Saturday, September 02, 2006

We are family.... Current mood: contemplative Category: Life
In honor of labor day.... my mom decided to have some family over. All of my siblings were invited, but only Bud and I were able to make it. Bud brought his fiancee, B and her parents H&F.
H&F are really great. In a really old post I may have casually mentioned that H is relatively close to my age. The reason for this is that B is 24. Bud is 34. Age is not an issue here as she is perfect for him.
So we are 3 weeks to the day of the wedding. Of course, that consumed a lot of the conversation which was fun. Evidently we are getting a party bus and after the wedding is over, we will be getting ON the party bus to do exactly that, party. Sounds like a plan to me.
My outfit is complete, accessories and all. My mom provided the purse and wrap on loan, the shoes I bought and the jewelery was a gift from my mom. And its some seriously beautiful stuff.
B is going to get the perm culr eyelashes that I have. She's doing it this week. she's excited for that. We discussed hair and makeup. All the girl things.
At dinner, which was not really a BBQ because Hurricane Ernesto showed up rather uninvited I might add. So we did an indoor sitdown dinner which was delicious. Everyone was well behaved overall.
In my family, we have a tendancy to do one of several things.
1. we have to know everything about everything.
2. We have to monopolize the conversation
3. We can't be wrong - see number 1.
4. We will pursue something to prove we are right to the detriment of the relationship.
So when I say everyone was well behaved - I am seriously saying that very little of the above went on. Thats a big deal.
My brother and I were raised on number 4 primarily. Anything we read or learned or saw we had to defend to our parents. That meant researching your facts. This is usually a good thing when you are searching for answers to normal situations at school etc. But its filtered into every day life. We both do it, and we both hate it. I have made a lifetime commitment to trying NOT to do anything with the information I naturally go after. I catch people in lies all the time - I don't often call them on it. It depends on the situation and if it impacts me or someone close to me. My brother tends to feel the same way - we don't like this part of us but its there. Its part of what I call boundary-less syndrome.
Imagine "meet the parents". My mom is Barbra Streisand and My step dad is Dustin Hoffman. This is very typical behaviours of my parents. I had to die laughing when I saw that movie and I purposely own it because it reminds me in very positive ways of my parents and their values.
My parents raised us with no intellectual boundaries. We had the normal physical ones, such as no running with scissors - in our house there was no running at all actually. We didn't have curfews, but the deal was my mom always had to know where we were, ,who we were with and what time were we coming home and how were we getting there If any of those things changed, we had to call.
So the lack of intellectual boundaries extended to all of us and it allowed us all to be "researchers" for lack of a better word. I myself research "people" and their motivations and behaviours. My brother does too but has recently turned his "researching" ability towards his business which is very useful for him. I have turned my researching towards my passions, music, History etc. But the old behaviours don't die so hard for any of us.
B is marrying into this family and she hasn't really had an oppurtunity to see it first hand. While this is a good thing, it can raise its ugly head at any time.
So back to our dinner - as we are eating dessert, my mother jumps the boundary nimbly and tells a story that qualifies under the TMI laws of Too Much Information. The topic is not really important for you to know just know that it was more info that any of them wanted to hear, and I myself didn't much care, but I thought it might be wise to mention to my mom that she is over that line that we had discussed and these people don't know us that well..... yet!
This generated some laughter and we were able to move on with the evening.
The point is the value-set that we were raised with was rather progressive for the time. My brother is marrying out of our generation a little bit but the value sets are so similar that it really doesn't matter. She's young, but she's a perfect fit. ( She didn't flinch at the Boundary line faux pas!) I can't wait to see their kids.............