It's harder in some ways to be the designated caretaker of a loved one though, because there is a vested interest in their wellbeing. We WANT our loved ones to get better.
If you are any kind of intelligent person, you read a lot on the illness itself, caretaking, alternate methods - pretty much everything you can get your mitts on.
Invariably there is the learning curve of the patient. For example. I've read in several noted medical websites that continuing to take a multi vitamin and various supplements is a good idea. I mention this to Jon. Jon immediately hits the gutt reaction and says "no".
In the beginning, I took offense and immediately argued. Now I don't bother. Why? Because 48 hours after I mention it, he will come up with it on his own and speak to his doctors who, in turn, will either agree or disagree - or in one case , laugh, because we quoted HIS article.
So in my case, being the caretaker here means the following M AJOR tasks rest with me:
- Sole financial provider
- Chief Bottle washer ( and refiller)
- Head Chef
- Lead Research Assistant
- Medical Assistant
- Personal Shopper
- Constant Companion
- Shrink
- Whipping Post
- Housekeeper
- Cat Groomer
- IT Professional
- Professional Ego Booster
- Financial Aid counsellor
You get the idea.
Last year at this time... well - we were breaking up - but RIGHT before that and RIGHT after... my responsibilities were simple. I was the girlfriend. I was the sole emotional support while he took care of his dying brother ( who is still living now by the grace of God). We were still courting.
I miss that. A lot.
What I have discovered in putting his needs completely ahead of my own is that eventually i get tired of being last or not at all. And I lash out. I don't need a lot. However, Last year this time I weighed more than I do now, but I felt prettier, sexier, smarter and loved. Now? I feel ugly and fat all the time. I feel unloved and not in the least bit sexy. As for intellect? Please don't get me started.
Here's the deal though. If I feel all those things.... imagine what he feels like?
Neither of us should have to feel this way andd unfortunately the situation is such that this is going to happen. The high side of this is that because we are doing this together, the downs are more physical for him then mental and emotional. For me the dows are more emotional and mental not physical.
It's not easy and lord knows I add to that list every day.
It's an act from the heart. It's an act of love.
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