Switzerland

So since we last spoke - rather - read - 11 days ago my life has gotten pretty interesting.

I have renamed myself "Switzerland" or you can call me Heidi - take your pick.

I want to remind you of a post I submitted back in February about Mothers and Sons. It's fairly self explanatory. But little had changed in the forthcoming months.

Until now. The past 15 days have been good for his mom and I on a medical front. We had been largely in agreement on treatment when my best friend was unable to makke those decisions. Much of the time I was authorized by her to make them without her after awhile as she began to trust me more. It was really encouraging.

Until Day 4-5. He started behaving in a strange and unpredictable fashion after being woken from the 2.5 day heavily sedated sleep. Being there and being privy to it in the first person rattled me immeasurably but I am quite good in a medical crisis that is not my own, and sought out his nurses and got doctors on the floor fairly quickly.

She did not return my calls as promptly as I would have preferred and I was not able at that time, to make decisions for him and he was not capable of doinig it himself.

So I started dialoguing with her on days 5-NOW and the short version is this: Medically we will most likely agree on care. Socially/emotionally/spiritually/psychologically - you are looking at us in agreement about 25% of the time.

Three units later, countless docs - he finally gave the most recent doc, who has been the longest so far at 5 days, releases to speak with me about everything and anything they need and vice versa. I see him for 1 hour sessions 2 times a day. The rest of the time, he is resting and getting better and stronger as we research a new treatment protocol for the chemo.

What I have discovered is, because I am not her favorite person and she has undisclosed issues with me, arguing with her is not a good plan. From the onset, I knew this to be true. So what I have done was converted myself into a sounding board for her when I disagree. I just listen and ask her questions and let her think it all the way to a logical conclusion and then I drop it. When I agree however I vociferously ask lots of questions, propose action plans, get her input on the hows whens and whys and divide up the task list with her at her pleasure to get it done.

She's an unbelievably bright and intellignet person so the last thing I want to do is to alienate her by showing anything that looked like superiority. The bottom line was - I Believed 1-2 days in this particular environment would be beneficial. I believe that 10-14 days would have caused backwards movement in him.

She commented that she thinks I know him better than she does. I tap danced out of that by saying maybe in 1 or 2 things but she is his mother and she has 52 years experience to my 11.

The Point is, When she is barking up the wrong tree, I don't tell her so. I just listen and let her talk it out to a logicial conclusion. When She's right I am her single biggest advocate.

One particular battle we had was on medication. He does not want anything beyond the medical necessity meds ( heparin) and the fluids( .09 Saline and Potassium). There is nothing else medically necessary so they needed to stop pushing it.

The short tail on that is, she felt it was better for him, he didn't and was capable of saying no and was adamant about it, so as far as I was concerned, that was a done deal.

What I did here though was listen, read the websites decribing the drug, interactions and side effects. We agreed that this drug was a poor idea as it was clear they didn't read into the rest of his chart. However she then proceeded to investigate ANOTHER drug that would offer the same relief with different side effects. I just listened and said nothing.

I am neutral.

I am Swiss.

Just call me Heidi!