Dear Friends and Bloggers,
I realize to most of you who regularly read, I must sound like a broken record. I must sound like a whiny woman who is crying for the moon.
I have to tell you that this Blog is so important to me because this is the one place that I use to sound out my feelings, blow off steam without saying harmful things to people and to get som of my ideas andn opinions out there.
So therefore, if I seem repetitive, you need to chalk it up to the blow off steam and sound out my feelings portion of "why I blog". And while it is important to me that my readers, um, read, it is actualy more important that I get what I have to say off my chest.
I think the reason that I am overall handling these massive challenges that are coming at me all at once, better than I normally do, is because I blog. I put my feelings and opinions down and when I am done, I can walk away feeling better. I think more clearly and see the situation that may be bothering me slightly more objectively.
So I will start today by thanking you all for you patience, love and support.
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Situations demanding my attention that cause me stress:
On Being President:
I have decided officially that I am not going to be president. I have no guilt feelings over this decision. It is the right one for me and I will stand by it. I am not afraid to tell my friends AND family that I just don't wish to hold that position. I have never wanted it and taking it on with out the desire, is just foolish. An not fair to the group.
On Feeling Foolish and Getting and Giving Help:
I am not embarassed or ashamed that I went to my priest for help and support. He asked me some questions that I knew were coming... I don't think I would have phrased them the same way, but thats neither here nor there. He acknowledged what he saw ( which is what everyone who has been in contact has seen) and understood why I remain involved in the situation at all. He also understands that what happened 10 years ago really plays a major part in what is happening today. Based on all the history and the current triangle / pay it forward / family illnesses situation, I have temporarily decided to wait and see. I can't and will not do this forever as my sanity cannot tolerate that. If I must, I will issue my ultimatum and fade silently away for awhile. I don't wish to do that. By doing that, I will inflict more pain on someone who is already tortured. I can't live with that even if it is the right thing to do for myself. I can't sacrifice someone else for my happiness. and Certainly not someone that I love. This topic is going to crop up now and again and I beg your indulgence on it as I am really not as good at this as I wish I were. I have wonderful friends, but I fear they are tired of listening to me.
Health:
I am continuing to exercize and eat right. I owe that to myself. I am looking better, my eyes are now adjusted to the contacts and I really like them. I tore one in half during my dress reahearsal and didn't even notice that half was stuffed in the corner of my eye! That was too funny.... My B/P continues to average right in the normal area.
Music:
My director is resigning tonight after our performance. He is sick of hte politics and the crap that is going on and I do not blame him. This is Romper Room for adults with some Choral MAsterworks thrown in. Depending on what happens with a new director ( A friend of mine was put up for the job already) I will completely support her but I am going to warn her, once she decides, what she is dealing with. This crew has never done that and I don't think it's fair. So I will do it myself and arm her with the information up front.
Family:
My stepmom is going to be very agnry and upset with me after this weekend. I really feel badly that I don't care that much. It's not that I don't care about her, but her reasons will be superficial and she will handle it by badmouthing me behind my back. I wish I could care abouot that, but I really can't. She will get one warning if I hear it, and then after that, she is on her own. I don't have that much tolerance these days.
Please do not mistake this for "A plan checkpoint". It's not. It's just me outlining the area's in my life that are causing me stress and where I am at.
If I take everything else away - the reason I went to see my priest is the biggest one weighing on my mind.
I hope everyone enjoys a Happy Mothers Day!
2 comments:
It's strange, but I sometimes feel the need to apologize for covering the topics over and over. But for those problems that linger in your mind, I think a blog is a wonderful place to put them.
Though I very much wish you had less stress, I think you're doing an admirable job of considering and coping with it. I'm quite proud to know you, so this blog obviously displays some of your wonderful qualities. I don't make friends with just anyone. :)
I tried to comment this weekend, but Comcast wouldn't let me.
I was going to say that it's your blog. No need to apologize for anything you write. I certainly don't blog for other people. I write what I need to write. I make it available for others for two reasons--one, it makes it easier for me to let my friends know what's up without as much typing, and two, it's out there in the off chance that it can be of help to someone else. But whatever your reasons for blogging--certainly no apologies necessary.
I am glad that you've come up with a, um, non-plan that works for you. Hope it helps.
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