Oprah

I am not an Oprah fan.

I am not a Martha Stewart fan either - and I actually have personal access to her.

However, my mom, meaning well, subscribed me to the Oprah magazine.

I am stupidly behind in my periodical reading given how busy life has become in 2008. So in my travels, I always bring one with me to read so I can catch up.

I took one to the beach with me the other day when walking. I tend to do the full boardwalk and then sit on one of the many benches and watch the ocean and the folks around while reading and listening to my ipod.

I read a fascinating article on love and the universe. It told the story of a woman who was advised by her psychic to write down a list of qualities she wanted in a partner "right down to the color of his socks" and put it away. The universe would deliver him to her. According to the story - it did.

Nice story - very oprah-esque - but I wasn't buying it.

So when my massage therapist gave ME the same advice I looked at her and laughed. She then proceeded to tell me how she went through a rough period - really rough - until she met her current partner. Whom she is madly in love with and he with her. They are an amazing couple too. I worship them because not only are they amazing people but they inspire others. Just by being themselves.

After that last huge fight, I went to teach her a voice lesson and being so in tune with me - she immediately asked me what was wrong.

We talked for awhile and after imparting that advice, I went home and did just that. I made my list. And with only one or two minor exceptions, that man is sitting in my home. He's just not ready. The universe delivered me a half baked cake. Maybe I'm so supposed to finish off the recipe.... tee hee.....

Anyway - the bottom line is when you step back and discover that the problem isn't yours, but you are involved due to proximity, the only thing you can do is work on yourself. You can't solve another's mid life crisis, or growth period. Which is more or less what this is.

So - I started doing just that. And I noticed a big change - in him and in us. Good ones.

We aren't all the way there but in 4 short days, he started working out again, he started making calls to his doctors to set up appointments, he is cooking again, we went out to a movie and had a drink in public, we are going to a play in the city this weekend ( the most affordable theater in NYC I might add - 18 dollars a ticket) and we started making some music together.

What did I do? I know you are dying to ask. For one thing, I stopped all discussions of money unless he initiated it. Temporarily. Just give him some time to get his head together. I did the food shopping so he didn't worry about how much money food was.

I went to my Pilates class. I am planning to do at least one more day per week starting next week. We started clearing and organizing the music room and he made some contacts with his old land lady to get our dining room table out of storage so we can get rid of mine ( its 20 years old and VERY Unstable).

I made a new deal with myself too. That each day I am going to write down 5 things that I am thankful for. Right here. For all of you to see. If I commit to doing this here, I will at least make an effort.

Sounds Oprah-esque doesn't it? Well it is. I got an anniversary mini book in one of the magazines called "What I know for sure". IN it she rights all kinds of neat gems with stories.

This one - called - "Be Thankful" is very ironic as it's November and very timely for Thanksgiving. She talks of her meltdown on the phone with Maya Angelou. And All Maya said to her was "Say Thank you". She was shocked into silence and asked why. Because by being thankful you are accepting the gifts you have and being grateful for the opportunity to receive. Thus making you able to receive even more. And I think we can all agree - Oprah's life has been bountiful and she has been sharing that bounty for years.

So in keeping with that, here are my five things from today:

1. I am thankful today that I have a roof over my head and healthy food to eat
2. I am thankful for all my friends and family.
3. I am thankful that the man that I love is getting better.
4. I am thankful that our country is getting a fresh start. Now let's see what he does with it.
5. I am thankful that I have a job - two - and that I am able to provide for my family.

There won't be any repeats for awhile. I am going to try and keep my word on that.

You know what's kind of funny about this exercise, is that I do something similar with my students. I have noticed that no matter what kind of family I teach in, I have kids with self esteem issues. I don't know what that's about to be honest, but given my own, if I can help a child release that burden I try. So what I do with them at each lesson is I tell them things about them that I like that are not necessarily music related and part of the general conversation. Then at the end of the lesson I make them tell me two things about them that I like that are NON MUSIC related and then two things that they think they could improve on. Then I let them do that to me. It's worked wonders on one kid who has a manipulative and lying streak in her.

Another thing that I do is that when we fight or we have things like this happen that don't really involve me but I am involved in due to proximity, I go to work on something that I am doing FOR HIM. Like his fundraiser that he doesn't yet know about. Like the Christmas party that I arranged to have so many of our friends at so we can be there for his first performance and his birthday. Like his Christmas gifts. All those things. I feel better for doing those things and refocuses my energies of anger elsewhere.

Oprah's show may drive me crazy - I do like her as an actress - but her magazine has some really good stuff in it. I'm not sorry I get that magazine now. It does have some good points.

She's not quite my hero but she does have some wisdom to impart.