Reflections

"I love my life" I thought.

I don't want for much. In truth I have everything I NEED.

I have done a lot of reflecting and a lot of growth ( not literally thank god) this year.

I had to laugh when I think about the fact that Bernie's World Podcast did a segment on "When did I get so old". I think that all the time to be honest.

I miss the portion of my life when my friends were getting married and having kids, and although some still are, the vast majority of us are dealing with deaths and divorce.

So it is with some sadness that I reflect on some of the losses I've had this year and with happiness that I think about the new additions to my family, we have a new niece just turned 1, we have a new niece/nephew just about to be born, I have new sister-in-law whom I love as if I had known her my whole life ( or hers as she's younger :-) ). So though we had some tough times we had some good ones to counteract it.

I think the best change in me is that I am now being responsible to me. I am truly taking care of me and doing what's best for me. I have learned a lot about myself and that I truly put myself last most of the time. It used to be easier for me to do things that will keep others happy even if it doesn't make me personally happy. It was easier to do the things that would keep me out of hot water with others but at great personal risk.

Not Anymore, As most of you have seen through reading this blog, I have come a long way. The weight is coming off me literally and figuratively. I am doing my job more efficiently while not making the job my entire life. I am resting when I am sick instead of acting like a hero that the world will stop rotating on it's axis. I am performing more and working hard at my music and my teaching. I am nurturing the relationships with my family more and appreciating the gifts that they bring to my life more. I am nurturing and protecting the relationships with my old friends while allowing and welcoming new ones.

I have cut a lot "toxic" things from my life or modified the relationships that were becoming that way to be less so.

If you look at this carefully as I just did, it looks like I have been doing so MAJOR work with the help of a licensed professional doesn't it? I laugh because while I did get some assistance from my priest on some of the tougher things that I was having trouble sorting out, by and large, I did most of the heavy lifting myself and you know what?

I'm DAMN PROUD OF ME.

But most of all - I am happy. Truly to the core happy.

Some major highlights of happiness:

My best friend of 35 years and I are talking a lot more frequently and I love that it's like no time has passed. Some is fun, ( Her son singing to me on the phone) some is serious ( life crises) but all of it is good to me because we are as close now as we ever were.

My sister-in-law is giving birth to a niece or nephew

Christmas day at my brother's house with his new bride and both families!

Christmas eve church where I will see friends I haven't seen or talked to in 4 years.

Christmas party Tomorrow night at Jenna's ( I can't wait to give my secret santa gift! )!

Saturday singing Holiday songs for my Weight watchers group.

Sneaking into one of my kidlette's masses to hear her sing when she doesn't know I'm coming.

Possibly seeing jax???

Loeving and missing Maple Mama and Bernie and Jax.

Not being able to wait to see the expressions on faces when they open their gifts

Baking my goodies to take with me to friends and Family

My end of Holiday drink with my friends on Christmas Night at Jenna's. ( I'm bringing my little buddies a tv this year - shhhhhhhhh)

My weight loss successes.

All my faithful readers and new friends!

All in all it's been a good year for me.