Fate and life choices

As you all know I don't believe in soul mates. I do believe that there can be "perfect" matches but they can change over time.

I am not the same person I was at 21. If I had married the man that I loved in my early 20's I would be miserable, divorced and probably a mother.

I'm lucky enough to still call that man by the title "friend". But husband? uh - thanks - no.

What I discovered in looking back at the men in my life from the very first one to the most recent is that they all had something special in common. Two things actually.

One: They were either musicians OR had a deep love of music.
Two: There was a sensitive side to them.

Growth is possible between two people. If you are lucky, you grow together through love, respect and.... communication.

We had a week of highs and lows. Actually that describes my life with him perfectly. Now, normally, I would tell you that I would choose a man who would give me safety and securtiy. And um. well. Boredom.

I am NEVER bored with Jon. Never.

After a very eventful week, we had a scheduled game night tonight. We love board games and played them while he was in the hospital daily.

Tonight was a scheduled pot luck sit down dinner with 3 couples and then two board games over dessert.

Last night I came home from teaching and he announces that the audition for the play in the city that he was asked to read for was moved up to, that's right, TONIGHT.

5-8.

Dinner was scheduled at 6:30.

He cooked the entree in the morning and got on the train while I was out east getting groomed. He went to his brothers and then to the city. They got him in and out in an hour. We ended up 30 minutes late to dinner - and since we were bringing it and the hostess was running behind it worked out well.

This was a great night. We were on opposite teams. And yet we were still a team. It was quite funny but we were acting like an actual couple - possibly for the first time in front of our friends like that. It was nice and it was odd.

Up till now, while we were a couple, we were still sort of a secret couple.

Slowly but surely that is changing. I got a healthy dose of a lot good stuff today. He bragged about me right in front of our friends which I loved and was surprised by. The whore wasn't mentioned at all in any capactiy. He and I played off each other like the pro's that we are. It was obvious to everyone.

He also told everyone at the table about my different laughs. It was incredibly touching.

I know you are all reading this and scratching your head thinking "What's the big frickin deal? So what"

And if I were you - I know that's what I would be saying.

The fact is - we have been working hard to become a unit - a single unit - not two people in two worlds acting as one once in awhile.

I have a secret to tell you too.

I knew 9 years ago, after his divorce - that he was the only man for me. I love that but I hate it.

I knew that no matter who I dated, he would be the man by which all others would be measured. And while at times that bothers me, most of the time I am content in that knowledge.

So game night was a success in a lot of ways. The boys won Trivial pursuit though we gave them a good run for their money. We won Pictionary. By a hair. But we still won.

The fact is that I know how I feel about him and he knows how he feels about me. I dont' fight it I gave that up a long time ago. He does occasionally still fight it, because he's accustomed to a certain lifestyle and hasn't made 100% peace with the choice that HE wanted to make. He told me the other day that moving in was the best choice he made in a long time.

We are actively working on making this house "OURS". Since we decided in this uncertain economy that moving not a choice for the time being, we are making what we have work better for both of us.

As for his illness, we had a scare this week with some sudden and rapid swelling in the lymph node ( in about 30 minutes ) and we took a trip to the ER and there was nothing they could do because I had him ice it before we left the house and by the time we got there, it was gone. It happened again the next day and we identified it as being related to the hole in his tonsils. Food gets in and voila! Instant swelling.

To add a sad note, a dear friend of mine had her mom pass from the same type of cancer on Friday. While that scared Jon terribly as it did me, our hearts and condolences are with her and her family right now. We love her mom and will miss her terribly. The family is in her thoughts at this time.

To wrap this up, fate is a funny thing. Whether you believe in fate, soul mates or whatever isn't even important. I make my life choices by my gutt a lot of the time. I made the choice about Jon 9 years ago. It just wasn't "our time" yet. I'm not even sure it's our time now. But I think we are a lot closer to that than we ever were.

So whether this is fate or a life choice - or both - I am not sorry.

And I am NOT bored.