On a lovely nature meditation

This afternoon I got blown off by a student.

They weren't just late - they were REALLY late.

I arrived early to their home at 6:10. I rang the bell and got no answer.

So I figured they were enroute, so I sat myself down on the front steps, turned on my IPOD and watched the sun set.

It wasn't a terribly unique or colorful sunset. There wasn't anything truly spectacular. There was a lovely breeze and it was about 70 degrees out.

As I sat there listening to Sunday Morning by Maroon five, my sunglasses on, my eyes closed... I realized I was smiling. I was at peace and all was right with the world. And finally my mind is at ease.

It was a lovely 30 minutes that I sat there. I just kind of let my mind go blank and thought of nothing but the actual moment I was in. It was wonderful and peaceful. And the first meditation where my mind wasn't wandering in a thousand and one directions.

I walked away from that house, having not taught the lesson, having no actual communications with the family and not in the least bit worried about it. I left them a message and will go back on Thursday.

That call that's been on my mind for a couple of weeks came in this afternoon. When the phone rang, I actually looked at twice, dumbfounded. I wasn't actually expecting it to come so quickly. Once I made my decision to not worry about it, it got easier. So when it came, I was able to be proactive rather than reactive. It went much better than I thought it would. The impasse is still there, but it's breaking down slowly.

If God exists, he exists in moments like these.

PLaying Ketchup - or Catch-up!

I know it's been a few days for you, my faithul readers.... So let me clue you in to how things are going:

At work, project SSB has generated a lot of work and re-work. Since this is a custom application that we are developing each plan has huge failure point. Not just internally to the company but at the customer side too. We have yet to hit our stride yet and are still overcoming many frustrating obstacles. No one's fault, it's just a matter of hitting the hurdle, communicating about it and finding a reasonable workaround that's timely and efficient for all parties. It's been stressful - but not too hideous.

I ran into a potential HR case, but stood up for myself and refused on the basis of ethics. HR Case abandoned. Things are OK now there.

Diet and Exercize: OK I haven't actually shown up at a Weight Watchers meeting in 3 weeks but I have been working super hard at it. What that meant for me today was, since my last weigh-in ( February 17), I had NO IDEA whether my efforts had paid off.

Well here's the reality. My weight is up. But would have been much higher had I not been making the efforts that I did the last three weeks. Additionally my clothing is bigger on me. So it's OK an I"ve made my peace with it. It's very possible for me to correct this even further by tightening up the reins even more. So I am at a peaceful alertness with things as they stand now.

My asthma and allergies are back at a manageable level so I have clearance to exercize again. Which I started on Thursday. And Friday I was unable to move like the 30 something I am, I felt 9 MILLION years old. But I loved it. I took a hot bath and relaxed in the tub wiht my book. Today, Saturday, I feel fabulous - so like the masochist that I am with this stuff, I will be exercizing again today.

Music is on a temporary Hiatus till Easter is over. HOly Week is HUGELY busy for me with services every night from Wed through Sunday. It is for my coach as well.

I had a wonderful conversation with my girlfriends at WW today. It was like the old times. The three of us were talking to one another about topics that we could all appreciate and participate in. I was really enjoying it. I missed it a lot. I'm so glad about it really. I missed those two!

I have big plans to hang pictures today, iron and change my curtains and slipcovers. I want to organize my CD's over the next few days. My plans are to light Yankee Candles and just go to work.

Oh and I bought a new toilet seat. It's very cool. It's kind of sad that I get excited by a toilet seat but I have wanted this one for awhile and it was way too expensive until now. It's still a bit pricey but has come down to my range. I also bought a teapot that matches my china pattern - it was reasonable and they no longer make them so it was a nice find.

I'm calling my emergency super to come fix the cold water tap in the house. Since the boiler incident last week, it doesn't work correctly. I am begging my neighbor to drill holes in my wall to hang my mirror for me as he has the correct type of drill for the plaster/cement combination that exists on the exterior and adjoining walls in the condo.

So Lots of good things happening now, still very frustrated with work, but things are getting better overall in the other areas of my life.

Spring the first day.

I love two seasons - Spring and Fall.

I look forward to them every single year.

I love Spring because this is the beginning of warmer weather, flowers, sunshine, birds chirping and all kinds of things like that.

I have some Spring rituals in my home that I like to do each year. One is to change out my yankee candles. I switch off from scents like evening fireside, pumpkin pie, mulled cider and gingerbread to scents like Ocean water, Clean cotton and two new ones I added this year, Midnight Cove and Sun and Sand.

Another ritual I have is to change the linens in my home. I change from dark warm velvets on my windows and couch to actual linen slip covers on couch and linen and sheers on the windows. I press them all out, hang them, launder the winter ones and put them away for next year.

I also change from a table cloth and linen napkins to placemats in the Dining room. I change the glasses that are out to my spring glasses. These are my favs. They are handpainted and came with a pitcher. What to put in that? I'm thinking Sangria this weekend. Yum. Maybe I can get Mariana to send me her recipe from her Argentinina family....

In my bedroom I take the flannel duvet off the bed, launder and put away and pull out my spring and summer bedding. This is my favorite too. It's luxorious and lovely. I sleep like dream in it.

I change my personal Fragrances also. THe Coco by Chanel and Patchouli go away and the Calvin Klein, Bobbi Brown and Burberry scents go on my tray on my dresser.

I launder the mosquito netting and sheer white roman shade on the windows. I dust the top of the wooden valances and put some nice trinkets up there that reflect spring for me.

I wash the windows crystal clear, I polish my silver and start opening the windows more.

I have a new super being hired here so I have to wait on having my mirror hung in the foyer.

I have new pictures to hang in the house from some performances at Carnegie Hall. So I have some things to re-arrange.

I am so excited that Spring is here. This is so wondereul and I am scheduling some "house" time for me already so I cann accomplish these things so I can enjoy them during this season.

SPring is time of re-birth really. I speak of this, not only from a religious standpoint, but also from a nature standpoint. I order flowers to be delivered for the house each time they deliver groceries. Tulips, daisies and Daffodils. I always mentally and emotionally feel my best during spring.

The only downside is all this new growth drives my allergies beserk. A small price to pay for the beauty.

Spring has Sprung! A happy spring to you all!

Moon River, wider than a mile

Yesterday I performed at the Andy Williams Christmas show here in NY.

It was a crazy day. We had to be there at 3:45. We got the rundown of the day from Devon the musical director.

First off, he's not a tall man. But a really nice nice professional guy. He expained that the concert hall was a union shop and union contract dictates that the stage be dark from 5-6PM. The food was for the union workers and not for the contingent workers ( us), unfortunately. Our dressing room was in the hallway with the comedienne and his back up kids.

We were performing in the round. Always interesting. THe stage is not that big so we were singing literally up the aisles. Sort of like a compass - N,S,E and W.

at 4:45PM, while the President and I are running around looking for the director to change the way we are singing ( we needed strength of section not strength in quartettes, Devon calls us for sound check.

We round up the troops find our places and quickly sound check with "words" ( Beethovens 9th) and "Do you hear what I hear". They are impressed ( or so they said).

Now we clock down to 9PM when we go on. We all talked and caught up, ate the food that we brought with us and shared the chips and protein bars that were provided in a box a long with a fruit basket.

It's time to go on, we line up and my lovely choir suddenly becomes a crew of chiefs and no Indians! My section almost got smacked upside the mouth. All of them! The time to be chief isn't seconds before performance time!!!!!!!!!!!

We aren't clear on are cues as there were no instructions to that end so we just watched to see what our director did.

We get in place and start counting down till it's out turn to sing. Since we have never actually rehearsed this, we are not entirely comfortable with the entrances. But Devon to the rescue. He may be stature challenged like I am BUT he is in white ( easy to see) and he held up is arms pointed at us and yelled go - we didn't hear him say it but we saw it and we were right in.

When the song was over Andy congratulated us by name and welcomed us and the audience to the show. Then they immediately started into a song that was not next in teh line up - uh oh. I had to laugh. There is only one piece that Hark the Herald is in and it was one we sing. The so - called professional in our group, otherwise known as the Diva, couldn't roll with the punches at all and didn't sing easily 50% of the performance. I figured it out and realized that the three kids who do vocal lbackup for him on the road had the same part we did - so I just followed them and the music while watching 2 directors one out of each eye. Literally - this is not a joke, this actually happened.

It made me realize that I work on the fly in this kind of environment really well. I forgot how well I can roll with the punches in performance and I don't embarass that easily.

We come to the end with O Holy Night and then Andy closes with his favorite and most favorite Christmas Carol of all....

"Moon River, Wider than a mile....."

It was an experience that I would do again in a minute, though there were times I swore I would die in that hallway backstage with the stale air.

The Karma thing again

Do good things for the world and the world will do good things for you.

Or something like that.

My good deeds are mostly about myself lately but I think it's long overdue.

You see, this season has been magical and special in many many good ways. More so than other years. I am far more lighthearted and positive than ever before and I am truly enjoying this holiday season so much more than I have since I was a child actually.

You see, I made the peace with an old friend. We are far from OK, but we are both on the same road and willing to see where it goes and I think that's just magicall after four years. Before that my brother and I came around a turn and we are much closer than before. That makes me practically gleeful to be honest. Then there are my parents - pretty good before but we have notched it up to almost overdrive now and we are really enjoying one another in ways I don't remember. Even during the funeral lunch, my step-dad's cousins and my mom and I were howling with laughter and talking and catching up and having just the best time.

So today, mumbling and grumbling because I had to go to my office in the city and I seriously don't do that because A. I hate the commute and B. I am not a morning person. I had to be up at 6:30 to be there by 9.

So I am in the office and annoyed. Poodle and I decided to go get a Starbucks coffee. That cheered me a little but still annoyed. I open my boss's agenda for our staff meeting to see the following statement:

"The Process is not our friend"

I almost died laughing. I am project manager. The process is the whole basis of my job. I told Poodle that when we got to that point in the meeting that I was not planning to comment and if I did start to comment, to please kick me so that I stop.

So we get to part of the meeting and he and his boss start discussing how we should all have Project Mgmt training. Stop it already. I am one step from PMP certified.

Moving right along and I am still annoyed, we wrap the meeting up and our boss hands out gifts ( Did I mention the HUGE box of Italian cookies he brouught too??? NO???? he did, we ate, they were good.). I open mine and it is a leather Coach CD case. It's really quite lovely. I am really quite stunned. I never really believed he appreciated us to be honest.

So Poodle and I start to go out to lunch and we invite Tommy. He never socializes and so he decides to come along. We go to our favorite restaurant, Figs.

This is where the story gets funny. But the Karma thing is still working for me..... read on.

We walk to the restaurant. We sit down, we order our drinks and discuss some of the funnier crazy things our boss does ( you probably wouldn't believe them unless you worked here seriously). The drinks come and Tommy is putting his straw in.

"Hey Tommy, what's that on your glass?" asks Poodle
"I don't know.... uh oh" says Tommy
"What? What is it" I say

Tommy gestures to the waitress, points to his glass. Her eyes bulge, she takes the glass and walks away.

"Tommy what happened" I ask
"A cockroach" he whispers

I start laughing. Internally my stomach is flipping in a squishy yucky way. But I think to myself, we eat here all the time, the place is ridiculously clean, This is Manhattan and they are doing construction right above the restaurant.

"They'll probably comp the lunch" I jokingly say

20 minutes elapses and we are starting wonder if they went out to buy new soda when they waitress and a tall woman appear.

"Your lunch is on us, we are so very sorry. The exterminator has been called to come immediately" We apprecaite you handling this so nicely. Anything you want or need at all, please let us know."

I got my free lunch and it was wonderful. We eat there a lot so I know this is a quality place. I believe that random little bug was a transplant from above and truthfully I am really glad I idn't actually see it as I have a morbid disgust for all bugs.

We tipped the waitress really well. ( Another shot for Karma!)

The moral of the story is

The cockroach can get you a free lunch. It doesn't mean the restuarant is infested ( we literally eat there all the time and they are rated very highly in NYC).

It was a well played out version of Victor / Victoria.

The bird never flies far from the nest

Many people didn't believe me when I said that being the only unmarried child in my family didn't bother me. But it's true.

I say this because Autumn is here. My housekeeper left after cleaning house on Monday and I walked in to a peaceful environment. And a sweeping sense on contentment filled me. I started to think about what it would be like to share my space with someone that I had vowed to love till death do we part. I don't know if I know HOW to share on those terms. I'm sure I can learn - most people do. It just occurred to me that at this point in time I am not sure that I want to compromise. Anything.

Thats not to say that if the right man came along and all things being equal, I would say "sorry not willling to compromise". I'm not stupid. But I'm not kiling myself looking right now.

So now that its fall, I come home, I turn on my rock fountain in the foyer, remove my shoes and survey my home. You know what I see? I see my humidifier humming quietly in the corner ( It does not need to in the summer as the humidity is higher) keeping my skn and my piano healthy, my candles waiting to be lit and fill the air with pumpkin or fireside smells ( in summer its clean cotton or ocean side), my kitchen with it's homey french provincial wall paper, my bathroom with the multitude of bath salts and bubble baths and my bedroom with my wicker ceiling fan and the most comfortable bed on earth. And I am filled with a sense of calm. I always wanted my home to have this feeling when I arrived in it. I have the foundation in place and I intend to continue it.

The other things that make me so content now are my food systems ( lots of slow cooking in croc pots, different cheeses, roasts, stews and soups) and my exercize routines. I hate working out in the heat. Mostly what happens to me in the fall is the basic nesting instinct. I spend a lot more time cooking for myself good wholesome healthy foods, I pull out my fall and winter clothes, my snuggly pj's, drink hot tea and mostly I organize like mad.

I did my kitchen cabinets over the weekend. I completed re-organized them now that I have lived with this kitchen for two years. The cabinets originally made sense, now they make MORE sense and I am finding it easier to keep them this way. Clothing closets are next.

Fall is truly one of my favorite seasons. I think I am the best version of myself in the fall. The colors I love, the smells, the weather, the foods. All of these things make me happy and give me that overall sense of peace and contentment. I looked back on previous falls in my life and it always makes me feel peaceful.



I was talking that over today with my friend Jenna. She and I live close by and try to meet for coffee on the days that all 4 of her kids are in school. Today we were going to meet in a starbucks that honestly, I thought I knew how to get there however I got lost and we were short on time to start with. So she picked up my coffee for me and we ended up back at her house. We had our coffee and caught up. We talked about men( because we ALWAYS do that - both hers and mine! ), we talked about jobs, mutual friends, meanwhile her 3 year old daughter was cooking for us in the pretend kitchen. We got around to talking about fair weather friend and how we are going to have dinner soon. We were talking about different foods and what not. We found out that we both LOVE fall. We can't get enough of it. The clothes, the food, the colors, the hair, the holidays.



I found that to be so funny that she feels the same way about this season. Its not a common discussion point - I don't normally ask my friends "What is the best season for to feel like the best version of you?" That's a crazy question. But we both do.



we are not going be having our Halloween party this year and it almost feels weird. Usually we are running around planning our costumes. So this is another weird thing.





All in all - this fall feels nice, the weather is cool enough and sleeping is good. I am content.

All the leaves are brown...

You know the old Mamas and the papas tune....

all the leaves are brown ( all the leaves are brown)
And the sky is grey....

Thats what it feels like here in NY and the summer isn't even over yet. To tell the truth I'm offended.

I mean, I bought a wrap to use at my brothers wedding but really didn't think I would need it. It's looking good that I will use it, sad to say.

I have stopped wearing shorts, I'm in capri's exclusively now and starting to wear long sleeves again. Frankly its annoying. The summer is gone...

But I have to say, this is the time of year that I love. Fall is still my favorite of all seasons. Seriously, I love the colors, I love the smells in the air, I love the foods we start eating and I love the fall clothes. I have pumpkin scented candles I took out and a fireplace scented one. I love these things.

I am also really nostalgic at this time of year. I cry more easily at emotional things on TV or movies. For awhile I thought that I seriously missed being in school. But I don't. I don't want the stress of classes or the pressure of practicing for a grade, or more to do than I already have ( not that I think thats actually possible. ). What I miss most is the fun I had in school. I am in regular contact with my closest buds, Bernie, Maplemama, and Jax and that has been one of my greatest joys. But its not just them, its all the nutty stuff we used to do.

These people are responsible for some of my greatest moments. An example is the time that My Christmas tree for our room arrived before the decorations did. Bernie and Maple thought it would be a great idea to decorate it with office and desk supplies. There were paperclip garlands, post it notes, scotch tape ornaments. Somewhere I have pictures that need to be scanned.

Another classic story would be moving Maplemama out of the loser dorm into our room. Now the trick here is to remember we already had 4 people living in a 4 man dorm. MAple made 5. We made our lounge area into a bedroom. It was very funny. It rained. I drove my Hyundai into the quad and loaded all of her belongings and her into it and drove into our own quad and unloaded her.

I still can't believe we lived that way for a year and no one noticed. Seriously.

We had a lot of good times in school and sometimes I miss the fact that the only responsibiliy I had was to me. To get good grades and do well. Now I have tons more responsibility. I love my life, but sometimes I miss the one I had backk then.

There's no going back. The four of us have "grown up" together. Our lives have taken somewhat different paths, but we all managed to keep our friendship alive and fresh.

Now if only they would invent euchre for the computer that can have four different players in different places...... that would be a hoot, but I doubt it let me stack the kitty with 9,10 and queens.......