How to be in a relationship

Folks, THIS is the course I needed in undergrad.

Because honestly - I have no freaking clue what I am doing.

My parents divorced when I was young and both went through hell, literally, to find their current partners that they ultimately married for 25+ years.

So I have no idea how to navigate this.

When things are good, they are good. Now they aren't so hot, but we aren't sprinting for the door.... but we are in the avoidance aisle of the store.

So I don't know how to do this. And it's hard. And when the going gets tough and I Can't get results ( please remember that being a project manager is a results driven career), I lose patience, I freak out and my brain explodes.

I have to remember that everyone does not recover or behave according to my timetable. Yes I love the idea that it's all about me, except that it's actually not.

Frankly, I don't know how you married folks do it. Every day, I think about my friends who are married and I am absolutely bowled over by how you do it.

We aren't married and we FIGHT to stay together. Not literally. But lately its been a struggle. A lot of sickness, death, depression, past lives, the holidays and a birthday. it's a lot of pressure.

But it doesn't warrant craziness. I want to not be this nuts. Uncertainty makes me crazy and the longer I go on being uncertain, the more my wild imagination gets wilder.

I know both of us need to be communicating and I see definite effort here, not on the topics I want, but effort nonetheless. And honesty in areas I wasn't expecting to discuss either.

I am still learning how to love and care for this person. That doesn't sound right.... I know how to do that, but in tough times, I have a set of needs that clearly is different from his. We are there for each other, but I tend to hit insane/ crazy a lot quicker. He tends to hit remote and distant quicker. I don't yell and scream - I cry. He yells and screams - he doesn't. We both resort to sarcasm. Always a treat.

But the one underlying thing that I think we both worry about - we are afraid of being left.

So - there is no class or course you can take to learn this stuff - just practice and paying attention to the detail and learning the physical and verbal cues. On top of, honesty and communicating of course.

To wrap up here, I don't think I ever paid attention to the relationship itself before with anyone else. Just sort of took it moment by moment and hoped for the best. Now that its really important.... I am trying to be a quicker study and do the things that feel right to me.... ( thank you Lisa!) and trying to communicate with man in a way that works for him AND me( thank you Bernie and Lisa).

I really want to thank you guys for your support - all of you:

Maplemama - who knows where I come from and really gets where I am get to
Bernie - For being the straight man in my life that gives me "manly" advice
Lisa - Your wisdom always blows me away
Mrs Jackson - Your love and support and willingness to say the things you know will piss me off but make me think!!!!
Voice Twin - VOICE OF REASON DURING THE CRAZYS

Love you guys - you are beyond special and important to me!!!

And it ain't over yet - you guys are still on duty..... but I am more than willing to repay the favor as needed!!!!