There'll be tears in my ears....

Ok - a lyrics writer I am not....

These are actual C&W lyrics to a song I am unfamiliar with. A friend of mine used to quote it. They stuck with me, lord only knows why.

Also in a book I read awhile ago, by Mary Higgins Clark, The heroine of the story was describing the aftermath of her sister's death "My eyes would just suddenly start leaking and I had know idea it was even happening."

This is what happens to me now. I don't consciously cry. It's really odd. I'll be watching TV - it could be any show - but for arguments sake we'll use tonight as the example. I came home and Jon told me I didn't have to text him when I was on my way - if he needs something he'll text me. It just wakes him up.

I apologized for disturbing him to which he said I couldn't have known that - which is true.

So we were watching "Sleepers" and old movie but one that I really like to be sure. At the end, I noticed that my face was wet and that tears were leaking onto my hands. I don't think I even realized I was crying. No lump in the throat, no flushed face, no inablilty to speak. Just water leaking out of my eyes.

A really weird phenomenon. Stranger still - I can't seem to stop it.

I'm sure it's a combination of things. I don't feel sad. Really. Stressed - yes. Busy? sure. Lonely even though he's here? absolutely. Feeling that I don't do enough? Hell yes.

But sadness? no. Other than the normal sadness that comes from watching a loved one suffer. And that's what I do more often than not - watch a loved one suffer. Because there is little any of us can do including him.

The latest news is that the Chemo is aggravating his Gout. So we are changing up the non existent diet to include more fruits and vegetables. in liquid form of course. I am reading up on dietary changes that will support both gout and chemo.

Every night I take my laptop and do what I call research projects. I kick off some key words in Google while I write my post for the night. Then I scroll through and read up on the topic of the night.

Diet is tonight again. This is going to be a few days. Any suggestions for websites to look at are appreciated!