1:42 AM

The sleepless nights
The wordless fights
You say I don't listen to you
But I hear you, I truly do.

I listen carefully when you cough
I hear you when you choke
When I hear your breathing slow
I finally wind down because I now know....
You are resting.

I can see it in your face.
In repose you are in peace.
The pain is washed away.
Your mind and body are at ease.

The treatment you require
in order to survive
Is not one that anyone would chose
for their hearts desire.

It courses through your veins, for one solid day.
Causing many other symptoms to come along the way.
You are strong enough to bounce back, though each time takes much longer.
What I notice most throughout this process, is your will gets so much stronger.

The power of your brain and your sense of humor never diminishes..
Sadly though, your appetite can't appreciate my wonderful dishes!

I never thought in all that time
That you would decompress with me over Vodka and lime
That the tables would turn as if on a dime
That you would become the patient and I would watch helplessly as you decline.

Though temporary, I realize, that does make things better.
Except when you pant like an Irish Setter.... :-)
I cannot imagine what you are going through inside,
I'm sorry in advance for the things I don't provide.

I miss the way things used to be.
I miss our talks and all the movies.
I miss your touch and your kisses.
I miss the closeness and the way you listened.
I miss our music and that intense connection that blooms
I miss you most even when you are in the next room.

I hate that I keep it all bottled up in here
I can't talk to you like I want to, mostly out of fear.
I fear that you will be angry or sad.
But mostly that I do not want you to feel bad.
I do not want you to ever think
that I blame you for these tumors they are trying to shrink.

Five weeks will soon pass - before you can blink
And we can start again, I think.

Stay strong and fight this. I know you can win.
When it's all over, you can begin to live again.