So Close

You’re in my arms

And all the world is calm

The music playing on for only two

So close together

And when I’m with you

So close to feeling alive

A life goes by Romantic dreams will stop

So I bid mine goodbye and never knew

So close was waiting, waiting here with you

And now forever I know

All that I wanted to hold you

So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end

Almost believing this was not pretend

And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come

So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days

If I should lose you now?

We’re so close

To reaching that famous happy end

And almost believing this was not pretend

Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are

So close So close

And still so far

I have spent a lot of time lately mentioning this song. It's virtually the only thing I listen to these days too. I know that sounds obsessive and it's not. If you know me even a little - you know that when a piece of music touches me that much I can't get enough of it into my soul fast enough so I do what I can to bring it in with large doses until I can pour it back it out.

I can't begin to tell you how I keep thinking back to Sunday on the beach by myself. It's the memory attached to this song. My Sitting on the boardwalk, watching people, seagulls, volleyball, ocean, waves, sky, kites - all of it, It was so wonderful and so filling up the emptiness that I was starting to feel. And I Don't know why the emptiness and I Don't know why that solved it.

The Psychic echoed everything that was renewed in my soul the next day. I was scared and nervous because I honestly didn't know what she would say. But she said things I needed to know and things I needed to hear. All of them good.

The thing is - I DO believe in fairy tales. Anyone who reads this who knew me as a child KNOWS I WAS THE FREAKING PRINCESS. I had the crown. I had the dresses and the shoes. I HATED to get dirty.

Evey birthday party that I had, I had some kind of birthday crown. Seriously. Ask my mom. I had the dresses- never pink though. Still am not crazy about it.

I believed in the prince, the magical wedding and happily ever after. Hell I GOT up at 4AM to watch Prince Charles marry Diana. My step mom and I both did. And I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON. Not then, not now, not ever.

That's not all - sometimr in my early 20's my parents and my sister and I went to Europe. On our 4th day there - we got on a train and went from Amsterdam to Brussels and somehow managed to get into the Coronation procession of the prince being upgraded King.

HOwever, somewhere between my early 20's and now - fairy tales died, happily ever after got lost somewhere in the other county and princes and princesses? Seriously? come on.

Here's the part of the story that you may or may not know.

10 years ago, Jon and I broke off things - seemingly permanent. I went to the bar where he worked and basically handed him a letter that said "get your head out of your ass - you know we are meant to be together and that we are perfect together. I knew it when you arrived at the wedding a YEAR before and I knew you were divorced without anyone telling me"

I look back on that and realize that as much as I say I don't believe in soul mates, he's it. I can tell you that till the cows come home ( and that would be a neat trick since we don't have any cows and live in a high rise),but the bottom line is as bad as things have been and things can be, We are soul mates.

So I guess I do believe in them after all.

Happily ever after? We'll see about that.