The little things

I realized, while riding in the car this afternoon, that this was really labor day weekend.

For Jon, this means nothing this year.

For me, it just means a day off work.

Overall, what I realized was literally how fast the summer passed us by. Not that we weren't busy, or paying attention. It just passed us by.


We were on our way to the movies. It's a big day for us. I commented that we hadn't been to a movie in the theater - together - in almost 4 years. And I can tell you what it was and where we saw it. He laughed and proceeded to tell me what it was and where we saw it.


It tends to be the little things that count though.


The psychic mentioned that we would be making a large ticket expenditure together. I laughed because these days it seems that everything is.


But Friday we started looking at furniture together. Not dinky cheap stuff either. But we had to come to terms on a look. He likes modern and I like more of a "Bombay company" look. So we settled on Crate and Barrel.


I started a list of the items that we want to get. He was really into it. I was surprised.


The discovery that he feels unattractive and insecure was a real wakeup for me. Of course when I commented on it, I was told that my opinion is suspect as I was already in love with him. THat made us both laugh. True - but still funny.


When you are in the public eye as he is, with adoring fans falling at your feet, you don't need to go looking for adulation from outside sources. And with him, knowing that he is beloved makes it easier for him to be happy wiht himself and with me.


But he hasn't been. happy that is, and I blamed myself for awhile and still do in moments of weakness. We are starting to get out more and take care of socializing and the like. I am trying to be patient and gently nudge him along making him think it's his idea. But I am hitting my own insecure rough patches.


I walked 90 mins on the boardwalk the other night. I am also doing my pushups and situps at night. I am doing a Sea Spa Detox that was rough for the first 3 days but seems to be better today which is day 4. I have lost 4 lbs and my skin and hair look amazing.


Of course today my hair dryer burner out too... figures. Gotta buy a new one.


We have been drinking a glass of wine each night and he has a doctor appt wiht the renal doctore and then radiation to determine when he will have his surgery. The Tumor on the one side appears larger at this time - It was tender to the touch and hot since he had the PET scan.


I am back to prayer at night. Largely for him, and me. And us. But I also include the respective family and friends and things of the like. I did become an Aunt for the 8th time and will become an aunt for 9th in October.


I am afraid to be optimistic. But I can't afford not to be. I miss the old us.


He started talking to me about things in his marriage. Traditions and behaviours that worked that he would like to continue and things that didn't. Slowly slowly slowly.

I don't do slow.

But I'm trying.