A new size

I bought Clothes online for my trip to FL at the end of the month, one top I was hoping to wear to a party last night.

They were delivered WHILE I was at the party so that required a quick costume change but all looked good in the end.

The cool part is I bought them while thinking I was one size and in reality I was another.

A smaller one.

2 sizes smaller.

We call it a fat brain.

Now bad enough that there is fat on my body but to have a fat brain that isn't even literal is just damn tormenting. Tthat means I have to train myself to look in the mirror and see my body for what it is not what it was or worse what I THINK it is!

Yeah.... Good freaking luck with that one.

But the fact of the matter is - certain clothing items I really needed to get. I didn't own a long sleeve white blouse. Isn't that odd? But I don't think I ever did except in college for choral performances ( I might still have that one which most assuredly is no longer white or my current size!). So I bought a silk chiffon white tuxedo blouse - I could fit myself and my readers into it - so it's going back for the right size. It was advertised with a gorgeous black skirt - that's going back too. Same reason.

The light blue Chiffon blouse I bought in the largest size they had for small people. And that one fit. A full 4 sizes smaller than the tuxedo blouse.

Go figure. Something to do with cut I would imagine - but not enough to warrant 4 sizes.

It was damn encouraging.

I was trying this one AFTER a party of feasting and revelry. I got to sing Anything you can do I can do better, People will say we're in love and Fugue for tin horns from Guys and dolls as nicely nicely johnson. Since it's a man's role, I will probably never have that opp again so I grabbed it and ran. I sang with my two tenor friends and it was a blast!!!! We were a hit with one rehearsal.

Then I went to Weight Watchers this morning.

You won't believe this, but I showed a GAIN of 2lbs!!!! 2 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I lose 2-4 Dress sizes and I gain 2 LB S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that the 2lbs is superficial gain - I just keep chanting that to myself. Because given the fact that I was at a party eating foods I don't normally eat, drinking wine which I don't normally drink and eating a family cherished recipe for Schwarzwald cake, the weight was bound to show up the way it did.

2LBS though. And to top it off, I was forced to fish or cut bait on something I was hoping would just go away. I activated a part of the plan and when the meeting was over, rather than stay and socialize with one of my friends and another person, I decided to leave. I am not going to expend any further energy trying to make this other person like me.

When this started a couple of months ago I got really upset about it. But I noticed that this person would bring subjects up that would not include me in the conversations, she would interrupt me, cut me off and generally only include our mutual friend in conversation. Well hell, I don't need a big sign to tell me that I am not wanted around, so today, though I would love to have stayed and talked with my friend, I decided that I could speak to her during the week and went out to get my lunch. I didn't make a big thing out of it, I didn't storm off and I am not trying to make any kind of point to anyone. But I made the point to myself that I am not going to chase someone down to like me. I am fabulous and like it, don't like it - but don't be exclusionary about it. So no additional energy will be expended there. I will be nice and polite but that's it.

Please don't misunderstand me, she's a fantastic person, bright, funny, driven, energetic. A person that I clearly wanted to be friends with. But alas it is not to be so. A conversation about it would be awkward only because we really aren't friends.... we are somewhere in that no-mans-land between being friends and acquaintances so what would one say? Why are you treating me like a third wheel? No - if we were closer I could bring that to her attention. It's easier to just let it go at this point.

So my voice lesson was great - recital is shaping up now nicely. February 11th 4PM! Directions and an email to be expected shortly!