mental head slap.

I had a long talk with Bernie today.

I am happy to have him nearby and more happy that I got to have this time with him. Especially on the phone.

I realized that I don't have any "guy" friends anymore that are:

A. Straight
B. Just my friends.
C. trustworthy.

He holds the distinction of being the only one. It's an honor that I hold dear actually.

So I talked to him about some things that are going on with my best friend. He's a great listener. He listened to me, calmly even when I was fighting tears, and his bottom line was brilliant. "It's the difference between men and women".

Huh.

Mental head slap.

When I paused to think about it.... he's right. Not that I like it, because I don't and not because it should be this way, because I don't think it should, It just is.

Women, generally speaking, will call their girlfriends or sisters or whoever they need to and talk out their issues, problems and frustrations.

Men, quite simply, don't. Not as a first line of defense at any rate. Most will suffer in silence. Some will blog, some will podcast, some will paint, some will write, some will compose.

Mine tends to compose. But even that's not happening now.

So I am dealing with this situation with a man who won't communicate, and I think the problem is that he may not want to or know how to. My problem is I need to fix things for others. If it's broken, I want to help fix it, if you are hurting, I want to make the hurt less, If you are crying, I want to make you laugh.... it's who I am.

We call it the Messiah complex. Needing to make everything better for everyone else. He has one too - makes for a hell of a fun relationship.

Furthermore, when push came to shove, and I actually made my worries and concerns known, I think that while all of them are valid, I may not have conveyed them in a way that a guy can deal with. I wrote them down, because I am not being given the opportunities to communicate in the normal way - a conversation. He's either avoiding or not in a condition to deal with it.

In my letter, I basically treated him like one of the girls, which I know he likes to say and think that he is, but he's really not. And I think it may have caused some additional strife.

He may not know what he needs, which is fine. I may not be able to help, which is not fine and I will have to find a way to deal with... my problem not his. I need to help him by just being there and he needs to help me by talking more and taking some actions that will help him.

We both know we need to talk, it's just a matter of time now.

Thanks for once again being there to pick me up Bernie!!!!! I loev you!