The gift of love - a Daily Meditation

I have a book for daily meditations for people who worry too much. It was written by Anne Wilson Schaef.

I didn't buy it intentionally.

I used to belong to a book club and totally forgot to send the card in that I didn't want that book. So it came and it sat on my coffee table for years. Since 1996 in fact. I picked it up - 7 years ago to be honest - and read the days randomly as needed. The book works like this - you look up todays date (without the year), you read the passage and meditate on it.

We are in the middle of a huge thunder and lightening storm right now, one of my favorite things in the world. It started right around the time that I normally pray and meditate. So I open the book to May 1. And this is what came up to greet me.

The Gift of Love
"When have I not been dreading dangers more grievous than the reality? Love is a thing replete with anxious fears. "

Penelope

It's sad, isn't it, that one of the greatest gifts we have as human beings (not that this gift is exclusive to humans!), the gift of loving and being loved, is so replete with anxieties. It is difficult to remember that love is always a gift. We cannot make our children love us no matter how we try. We cannot make anyone love us no matter how we try. We canoot make our friends love us, nor the man or woman we think we want as a spouse.

The Loving itself is not "replete with anxious fears." It is the belief that we can control love that results in anxiety. When we believe that we can control love, we always have to be on red alert, lest in a moment of inattention someone snatches it or it goes away. When it is our responsibility to keep it there, we can never rest.

When I remember that love is a gift, I can relax and enjoy it.


I meditated on this and how it applies to my life. Then I prayed for the things that I need, I spent a lot of time praying for one thing that I want. Then I began my prayers for others. In that time, it occured to me that this gift of love is truly rare and I personally, until recently, was not open to it as I should have been.

I mean all kinds of love.

I am truly a blessed person in that I have a wonderful family and an amazing network of friends. I love all of them so much. And I really don't expect that they all love me. But they do.
I have never believed that I needed a man to complete me. ( SO Jerry Maguire). I wanted one, but didn't need one. A Partner is nice, but not required.

But is that really so? I discovered that I can live without someone, but I really don't want to. I also discovered that burying my feelings and hoping they will go away, can work for a really long time, but it is a short path to shutting down.

That's where I have been for quite awhile. Shut down. Walls I didn't want to build were built without my knowledge. One day I woke up and they were there. who built them? where did they come from ?


I know now where they came from. Me. I know why and with whom and on what date that construction job started. So, I had a long talk with God tonight, we talked about a lot of things - well I talked, he listened. I hope. Amongst the thunder and lightning strikes, I asked for forgiveness on a couple of things that I could have done differently and certainly better. Then I talked about love and what I am looking for and wanting. I begged for strength to be patient, strength to have the courage of my convictions when and if it is needed. I begged for divine intervention in the area of love in my life.

And in my love life.

In effect, I am putting all my eggs in that divine basket. That basket will go up on a shelf. It will be meditated and prayed on once per day. Eventually those prayers will be answered. Prayers always are - maybe not the solution you wanted, but one will be provided. I heard that many years ago from a friend in college - he was right then and he's right now.

Love is a gift. In any form.

Enjoy those you love.