Counseling Part 2

It's 11:31.

IT'S 11:31!!!!!

Holy crap. I'm supposed to be at a students house RIGHT NOW.

I jump out of bed and run to the phone.

"Hey I'm running behind today. If I get there in the next 15 minutes is that OK? "

After hearing yes, I jump into some clothes and run off to my students house. I'm not even sure what roads I took to get there.

The lesson was like pulling teeth with this kid in the beginning. I am sure that that I am 60% of t he problem, but the parents even agree she's been at little bit surly with me. Or with any adult for that matter.

I asked her what SHE thought was not going well. She told me she has trouble with her breathing. Too bad, we all go through it, I think to myself. Then I opened my mouth to speak and out came:

"How old were you when you started skating. ?" She answered 5 or 6.
"What would you say was the hardest move you had to learn" She answered her axel,
"HOw long did it take you to master it to where you were confident in it" She answerd 2-3 years.
"Learning how to control your breathing is lot like that axel. You can't run out and buy good breath support or a good axel, You can't order it off the internet. It's something that takes time. Time for your body to understand what you are asking it to do. Something you've never demanded of it before. Do you remember the day you mastered that axel?"

She smiled. She said yes.

"It's going to be like that when one day you sing this note for as long as it needs to e held and you don't even realize it but you've moved on with the song. Because it was right and it felt right. I don't let you use words in the beginning so you can get all the other stuff you need to think about down. When we add the words, it's usually a quick trip to the performance isn't it?"

She smiled again.

She didn't say anything. But I saw that smile again,

She got it.

I came home and put my PJ's on. All of a sudden I wanted to sit out by the pool. I put my suit on, got my book, my ipod and my water and sat outside till the sun moved to the west side of the building. The clouds kept moving in and around the sun.

At one point I looked up and I swear God was watching me back. I had the most benevolent feeling. Aside from the fact that this particular member of his flock as now strayed 4 weeks in a row, I was sort of surprised.

I asked him what on earth was he thinking? Why am I targeted for this heartbreak? This is not going to make me a better person, it's going to turn me into a freaking hermit, you know the crazy cat lady at the end of the street who's never married???? That's going to be me.

Naturally I didn't expect the sky to open it's cloud mouth and give me the answer. I returned to my reading.

I chose to make today a no thinking day. I read an entire James Patterson book cover to cover outside in the sun. I watched Grumpy Old Men and then Side Order of Life. Which has soem weird undertones that match up with my life in some weird ways.

I have my appointment tomorrow with my priest. I am going alone, my best friend is not invited. Though he wants to be badly. As much as I think he's genuinely interested in meeting this man, I think a portion of it stems more from his wanting to tell his "side" of things. I know that in this scenario if the roles were reversed, that's what I would be thinking and his self esteem is in worse shape than mine these days.

As was true the last time, I feel almost awkward about going to see my priest about this. I feel like I should be able to sort this through myself.

And I know I said it the last time. And yes, he helped me a bit then. So it stands to reason this should be helpful now, yes?

I can't organize what I think, what I feel, what was actually said vs. implied commentary. So this is going to be an interesting session to be sure.

Somewhere, someday this all needs to make sense.





But all of a sudden, she stopped resisting me and everything she did was just glorious. I mean shiningly so. So I grabbed an