interrupting me while I'm talking about it!!!! This, of course, made us both giggle a little - because it's true....

Clearing space is a very fulfilling activity. I highly recommend it.

A foot in each camp

I'm simply not sure what to feel.

Before JOn and I moved into together, I was very self assured and confident about what I did and didn't want. When he was "mis-behaving" I was sure about what to tell him and how to tell him. And more importantly - WHEN to tell him.

I never had the large enveloping sense of uncertainty that exists today.

Since most of you know I detest change, and do not handle it well, it stands to reason that the events of today, while good, have me reeling.

My house is a shambles. I have a new media center that I love, a new TV, a new home theater system. My living room is literally in the reverse from what it was this morning. I can't get into the music room and I cannot access the dining room EXCEPT through the kitchen.

We are both exhausted and snappish. I started to get resentful right around the time when he started telling me that the food I ate today was too much for the amoung of activity I did. I said nothing however because this is an argument that would be defined as stupid - right now.

As I sat on the couch and I listened to him say these words "Contessa - I am NOT TELLING YOU THIS AGAIN" about something I threw in the garbage in an incorrect format, it occurred to me that this house and it's contents that I worked my whole adult life to own, was no longer mine.

While I am happy about that, I am also very much afraid. Afriad that my identity as an individuak might be lost, afraid of what happens if this doesn't work out, afriad that something could happen to one of us.

If you include all the other crap that's going on here, ( his midlife crisis for one and my holiday depression for another) this is wonderful and yet frightfull - all at one time.

So I am processing slowly. I am really trying to focus on ways to bring us both back to center again.

Re-decorating is always a great way to join forces and make a place "ours" instead of "mine". However there are adjustments that need to go with it. I just need to figure out what they are and do them.

Yet another pothole on the road of life -.... this one is luckily not too deep!

1. Today I am thankful for Jon. He worked himself to the bone - and I mean bone, putting together the furniture. He has infinite patience and it looks gorgeous. I am lucky.
2. Today I am thankful that my job is flexible. While I am happy to be leaving the one customer and take on the new position, the flexibiliy that I am afforded is lovely.
3. Today I am thankful for my friends. I am indeed blessed in this regard. I am facing another difficult holiday season and while it's different from last year, it's not going to be easier. I already know this. THe handwriting is on the wall. I am trying to dodge the curveballs fast this year. The thing that makes it better is that this year I can discuss it with my girlfriends - all of them ( And Digital Dad of course) and not worry who knows what.
4. Today I am thankful that I am able to think up good surprises for my loved ones. I think I love the giving of gifts to my loved ones more than receiving them. I can't wait to see their faces.
5. Today I am thankful that I am able to provide for my family, Regardless of the fact that the family is just the two of us. I know it bothers him that he's living "off" me right now, but it's nice to know that at least for a short duration I am able to make ends meet. I feel stronger just with that.

Project Managing my household.

OK I'll just say it.

Sometimes the communications skils or lack there of in my home are just annoying. Plain and simple.

For both of us. I'm NO prize.

So Friday - after de-gluing his ass from the couch - he went and worked out at my Best Friends' house.

When he came home he took both my hands in his and said "Jenna is really worried about the condition of our home. She kindly offered to help us clean up and organize"

My head internally combusted.

Why is this conversation taking place with my best friend and not with me?

I do some emails with her and a phone conversation and come to discover that he was using her as an intermediary to approach the topic.

That actually angers me more.

The fact is I have been doing literally everything in the house for, well, ever. He has been sitting on the couch playing with Yahoo Answers for 3 weeks licking his wounds. And I don't even know what the wounds were at the time....

Well I now know what the wounds are and this is legit. However. I'm not yet over the whole bringing my best friend into this.

So I bite the bullet and tell him that Jenna can't help us til January and I don't want to wait that long so lets come up with a plan.

He looked at me, blinked and admitted that he has a lot of worries. I told him that financial worries, while substantial and not to be ignored, can be dealt with as long as you have a plan. He's notorious for no plan, so this is huge.

First thing I did was take the first financial priority and address it. We needed to fill out some forms to do a change of address on his reg and DL. That way we can get him a parking permit for the building and stop the bleeding. Next we have to take care of the parking tickets ( we have the meter maid from hell here and the abolutely MOST ridiculous parking rules).

Then I told him we need to start by getting his dining table out of storage and I will buy the chairs we want.

As for organizing - I gave him his choice. He opted for the kitchen and we arranged to start on Sunday.

That done - we happily skipped through the weekend. Did I mention that my brother's wife gave birth to a baby boy? First kid for this sibling. Additionally, his first name is the same as the whore's youngest - not my fav. The middle name is after my brother and my dad. Which is lovely. He looks like my brother. I got to hold him - he's so tiny. So good.

We get to Sunday. He goes to services, I go to teach. I come home and immediately set about the emptying of the cabinets. 2 hours later - he strolls through the door with his guitar in his hand, all happy, and says - Oh I was kind of planning to blow this off today and I thought you were too.....

WRONG.

If you do something so ridiculous as to bring a third person into the equation - don't you EVER think I'm going to "blow it off." For that matter, if you go so far as to make a plan with me - you had better pony up because this is, by the way, WHAT I DO FOR A FREAKING LIVING.

He is downright shocked.

So he gets to work.

THe entire time that we are working, I am getting frustrated. Why? Because he is setting up the kitchen to suit HIM. I am not factored into the equation.

For reference, so you understand, I am 5' 2" tall and he is 6'. So I will concede on some things but not on everything. Don't tell me, for example, that we are going to put the toaster oven that we use EVERY SINGLE day on the top of the cabinets and just take it down and put it back.

That's stupid.

We use it - EVERY DAY. that should be lower to the ground.

I am willing to utilize the space differently and hell I will make all of it seem like his idea, but can't you at least try and make a couple of concessions for the fact that I cook and bake too and that I'm SHORT????

He finally stopped, looked at me and said - "You haven't eaten today have you?" Negatory good buddy!

So we took an extended break, ate, and then I took a bath and detoxed a bit and finally put the items on the counter away temporarily.

He will take it from here.


We discussed paint choices for the house, we discussed how to get the furniture and when. We talked about the fact that in this economy, buying a new home is not really optional right now. We'll see what happens. but I'm not planning it right now.

We are communicating better. I think we are both working a bit harder at this.

Man - marriage - real or common law - is hard damn work.

worth it in the end though.

Seeing stars

You know - I've always heard that head wounds bleed unbelievably.

And now, I can say that, without hesitation, that statement is true.

Today - our air purifier arrived. In all my excitement, I came home and found a location for it, moved the hutch to plug it in and BAM

A heavy glass Pitcher fell on my head.

I never saw it coming. Frankly it never occurred to me that it would fall.

I was holding my head and leaning against the side of the hutch, Jon ran in as I was getting up saying OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I'M BLEEDING - and the volume of blood was huge.

I, of course, panic immediately - no one should be losing that kind of blood....

He is calm, got a dish towel and applied pressure. He is expecting to take me to the ER. We cleaned me up a bit and looked at what I was sure was a gash that required a minimum of 10 -12 stitches.

It was a small dot - too small for even one stitch and not deep at all.

How embarassing. I was sure that it a huge gash - I mean - you had to see the blood POURING off my head! I should need a transfusion!!!!

We put an ice pack on it. It clots up pretty quick. I looked at it in the mirror - I now have strawberry blond hair on that side of my head.... hee hee hee - all Jon could say to that was "Women"

I'm ok - I don't even have a headache - though I am a little bit tired. He had me take my contacts out so he could watch my pupils.... in the event of concussion.... though that seems doubtful.

The pitcher is still unharmed on the floor. The wall looks like someone got brutally murdered.

The air purifier will have to wait till tomorrow I think.....

The three C's: Compromise Communication and Compatability

These are the hot buzz words in my household and life of late.

Compromise:

You have all seen the toilet paper post. That was less about compromise and more about choosing your battles. I lump the two together because they are linked in a way. Fighting every battle is not the way to go. I learned this the hard way years and years ago. Fighting every battle is the path to dominate and have your own way. That is how choosing your battles is part of the compromise.

I am still working my behind off on this. The compromise is always a challenge for me, the person who has lived alone for the past 15 years. It's a challenge for him who has lived alone for the past 10. Imagine the fun we have with this and both of us have control issues.

I think that my neighbor said it best this morning. The women have a tendancy to take care of the men and that's that. IN my case that is most certainly true. And don't get me wrong, because I like to take care of him. It doesn't bother me one bit. But that does require compromise as well.

Communication:

Crap.

Meaning - I suck at this.

Not that I am incapable of communicating - I am not. Not that I never do it - I do. But do I really say what's happening in my heart of hearts? Not always.

And he does - to a point.

Certainly better than I do.

I am working on this. This and trust - not good at either. BUT I consider it a work in progress and I didn't freak out when he took my IPOD. He told me who called him today while he was asleep.

He also told me that the whore called him day before yesterday. She was very upset that he was "shacking up with me ".

Seriouslly - How crude can you get?

His reponse - perfect by the way - was...

"This stopped being your business 6 months ago".

I loved him so much in that moment. And it made me want to try harder to communicate. So that's a good thing.

I thought about why I am not good at it. I am afraid. I don't like strife and battle. I am afraid that the person will walk out on me or hate me or any of those things. It has actually happened to me so it's not without basis. However I am working really hard at this and I think it can get better.

I think back at the fact that I shared my depression with him. That was huge. Hell - my own family doesn't even know that. But he does. And he didn't judge me. Nor I him when he told me about his own.

Compatability:

This is unbelievable. Though I am writing about all the things that are weird and different, the reality is that I have never started living with someone that fit so perfectly with me as this man. I mean literally no one. Our compability is amazing.

And here's the neat thing to me. He was laying in bed this morning.... I was changing my clothes.... I caught him checking me out....

Silly - maybe. Flattering - hell yes. Surprising - kind of. We see each other at our best and worst now.... So catching that in the mirror was really amazing to me.

We are now filtering through the chores and through the moving process.

For a person who hates change, I kind of like this one even though it's not how I saw my life unfold on the one hand and on the other, it is completely what I expected.

There is no after

Romantic love.





We all aspire to it. It's amazing and it carries us on its wings.





The thing of it is....in the romantic love story, the be all end all is marriage. The wedding.





Have you ever noticed that you rarely hear about what happens "after"? The love story ends with the big Hollywood wedding and in beatifully scrolly script you see





"The End"





But that's not the end.





The part you don't get to see is the compromise and negotiation of where to hang the bathmat. Or how many candles constitutes "too many". Or the recycling that is all over the kitchen.





The list of examples goes on - and only one of them is mine, by the way. THe list was compiled from married friends of mine.





The reason we don't know what happens after is because in those stories - there IS no after.





But in real life - not only is there an after, the after gets complicated. The love is there to be sure, and being together is wonderful. But.



There is also compromise, fighting, silences and conflict. That's the bad that goes with all the good.



the "after" takes enormous amounts of work. I mean it. This is not a task for the feint of heart. This is not something that I was unprepared for in terms of knowing about it, but the actual work? I was not sure how that was going to play out.



I shouldn't really put that in past tense. I am NOT always sure how that will play out.



I'm starting to put back the pieces of my life that I shelved temporarily to get accustomed to this new lifestyle - I will be attending church in the morning and I am going back to my exercize and eating more healthfully.



I have a lot of work to do in the house that I haven't touched. We need space and we need it soon. I have furniture to get rid of and new furniture to order. We are re-arranging electronics and technology. There are closets to look at, cables to move and re-route - items to donate.... organization to take place.

There actually is an after.... it's just different. It's a sequal to the story. Some might say a less sexy and enticing sequal.... but I'm not so sure..... I think I will like the sequal after all.

The Art of Compromise

I have been on my own since I was 21. Sole owner of the remote control. Food that I choose, whether I eat out or not, cleaning up on my schedule - hell anything on my schedule.

When you share your living space with someone else, I don't care how easy going you both are, there are bound to be conflicts.

I am working on the art of compromise. I am looking at the things that matter to me and are actually important to me, and letting the rest roll.

For example.

Toilet paper.

I know its a small detail. But in some ways its a large detail. I once lived with a man, many years ago, who insisted on Charmin double ply and also kept baby wipes. Please do not ask me why.

I grew up on scott tissue. 1000 sheets a roll. Single ply. Largely because of the type of septic system that we had living on the ocean.

But hey, I'm flexible.

The other night - at 1AM, my best friend called to say he was on his way home. After we hung up, I went back to what I was doing, which was changing out the toilet paper roll.

Oh hell.

I GROSSLY underestimated how much TP we still had in the linen closet ( As previously stated, I buy scott tissue but the 24 roll package).

I ran to the phone and called him back. I asked him to please stop and pick up more.

"Sure - no problem and by the way, from now on we will be getting 2-ply - OK?"

I stared at the phone.

I didn't expect the first round of compromise to be over toilet paper.

"Um. Sure - no problem - Thank you!!!! See you in a bit" I hung up.

He walked in 15 minutes later. TP in hand.

It's not bad. I feel like we go through a roll so much quicker but it's a small thing.

Our first major compromise.

I'm home

For the first time this weekend, I am in my house.

This weekend has been a marathon not a sprint.

First, Friday night I had the talent show from hell. This was supposed to start at 7 and started 20 minutes late for reasons I can't fathom.

The show, which only had 14 acts less than 5 mins each, proceeded to take 2 hours and 30 minutes plus 2 30 minute intermissions.

My act was second to last.

I didn't win, I didn't plan to win, I was there to add filler acts to a HS talent show.

By the time I got home, I could b arely put a coherent sentence together and the joke for the night was " I didn't realize that this was a sleepover talent show - I would have brought my sleeping bag!"

Yesterday , I ran like a lunatic and did all my errands, then had dinner with my best girlfriend and her hubby.

I got home around 9.

Today, I went to church, I had lunch with Bernie, and went to the bar to hear my best friend play. Then I taught an hour lesson, verbally resigned from the group that I sing with. I walked into my house at 8PM.

Here's the deal on the resignation. The reality is, I don't need to pay money to be irritated and angry. When I really reviewed why I was staying, it ultimately got round to two things. One, I was staying to keep the diva from getting what she really wanted ( me gone) and two, emotional ties to my dad and uncle who founded it. Letting the Diva win, believe it or not, was the harder thing to let go.

Once I made the decision though, I didn't feel anything. Not anything bad. I felt release. YOu would think after 12 years wtih this group that I would miss it or feel something.

But no.

Nothing.

Making the decision was harder than carrying it out.

I feel badly that I did it on a voice mail, but too bad. I came home, and am doing some chores. Then I'll have some light snack and a bath, then to bed.

It's really appealing and my December, as Bernie pointed out, is one concert performance lighter.

I miss the relaxing weekends though.

Writer's Block

I don't really have writer's block. I have tons of things can write about. But sometimes too much information is simply.... too much.

I have developments in my love life that are really great. But I feel firstly, talking about them will jinx them ( remember how I am not superstitious.) and secondly, some things are just meant to be private. Just know that I am on the road that I want to be on.

I have developments in my career. These are less great. I have a direct manager who micro manages me ( and my team) to the brink of insanity. I want to shake him mand ask him if he's bored. But I don't.

Instead I have given up trying to play stupid in order to asuage his bruised ego. He is afraid of women with fine intellect. He spends as much time as possible riding us on stupid trivial things in order to drive us completely mental. The end result is, instead of a simple "ok" to him, I now say, "I took care of that and confirmed in email a few hours ago". Which generates anger. I refuse to deny my talents in that way. I will treat him the respect due his title, but I will not dumb myself down.

I got some of my house in shape, I'm pretty pleased with it. I have the rest scheduled. I no longer freak out when Maria is coming to clean.

I s tarted exercizing again. I feel great. I lost 3 of the 5 lbs I had gained. I am working on my skin which is getting better. I found a dress but I nee to add sleeves or change the neckline and my seamstress will KILL me as she HATES the type of material. I am still looking.

We shall this one writer's block and hopefully have more to tell you soon.

The opposite of the Midas touch

Things here are not going well and you know what they say:

"When it rains it pours"

Well - we had torrentional rain, thunder and lightning ripping through the area along with a tornado in Brooklyn last night.

That's just the actual weather report.

The storms, more commonly referred to as my life, took a different format. My bedroom A/C unit leaked water all over my carpet night before last which required me to mop up a boat load of water and found me drying the carpet with a hair dryer.

I spent last night researching "through the wall sleeve" units. They start at $450.00. I found a nice Sears Kenmore model for $499.00 and my neighbor is going to help me install it.

My best friend called last night. His brother, as usual, doesn't learn. He has managed to thwart the efforts to get him hospice services. This is not terribly unusual though, he had to fall severla times in order to first get the cane, then get the walker anad finally the wheelchair. So this did not come as a surprise to me. Or him. But it is frustrating all the same because it's so unfair to his family. And all the people who help care for him.

Then there is the matter of my car. It feels like a roller coaster ride if you are in the passenger seat. I mentioned it to my best friend last night and he suspects the suspension. That never occurred to me, but then that shouldn't surprise anyone. I'm not "handy" that way.

So the money I have coming in PLUS my savings account will be going towards these two expenditures.

I tend to have the opposite of the midas touch. Everything I touch turns to crap.

Let's review the evidence:

• My job: Things were beautiful for about 4 years. BAM! merger. New boss. life is now crap.
• My love life: I met my soul mate. We are both in love with each other but the problem very specifically lies with him not wanting or ready to acknowledge it with some kind of peramanance. So right people - wrong time.
• My friendships: By and large this is not so bad, BUT I do have a couple of friends who seem to have abandoned me and I am unclear why. I should take the hint I guess. If they don't want regular contact wtih me and want to be friendly acquaintances who talk perhaps once or twice a year, thats fine. I just wish people would be up front instead of stringing me a long. One, when questioned, actually went with the "it's not you - It's me. "
• My family: While things are better here, I swear we are like a slightly warped version of everybody loves Raymond. And I'm Robert. Really do I need to say more?
• My home/car: As you have already seen we've covered this above. In the hopes of not being redundant I won't review it again.

Now, you may laugh when I say this but even with all of this above, every night I say a prayer, in the hopes that there is a heaven. This prayer consists of me thanking God for:

• the job that i have ( even though it blows),
• the home I have ( though it needs repairs),
• the car I drive ( same with the repairs),
• the friends and family that I have ( though all of us may be certifiable)
• The relationship that I am involved in ( though it needs a good deal of work)
• My health
• The world that we live in

Then I pray for the following:

• To make the job that am in better. by getting rid of leader
• To help me find the necessary elements to repair my home
• To help me find the necessary elements to repair my car
• To help my family and friends through any trials, illnesses or generals needs and blessings
• To help me with my relationship to get things on track for us.
• Keep me healthy and those close to me
• TO make the world a better place
• To give me strenght and courage to keep moving forward even when I feel like there is no hope, or have lost my way or my desire.

I guess that while I have the opposite of the midas touch, I also still have hope that I will be able to straighten everything out.

PLaying Ketchup - or Catch-up!

I know it's been a few days for you, my faithul readers.... So let me clue you in to how things are going:

At work, project SSB has generated a lot of work and re-work. Since this is a custom application that we are developing each plan has huge failure point. Not just internally to the company but at the customer side too. We have yet to hit our stride yet and are still overcoming many frustrating obstacles. No one's fault, it's just a matter of hitting the hurdle, communicating about it and finding a reasonable workaround that's timely and efficient for all parties. It's been stressful - but not too hideous.

I ran into a potential HR case, but stood up for myself and refused on the basis of ethics. HR Case abandoned. Things are OK now there.

Diet and Exercize: OK I haven't actually shown up at a Weight Watchers meeting in 3 weeks but I have been working super hard at it. What that meant for me today was, since my last weigh-in ( February 17), I had NO IDEA whether my efforts had paid off.

Well here's the reality. My weight is up. But would have been much higher had I not been making the efforts that I did the last three weeks. Additionally my clothing is bigger on me. So it's OK an I"ve made my peace with it. It's very possible for me to correct this even further by tightening up the reins even more. So I am at a peaceful alertness with things as they stand now.

My asthma and allergies are back at a manageable level so I have clearance to exercize again. Which I started on Thursday. And Friday I was unable to move like the 30 something I am, I felt 9 MILLION years old. But I loved it. I took a hot bath and relaxed in the tub wiht my book. Today, Saturday, I feel fabulous - so like the masochist that I am with this stuff, I will be exercizing again today.

Music is on a temporary Hiatus till Easter is over. HOly Week is HUGELY busy for me with services every night from Wed through Sunday. It is for my coach as well.

I had a wonderful conversation with my girlfriends at WW today. It was like the old times. The three of us were talking to one another about topics that we could all appreciate and participate in. I was really enjoying it. I missed it a lot. I'm so glad about it really. I missed those two!

I have big plans to hang pictures today, iron and change my curtains and slipcovers. I want to organize my CD's over the next few days. My plans are to light Yankee Candles and just go to work.

Oh and I bought a new toilet seat. It's very cool. It's kind of sad that I get excited by a toilet seat but I have wanted this one for awhile and it was way too expensive until now. It's still a bit pricey but has come down to my range. I also bought a teapot that matches my china pattern - it was reasonable and they no longer make them so it was a nice find.

I'm calling my emergency super to come fix the cold water tap in the house. Since the boiler incident last week, it doesn't work correctly. I am begging my neighbor to drill holes in my wall to hang my mirror for me as he has the correct type of drill for the plaster/cement combination that exists on the exterior and adjoining walls in the condo.

So Lots of good things happening now, still very frustrated with work, but things are getting better overall in the other areas of my life.

My Neighbors

Who are people in your neighborhood? Asks Mr Rogers

A classic song and we all remember him tossing one shoe from one hand to the other.

I have excellent neighbors for the most part. I have made pretty good friends with the woman who has the mirror image unit from me. she works in the library here in town.

We can't even be on the phone for less than 30 minutes and she literally lives 1 minute away.

But she and I keep each other aware of things in our building that may compromise the investment.

For example, we live next door to a former mansion turned rooming house. A little old greek guy runs it. He's like a little drill sergeant. I've spoken with him on any number of occasions and he's very nice and very respectful. I haven't ever seen anything amiss at his rooming house. But he's a tough cookie.

We recently voted to install a fence between his home and our outside parking lot. It's taken quite literally 6 months to get the permits and zoning to do this.

So yesterday I pull into the lot, there is a huge sign tacked to the tree that says:

"Mr.Fence Please stay out"

I literally laughed out loud. Then I pulled out my cell phone and called Reg on the phone an told her what's going on - she looked out her window and burst out laughing - even from up on our floor, you can read that sign large as life.

That was Saturday morning.

So Last night I came home at 11PM from my normal Sunday NIght rehearsal to find my lot full. Overfull in fact.

This is a problem.

I pay to park in that lot. It's money that is part of my maintenance costs. It's not cheap. So when I pull in there at 11PM, I should have a spot waiting for me correct?

Well there are several issues here. One, I have requested that we number the spots and assign one, got voted down. Then we decided to make sure that those people who have garage space aren't parking in the lot too. Then we towed "inactive" cars out of the lot. so we have done a lot of work to free up as many spaces for use by residents.

We were all issued Parking permits to be displayed form the rear view mirror. A towing company will come through and check at night and silently tow away the violators.

They haven't been around in awhile.

10 people were parked in the lot that did not have parking permits last night! I "created" a spot near the dumpsters and went upstairs. This morning I called the Management Company and included both the sign and parking situation.

We are working very hard in this building to make this a safe and lovely place to live. We have just finished the re-furbishing of our pool and lobby. It looks stunning now. They have updated the directories and lighting fixtures. Updated the surveillance systems.

I still maintain that if we really want to mae this a fair and pleasant place to live, we need to make the parking situation better. Right now we have narrow spots - I mean narrow. People are not careful and it starts to look and feel a lot like bumper cars out there.

If we numbered and assigned the spots - 1 per unit - that would require us to have 88 spots in the lot. We have 70 at this time. Indoor garages hold another 40 slots. That means for 88 apartments, everyone can have one slot. If there is a second vehicle it should be on a first come first serve and it should cost. Our indoor garage is 30 per month and you get an assigned spot. We have a rule that says if if you have indoor space you have to forfeit your outdoor space.

So what is the problem? these people who are using the lot and are not registered occupants of the building. I saw one woman walk in from the outdoor lot with her boyfriend last night and she pays for an indoor spot. In looking at his car? No permit.

The next owners meeting is in May and I already have a list. So does Reg -- her's includes hoarding, keeping the hourly rental shopping carts in the garage overnight and just how DID they multiply from 2 to 4 overnight? Renters, sublet's etc.

I just want to protect my investment. I also think I want make sure that this is happy and safe place to live.

Know the tests that you fail

I wrote this last night but found myself falling asleep at 11Pm for the first time in weeks so I capitalized on it and went to bed without finishing my post!

So here it is!


My eating today was wonderful.

Until 10PM.

I was on the phone with a neighbor tonight. We live in a building where she is the mirror image of my condo right across the courtyard. Her neighbors immediately below her keep the strangest hours and have the oddest behaviours.

When you live in a building like this, you have to have a modicum of tolerance. Tolerance for noise and lights and general movement. The key to living in this kind of environment is communication. One must communicate with ones neighbors.

My neighbors are wonderful. Will lives next door and we are good friends. When he has an issue he knocks on the door, we talk like people and solve it. It works very well for both of us.

Her neighbors below her complained to the building super when her boyfriend kicked his shoes off on the hardwood floor.

Now, they are just lucky that it wasn't me living above them. I have a temper when it comes to stupid stuff like that. They didn't come up and knock and discuss it or anything. THey just called the building super. By the way, the building takes a DIM view of this behaviour.

So she gets up, walks down the flight of stairs and knocks on the door. I have to say this is my favorite way of dealing with people like this. You call them out to their face. They are generally cowards to start with, so when you confront them, they kind of shrivel up and retreat.

NOw my neighbor is the nicest person on earth, so when she confronted them she learned of some unorthodox and interesting living arrangements. However, we don't understand them. It feels something like a rent scam a la "The night we never met" kind of thing. But not quite. I never see the same people twice but I do see the same behaviour pattern. The light pattern is odd. She was told, upon her visit, that the owners were moving and subletting, but gave no information on when that be taking place. The owners have children an grand children also living in the building.

So one day we decided to exchange phone numbers and keep each other apprised of the behaviours and such.

A little voyeuristic but I can only see if lights are on and I only look if I see something out of sorts. She really wants to find out what's going on so she can bring it to the next board meeting since it seems that something isn't right. Too many people in and out - that kind of thing.

The point is, during this conversation, I found myself mindlessly eating the Weight Watchers Brand cakes. I had enough points left in the day to acount for 3 but there were 3 left and - I ate 'em.

It's not the first time.

The test that I fail is - don't keep weight watchers desserts in the house, I can't control myself.

It could be worse.

Happy New Year to me

I spent a lovely day at home.

I slept late because I have a little bit of a lingering cold.

I made Starbucks Christmas Roast Coffee with a dash of raspberry flavored cocoa and had some toast with French jam.

I watched the only cooking show that I really like, the barefoot contessa - ( no relationship to the blog title incedently. That title was bestowed on me personally by my next door neighbor many years ago.... he knows nothing of how much I like Ina Garten at all.). I rested on the couch and watched movies all day. I saw the Da Vinci code - the book was better in most respects but I did like some of Ron Howards vision on the book's images. I also saw Rumor Has it which is so funny and really made me laugh despite the fact that I don't care for Jennifer Aniston as an actress.

I made myself some Boeuf Bourgenon with penne for dinner using an entire bottle of red wine and flaming it to burn the alcohol. That was kind of fun actually.... It was yummy!

Then I found all the gift cards from Christmas and decided it was time to replace the DVD player that died. It took me most of the day to research that and price it down. I got the preferred brand and model fo 218.00 which made me happy as it's a combo DVD / VCR with write capabality and is the same brand as my TV which is only 1 year old. YAY me.

Then I went looking at Barnes and Noble and I really don't like their website a whole lot. It's not conducisive to finding the things that I want or need. I am looking for additional music for my recital in 6 weeks that won't break the bank and won't be a killer to learn. I am considering something from Wicked( NO, not POPULAR thank you very much) and something from A Light in the Piazza (Possibly Beauty is or the title track. I have to see. ). I may pull a few standards out and I am doing a couple of things in 2 weeks and I may be able to pull one of those together for the recital too - we'll have to see.....

I nested and rested and watched movies and spent money. It was a wonderfully relaxing way to spend a rainy New Years Day.

Obsessive need to Organize

When I was young, my obsessive need to organize only took hold when my mother made me clean my room.

yes - "made me".

I have only two methods, Do it right or don't do it at all.

So when time was lacking, don't do it at all became the preferred method.

I now have Maria coming twice a week. This relieves me of the "don't do it at all" guilt that I go through. It also enables me to live in my happy little home without the stress of major upkeep.

She's worth every penny.

But every so often ( usually the week she is coming), I get into this pick up the house routine that is more than just clean off the surfaces of the mail and what not ( that takes 15 minutes tops!). I end up organizing my bookshelves (now they look neat and orderly and I've discovered that I need more!) and went through the 9 zillion catalogues that I have received and pulled the pages out that are important to me and put them in a box. I filed my important papers and discovered that the file cabinet needs major revamping. I am seriously going to have to remove everything and redo it.

What makes this unusual from when I was a child, is that now, I can look at that file cabinet, knowing full well the disaster area it has become ( more music than files and its' not really using the best system. ) and walk away due to time constraints, but put it on the to-do list to not be overlooked on a weekend somewhere. I used to lock myself in my room for 4-8 hours and when I was done, every drawer was re-lined with shelf paper., every clothing item was refolded and sorted by color, the desk was re-organized to suit my latest projects, my closet tidied up to accommodate the seasonal clothing. I would organize my jewelry box, my bathroom, my sitting room. This is my "do it right" mode.

My room most of my life was a mess. Largely due to my ability to "drop" tasks that have little or no importance to the project at hand. That project back then, was life. I was as busy then as I am now. Maybe more so. So "don't do it at all" was more the mode than "do it right".

Hence my mother "MADE ME" clean my room.

It was a source of comedy in our house, my mom would send both my brother and I to clean up our rooms. He would be done in 15 minutes. I would be done in 4-8 hours. the difference was my room was a clean as clean could be - literally. My brother? Don't open the closet..... it's an avalanche waiting to happen.

So I have learned how to combat my natural urge to start a job and finish it "properly". well, not combat really, more like redefine what properly means for the time I have allotted to the job. Tonight's job I had allotted 2 hours for and at an hour and half I had papers and catalogues all over the floor. So after filing, and seeing the disarray there, it occurred to me that that is a second job not an inclusive part of the first and should be done at another time. I do have to go to be tonight as I am working in the morning!

The aftermath and new realizations

I bought a clock.

That's it above. Its somewhat of an antique and I had been eyeing for awhile. So rather than eat every stitch of food in the house or go buy a pint or 5 of B&J or an entire bakery cake for myself ( In my defense I have never done any of those things actually but I did abuse food) , I bought the clock for my kitchen.

I have been eyeing it for sometime. It's slate actually, with antique B&W paris postcards decoupaged onto it. It was a little but pricey but not a killer. I was planning to spend between 30-50 dollars so this was right in the budget.

The minute I clicked the Pay now button, I felt 2000 % better. I also felt weird because I don't usually shop to ease pain. I don't like shopping most of the time. I don't have the patience to be honest. So, this was a little bit strange.

But not altogether unpleasant.

I also recognize the behaviour change from eating to shopping and I like that replacing eating with something else is good, I just have to be prudent with it so I don't break the bank.

I think the difference is, I have been wanting this clock for months. I have been saving the money and had set it aside. I was waiting, truthfully, for the price to go down.

I just decided to stop waiting and buy it now. So it wasn't the impulse buy that most people would do to ease suffering. Much like binging to ease suffering. Because it makes you feel good. I feel OK wiht the decision to buy it and my on again off again romance with ebay is ingited yet again. I am currently watching 26 items of which I REALLY want about 10. Largely picture frames ( a passion of mine - I have picture EVERYWHERE ) and some candles and a bowl that was discontinues in my china pattern that the cats broke. And a teapot in my china patter discontinued so many years ago I can't believe they are still selling them on ebay.

So the aftermath seems to be realistically harmless and I got my clock for the kitchen.

The other thing that has started happening is my nesting instinct has kicked in. At 10PM last night, I started cleaning off and reorganizing my desk. Even I was surprised. I feel so much better for it too.

Tomorrow I head to PA for my sister-in-law's baby shower. Of course the weather is supposed to be gale force winds and torrential rain. Typical. Last time we went, it was 9 MILLION degrees and I was picking up Wolfi from his foster mom to go to our furever home. All that travel in 9 million degree heat with a 3 month old kitten in the back and stupid traffic at the Holland tunnel.

If I weren't going, I start doing my closets again. Of course there is always Sunday. I really want to take advantage of my mental state to clean house - literally. And I also want to get the furniture I don't want out, and the stuff that I do want ( at brother's house) in.

In closing, my normal organizational skills are heightened and my behaviours are changing now too which is good.