New Years is a time to wipe the slate clean. All wrongs are righted, all slights forgotten.
Right?
Well even if it's not accurate - I believe that.
With each new year I try to change one thing about me for the better. I try to change one thing about my environment for the better.
This year I bet you all think I am going to say that my personal change is going to be to get to goal weight don't you?
Ha ! Gotcha WRONG.
That's probably going to happen or get close to it, because I am already on that road, comfortably and happily and refuse to put a time limitation on it. If it happens in 2007 - excellent. If it takes me into 2008 so be it. A time limit just adds stresses to the situation and causes setbacks. So no, not this year.
No this year, my goal is to go through my personal inventory of people in my life and keep all those that are good solid healthy relationships or work on a plan to modify the relationship so that it is mutually beneficial to both people or cut that relationship out of my life. With no guilt or anything like that.
Now to be honest I have already started that process. First of all, I am not ruled by pride. I took a lot of time to offer the peace to a dear friend with whom I had a falling out right before my dad died, but I did it. We both know that we are stubborn and we both know we didn't behave admirably but at the end of the day we are good people whose motivations were only for the best, we just acted on them stupidly. hell - we aren't perfect. But we are a road to recovery.
The second thing that I need to do this year is not sweat the small stuff. I have a tendency to grab onto a little thing and roll it, like a downhill snowball, into a huge thing. I tried to exercise this plan this morning in church.
We have a member of our choir who is a cherished person in my life. I have known she and her husband for most of my life. They are brilliant people and valued musicians. But they have had their share of musical trials in terms of post retirement employment. Peg was our interim organist and choir director after my father passed leaving the vacancy. She was not the best at it to be honest and fair, but we love her and we supported her 2000 %. So it was not the huge surprise that my new priest ( with a degree in music prior to seminary) asked for her resignation in his first year. He hired another choir director organist. Peg decided that she would remain at St Judes and sing in the choir as this was now her spiritual home. We were delighted but knew the transition would be tough on her. Now sitting firmly in Soprano 2 section of our choir, she creates her own descants on every hymn at will whenever the mood strikes her. This makes me crazy. Unless our director tells us to do that, I don't think we should be just arbitrarily creating things on the fly - what if the whole choir did that? There would be no melody and other than the words, no one would have recognized O come all ye faithful or any other hymn!
Today I chose to practice some anger management techniques with this one. yes it drives me crazy, but if it makes her feel more important to do that, after all she's been through ( that's not the first church to let them go by the way), isn't it worth it to keep her a little bit happy? She's an amazingly wonderful albeit quirky person, so is this really important? Is it going to really alter my day? NO. So I had to let it go.
A stupid story, but it begs the point about me holding on to things that do not matter in the grand scheme of things.
So I am working on letting the little things go. Some little things can't be let go because they create a precedent which isn't right either, or that little thing can rapidly snowball into a big thing if not reacted to quickly. The trick for me is to know which is which. this year I reacted ( or overreacted in many cases ) to everything to make sure that nothing slipped by. that really wasn't the best plan. So this year I am going to pick the battles differently. Perhaps with more wisdom. I may not react at all immediately I may just wait on it, think on it and pray on it.
This year is also about getting my allergies and immune system tanked up again. It's important for me overall but I have a ulterior motive in my singing. So - weight loss certainly plays a part as does exercise and intelligent food choices. Regulating meds and what not. I know what to do an I certainly just have to keep doing it and keep reading on it.
So this year the three important things that I resolving to are:
1. Review and restore / recycle the relationships in my life
2. Don't sweat the small stuff
3. Get Immune system pumped up.
Happy New year to my oldest, bestest friends Lena, Maple Mama, Bernie, Jax, Jenna - I Loev you all!
Happy New Year to my newer friends - Post-Doc, Jules, Lori, Val....
"Make new friends but keep the old, one Silver and the other Gold"
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 30, 2006
A true holiday miracle
I got a call today from the father of one of my students.
I missed their lesson this week to unforeseeable circumstances. It turned out to be the best thing for all.
Their home burned the ground on Tuesday.
They lost literally everything but what they were wearing.
I love this family dearly. They are just fabulous people. Gorgeous home, not pretentious by any means. Well behaved kids and good family values. I so enjoy going there and spending time teaching the daughter and once in awhile I get to enjoy a glass of wine with parents.
So when they called me and told me what happened today, I was in such shock, literally, that I couldn't even speak. Then I was afraid to because I thought I would cry.
What most amazed me, though really it shouldn't, is the positive attitude that this father had. He was just sure everything was going to come up roses for them. He wants to make sure that his Little girl continues the music lessons and they will be in a rental home shortly and will let me know where that is for the interim while they re-build.
I'm so stunned. I immediately offered the support of Kiwanis and I will get more details down stream as soon as I know what more they need.
Kenny, the father, told me that he got the best gift this year.
His family, safe and sound.
That is a holiday miracle for me.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Some personal revelations
I spent today in bed. Most of it at any rate. I slept a lot, returned phone calls, watched movies, drank hot cocoa with marshmallows.
Now, unless you count Marshmallows as a food group ( and until tonight I was) I had eaten absolutely no solid food today and didn't even miss it.
Life is strange like that.
I got myself up and went to teach my kids and then headed over to a memorial service that I was singing for. I had a slight headache but didn't attribute it to anything other than my cold.
insert mental Headslap here.
I felt flu-like symptoms throughout the entire service. I couldn't get into any of the tunes we were singing. We did a lot of Golden Oldies. It was a Presbyterian memorial service for a woman who died suddenly in an accident. The service was something like this:
Niece of deceased sings Amazing Grace ( no opinion)
Choir Sings "I come to the Garden alone" which for all the rest of us who don't know better ( myself included) has the refrain "And he walks with me and he talks with me....."
Minister says some words
choir sings "Abide with me"
Minister says some scripture lessons
Family and Friends insert their joys and memories here ( some nice letters and poetry were read- she was a well loved person)
Choir sings "Just as I am"
Closing prayers and the Lords prayer
Choir sings "The old rugged cross" which other than time-life commercials on PAX TV I have never actually heard before.
I should add here that we weren't using hymnals for these hymns an I have to tell you that having only the words in front of me is crippling to me. It's like asking someone to read Braille but it wasn't written correctly. Something was missing.
it was a lovely ceremony really. But I felt awful throughout the entire thing.
I hadn't eaten. Afterwards a couple of us went to the diner and had a late dinner. Honestly, I felt like that Campbell's soup commercial with the snowman that defrosts into a child. My Bacon Cheeseburger with fries and an unsweetened iced tea brought me right back almost immediately. I haven't had a cheeseburger in forever.
I feel sooooo good right now. I came home to practice because I have a lesson tomorrow, a recital in 6 weeks and a performance with a duet and a solo in 2 weeks that I am not at all ready for. I worked on it using my handy dandy new digital recorder.
You know what I discovered?
I hate my voice on tape - digital or any other kind! But it's an awesome practice tool so I really just need to get over it.
So I will have start eating like a normal person again. I feel better when I do and I have a lot of singing work to get going on with a lot of singing engagements coming up so I'd better get a grip on my voice on tape! I love my recorder though - it's small and perfect and easy. I LOVE it.
These are my personal revelations.
Stay tuned for my new years resolutions.
Now, unless you count Marshmallows as a food group ( and until tonight I was) I had eaten absolutely no solid food today and didn't even miss it.
Life is strange like that.
I got myself up and went to teach my kids and then headed over to a memorial service that I was singing for. I had a slight headache but didn't attribute it to anything other than my cold.
insert mental Headslap here.
I felt flu-like symptoms throughout the entire service. I couldn't get into any of the tunes we were singing. We did a lot of Golden Oldies. It was a Presbyterian memorial service for a woman who died suddenly in an accident. The service was something like this:
Niece of deceased sings Amazing Grace ( no opinion)
Choir Sings "I come to the Garden alone" which for all the rest of us who don't know better ( myself included) has the refrain "And he walks with me and he talks with me....."
Minister says some words
choir sings "Abide with me"
Minister says some scripture lessons
Family and Friends insert their joys and memories here ( some nice letters and poetry were read- she was a well loved person)
Choir sings "Just as I am"
Closing prayers and the Lords prayer
Choir sings "The old rugged cross" which other than time-life commercials on PAX TV I have never actually heard before.
I should add here that we weren't using hymnals for these hymns an I have to tell you that having only the words in front of me is crippling to me. It's like asking someone to read Braille but it wasn't written correctly. Something was missing.
it was a lovely ceremony really. But I felt awful throughout the entire thing.
I hadn't eaten. Afterwards a couple of us went to the diner and had a late dinner. Honestly, I felt like that Campbell's soup commercial with the snowman that defrosts into a child. My Bacon Cheeseburger with fries and an unsweetened iced tea brought me right back almost immediately. I haven't had a cheeseburger in forever.
I feel sooooo good right now. I came home to practice because I have a lesson tomorrow, a recital in 6 weeks and a performance with a duet and a solo in 2 weeks that I am not at all ready for. I worked on it using my handy dandy new digital recorder.
You know what I discovered?
I hate my voice on tape - digital or any other kind! But it's an awesome practice tool so I really just need to get over it.
So I will have start eating like a normal person again. I feel better when I do and I have a lot of singing work to get going on with a lot of singing engagements coming up so I'd better get a grip on my voice on tape! I love my recorder though - it's small and perfect and easy. I LOVE it.
These are my personal revelations.
Stay tuned for my new years resolutions.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
A visit an discussion of schools
" Did you know the post road is backed up to one lane" My friend asked at 9:45AM
"nope, I'm still in bed" I replied - thankful to be there.
"well I know another route so I'll still be there by noon-ish." she said
" OK call if you get lost" I said and dozed back off
My Friend from New England ( the really SOUTHERN part) was on her way to see my "not so new" home. And Bringing a toy to test drive with my cats. They are so spoiled those boys.
She got here, I gave her the tour including the the horrible GRAY bathroom, the bedroom that charms me to know end and my Living room with my new tree!
We had some tea and tortured my cat with a remote control mouse. He finally got tired of chasing it and picked it up in his mouth and carried it around. He's such a brute!
Then we went to a local Hibachi style Japanese restaurant that I LOVE. We had a great time. She didn't stay for long, but I showed her around town and some of the historical buildings and odd things that make up the town that I lived in. The fiber of the town if you will. I have lived in this town on and off for most of my life and I can say with certainty that, other than a major city, there isn't a town in suburbia quite like this one.
When I call it a melting pot, that would be an understatement. We are a community that celebrates Christmas and Hanukkah, but also boxing day and Three Kings day ( known in the US as epiphany) just to name a few. The PR day parade is not just limited to NYC either. We have one here. We have a large Hispanic, black and Caribbean culture in this town. I am the minority.
We have so many varying degrees of income here too across all cultural sections. From the very wealthy ( less than 5%) to the average ( about 70 %) to the impoverished ( less than 5%) and then we have the odd thing, 20% of the school taxes are based on kids that do not live in the community and attend our schools il-legally for lack of a better word. They attend our schools by putting an address down that's valid and then having someone pick them up and drop them off at that address or they take the train in.
The reasons are somewhat valid although I can say for sure that I do not agree with them. Most of us in town don't as a matter of fact. Our school system provides a Bi-lingual Kindergarten. Which I think is very important and a stroke of brilliance. What a great way to help these children integrate into a new life in a new country. But it doesn't end there. Our schools offer the full curriculum up to graduation in the alternate language. Here is where I disagree. It pigeon-holes kids so they have no opportunity to improve their language skills and go on to college and have a career that might give them a better life. I really have an issue with a school district that segregates kids and the programs that they initiate are actually fostering the segregation than tearing it down.
Additionally our district belongs to the un-official program "no child left behind". No funding for this program, a great idea in theory, but when you can't even clearly identify the children that actually live in the district versus those are attending subversively there really isn't a way to get this program off the ground. This program makes sure that no child gets left back. It's largely based on the standardized tests for the State. I don't understand how you can take a bell curve and skew it so that all children fall into the same categories. I am no statistician ( ask anyone!) but something seems rotten in Denmark. I love the idea but I don't think my district's execution is truly benefitting the children.
Part of the "busing in the bad element" issue has been corrected. Now the HS in the town directly north of us has re-opened and that is supposed to relieve us of some of the "bad element" that was coming from the Corridor. I do have to say that either I have learned to turn a blind eye ( which I doubt) or else I really don't see that element here like I did in the past. There was always a concern as the corridor is not that far away and it can always seep back in if we aren't vigilant but I do happen to know that most parents are crazy vigilant about those elements and education about that kind of element and dare I use the word (shhh we don't speak the names aloud) is happening in the home now. Most importantly the signs of that kind of activity have gone by the way side. I simply don't see it like I did in my childhood. I am ever vigilant as a precaution but it's really improved.
Due to the major cultural diversity here, we get school grants way above and beyond what most districts get and slowly our schools are improving. But I don't see any effort being made to make life for the children easier from an integration standpoint. I did see a major renovation done to the school administration building. it's gorgeous. and if 10 kids per year grace it's doorstep I would be shocked. To be fair to those folks who work there that place was run down when my dad had his office there 25 years ago - so it was overdue but still not to the degree it was done. Italian marble? I have to be seriously concerned at what they are using that money for. I do realize that you have to use it up to get more. But like that????
We give speeches to the student bodies now in two languages in the High School. Most recently for a scholarship. If you want to be fair about it - it's necessary but I don't think that we should make things this easy. Yes I think a translator is neccessary for anything involving the parents, but just the kids? No. I think that we do them a dis-service at learning the language side by side with what's spoken at home if we use translators in every day life.
In my tour around town with my friend today, we talked about this. In her sleepy New England town ( near Martha Stewart by the way), this kind of thing doesn't go on. But in the town where she grew up and lived until 7 years ago it still happens to this day. She has the same feelings that I do and commented that my town looked very similar to that one. She also mentioned that by busing kids in and having those kids subversively brought in, their parents are trying to pave the way for a better life for them.
On the one hand I agree with her, but on the other hand I beg the question - at whose expense? I have no problem paying tax money to help my community educate the children. I have no problem donating additional time and money to help kids who have a need. Hell, I am Kiwanian - that's what we DO. Our goal is to help the children of the world one child at a time. But I think people who are taking advantage of the system are really putting a lot of additional pressure on the economy of this incorporated village and the grant money that we get does get chewed up much faster than I think it aught to.
Most of my friends with kids send them to catholic school in the next town after kindergarten. That to me speaks louder than anything else. I want to see this district improve so that our parents are comfortable sending their kids here. I want to see the kids that need help learning english get that assistance and I want to see this community work together to bridge over these gaps. Education-wise, while we have the right idea, we have the wrong execution and while it makes things easier for the ids NOW, they pay in the long run. Community-wise, our kids are paying dearly for being bused in and out, snuck in and out via train or what have you. They don't get to participate in their community, they don't get to be in after school activities and they are leading separate lives - one home life and one school life with no bridge between.
It was a fun visit. We had a great time. Our chat's really brought this particular issue to light for me in a very specific relief. It's tough to be an educator AND a tax payer at the same time.
But it made me really think about these situations and the ramifications of them.
"nope, I'm still in bed" I replied - thankful to be there.
"well I know another route so I'll still be there by noon-ish." she said
" OK call if you get lost" I said and dozed back off
My Friend from New England ( the really SOUTHERN part) was on her way to see my "not so new" home. And Bringing a toy to test drive with my cats. They are so spoiled those boys.
She got here, I gave her the tour including the the horrible GRAY bathroom, the bedroom that charms me to know end and my Living room with my new tree!
We had some tea and tortured my cat with a remote control mouse. He finally got tired of chasing it and picked it up in his mouth and carried it around. He's such a brute!
Then we went to a local Hibachi style Japanese restaurant that I LOVE. We had a great time. She didn't stay for long, but I showed her around town and some of the historical buildings and odd things that make up the town that I lived in. The fiber of the town if you will. I have lived in this town on and off for most of my life and I can say with certainty that, other than a major city, there isn't a town in suburbia quite like this one.
When I call it a melting pot, that would be an understatement. We are a community that celebrates Christmas and Hanukkah, but also boxing day and Three Kings day ( known in the US as epiphany) just to name a few. The PR day parade is not just limited to NYC either. We have one here. We have a large Hispanic, black and Caribbean culture in this town. I am the minority.
We have so many varying degrees of income here too across all cultural sections. From the very wealthy ( less than 5%) to the average ( about 70 %) to the impoverished ( less than 5%) and then we have the odd thing, 20% of the school taxes are based on kids that do not live in the community and attend our schools il-legally for lack of a better word. They attend our schools by putting an address down that's valid and then having someone pick them up and drop them off at that address or they take the train in.
The reasons are somewhat valid although I can say for sure that I do not agree with them. Most of us in town don't as a matter of fact. Our school system provides a Bi-lingual Kindergarten. Which I think is very important and a stroke of brilliance. What a great way to help these children integrate into a new life in a new country. But it doesn't end there. Our schools offer the full curriculum up to graduation in the alternate language. Here is where I disagree. It pigeon-holes kids so they have no opportunity to improve their language skills and go on to college and have a career that might give them a better life. I really have an issue with a school district that segregates kids and the programs that they initiate are actually fostering the segregation than tearing it down.
Additionally our district belongs to the un-official program "no child left behind". No funding for this program, a great idea in theory, but when you can't even clearly identify the children that actually live in the district versus those are attending subversively there really isn't a way to get this program off the ground. This program makes sure that no child gets left back. It's largely based on the standardized tests for the State. I don't understand how you can take a bell curve and skew it so that all children fall into the same categories. I am no statistician ( ask anyone!) but something seems rotten in Denmark. I love the idea but I don't think my district's execution is truly benefitting the children.
Part of the "busing in the bad element" issue has been corrected. Now the HS in the town directly north of us has re-opened and that is supposed to relieve us of some of the "bad element" that was coming from the Corridor. I do have to say that either I have learned to turn a blind eye ( which I doubt) or else I really don't see that element here like I did in the past. There was always a concern as the corridor is not that far away and it can always seep back in if we aren't vigilant but I do happen to know that most parents are crazy vigilant about those elements and education about that kind of element and dare I use the word
Due to the major cultural diversity here, we get school grants way above and beyond what most districts get and slowly our schools are improving. But I don't see any effort being made to make life for the children easier from an integration standpoint. I did see a major renovation done to the school administration building. it's gorgeous. and if 10 kids per year grace it's doorstep I would be shocked. To be fair to those folks who work there that place was run down when my dad had his office there 25 years ago - so it was overdue but still not to the degree it was done. Italian marble? I have to be seriously concerned at what they are using that money for. I do realize that you have to use it up to get more. But like that????
We give speeches to the student bodies now in two languages in the High School. Most recently for a scholarship. If you want to be fair about it - it's necessary but I don't think that we should make things this easy. Yes I think a translator is neccessary for anything involving the parents, but just the kids? No. I think that we do them a dis-service at learning the language side by side with what's spoken at home if we use translators in every day life.
In my tour around town with my friend today, we talked about this. In her sleepy New England town ( near Martha Stewart by the way), this kind of thing doesn't go on. But in the town where she grew up and lived until 7 years ago it still happens to this day. She has the same feelings that I do and commented that my town looked very similar to that one. She also mentioned that by busing kids in and having those kids subversively brought in, their parents are trying to pave the way for a better life for them.
On the one hand I agree with her, but on the other hand I beg the question - at whose expense? I have no problem paying tax money to help my community educate the children. I have no problem donating additional time and money to help kids who have a need. Hell, I am Kiwanian - that's what we DO. Our goal is to help the children of the world one child at a time. But I think people who are taking advantage of the system are really putting a lot of additional pressure on the economy of this incorporated village and the grant money that we get does get chewed up much faster than I think it aught to.
Most of my friends with kids send them to catholic school in the next town after kindergarten. That to me speaks louder than anything else. I want to see this district improve so that our parents are comfortable sending their kids here. I want to see the kids that need help learning english get that assistance and I want to see this community work together to bridge over these gaps. Education-wise, while we have the right idea, we have the wrong execution and while it makes things easier for the ids NOW, they pay in the long run. Community-wise, our kids are paying dearly for being bused in and out, snuck in and out via train or what have you. They don't get to participate in their community, they don't get to be in after school activities and they are leading separate lives - one home life and one school life with no bridge between.
It was a fun visit. We had a great time. Our chat's really brought this particular issue to light for me in a very specific relief. It's tough to be an educator AND a tax payer at the same time.
But it made me really think about these situations and the ramifications of them.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
The most wonderful day of the year
"But I'm exhausted!" I whined.
I had a total of 6 services to sing for church in 26 hours. I was wiped out.
I actually took two naps on Christmas eve to get me through. I took one on Christmas day.
Christmas eve was amazing though. Better than ever. Better than I even imagined it would be.
"will you forgive a stubborn German?" I asked
"Only if you forgive this stubborn Git." She replied.
she thanked me for calling her and bridging the gap. She said it meant a lot. We'll be in touch after the holiday.
I felt fantastic. I was as high as a kite. I am barely down on earth now.
Then came Christmas day. We went to my brothers and he had a huge crowd there - it was largely family. It was wonderful. Mari was there with Will and the kids , Al and Matt. Al is at that wonderful age where everything is charming and fun and he loves to give kisses and hugs and he laughs at everything. We had so much fun with him - I adore that kid! largely because he liked my cookies that I made for my brother.
We had so much fun - the food was wonderful, the company was fantastic, the presents were a blast! My brother got me a digital recorder with software and everything just so I could practice my singing! I did put it on my list - but the one I got was far better than I expected and it is fantastic!
Mostly what this holiday did for me was that I had two major reunions with old friends that I missed dearly. I initiated one and D initiated the other. It was a uniquely special year for me. I wish they could all be that way.
The best gift, aside form my new niece, was a flock of ducks by Heifer Int'l donated in my name by MiniMaple. His new word is Ducky and I LOVE that. Maple mama has the most creative gifts. When my dad died, Maplemama sent me a Japanese red maple. So the FLock of ducks was not only not a surprise but a treasured gift from my little buddy, Minimaple.
This was one of the best holidays I can remember. My brother put a good day together at his home and I loved spending time there. I spent some time with my vocal coach and his family. I spent time with two of my dearest friends. I can't even imagine what else could be better?
I had a total of 6 services to sing for church in 26 hours. I was wiped out.
I actually took two naps on Christmas eve to get me through. I took one on Christmas day.
Christmas eve was amazing though. Better than ever. Better than I even imagined it would be.
"will you forgive a stubborn German?" I asked
"Only if you forgive this stubborn Git." She replied.
she thanked me for calling her and bridging the gap. She said it meant a lot. We'll be in touch after the holiday.
I felt fantastic. I was as high as a kite. I am barely down on earth now.
Then came Christmas day. We went to my brothers and he had a huge crowd there - it was largely family. It was wonderful. Mari was there with Will and the kids , Al and Matt. Al is at that wonderful age where everything is charming and fun and he loves to give kisses and hugs and he laughs at everything. We had so much fun with him - I adore that kid! largely because he liked my cookies that I made for my brother.
We had so much fun - the food was wonderful, the company was fantastic, the presents were a blast! My brother got me a digital recorder with software and everything just so I could practice my singing! I did put it on my list - but the one I got was far better than I expected and it is fantastic!
Mostly what this holiday did for me was that I had two major reunions with old friends that I missed dearly. I initiated one and D initiated the other. It was a uniquely special year for me. I wish they could all be that way.
The best gift, aside form my new niece, was a flock of ducks by Heifer Int'l donated in my name by MiniMaple. His new word is Ducky and I LOVE that. Maple mama has the most creative gifts. When my dad died, Maplemama sent me a Japanese red maple. So the FLock of ducks was not only not a surprise but a treasured gift from my little buddy, Minimaple.
This was one of the best holidays I can remember. My brother put a good day together at his home and I loved spending time there. I spent some time with my vocal coach and his family. I spent time with two of my dearest friends. I can't even imagine what else could be better?
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Christmas Lawn Ornaments
"OH my God. What a train wreck!" I say as I round the corner of Hunter Avenue in the town I grew up in.
I HATE lawn Ornaments.
I look at the split level dark brown shingled ranch on the corner. Not a square inch of lawn is available.
There are lit up soldiers along the walkway.
A white lit up sleigh with a single reindeer
A snowglobe
there are candy cane lights strung around the yard.
A large bear in a Santa hat
more lit up reindeer
A large plastic santa
A large plastice snowman
Some Dickens Carolers from the days of yore ( LITERALLY).
the house was fascinating in it's awfulness. A little bit comforting too.... but largely facsinating.
My best friends parent's home has not changed much ever. Nor have they. Her mom answered the door - she looks the same and wonderful. Her dad gave me a big bear hug while he took a break from his video game with his grandson.
D looks fantastic. I haven't seen her 4 years. Since her littlest girl was in a carrier. Aimee is 6 now and quite the little girl. Mary is 10 and gorgeous. A bit of a tom boy. But remembered why I was funny and nice which was cool.
Chris looks the same and he and D make me laugh with their parenting. They are super at it. But so much themselves. It was as if no time had passed. literally. We caught up in the kitchen in the banquet which we both agreed had to go. We sat their picking on leftovers from Christmas dinner and drinking water and sodas and whatever was left around. I looked Aimee's drawings and Mary's stuffed animals. I laughed at chris' forcing the girls to go to bed and then needing Mary to get up and help him get out of his video game because he couldn't figure it out.
I laughed at D's parents going to bed while we were still sitting there yapping - every Christmas of our lives has gone like that and many many many other kinds of non event days.
I left at 11 and drove home exhausted. But happy. D and I had a good time.
I HATE lawn Ornaments.
I look at the split level dark brown shingled ranch on the corner. Not a square inch of lawn is available.
There are lit up soldiers along the walkway.
A white lit up sleigh with a single reindeer
A snowglobe
there are candy cane lights strung around the yard.
A large bear in a Santa hat
more lit up reindeer
A large plastic santa
A large plastice snowman
Some Dickens Carolers from the days of yore ( LITERALLY).
the house was fascinating in it's awfulness. A little bit comforting too.... but largely facsinating.
My best friends parent's home has not changed much ever. Nor have they. Her mom answered the door - she looks the same and wonderful. Her dad gave me a big bear hug while he took a break from his video game with his grandson.
D looks fantastic. I haven't seen her 4 years. Since her littlest girl was in a carrier. Aimee is 6 now and quite the little girl. Mary is 10 and gorgeous. A bit of a tom boy. But remembered why I was funny and nice which was cool.
Chris looks the same and he and D make me laugh with their parenting. They are super at it. But so much themselves. It was as if no time had passed. literally. We caught up in the kitchen in the banquet which we both agreed had to go. We sat their picking on leftovers from Christmas dinner and drinking water and sodas and whatever was left around. I looked Aimee's drawings and Mary's stuffed animals. I laughed at chris' forcing the girls to go to bed and then needing Mary to get up and help him get out of his video game because he couldn't figure it out.
I laughed at D's parents going to bed while we were still sitting there yapping - every Christmas of our lives has gone like that and many many many other kinds of non event days.
I left at 11 and drove home exhausted. But happy. D and I had a good time.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Aunts and Santa
"I'm an Auntie!" I cried to no one in particular.
I was in the car at the time and had just hung up with my step-father who announced that he was a grandpa again.
Only this time it will be different.
This kid will see us and know us and call us "Aunt" or "Grandma" or "Nana" or whatever it is they choose.
My youngest brother is the nicest sweetest boy in the world. Well, Man I guess now. Hard to imagine him old enough to have kids, but the boy is a dad now. He has a beautiful little girl named Anna Guilianna. After both grandmothers.
I love her already and am so thrilled that my sister-in-law didn't have a C-section but delivered naturally and both mama and baby are doing well!
So I am an Auntie and I cried tears of happiness and joy on my way home. Her birthday is today. Happy Birthday Anna!
On Santa.
I had to call Santa today to put someone on the Naughty list. For poor listening skills and temper tantrums.
She wasn't listening to her mother at all. Or me - or anyone for that matter. She wanted to sing a Christmas song for me, but was not allowed because she was told several times not to touch somethings in the house and she continued to touch them. That generated a full out tantrum on the floor with crying, screaming, kicking and both her mom and I ignoring. Until she took it too far. Her mom suggested I call Santa, so I picked up the phone and called my answering machine and left a full blown, one-sided conversation with First Mrs Claus and second Santa himself.
In the middle of this, she sat up looked at me and said she was crying because she missed her boyfriend ( she's 4 - has a more active love life than I do.) which was hilarious as his name hasn't been mentioned in 2 weeks easily. Then she ran out of the room and yelled that now she was mad at ME. ha - like I care. It's going to be short lived any way.
so I wrap the conversation with my answering machine. She's in the other room now, quiet. Her mom looks at me and says "Your good!".
"My mom didn't call me Sarah Heartburn for nothing!" I said.
The munchkin makes her way back into the room and we play with her Carebear for a few minutes. Then She is told to turn down her bed. She starts in with getting fresh again. So we pretended that the Carebear went home with me ( it's in a kitchen cabinet incidentally).
She did let me put her to bed and asked me to read her a story so the sweet little girl I know did finally come around.
But I will tell you - her mom has a halo and wings and an express ticket to heaven because this is a more common experience than I knew. Her kids are wonderful though and the history proves that they grow out of this.
she still deserves that express ticket and to be thin, young,. beautiful and eat whatever she wants forever as far as I am concerned!
My machine cracked me up to no end when I got home though. I almost wish I could save it.
I was in the car at the time and had just hung up with my step-father who announced that he was a grandpa again.
Only this time it will be different.
This kid will see us and know us and call us "Aunt" or "Grandma" or "Nana" or whatever it is they choose.
My youngest brother is the nicest sweetest boy in the world. Well, Man I guess now. Hard to imagine him old enough to have kids, but the boy is a dad now. He has a beautiful little girl named Anna Guilianna. After both grandmothers.
I love her already and am so thrilled that my sister-in-law didn't have a C-section but delivered naturally and both mama and baby are doing well!
So I am an Auntie and I cried tears of happiness and joy on my way home. Her birthday is today. Happy Birthday Anna!
On Santa.
I had to call Santa today to put someone on the Naughty list. For poor listening skills and temper tantrums.
She wasn't listening to her mother at all. Or me - or anyone for that matter. She wanted to sing a Christmas song for me, but was not allowed because she was told several times not to touch somethings in the house and she continued to touch them. That generated a full out tantrum on the floor with crying, screaming, kicking and both her mom and I ignoring. Until she took it too far. Her mom suggested I call Santa, so I picked up the phone and called my answering machine and left a full blown, one-sided conversation with First Mrs Claus and second Santa himself.
In the middle of this, she sat up looked at me and said she was crying because she missed her boyfriend ( she's 4 - has a more active love life than I do.) which was hilarious as his name hasn't been mentioned in 2 weeks easily. Then she ran out of the room and yelled that now she was mad at ME. ha - like I care. It's going to be short lived any way.
so I wrap the conversation with my answering machine. She's in the other room now, quiet. Her mom looks at me and says "Your good!".
"My mom didn't call me Sarah Heartburn for nothing!" I said.
The munchkin makes her way back into the room and we play with her Carebear for a few minutes. Then She is told to turn down her bed. She starts in with getting fresh again. So we pretended that the Carebear went home with me ( it's in a kitchen cabinet incidentally).
She did let me put her to bed and asked me to read her a story so the sweet little girl I know did finally come around.
But I will tell you - her mom has a halo and wings and an express ticket to heaven because this is a more common experience than I knew. Her kids are wonderful though and the history proves that they grow out of this.
she still deserves that express ticket and to be thin, young,. beautiful and eat whatever she wants forever as far as I am concerned!
My machine cracked me up to no end when I got home though. I almost wish I could save it.
Make the Yuletide gay
I had a party this evening at Jenna's house.
I have been looking forward to this night for a month.
Yesterday at 4:29 I realized that I had not reserved my normal grocery delivery time and in a blind panic went online and reserved the very next window available which was 3:30 - 7.
This is bad. Normally I am 11:30-3, and that error screwed up my time mgmt for the entire day.
On top of which my entire team left at 2 and no one freaking told me.
So I look at the web site and they have updated my window for grocery delivery to 3:48-5:48.
Now Murphy's law has clearly shown us that there is no way in blue hell my groceries will be here at 3:48 right? Correct. they arrived at 5:15.
To counteract this, I showered early and got my hot rollers heating up. I laid my out fit out and made sure that all the things that needed to go with me were packed up.
Then I set about to baking and putting away groceries at the same time. No easy feat as the cupcakes I was baking were baking faster than the 20 minutes prescribed and the next batch SLOWER. Make me nuts. I finally get them out and they are supposed to be red velvet cake but sadly they look like a darker pepto bismol color. The easter bunny has the wrong season.
So while they cool I put most of the groceries away - the perishables. Then I set about to making the frosting. this looked like St Patrick's day in the wrong season again.I KNEW I should have tested these first!
Lots of compliments but now I am so rushed and tired that I am not going to enjoy myself. NO. THat's not the attitude!!!! YOu have been wanting this for over a month!
So I smiled to myself - set my hair in rollers and set about making the icing. I finished up in wondeful time, I was tired, but pressed on.
I got to Jenna's and spent a wonderful few moments with Judy he daughter. She was ready for bed, but "Santa" ( Chris ) was coming to the party. We were trying to keep her up for that. She was wearing her snowflake hat and Pj's and looked like such a cute Munchkin. She showed me her newly pierced ears ( she's 3 and a half) and then I made the mistake of picking her up. She went to sleep in my arms. So cute though.
Pam took her from me and put her in her bed. Then we started putting some of the food out. People were starting to arrive. It was a great party and a good night overall.
I drove home and dwhen I walked in I realized my first mistake. I didn't put away all the food.
I left two bags of Marshmallows out and one was on the floor, opened and a stray marshmallow under the dining room table. CATS!!! and I know who the mastermind on this one was too!
Wolfi.
I have been looking forward to this night for a month.
Yesterday at 4:29 I realized that I had not reserved my normal grocery delivery time and in a blind panic went online and reserved the very next window available which was 3:30 - 7.
This is bad. Normally I am 11:30-3, and that error screwed up my time mgmt for the entire day.
On top of which my entire team left at 2 and no one freaking told me.
So I look at the web site and they have updated my window for grocery delivery to 3:48-5:48.
Now Murphy's law has clearly shown us that there is no way in blue hell my groceries will be here at 3:48 right? Correct. they arrived at 5:15.
To counteract this, I showered early and got my hot rollers heating up. I laid my out fit out and made sure that all the things that needed to go with me were packed up.
Then I set about to baking and putting away groceries at the same time. No easy feat as the cupcakes I was baking were baking faster than the 20 minutes prescribed and the next batch SLOWER. Make me nuts. I finally get them out and they are supposed to be red velvet cake but sadly they look like a darker pepto bismol color. The easter bunny has the wrong season.
So while they cool I put most of the groceries away - the perishables. Then I set about to making the frosting. this looked like St Patrick's day in the wrong season again.
Lots of compliments but now I am so rushed and tired that I am not going to enjoy myself. NO. THat's not the attitude!!!! YOu have been wanting this for over a month!
So I smiled to myself - set my hair in rollers and set about making the icing. I finished up in wondeful time, I was tired, but pressed on.
I got to Jenna's and spent a wonderful few moments with Judy he daughter. She was ready for bed, but "Santa" ( Chris ) was coming to the party. We were trying to keep her up for that. She was wearing her snowflake hat and Pj's and looked like such a cute Munchkin. She showed me her newly pierced ears ( she's 3 and a half) and then I made the mistake of picking her up. She went to sleep in my arms. So cute though.
Pam took her from me and put her in her bed. Then we started putting some of the food out. People were starting to arrive. It was a great party and a good night overall.
I drove home and dwhen I walked in I realized my first mistake. I didn't put away all the food.
I left two bags of Marshmallows out and one was on the floor, opened and a stray marshmallow under the dining room table. CATS!!! and I know who the mastermind on this one was too!
Wolfi.
Friday, December 22, 2006
I am NOT a morning person
But today I am.
in fact - this is the second time this week.
I woke up at 7AM ( unheard of unless I have to go to my offices) and heard the school buses picking up children for their last day of school before the Holiday break and the garbage trucks doing their job.
And a funny memory came to me.
My younger brother used to wake up early as a little kid and rush to the living room in our parents home the minute he heard them start up our street. He would kneel on the couch and look out the drapes surrounding the picture window eagerly.
No Not for Santa.
For the Garbage Men.
He wanted to be one when he was that age. ( 3 or 4 at the oldest).
I woke up with that memory and woke up literally laughing and smiling. What a hoot.
Then I wrote a note to a friend of the family in Paris France. I wrote as much of it in French as I Could on the little bit of caffeine I had in me.
Then he called me back!!!! I wasn't expecting that - I figured a note in french that I could sit with my dictionary and translate - but no I got a phone call!!!! It was so wonderful to hear from him. I can't believe he has sons old enough to WORK. Wow. What a wonderful surprise this morning!
I was able to get some things done this morning in the peace and quiet. I started my laundry , Maria is here now cleaning the house for me. I had my pumpkin spice coffee ( a gift from a kidlette) as my breakfast.
all this was before 9AM. Something unheard of at this time of year for me.
Today is my last day of work until 2007. I am looking forward to visiting with friends and spending time with my family and just being lazy in my own home, napping and having a PJ day.
I wrapped some gifts this morning also. I still have to fold and put away the laundry that just finished.
I have a party tonight and I still have to bake for it. This has turned out to be a great day!
in fact - this is the second time this week.
I woke up at 7AM ( unheard of unless I have to go to my offices) and heard the school buses picking up children for their last day of school before the Holiday break and the garbage trucks doing their job.
And a funny memory came to me.
My younger brother used to wake up early as a little kid and rush to the living room in our parents home the minute he heard them start up our street. He would kneel on the couch and look out the drapes surrounding the picture window eagerly.
No Not for Santa.
For the Garbage Men.
He wanted to be one when he was that age. ( 3 or 4 at the oldest).
I woke up with that memory and woke up literally laughing and smiling. What a hoot.
Then I wrote a note to a friend of the family in Paris France. I wrote as much of it in French as I Could on the little bit of caffeine I had in me.
Then he called me back!!!! I wasn't expecting that - I figured a note in french that I could sit with my dictionary and translate - but no I got a phone call!!!! It was so wonderful to hear from him. I can't believe he has sons old enough to WORK. Wow. What a wonderful surprise this morning!
I was able to get some things done this morning in the peace and quiet. I started my laundry , Maria is here now cleaning the house for me. I had my pumpkin spice coffee ( a gift from a kidlette) as my breakfast.
all this was before 9AM. Something unheard of at this time of year for me.
Today is my last day of work until 2007. I am looking forward to visiting with friends and spending time with my family and just being lazy in my own home, napping and having a PJ day.
I wrapped some gifts this morning also. I still have to fold and put away the laundry that just finished.
I have a party tonight and I still have to bake for it. This has turned out to be a great day!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Reflections
"I love my life" I thought.
I don't want for much. In truth I have everything I NEED.
I have done a lot of reflecting and a lot of growth ( not literally thank god) this year.
I had to laugh when I think about the fact that Bernie's World Podcast did a segment on "When did I get so old". I think that all the time to be honest.
I miss the portion of my life when my friends were getting married and having kids, and although some still are, the vast majority of us are dealing with deaths and divorce.
So it is with some sadness that I reflect on some of the losses I've had this year and with happiness that I think about the new additions to my family, we have a new niece just turned 1, we have a new niece/nephew just about to be born, I have new sister-in-law whom I love as if I had known her my whole life ( or hers as she's younger :-) ). So though we had some tough times we had some good ones to counteract it.
I think the best change in me is that I am now being responsible to me. I am truly taking care of me and doing what's best for me. I have learned a lot about myself and that I truly put myself last most of the time. It used to be easier for me to do things that will keep others happy even if it doesn't make me personally happy. It was easier to do the things that would keep me out of hot water with others but at great personal risk.
Not Anymore, As most of you have seen through reading this blog, I have come a long way. The weight is coming off me literally and figuratively. I am doing my job more efficiently while not making the job my entire life. I am resting when I am sick instead of acting like a hero that the world will stop rotating on it's axis. I am performing more and working hard at my music and my teaching. I am nurturing the relationships with my family more and appreciating the gifts that they bring to my life more. I am nurturing and protecting the relationships with my old friends while allowing and welcoming new ones.
I have cut a lot "toxic" things from my life or modified the relationships that were becoming that way to be less so.
If you look at this carefully as I just did, it looks like I have been doing so MAJOR work with the help of a licensed professional doesn't it? I laugh because while I did get some assistance from my priest on some of the tougher things that I was having trouble sorting out, by and large, I did most of the heavy lifting myself and you know what?
I'm DAMN PROUD OF ME.
But most of all - I am happy. Truly to the core happy.
Some major highlights of happiness:
My best friend of 35 years and I are talking a lot more frequently and I love that it's like no time has passed. Some is fun, ( Her son singing to me on the phone) some is serious ( life crises) but all of it is good to me because we are as close now as we ever were.
My sister-in-law is giving birth to a niece or nephew
Christmas day at my brother's house with his new bride and both families!
Christmas eve church where I will see friends I haven't seen or talked to in 4 years.
Christmas party Tomorrow night at Jenna's ( I can't wait to give my secret santa gift! )!
Saturday singing Holiday songs for my Weight watchers group.
Sneaking into one of my kidlette's masses to hear her sing when she doesn't know I'm coming.
Possibly seeing jax???
Loeving and missing Maple Mama and Bernie and Jax.
Not being able to wait to see the expressions on faces when they open their gifts
Baking my goodies to take with me to friends and Family
My end of Holiday drink with my friends on Christmas Night at Jenna's. ( I'm bringing my little buddies a tv this year - shhhhhhhhh)
My weight loss successes.
All my faithful readers and new friends!
All in all it's been a good year for me.
I don't want for much. In truth I have everything I NEED.
I have done a lot of reflecting and a lot of growth ( not literally thank god) this year.
I had to laugh when I think about the fact that Bernie's World Podcast did a segment on "When did I get so old". I think that all the time to be honest.
I miss the portion of my life when my friends were getting married and having kids, and although some still are, the vast majority of us are dealing with deaths and divorce.
So it is with some sadness that I reflect on some of the losses I've had this year and with happiness that I think about the new additions to my family, we have a new niece just turned 1, we have a new niece/nephew just about to be born, I have new sister-in-law whom I love as if I had known her my whole life ( or hers as she's younger :-) ). So though we had some tough times we had some good ones to counteract it.
I think the best change in me is that I am now being responsible to me. I am truly taking care of me and doing what's best for me. I have learned a lot about myself and that I truly put myself last most of the time. It used to be easier for me to do things that will keep others happy even if it doesn't make me personally happy. It was easier to do the things that would keep me out of hot water with others but at great personal risk.
Not Anymore, As most of you have seen through reading this blog, I have come a long way. The weight is coming off me literally and figuratively. I am doing my job more efficiently while not making the job my entire life. I am resting when I am sick instead of acting like a hero that the world will stop rotating on it's axis. I am performing more and working hard at my music and my teaching. I am nurturing the relationships with my family more and appreciating the gifts that they bring to my life more. I am nurturing and protecting the relationships with my old friends while allowing and welcoming new ones.
I have cut a lot "toxic" things from my life or modified the relationships that were becoming that way to be less so.
If you look at this carefully as I just did, it looks like I have been doing so MAJOR work with the help of a licensed professional doesn't it? I laugh because while I did get some assistance from my priest on some of the tougher things that I was having trouble sorting out, by and large, I did most of the heavy lifting myself and you know what?
I'm DAMN PROUD OF ME.
But most of all - I am happy. Truly to the core happy.
Some major highlights of happiness:
My best friend of 35 years and I are talking a lot more frequently and I love that it's like no time has passed. Some is fun, ( Her son singing to me on the phone) some is serious ( life crises) but all of it is good to me because we are as close now as we ever were.
My sister-in-law is giving birth to a niece or nephew
Christmas day at my brother's house with his new bride and both families!
Christmas eve church where I will see friends I haven't seen or talked to in 4 years.
Christmas party Tomorrow night at Jenna's ( I can't wait to give my secret santa gift! )!
Saturday singing Holiday songs for my Weight watchers group.
Sneaking into one of my kidlette's masses to hear her sing when she doesn't know I'm coming.
Possibly seeing jax???
Loeving and missing Maple Mama and Bernie and Jax.
Not being able to wait to see the expressions on faces when they open their gifts
Baking my goodies to take with me to friends and Family
My end of Holiday drink with my friends on Christmas Night at Jenna's. ( I'm bringing my little buddies a tv this year - shhhhhhhhh)
My weight loss successes.
All my faithful readers and new friends!
All in all it's been a good year for me.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Moon River, wider than a mile
Yesterday I performed at the Andy Williams Christmas show here in NY.
It was a crazy day. We had to be there at 3:45. We got the rundown of the day from Devon the musical director.
First off, he's not a tall man. But a really nice nice professional guy. He expained that the concert hall was a union shop and union contract dictates that the stage be dark from 5-6PM. The food was for the union workers and not for the contingent workers ( us), unfortunately. Our dressing room was in the hallway with the comedienne and his back up kids.
We were performing in the round. Always interesting. THe stage is not that big so we were singing literally up the aisles. Sort of like a compass - N,S,E and W.
at 4:45PM, while the President and I are running around looking for the director to change the way we are singing ( we needed strength of section not strength in quartettes, Devon calls us for sound check.
We round up the troops find our places and quickly sound check with "words" ( Beethovens 9th) and "Do you hear what I hear". They are impressed ( or so they said).
Now we clock down to 9PM when we go on. We all talked and caught up, ate the food that we brought with us and shared the chips and protein bars that were provided in a box a long with a fruit basket.
It's time to go on, we line up and my lovely choir suddenly becomes a crew of chiefs and no Indians! My section almost got smacked upside the mouth. All of them! The time to be chief isn't seconds before performance time!!!!!!!!!!!
It was a crazy day. We had to be there at 3:45. We got the rundown of the day from Devon the musical director.
First off, he's not a tall man. But a really nice nice professional guy. He expained that the concert hall was a union shop and union contract dictates that the stage be dark from 5-6PM. The food was for the union workers and not for the contingent workers ( us), unfortunately. Our dressing room was in the hallway with the comedienne and his back up kids.
We were performing in the round. Always interesting. THe stage is not that big so we were singing literally up the aisles. Sort of like a compass - N,S,E and W.
at 4:45PM, while the President and I are running around looking for the director to change the way we are singing ( we needed strength of section not strength in quartettes, Devon calls us for sound check.
We round up the troops find our places and quickly sound check with "words" ( Beethovens 9th) and "Do you hear what I hear". They are impressed ( or so they said).
Now we clock down to 9PM when we go on. We all talked and caught up, ate the food that we brought with us and shared the chips and protein bars that were provided in a box a long with a fruit basket.
It's time to go on, we line up and my lovely choir suddenly becomes a crew of chiefs and no Indians! My section almost got smacked upside the mouth. All of them! The time to be chief isn't seconds before performance time!!!!!!!!!!!
We aren't clear on are cues as there were no instructions to that end so we just watched to see what our director did.
We get in place and start counting down till it's out turn to sing. Since we have never actually rehearsed this, we are not entirely comfortable with the entrances. But Devon to the rescue. He may be stature challenged like I am BUT he is in white ( easy to see) and he held up is arms pointed at us and yelled go - we didn't hear him say it but we saw it and we were right in.
When the song was over Andy congratulated us by name and welcomed us and the audience to the show. Then they immediately started into a song that was not next in teh line up - uh oh. I had to laugh. There is only one piece that Hark the Herald is in and it was one we sing. The so - called professional in our group, otherwise known as the Diva, couldn't roll with the punches at all and didn't sing easily 50% of the performance. I figured it out and realized that the three kids who do vocal lbackup for him on the road had the same part we did - so I just followed them and the music while watching 2 directors one out of each eye. Literally - this is not a joke, this actually happened.
It made me realize that I work on the fly in this kind of environment really well. I forgot how well I can roll with the punches in performance and I don't embarass that easily.
We come to the end with O Holy Night and then Andy closes with his favorite and most favorite Christmas Carol of all....
"Moon River, Wider than a mile....."
It was an experience that I would do again in a minute, though there were times I swore I would die in that hallway backstage with the stale air.
Friday, December 15, 2006
A day off
I took today off at the last possible second.
The fact is I was supposed to have been able to take off last Friday and Monday but with family situations at hand I was unable to. So last night at 7PM I called my boss and told him that I was taking the day and my cover was taking Monday.
Seriously I needed a day to get organized. Of course I wasted some time. I wouldn't be me if I didn't do that.
But I got my Christmas decorating done except for the tree which I will do tomorrow night with my Hot Cocoa in hand.
I taught a lesson today. It was a real challenge. My Friday kids ( a brother and sister) are two of my long standing kids and quite possibly my favorites.
I swear my parents are getting their money's worth for the Child Psychology classes I had to take to graduate. Seriously.
The sister of this crew I have talked about before. Very Bright, very driven, all honors classes and busts herself to get all A's. and succeeds. But not without a price.
Time is her enemy. She tries hard but like me, wastes time on silly things. We have tried to work out time mgmt techniques, but she's stubborn and doesn't want to change. That's OK. It's not my job to fix ALL of her issues. Technically it's my job to make sure she's doing what she's supposed to for ME. Being a "fixer", I had hit my head against a wall for two years.
Today I stopped.
And not with the negative connotations that implies either. Honestly, not to pat myself on the back, but I think I did the best job with her that I have ever done in my life.
I asked her what made her happy. What is she doing that makes her happy. I told her to tell me the first thing that comes to mind and it can literally be anything.
She was quiet for a long time.
Then she told me she really doesn't like school. But since it's required she needs to be as good as she can be at it.
OK, I can respect that answer out of a 13 year old. She's been at it long enough to know that she really doesn't like it, but she does want to do her best at it. And she does.
So we talk about it for a few minutes. Then she mentions that her friends make her happy. Normal 13 year old response. That made me feel better about her.
The I asked her about Music. Independent of school. If there were no obstacles, does she enjoy the piano and practicing.
I held my breath on the answer because we are on the final straw here......
"I love music" she says.
"So yes, if I had it to do my way, I would do that". she says as a tear slides down her face.
"OK, that makes me very happy. So lets find a way to keep you happy." I say
" I have 3-5 hours of homework every night" she says. "I just can't fit it in".
(The tears are still flowing)
" Your homework for me is 30 minutes. School works is 3-5 hours". I say
She laughs. ( still crying)
"Why don't you come home from school, put your book bag away - DO NOT SIT DOWN - get a drink and go down and practice immediately. At least 15 minutes - the whole 30 if you can swing it. then you are done. For the entire day. "
She looks at me in wonder.
"That might actually work" she says.
As I am hugging her, I whisper in her ear....
" You are so good, so talented and such a bright young lady. You are so capable. You can DO this. I know you can. We are going to do this together. Don't give up on me. "
She hugs me back and whispers "I won't - I promise!"
I truly felt that I made a difference with her today.
Then we ended up on the floor under the ping pong table coaxing her brother out who was crying.
I need combat pay.
The fact is I was supposed to have been able to take off last Friday and Monday but with family situations at hand I was unable to. So last night at 7PM I called my boss and told him that I was taking the day and my cover was taking Monday.
Seriously I needed a day to get organized. Of course I wasted some time. I wouldn't be me if I didn't do that.
But I got my Christmas decorating done except for the tree which I will do tomorrow night with my Hot Cocoa in hand.
I taught a lesson today. It was a real challenge. My Friday kids ( a brother and sister) are two of my long standing kids and quite possibly my favorites.
I swear my parents are getting their money's worth for the Child Psychology classes I had to take to graduate. Seriously.
The sister of this crew I have talked about before. Very Bright, very driven, all honors classes and busts herself to get all A's. and succeeds. But not without a price.
Time is her enemy. She tries hard but like me, wastes time on silly things. We have tried to work out time mgmt techniques, but she's stubborn and doesn't want to change. That's OK. It's not my job to fix ALL of her issues. Technically it's my job to make sure she's doing what she's supposed to for ME. Being a "fixer", I had hit my head against a wall for two years.
Today I stopped.
And not with the negative connotations that implies either. Honestly, not to pat myself on the back, but I think I did the best job with her that I have ever done in my life.
I asked her what made her happy. What is she doing that makes her happy. I told her to tell me the first thing that comes to mind and it can literally be anything.
She was quiet for a long time.
Then she told me she really doesn't like school. But since it's required she needs to be as good as she can be at it.
OK, I can respect that answer out of a 13 year old. She's been at it long enough to know that she really doesn't like it, but she does want to do her best at it. And she does.
So we talk about it for a few minutes. Then she mentions that her friends make her happy. Normal 13 year old response. That made me feel better about her.
The I asked her about Music. Independent of school. If there were no obstacles, does she enjoy the piano and practicing.
I held my breath on the answer because we are on the final straw here......
"I love music" she says.
"So yes, if I had it to do my way, I would do that". she says as a tear slides down her face.
"OK, that makes me very happy. So lets find a way to keep you happy." I say
" I have 3-5 hours of homework every night" she says. "I just can't fit it in".
(The tears are still flowing)
" Your homework for me is 30 minutes. School works is 3-5 hours". I say
She laughs. ( still crying)
"Why don't you come home from school, put your book bag away - DO NOT SIT DOWN - get a drink and go down and practice immediately. At least 15 minutes - the whole 30 if you can swing it. then you are done. For the entire day. "
She looks at me in wonder.
"That might actually work" she says.
As I am hugging her, I whisper in her ear....
" You are so good, so talented and such a bright young lady. You are so capable. You can DO this. I know you can. We are going to do this together. Don't give up on me. "
She hugs me back and whispers "I won't - I promise!"
I truly felt that I made a difference with her today.
Then we ended up on the floor under the ping pong table coaxing her brother out who was crying.
I need combat pay.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
The Karma thing again
Do good things for the world and the world will do good things for you.
Or something like that.
My good deeds are mostly about myself lately but I think it's long overdue.
You see, this season has been magical and special in many many good ways. More so than other years. I am far more lighthearted and positive than ever before and I am truly enjoying this holiday season so much more than I have since I was a child actually.
You see, I made the peace with an old friend. We are far from OK, but we are both on the same road and willing to see where it goes and I think that's just magicall after four years. Before that my brother and I came around a turn and we are much closer than before. That makes me practically gleeful to be honest. Then there are my parents - pretty good before but we have notched it up to almost overdrive now and we are really enjoying one another in ways I don't remember. Even during the funeral lunch, my step-dad's cousins and my mom and I were howling with laughter and talking and catching up and having just the best time.
So today, mumbling and grumbling because I had to go to my office in the city and I seriously don't do that because A. I hate the commute and B. I am not a morning person. I had to be up at 6:30 to be there by 9.
So I am in the office and annoyed. Poodle and I decided to go get a Starbucks coffee. That cheered me a little but still annoyed. I open my boss's agenda for our staff meeting to see the following statement:
"The Process is not our friend"
I almost died laughing. I am project manager. The process is the whole basis of my job. I told Poodle that when we got to that point in the meeting that I was not planning to comment and if I did start to comment, to please kick me so that I stop.
So we get to part of the meeting and he and his boss start discussing how we should all have Project Mgmt training. Stop it already. I am one step from PMP certified.
Moving right along and I am still annoyed, we wrap the meeting up and our boss hands out gifts ( Did I mention the HUGE box of Italian cookies he brouught too??? NO???? he did, we ate, they were good.). I open mine and it is a leather Coach CD case. It's really quite lovely. I am really quite stunned. I never really believed he appreciated us to be honest.
So Poodle and I start to go out to lunch and we invite Tommy. He never socializes and so he decides to come along. We go to our favorite restaurant, Figs.
This is where the story gets funny. But the Karma thing is still working for me..... read on.
We walk to the restaurant. We sit down, we order our drinks and discuss some of the funnier crazy things our boss does ( you probably wouldn't believe them unless you worked here seriously). The drinks come and Tommy is putting his straw in.
"Hey Tommy, what's that on your glass?" asks Poodle
"I don't know.... uh oh" says Tommy
"What? What is it" I say
Tommy gestures to the waitress, points to his glass. Her eyes bulge, she takes the glass and walks away.
"Tommy what happened" I ask
"A cockroach" he whispers
I start laughing. Internally my stomach is flipping in a squishy yucky way. But I think to myself, we eat here all the time, the place is ridiculously clean, This is Manhattan and they are doing construction right above the restaurant.
"They'll probably comp the lunch" I jokingly say
20 minutes elapses and we are starting wonder if they went out to buy new soda when they waitress and a tall woman appear.
"Your lunch is on us, we are so very sorry. The exterminator has been called to come immediately" We apprecaite you handling this so nicely. Anything you want or need at all, please let us know."
I got my free lunch and it was wonderful. We eat there a lot so I know this is a quality place. I believe that random little bug was a transplant from above and truthfully I am really glad I idn't actually see it as I have a morbid disgust for all bugs.
We tipped the waitress really well. ( Another shot for Karma!)
The moral of the story is
The cockroach can get you a free lunch. It doesn't mean the restuarant is infested ( we literally eat there all the time and they are rated very highly in NYC).
It was a well played out version of Victor / Victoria.
Or something like that.
My good deeds are mostly about myself lately but I think it's long overdue.
You see, this season has been magical and special in many many good ways. More so than other years. I am far more lighthearted and positive than ever before and I am truly enjoying this holiday season so much more than I have since I was a child actually.
You see, I made the peace with an old friend. We are far from OK, but we are both on the same road and willing to see where it goes and I think that's just magicall after four years. Before that my brother and I came around a turn and we are much closer than before. That makes me practically gleeful to be honest. Then there are my parents - pretty good before but we have notched it up to almost overdrive now and we are really enjoying one another in ways I don't remember. Even during the funeral lunch, my step-dad's cousins and my mom and I were howling with laughter and talking and catching up and having just the best time.
So today, mumbling and grumbling because I had to go to my office in the city and I seriously don't do that because A. I hate the commute and B. I am not a morning person. I had to be up at 6:30 to be there by 9.
So I am in the office and annoyed. Poodle and I decided to go get a Starbucks coffee. That cheered me a little but still annoyed. I open my boss's agenda for our staff meeting to see the following statement:
"The Process is not our friend"
I almost died laughing. I am project manager. The process is the whole basis of my job. I told Poodle that when we got to that point in the meeting that I was not planning to comment and if I did start to comment, to please kick me so that I stop.
So we get to part of the meeting and he and his boss start discussing how we should all have Project Mgmt training. Stop it already. I am one step from PMP certified.
Moving right along and I am still annoyed, we wrap the meeting up and our boss hands out gifts ( Did I mention the HUGE box of Italian cookies he brouught too??? NO???? he did, we ate, they were good.). I open mine and it is a leather Coach CD case. It's really quite lovely. I am really quite stunned. I never really believed he appreciated us to be honest.
So Poodle and I start to go out to lunch and we invite Tommy. He never socializes and so he decides to come along. We go to our favorite restaurant, Figs.
This is where the story gets funny. But the Karma thing is still working for me..... read on.
We walk to the restaurant. We sit down, we order our drinks and discuss some of the funnier crazy things our boss does ( you probably wouldn't believe them unless you worked here seriously). The drinks come and Tommy is putting his straw in.
"Hey Tommy, what's that on your glass?" asks Poodle
"I don't know.... uh oh" says Tommy
"What? What is it" I say
Tommy gestures to the waitress, points to his glass. Her eyes bulge, she takes the glass and walks away.
"Tommy what happened" I ask
"A cockroach" he whispers
I start laughing. Internally my stomach is flipping in a squishy yucky way. But I think to myself, we eat here all the time, the place is ridiculously clean, This is Manhattan and they are doing construction right above the restaurant.
"They'll probably comp the lunch" I jokingly say
20 minutes elapses and we are starting wonder if they went out to buy new soda when they waitress and a tall woman appear.
"Your lunch is on us, we are so very sorry. The exterminator has been called to come immediately" We apprecaite you handling this so nicely. Anything you want or need at all, please let us know."
I got my free lunch and it was wonderful. We eat there a lot so I know this is a quality place. I believe that random little bug was a transplant from above and truthfully I am really glad I idn't actually see it as I have a morbid disgust for all bugs.
We tipped the waitress really well. ( Another shot for Karma!)
The moral of the story is
The cockroach can get you a free lunch. It doesn't mean the restuarant is infested ( we literally eat there all the time and they are rated very highly in NYC).
It was a well played out version of Victor / Victoria.
Monday, December 11, 2006
A touching moment
The funeral was today.
It started in the other county ( the one I don't live in anymore). My family and I met at the funeral home. We said our private final goodbye's and went to our cars.
As we were leaving the limo driver stopped those of us driving ourselves and told us to be sure we were following the hearse with the limo behind it. Both funerals at the funeral home were going to the same cemetary. Ironic because the cemetary was at the absolute furthest point before the forks on Long Island.
So We all queu up. First car was the limo, then Aunt Carol ( my step dad's first wife) with my sister and husband. then my youngest brother with his very pregnant wife due in three weeks, then me.
At the last second my older brother come BARRELLING into the funeral home with his tribe in tow.
We all set off, flashers going. This is the longest part of the day. A full hours trip to the church and cemetary each direction.
The service was lovely. I thought it was very interesting actually. Being that my step dad's mom was 101, the only people there were my siblings, myself, my parents, Aunt Carol, UB's 2 cousins and their spouses. my nieces and nephews and one couple we are good friends with. All in total we were a crowd of 22. All but 4 were family.
The priest made an interesting comment. That a small crowd at the funeral of someone whose 101 is actually a happy thing. It means less people to mourn and more people to greet on the other side. I liked that. I thought, Wow that's a really neat thought. Even if it's not true - and I believe that it is - it's peaceful to think about.
So we leave the church, we head to cemetary. St Isadore's has their own cemetary. It's not close. Or not as close as you might think.
It's tiny too. And it's in the Sticks. I mean seriously the sticks. We are talking fields, ,farmland a cow in the next pasture watching us as we said our goodbyes. An Agway!!!! I didn't even know we had a NEED for an Agway here. There were NO street signs, no Street Lights. Thank goodness it was broad daylight or I would STILL be tooling around out there.
We say our final prayers and our our final goodbyes. We return to our cars to go to lunch at my parent's favorite restaurant. I was sitting alone in my car waiting for everyone to get ready to go. My oldest nephew is 13. He's usually a bit of a wise guy. I mean. this is a kid who tried to seel his brother on ebay a few years back.
So he was walking to his parent's car, which was behind mine, and he stopped and walked back to the backside of the gravesite which was next to my car ( this was a SMALL cemetary - the size of a plot of land for a home). I saw him stop and look at the coffin, put his hand on the coffin for just a moment. Bowed his head and said a quick prayer. He looked up, looked me right in the eye, smiled, winked and walked back to the car. It was so touching. He was probably only one of two of the children in his family old enough to have a relationship with his great grandmother that he will remember forever. I had my great grandmother until I was 30 years old. These are precious memories. And though My older brother is tough person to get along with, his children had that relationship with their great grandmother which is truelly priceless.
It was a moment to be remembered for life. It was the kind of thing that made me wish I could preserve it on film - immortalize it in some way. This description and my memory are the only records of it now.
Anna is at peace now. She is with Ed.
It started in the other county ( the one I don't live in anymore). My family and I met at the funeral home. We said our private final goodbye's and went to our cars.
As we were leaving the limo driver stopped those of us driving ourselves and told us to be sure we were following the hearse with the limo behind it. Both funerals at the funeral home were going to the same cemetary. Ironic because the cemetary was at the absolute furthest point before the forks on Long Island.
So We all queu up. First car was the limo, then Aunt Carol ( my step dad's first wife) with my sister and husband. then my youngest brother with his very pregnant wife due in three weeks, then me.
At the last second my older brother come BARRELLING into the funeral home with his tribe in tow.
We all set off, flashers going. This is the longest part of the day. A full hours trip to the church and cemetary each direction.
The service was lovely. I thought it was very interesting actually. Being that my step dad's mom was 101, the only people there were my siblings, myself, my parents, Aunt Carol, UB's 2 cousins and their spouses. my nieces and nephews and one couple we are good friends with. All in total we were a crowd of 22. All but 4 were family.
The priest made an interesting comment. That a small crowd at the funeral of someone whose 101 is actually a happy thing. It means less people to mourn and more people to greet on the other side. I liked that. I thought, Wow that's a really neat thought. Even if it's not true - and I believe that it is - it's peaceful to think about.
So we leave the church, we head to cemetary. St Isadore's has their own cemetary. It's not close. Or not as close as you might think.
It's tiny too. And it's in the Sticks. I mean seriously the sticks. We are talking fields, ,farmland a cow in the next pasture watching us as we said our goodbyes. An Agway!!!! I didn't even know we had a NEED for an Agway here. There were NO street signs, no Street Lights. Thank goodness it was broad daylight or I would STILL be tooling around out there.
We say our final prayers and our our final goodbyes. We return to our cars to go to lunch at my parent's favorite restaurant. I was sitting alone in my car waiting for everyone to get ready to go. My oldest nephew is 13. He's usually a bit of a wise guy. I mean. this is a kid who tried to seel his brother on ebay a few years back.
So he was walking to his parent's car, which was behind mine, and he stopped and walked back to the backside of the gravesite which was next to my car ( this was a SMALL cemetary - the size of a plot of land for a home). I saw him stop and look at the coffin, put his hand on the coffin for just a moment. Bowed his head and said a quick prayer. He looked up, looked me right in the eye, smiled, winked and walked back to the car. It was so touching. He was probably only one of two of the children in his family old enough to have a relationship with his great grandmother that he will remember forever. I had my great grandmother until I was 30 years old. These are precious memories. And though My older brother is tough person to get along with, his children had that relationship with their great grandmother which is truelly priceless.
It was a moment to be remembered for life. It was the kind of thing that made me wish I could preserve it on film - immortalize it in some way. This description and my memory are the only records of it now.
Anna is at peace now. She is with Ed.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Building Good Karma
I'm not entirely sure that I believe in Karma, but I don't NOT believe.
Today was a busy day but a wonderful one.
I did my usual morning routine ( Voice lesson, weight watcher meeting ) then I went home and rested.
I had a party to attend at my parents house. They have a lot of friends from the company my step-dad worked for in my youth and the "gang" was coming over as some were in from out of town. It was so wonderful to see them all. Helen, Joe, Jennie, Hank, Terry, Jack, Debbie, Reg, Renata and some others. They are such wonderful folks and it was such a rare blessing and treat to be able to spend some time with them today before my concert.
As I was dressing for my parents house and prepping my "uniform" for my concert later that evening, I was reviewing some friendships that I have had in my life. One keeps coming under review over the past 4 years. Every time I put it away, it comes back.
This is one my dearest friends, Elle. We were as close as the sisters we never had. At times I think we used to be too close and it caused a lot of tension and stress. We weren't good in bad situations and it brought the absolute worst in us out. I think that when we decided to not continue the friendship though, it actually went peacefully. We have seen each other since then a handful of times and things have been good between us. But something was wrong.
Today I decided that in my latest review one of the thins holding me back was someone else's opinion. And I put that opinion aside since that person no longer gets to the call the shots in my life. and I picked up the phone ( or the headset as I was in the car) and called Elle. I had been missing their daughter Betty for some time and the family as a whole. I am so unbelievably glad that I did this. We had a wonderful talk. Like no time had passed. They are coming to my church ( Our church actually) for Christmas eve which makes me even more thrilled. We talked for the entire 30 minute trip tp my mom's house. At the end as I was pulling into my mom's drive way I was talking to Betty.
"I love you - I miss you - will I see you for Christmas?"
"You sure will - at church on Christmas eve. Where I met you for the first time when you are 4. I love you too and can't wait to see you for Christmas" I said.
Then we hung up. I sat in the car for a minute - knowing that I am about to walk into an emotional but happy scene. I started to disolve in tears. I really had missed them.
And they had missed me too.
Today was a busy day but a wonderful one.
I did my usual morning routine ( Voice lesson, weight watcher meeting ) then I went home and rested.
I had a party to attend at my parents house. They have a lot of friends from the company my step-dad worked for in my youth and the "gang" was coming over as some were in from out of town. It was so wonderful to see them all. Helen, Joe, Jennie, Hank, Terry, Jack, Debbie, Reg, Renata and some others. They are such wonderful folks and it was such a rare blessing and treat to be able to spend some time with them today before my concert.
As I was dressing for my parents house and prepping my "uniform" for my concert later that evening, I was reviewing some friendships that I have had in my life. One keeps coming under review over the past 4 years. Every time I put it away, it comes back.
This is one my dearest friends, Elle. We were as close as the sisters we never had. At times I think we used to be too close and it caused a lot of tension and stress. We weren't good in bad situations and it brought the absolute worst in us out. I think that when we decided to not continue the friendship though, it actually went peacefully. We have seen each other since then a handful of times and things have been good between us. But something was wrong.
Today I decided that in my latest review one of the thins holding me back was someone else's opinion. And I put that opinion aside since that person no longer gets to the call the shots in my life. and I picked up the phone ( or the headset as I was in the car) and called Elle. I had been missing their daughter Betty for some time and the family as a whole. I am so unbelievably glad that I did this. We had a wonderful talk. Like no time had passed. They are coming to my church ( Our church actually) for Christmas eve which makes me even more thrilled. We talked for the entire 30 minute trip tp my mom's house. At the end as I was pulling into my mom's drive way I was talking to Betty.
"I love you - I miss you - will I see you for Christmas?"
"You sure will - at church on Christmas eve. Where I met you for the first time when you are 4. I love you too and can't wait to see you for Christmas" I said.
Then we hung up. I sat in the car for a minute - knowing that I am about to walk into an emotional but happy scene. I started to disolve in tears. I really had missed them.
And they had missed me too.
Relax and ride the wave
Tonight was the dress rehearsal for my concert. I felt that my solo sounded pretty good all things considering.
It was colored only by one thing. A death. My step - dad, who has been my step dad since I was 9 years old, lost his mom this morning at the age of 102. She was released to Hospice or comfort care last night and died this morning.
At that age, the loss, though important, is so much expected each day that we are more and more surprised when she is still breathing. Unfortunately at this age the last 6-8 months the dementia has been getting worse and worse.
I'm sad for UB ( my step dad) and my siblings who have lost a grandmother, my niece and nephews who have lost a great grandmother. I did not know her well. Or as well as I should have.
Some of her more entertaining moments of late through her dementia I could boil down to one. My mom, who has been taking care of her, was putting her to sleep when she patted my mom's hand and said "You're a nice woman, I'd like to introduce you to my son". My mom said something affirmative, walked into the living room an announced to UB, "Your mom approves of me, she wants to introduce us". Mind you they are in their 25th year of marriage.
We are wrapping this up fairly quickly, the wake is Sunday night, the funeral mass is Monday Morning with burial to follow.
My concert is tomorrow night and my parents are having a pre-planned gathering with some friends that we haven't seen in 10 + years tomorrow. I have a rehearsal for Andy Williams' concert on Sunday night. So I am now into conflicts. Do I attend the wake as I am tempted to do as my daughterly responsibility and miss my one chance to sing at Andy Williams Christmas show - it's an honestly tempting idea. I'll discuss it with the director tomorrow and see what his feeling is and then discuss it with my mom when I have all the info and then make a better decision.
Through all of this, I was driving home from my rehearsal and I passed the tree at EAB Plaza ( owned by Citigroup). I have a spectacular view of this tree from my conference center at my office. I usually ( If I actually show up there) go and sit in that room around 5 for 10 minutes and watch the sunset over the tree. It's beautiful.
Anyway. Passing the tree. I was listening to Star 99.9 on the radio as they have Christmas music on. I wasn't supposed to by singing at this stage of the game. I heard the most wonderful story on the Delilah show ( no idea if that's a person but whatever). A woman called in who had been through many doctors, fertility clinics, only to be told she had an inhospitable environment for pregnancy and her husband had low motility. They had, after 13 years of marriage and trying to have children, decided to adopt. They went to the local Children's home to find information. They were just starting to fill out the paperwork and start the research when her cousin called. She was giving birth any day and decided she really wasn't prepared or ready to become a mother. Knowing the familial situation of her cousin, she wanted them to adopt the baby immediately. The baby was born and handed to her new parents on Thanksgiving day.
It wasn't Christmas but if that didn't stop to make me realize a Christmas or any other time miracle I don't know what is. they named her Abigail and her middle name is the Hebrew word for miracle ( no I don't know it). What a fantastic story.
As I was driving home, I found myself smiling. Enjoying that moment, the holiday season and all the good things and feelings that brings. No I don't personally want children as a priority for me, but it's a touching miracle any way you look it. The DJ then ( maybe that's who Delilah is???) decided to play "What child is this".
I decided right then and there that this holiday season I was going to relax and enjoy it rather than run around like a nut.
I'm riding the wave....
It was colored only by one thing. A death. My step - dad, who has been my step dad since I was 9 years old, lost his mom this morning at the age of 102. She was released to Hospice or comfort care last night and died this morning.
At that age, the loss, though important, is so much expected each day that we are more and more surprised when she is still breathing. Unfortunately at this age the last 6-8 months the dementia has been getting worse and worse.
I'm sad for UB ( my step dad) and my siblings who have lost a grandmother, my niece and nephews who have lost a great grandmother. I did not know her well. Or as well as I should have.
Some of her more entertaining moments of late through her dementia I could boil down to one. My mom, who has been taking care of her, was putting her to sleep when she patted my mom's hand and said "You're a nice woman, I'd like to introduce you to my son". My mom said something affirmative, walked into the living room an announced to UB, "Your mom approves of me, she wants to introduce us". Mind you they are in their 25th year of marriage.
We are wrapping this up fairly quickly, the wake is Sunday night, the funeral mass is Monday Morning with burial to follow.
My concert is tomorrow night and my parents are having a pre-planned gathering with some friends that we haven't seen in 10 + years tomorrow. I have a rehearsal for Andy Williams' concert on Sunday night. So I am now into conflicts. Do I attend the wake as I am tempted to do as my daughterly responsibility and miss my one chance to sing at Andy Williams Christmas show - it's an honestly tempting idea. I'll discuss it with the director tomorrow and see what his feeling is and then discuss it with my mom when I have all the info and then make a better decision.
Through all of this, I was driving home from my rehearsal and I passed the tree at EAB Plaza ( owned by Citigroup). I have a spectacular view of this tree from my conference center at my office. I usually ( If I actually show up there) go and sit in that room around 5 for 10 minutes and watch the sunset over the tree. It's beautiful.
Anyway. Passing the tree. I was listening to Star 99.9 on the radio as they have Christmas music on. I wasn't supposed to by singing at this stage of the game. I heard the most wonderful story on the Delilah show ( no idea if that's a person but whatever). A woman called in who had been through many doctors, fertility clinics, only to be told she had an inhospitable environment for pregnancy and her husband had low motility. They had, after 13 years of marriage and trying to have children, decided to adopt. They went to the local Children's home to find information. They were just starting to fill out the paperwork and start the research when her cousin called. She was giving birth any day and decided she really wasn't prepared or ready to become a mother. Knowing the familial situation of her cousin, she wanted them to adopt the baby immediately. The baby was born and handed to her new parents on Thanksgiving day.
It wasn't Christmas but if that didn't stop to make me realize a Christmas or any other time miracle I don't know what is. they named her Abigail and her middle name is the Hebrew word for miracle ( no I don't know it). What a fantastic story.
As I was driving home, I found myself smiling. Enjoying that moment, the holiday season and all the good things and feelings that brings. No I don't personally want children as a priority for me, but it's a touching miracle any way you look it. The DJ then ( maybe that's who Delilah is???) decided to play "What child is this".
I decided right then and there that this holiday season I was going to relax and enjoy it rather than run around like a nut.
I'm riding the wave....
Thursday, December 07, 2006
And that, children, concludes our Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was this young woman that I once knew.
She was a fundamentally good warm hearted person. Very bright. very talented a hard worker.
In her youth, she went to bed with a married man. At the time she knew he was married, but she was convinced, as many young girls are, that they were in love and that he would leave his wife for her.
Well they went to bed exactly one time. And talked A LOT on the phone about doing it again. And two things happened. The first thing, she realized that she wasn't in love with him. She also realized that though they had a fantastic time and it was a really important space of time for her, she didn't want to repeat it. Over the years, he continued to call and she continued to avoid, argue, cry and tell him to stop. This continued for 7 long years.
In my consultation with her, it occurred to me a couple of things. You've heard them from me before. One: You cannot control who you fall in love with. Two: You can control the actions that you take regarding that. You see, she believed she was in love and began exploring that relationship only to find out that she was not in fact in love with him. He was not in love with her either. He was nurturing a part of him that he was not getting at home.
What she realized was that she was exactly like his wife. Just like her. So all he was doing was making this young woman a sexual surrogate of sorts. This put a strain on their friendship. You see the young woman had known the man since she was a little girl. She grew up believing that he was the one for her. Only to find out that he was not. That briefly shattered her, but being a mature young woman, she picked herself up, dusted herself off and decided to put the friendship of the couple first.
Does she regret what she did? Absolutely. Would she do it again? Not on your life. It was emotionally painful and though she was able to let go, the man was not. She felt badly for him on some levels and not on others. He is married to a FABULOUS person. A person to love and admire.
In the end, choosing the friendship with his wife and family over any relationship with him served two important purposes for her. She was able to forgive herself for doing something that was morally unjust while being a better friend to his wife. It sounds crazy, but continuing the friendship with both of them and their immediate and extended families was more important. She put everything else aside and moved on. Her penance benefits everyone including herself.
She's a much happier person for it, she and the wife are very close. She speaks to the man periodically but her rules for that are one. If you can't say it in front of your wife, you cannot say it to her at all. He doesn't like it, but he abides by it.
The world is right again. The young woman has evolved into an older young woman. One is wiser to the ways of life, one who is smarter, one is more talented and more importantly one who is not feeling guilty about her past, but learning from it. About what TO do and about what NOT to do.
Life is a learning experience, not a guilt trip.
The End
She was a fundamentally good warm hearted person. Very bright. very talented a hard worker.
In her youth, she went to bed with a married man. At the time she knew he was married, but she was convinced, as many young girls are, that they were in love and that he would leave his wife for her.
Well they went to bed exactly one time. And talked A LOT on the phone about doing it again. And two things happened. The first thing, she realized that she wasn't in love with him. She also realized that though they had a fantastic time and it was a really important space of time for her, she didn't want to repeat it. Over the years, he continued to call and she continued to avoid, argue, cry and tell him to stop. This continued for 7 long years.
In my consultation with her, it occurred to me a couple of things. You've heard them from me before. One: You cannot control who you fall in love with. Two: You can control the actions that you take regarding that. You see, she believed she was in love and began exploring that relationship only to find out that she was not in fact in love with him. He was not in love with her either. He was nurturing a part of him that he was not getting at home.
What she realized was that she was exactly like his wife. Just like her. So all he was doing was making this young woman a sexual surrogate of sorts. This put a strain on their friendship. You see the young woman had known the man since she was a little girl. She grew up believing that he was the one for her. Only to find out that he was not. That briefly shattered her, but being a mature young woman, she picked herself up, dusted herself off and decided to put the friendship of the couple first.
Does she regret what she did? Absolutely. Would she do it again? Not on your life. It was emotionally painful and though she was able to let go, the man was not. She felt badly for him on some levels and not on others. He is married to a FABULOUS person. A person to love and admire.
In the end, choosing the friendship with his wife and family over any relationship with him served two important purposes for her. She was able to forgive herself for doing something that was morally unjust while being a better friend to his wife. It sounds crazy, but continuing the friendship with both of them and their immediate and extended families was more important. She put everything else aside and moved on. Her penance benefits everyone including herself.
She's a much happier person for it, she and the wife are very close. She speaks to the man periodically but her rules for that are one. If you can't say it in front of your wife, you cannot say it to her at all. He doesn't like it, but he abides by it.
The world is right again. The young woman has evolved into an older young woman. One is wiser to the ways of life, one who is smarter, one is more talented and more importantly one who is not feeling guilty about her past, but learning from it. About what TO do and about what NOT to do.
Life is a learning experience, not a guilt trip.
The End
If you could be a guest on any Talk show, what would it be?
My answer will surprise you.
truthfully - one of three and I"ll answer this all three ways.
Martha Stewart - Largely because I am in awe of people with that kind of talent in the home. I am not crafty and though I can cook, I don't put the same level of thought and care into my cooking or my home and table settings. I do put thought and care - it's just on a lesser level. So to be a guest on her show to be able to learn these things from the lady herself would be such an honor and would make my home life more special.
Ellen Degenerous - Because she's FUN! she's a HOOT! Everything she does is just done in plain fun and even when she's serious and does something kind - it's still fun! The Katrina things - fun and beneficial.... the 21 days of Christmas - how much more fun is THAT?
Lastly Oprah. I laugh because I rarely have the opportunity to watch her show but I do read her magazine. I have to say that as a well rounded individual, no one is better than Oprah. She combines good taste, intelligence, beauty, community service, hard work and spirituality into one perfect package. Another one I am in awe of. I would love the chance to spend time talking to her, gleaning the kind of warmth that I know she has, the intelligence ( look at the books on her list folks), the spirituality that she displays and lives in her life and most importantly she is her own true person . True to herself, she puts herself first in her life without causing harm to others. She is a true role model.
It's funny - the questions that I am reading in this book are so interesting. I am not putting all my answers in this blog. I am only putting the ones that I find challenging enough to write about in here. It's something to help me through some of the writers block that I have at times.
So what talk shows would you guys be on?
truthfully - one of three and I"ll answer this all three ways.
Martha Stewart - Largely because I am in awe of people with that kind of talent in the home. I am not crafty and though I can cook, I don't put the same level of thought and care into my cooking or my home and table settings. I do put thought and care - it's just on a lesser level. So to be a guest on her show to be able to learn these things from the lady herself would be such an honor and would make my home life more special.
Ellen Degenerous - Because she's FUN! she's a HOOT! Everything she does is just done in plain fun and even when she's serious and does something kind - it's still fun! The Katrina things - fun and beneficial.... the 21 days of Christmas - how much more fun is THAT?
Lastly Oprah. I laugh because I rarely have the opportunity to watch her show but I do read her magazine. I have to say that as a well rounded individual, no one is better than Oprah. She combines good taste, intelligence, beauty, community service, hard work and spirituality into one perfect package. Another one I am in awe of. I would love the chance to spend time talking to her, gleaning the kind of warmth that I know she has, the intelligence ( look at the books on her list folks), the spirituality that she displays and lives in her life and most importantly she is her own true person . True to herself, she puts herself first in her life without causing harm to others. She is a true role model.
It's funny - the questions that I am reading in this book are so interesting. I am not putting all my answers in this blog. I am only putting the ones that I find challenging enough to write about in here. It's something to help me through some of the writers block that I have at times.
So what talk shows would you guys be on?
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
And I'm baaaaaaaaaaackkkkkkkkk
OK My voice is back.
It tires easily but I can sing. The huskiness in the middle of my range ( a smoker's sound if you will and no I don't) was restricted to two notes this morning and is now gone from those two notes. I am still dealing with congestion but less. I took a nap today. Going to bed shortly.
I had an interesting conversation that has kind of stayed with me. People get married for varied reasons. Some for love, some for a family, some for companionship, some for money, some because it is the next step in the relationship path.
My personal approach is for a life partner. So mine would be love. I would sacrifice having children for that to be honest. Kids are a nice variable for me. I can take them of leave them. I love kids but I don't necessarily feel the biological urge to reproduce.
I like my examples though. Maplemama always makes me realize the joys of motherhood. She has always been the mother figure. And we are only a year apart in age. But she has always had that quality so I am not only not surprised that she has Mini Maple but thankful that she found a life partner that she loves as much as she does and that they had Minimaple. I thank God every day for the blessings that one of my bestest friends has.
Lena too, She married her best friend. And has two stunning children. She always wanted a family and when that lady makes a decision - watch out. She's on a mission! I know her pretty well. Better than most. Not as well as some. But I think that she made a good choice here. When people who are married tell you about the high's and the low's, her low would be higher than most because the foundation is friendship. I envy that in a way because that's how my mom and step-dad got together as well.
We have Bernie who is a shining example of love and passion. He married his bride while we were still in college. They too have beautiful talented children - if you don't believe me check his blog The Digital Father
I tend to be a believer in love. A believer in true love, love at first site, love that blossoms over time. All of it. I'm not restricted to any one form either. I also think that there is something to be said for the concept of that one perfect person. All of my friends have found it at one point or another. I'm confident mine is out there too.
My other half.
I'm thinking of the song my mom used to sing jokingly "someday my prince will come".
I still believe it.
It tires easily but I can sing. The huskiness in the middle of my range ( a smoker's sound if you will and no I don't) was restricted to two notes this morning and is now gone from those two notes. I am still dealing with congestion but less. I took a nap today. Going to bed shortly.
I had an interesting conversation that has kind of stayed with me. People get married for varied reasons. Some for love, some for a family, some for companionship, some for money, some because it is the next step in the relationship path.
My personal approach is for a life partner. So mine would be love. I would sacrifice having children for that to be honest. Kids are a nice variable for me. I can take them of leave them. I love kids but I don't necessarily feel the biological urge to reproduce.
I like my examples though. Maplemama always makes me realize the joys of motherhood. She has always been the mother figure. And we are only a year apart in age. But she has always had that quality so I am not only not surprised that she has Mini Maple but thankful that she found a life partner that she loves as much as she does and that they had Minimaple. I thank God every day for the blessings that one of my bestest friends has.
Lena too, She married her best friend. And has two stunning children. She always wanted a family and when that lady makes a decision - watch out. She's on a mission! I know her pretty well. Better than most. Not as well as some. But I think that she made a good choice here. When people who are married tell you about the high's and the low's, her low would be higher than most because the foundation is friendship. I envy that in a way because that's how my mom and step-dad got together as well.
We have Bernie who is a shining example of love and passion. He married his bride while we were still in college. They too have beautiful talented children - if you don't believe me check his blog The Digital Father
I tend to be a believer in love. A believer in true love, love at first site, love that blossoms over time. All of it. I'm not restricted to any one form either. I also think that there is something to be said for the concept of that one perfect person. All of my friends have found it at one point or another. I'm confident mine is out there too.
My other half.
I'm thinking of the song my mom used to sing jokingly "someday my prince will come".
I still believe it.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Great minds
I heard a quote once.... lets see if I get it right:
Great minds discuss idea Average minds discuss events and Small minds discuss other people.
Or something to that effect.
I was involved in a conversation that started out as great minds, went rapidly to other person floating through average into small.
It bothered me, because in extricating myself from participating in that level of conversation I was accused of "defending" the topic of conversation - another person.
It dawned on me after that phone call that this person who values privacy and would defend theirs to the death doesn't value anyone else's. Interesting.
This conversation had started with the editorialized version of a board meeting that I chose not to attend. I put my health first and stayed home and rested. The conversation drastically changed into a very different tone and the term "gossip" flew into my mind.
Now I try very hard not to participate in what I consider gossip. Gossip is generally a harmful term and I won't discuss with other people things that were entrusted to me. I won't talk about another person negatively if I can possibly help it unless I am venting to a trusted source.
Having said this I felt honor bound to point out that any discussion about another person's marriage is strictly off limits. Number 1 I don't want to know. Number 2 it isn't my business. Number 3 If I were married I wouldn't want my personal business broadcast about. I opted to terminate the call quickly because any further discussion was going to result in an argument that she would have to win. So I opted out. Timing is everything - I had a lesson to teach anyway.
It really started me thinking. People who gossip are either lonely (this is the case here) or manipulative ( also the case ). They get bored and annoyed when they aren't allowed or enabled to manipulate and/or gossip. I am bound and determined now to shut that down too. It's going to cause some friction but it is what it is. I no longer want to participate in conversations that desecrate another person or persons. I also don't want to participate in conversations that are so much work to make the other person look good. I spend more time on the phone with this person telling them how valued they are how misunderstood, blah blah blah. I tell the truth but come on - you know you're valuable. You know you do a good job. I can't be responsible for your ego too!
OK that's enough ranting and raving. Two good things that came out of my day. I got my Fax software working FINALLY and was able to send out my first Medical Claim without having to leave the comfort of my home. The second thing - I went out and sang O Holy night in French for the Rosary sisterhood at the local Catholic Church. It proved I wasn't as ready to sing as I would like but it certainly gave me a decent benchmark. I'm almost there.
I have the magic cure waiting for me too... There is a kind doctor who helps singers all the time in my area. He will shoot my vocal cords with a shot of Cortisone right before the performance if need be. Not my preferred method but its a last resort. I will call him tomorrow.
I also found that my prescription company overcharged me for my meds - I am getting 150 dollars back ! Yay me... more shopping.....
Great minds discuss idea Average minds discuss events and Small minds discuss other people.
Or something to that effect.
I was involved in a conversation that started out as great minds, went rapidly to other person floating through average into small.
It bothered me, because in extricating myself from participating in that level of conversation I was accused of "defending" the topic of conversation - another person.
It dawned on me after that phone call that this person who values privacy and would defend theirs to the death doesn't value anyone else's. Interesting.
This conversation had started with the editorialized version of a board meeting that I chose not to attend. I put my health first and stayed home and rested. The conversation drastically changed into a very different tone and the term "gossip" flew into my mind.
Now I try very hard not to participate in what I consider gossip. Gossip is generally a harmful term and I won't discuss with other people things that were entrusted to me. I won't talk about another person negatively if I can possibly help it unless I am venting to a trusted source.
Having said this I felt honor bound to point out that any discussion about another person's marriage is strictly off limits. Number 1 I don't want to know. Number 2 it isn't my business. Number 3 If I were married I wouldn't want my personal business broadcast about. I opted to terminate the call quickly because any further discussion was going to result in an argument that she would have to win. So I opted out. Timing is everything - I had a lesson to teach anyway.
It really started me thinking. People who gossip are either lonely (this is the case here) or manipulative ( also the case ). They get bored and annoyed when they aren't allowed or enabled to manipulate and/or gossip. I am bound and determined now to shut that down too. It's going to cause some friction but it is what it is. I no longer want to participate in conversations that desecrate another person or persons. I also don't want to participate in conversations that are so much work to make the other person look good. I spend more time on the phone with this person telling them how valued they are how misunderstood, blah blah blah. I tell the truth but come on - you know you're valuable. You know you do a good job. I can't be responsible for your ego too!
OK that's enough ranting and raving. Two good things that came out of my day. I got my Fax software working FINALLY and was able to send out my first Medical Claim without having to leave the comfort of my home. The second thing - I went out and sang O Holy night in French for the Rosary sisterhood at the local Catholic Church. It proved I wasn't as ready to sing as I would like but it certainly gave me a decent benchmark. I'm almost there.
I have the magic cure waiting for me too... There is a kind doctor who helps singers all the time in my area. He will shoot my vocal cords with a shot of Cortisone right before the performance if need be. Not my preferred method but its a last resort. I will call him tomorrow.
I also found that my prescription company overcharged me for my meds - I am getting 150 dollars back ! Yay me... more shopping.....