Tonight was the last funeral and it was the hardest for me. Yesterday was Larry's. I loved Larry, but he was ill for a long time and I think he died of a broken heart. Tonight was Doris'. That was particularly rough as she only went to the hospital - perfectly healthy I might add - to have cataract surgery. The minister at the memorial service was barely getting through the service himself. I found myself crying during his sermon. Doris was a COOL lady and she was 79. Her husband is devastated. and I don't blame him.
Anyway after all these services, I realized that I was not fit company for polite civilized company. So I walked out of my rehearsal very early as everything there was pissing me off and went home. On my way I stopped and had a big mac, I can't tell you how long its been since I have eaten one of those. The drive through line had three cars on it and we were there for 20 minutes. evidently the first car was getting enough food to send to the troops overseas. Once we got there they handed me my order and I drove home. I normally check before pulling away for accuracy. Hell, most of the kids working there don't even necessarily speak English THAT well. I didn't and I was sorry - the Iced Tea I asked for came to me as Hi-C. I was a little bit annoyed. Just one more thing to add to my night.
Since I know I am angry I opted to not talk on the phone. though I did return some calls to people who weren't home, so I didn't speak to them just to their machines and warned them nicely not to call back tonight. I spoke to one friend of mine who knows how I can be at these times and is very calming. After that, I played a computer game that required major concentration. I needed something to focus my aggressions on and this seemed to be the ticket as no one gets hurt ( well except for the witches and wizards in the game and I am telling you that stupid dragon is gonna be next!). I am feeling better after that game to be honest. I could be fit for polite society again after all. I just left with a lot of rage and anger tonight. All the little stuff I normally do not care about was just aggravating me to the point of anger.
I needed quiet time today and seriously was not getting it. I tried to watch a movie and lay down but i picked the wrong movie. I chose Syrianna. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD choice. I couldn't focus and I had really been interested in seeing this. I was disgusted and annoyed after the first 40 minutes and fell asleep - for 10 minutes when the phone rang, the rest of my afternoon went right along the same way. So I gave up, showered and got ready for the memorial service. You know the rest.
Its too much to have this many deaths and one pending happen so fast. It looks like my grandmother has spit in the eye of death one more time as she will be released from the hospital to a nursing home for a short term visit temporarily. That will give my mom the chance to recharge her batteries as she is suffering too. Lack of sleep, stress and always wondering and worrying what happens next. She started working out and I am going to do the same starting tomorrow. It's just better over all to manage my stress.
I'll be better after a good nights sleep. Lord knows I need it. I am headed there as soon as friends is over ( 10 minutes from now). I'll be better in the morning once I have one day not to be in a church of mourners. I am feeling sad for these families. I even feel sad for Diva's husband. I know what this feels like from their perspective. I still want to call my dad on the phone and tell him things. I forget sometimes. Its normal, I am told by my priest. I talk to him about these things when the going gets rough, which helps. We are the same age within months and we get along great.
Anyway - things will be back to normal in the morning - I will be my normal chipper self!
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