Things are better now

Things are back to normal.

My housekeeper came today and cleaned my house - it's so nice now. My Christmas tree is down and my house is clean.

I found that I was down to my last check so I re-ordered. I bought pretty tropical ones from Colorfulimages.com.

I don't want to talk about the bad things that happened with my coach. He apologized. That's all I can ask for. I doubt he's changed but that's my challenge not his. My challenge in terms of can I tolerate and do I want to? For now, yes. But it did force me to look at the relationship and examine those things that I don't like. Voice Twin and I had a conversation today about that and we are both on the same page about it but we will probably act on it in different ways. Our voices may be similar but we are different people in many ways. good ways, and she's starting in a different place than I am. The thing that continues to come up for me, is that when you are an adult taking lessons from a peer, there's a fine line between friendship and teacher/student. There's more control on the student end of that relationship. I forgot that and I need to start remembering that. I am a teacher as well. I am not a newbie or anything like that. And that children, concludes our fairy tale.

So my house is clean, I went back to the insanity ( my day job) and now I am settling in to watch the snow.

I am reveling in the normal-ness of things and I am in a good place now. I have heard the files and I am very happy with the job that I did. I ate very healthy, normal quantities of food today. I am deciding what to do for dinner even as we speak and there is a hot bath and hot chocolate in my future. Tomorrow there are big plans for exercise and some critical listening to the recital for my own notes.

This weekend coming up I will be making some family sized meals to freeze - I am going to start doing 1-2 a week. One that I love and another that's new. Portion them out and freeze. then I won't be in such a hurry to stop for fast food on the way home.

My life is getting back to normal. I think I just need to keep remembering that I do have some level of control over the outcome of things like this. Being Recital-zilla isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I do better in my life when the status is quo.

Selfish or Self Centered?

Webster's Dictionary defines Self-Centered as Concerned Solely with one's own desires, needs or interests.

It defines Selfish as Concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure or well-being without regard for others.

Given the two definitions presented above it lends me to the question - Selfish or selfcentered?

As a "people", we tend to use selfish in a deragatory fashion. Self Centered however is reserved for less callous descriptions.

I am a single woman as most of you know. I tend towards the self centered because, other than my cats, most of my day to day decisions only affect me.

However. Having said that - there are times when I have difficulty because my tendancy is to NOT put myself first. It's caused me a great deal of issues in the past.

My recital is actually a wonderful example. That day was all about me. The people who participated were very careful and respectful of that. It actually made me laugh because I am without pretentions in this area. But the day was all about me and I was very nervous that I would disappoint others because of that.

My coach is a Selfish person. I do not understand it, other than the genious aspect, but he is. I don't hold it against him. Most of the time, I just work around it. When the commentary came back on my performance, every single self centered bone in my body RESONATED with anger.

And I showed it.

He called me today and I pretty much spelled it out in no uncertain terms that I felt that his commentary was inappropriate. I don't need a lot of help lowering my self esteem and that did nothing for it. I told him very pointedly that if he meant what he said as a postive thing, he would have said it that way.

The thing is, I know many selfish people and I know many self centered people. The selfish ones have a tendancy towards excuses and display an inability to take responsibility for their actions. I have friends like this, I have a coach like this. I make my peace with it because each in their way is important to me. I just have to know how to deal with them.

In the case of coach, I have no illusions about what I am dealing with. He said those things publicly to look like a bigshot. When called on it, he tried to play it off as a joke, as a miscommunication and then lastly as a new definition for the word. I let it go, but the next conversation we have I will have to remind him that I am not stupid and he's not going to convince me that I am wrong on this. But I have no intentions on fighting with him any more either. I know what he is and what I get out of the relationship is important to me. He is a spoilt child and there is no reasoning with him in these situations so it has to stop now.

You see, thanks to my bestest bud, Bernie, I have heard someo the audio recordings from my performance. I couldn't believe it was me. It was really quite good. No ego here, lord knows I should try to develop one. I was really surprised at how good I was sounding. The proof is on the tape. The post Mortem is unnecessary in it's current context. We can discuss little things. the words here and there that I blew. Being off book in the future. That kind of thing.

But now that I have heard the proof, I feel much better - even vindicated to some degree. I trust my family and my friends who attended. But that microbe of doubt in me was made into a skyscraper with that one comment. So I needed the proof that I am not crazy on this one.

I use these recordings as proof, I use them for the bragging rights that I retain but don't shove down others throats, and as a tool to learn from most importantly.

Bernie - I can't thank you enough for this. It serves as my learning tool, but most importantly, it served as my peace of mind.

Top of the world

Or at least I should be....

On the one hand, I am. I personally felt that for such an aggressive challenging program, I kicked some Serious Ass.

No performance is without its flaws. Mine tended towards two - I would have preferred to be off book ( memorized) and my words were literally failing me.

So each point:

1. My program wasn't set until 2 weeks before. I'm not THAT good at memorizing things and seriously I needed the crutch. But I was to conscious of it being there and I blew words on a tune that I know well enough to be off book and actually referred to it while I was singing. Not cool. Next time, if there is a next time and I'll cover that later, it will be set much further out than that to allow time for better memorization.

2. if I fail at something it's RARELY note or rhythm related. Its nearly always words. So most of my issues were word related down to a letter.

3. There are miscellaneous failings in coordination. These are the things that irk me the most. For starters, you don't give notes midway through a performance, ever, unless something like a train wreck with no recovery happens. I got notes. I got notes on stupid things that qualify in the area of Miscellaneous Failings in Coordination. Things like how I acknowledged the audience ( I used the three thank you method). He didn't like that, he advised me that "I had BETTER acknowledge my other performers correctly or they will be upset." during my intermission. Now in my opinion a lot of thins could have prevented this from happening and the subsequent commentary on how he doesn't' do postmortems but I could bet my sweet ass we were going to at my next lesson and I had better be there - no excuses.

Who the hell is he?

The man is a damn good coach. But come on. I'm not a freshman in college, I have performed hundreds of times before. He has worse performance nerves than I do. I didn't deal with 80% of the pre-performance stress that I normally do with him around because he did it all for me.

But in reality, I have more music degrees than he does. I have more paper proving it than he does. I always say that paper isn't the same as getting the job done, but it does help.

Why do I bring this up? Because now I am second and third guessing myself on my performance when I should have been reveling in it. He literally sucked the wind out of my sails with those two comments. He took the joy out of it for me by making the threat of "you wait until your father gets home" or "We'll have a "talk" about that later". The threat of a post mortem is just F'd up. First of all NOTHING DIED. NOTHING WENT HIDEOUSLY WRONG ENOUGH TO WARRANT A POST MORTEM.

The man unfortunately suffers two issues.

1. It's all about him. He was going to cut my favorite and best song because his pipe organ wasn't working. I said do it on piano an he said NO. Excuse me ? Whose freaking recital is it again?
2. He speaks first and thinks second. so words like "post mortem" which, in my industry, indicate that a circuit failed for more than 4 hours and the customer deserves an explanation, should never be used in a performance scenario. ever. I will NEVER do that to a kid. So help me GOD.

So I am second and third and now fourth guessing my performance. I am not as happy as I should be. I spent an hour on the way home from my mom's talking to Voice twin, who sang a duet with me, about it. She has done all the material that I did, so she was honest. She told me that I did a bang up job on an otherwise ambitious program and I didn't display vocal exhaustion or anything like that. My personal criticisms were the same ones that she noted so we were on the same page. I have other friends - musicians - that were there that I will want to speak with for honest notes. I also have a recording to listen to for that same purpose. I am after all my worst critic and even I didn't think I blew enough things to warrant a Post Mortem.

I don't think that TONIGHT should have me as down as it does. I don't thank my coach for that and when he is through with his post-mortem I will have one of my own to give. It's deliverance will be largely dependent on how his notes are delivered to me.

I'm not being vindictive - though that appears to be a nice bi-product. I will cut him slack because he had flown out and back to a Carolina perform and eulogize his first teacher. But regardless, he will hear the points about notes at intermission, threats at the end and organization or lack thereof.

He's immensely proud of me. I do know that. But dammit man - show it!

I got nothing but good comments from everyone who was there. I am trying like hell to keep those in the forefront of my mind until next week.

So on the one hand I am on top of the world and on the other - I'm pissed.

We did have a lovely party at my moms for a few of us and it was a lot of fun. I was thrilled to see my Bernie, two of my dear friends were there,Voice Twin and of course my parents. That was a blast my mom is the best hostess - we had a great time.

My mom being a musician and all, she told me that I brought tears to her eyes. I, of course, asked if she were in pain.... I was kidding. She was just floored. She couldn't believe that I was able to pull off such an ambitious program. To be honest, if I had been a little bit more assertive in the planning phase, the program would have been very different and lot less stressful. Live and learn. I told Voice Twin to learn from my mistakes. Do not be bullied into tunes you don't feel comfortable with . Do not give up creative control. Don't tolerate inappropriate behaviour, Don't tolerate excuses, and don't let the little boy-I'm-so-stupid act sway you. Sadly many traits that come with the genious territory.

Most of all, don't leave the details to him. He can coach you through the tune and all of its wonders and do a dynamite job at it. But if you don't cover things like Performance etiquette and all the things that go with it.... you get notes at intermission when you need to be focusing on other things. So really, the lesson learned is don't leave him the details. Don't leave anything to chance and don't assume that he remembers what he's been told or what he has heard.

I do so apologize for the rant. I am just very disappointed on how this worked out and how my teacher actually nearly ruined an amazing experience for me by simple lack of planning and thinking. I take some responsibility for the planning, but come on!

You'll get a much better view from me tomorrow or the next day when I've had time to calm down and review things better.

40 hours left - tick tock tick tock

I must confess I'm more excited about seeing my friends traveling down for this gig than I am about singing......

Well that's not entirely true. I am excited about singing this program. It's agressive I realize that. I'm a little bit afraid of it, I acknowledge that. But nervous? Not yet.

Not yet.

I am refusing to even consider the option until I am physically at the church on Sunday. Just not even giving myself up to the option.

My mental condition on this is actually quite good. The reality on my brother is, he hates classical music - and Opera???? YEEESH!!!!! The only classical music he really knows he learned frm cartoons. He'll tell you that. I'm disappointed in his decision based on our past together and now that things are better between us, I expected more. Maybe that's unreasonable - I don't know. There's some logic in my responses though. I just think that its rude to have one thin on the calendar and decide to do something else at the last second because you got a better offer. But that's me.

I'll be over that part shortly. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to take 24 hours to react, reflect and then shelve.

I had my last meal with dairy in it until Sunday Night. I took some mucinex and my allergy pllls, and had a hot bath. I have a formal event to attend Saturday night, but I won't be drinking and I will be leaving early. I am going to support the guest of honor as he is super person who supported my team and I through an entire year.

I do not have a lesson tomorrow which is OK - I have had 2 this week already. I have to arrange my music in my folder ( yes it's not ALL memorized - 14 tunes are you kidding me?). I need to steam my dress for both Saturday and Sunday. My dress for the recital is really pretty and I feel like a performer when I wear it. Basic Black - sheer sleeves to the wrist. I love it.

I am now at the point where I am looking forward to this gig. This is the only time in my life I have done an hour all by myself. I'm sure I will be unnerved later but right now other than excitement, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I also feel in my heart how proud my dad would be if he were here in person. But I already know he's with me in spirit. I find it funny that my dad passed away and suddenly I discovered my "real" voice. I wonder if he stuck my vocal lchords from heaven with his his own talent? That was his calling after all.... he was an amazing tenor. I just think it's ironic in the timing.

So with that I sign off to go to bed and I get to sleep in!!!!!!!

Now I'm just distracted

I am starting to hate my day gig.

I used to love it. A lot. Enough to keep me in it for 15 years.

Now the past 12 months have been an experiment in hell.

So I sat down to examine WHY.

It's my boss.

He's a wonderful, caring and compassionate person. He really is.

That's what pisses me off to be honest. If he was a cold-hearted bastard I would dhave a much easier time with the work behaviours my team has to deal with.

It certainly isn't personal. But he does believe that my entire team of 6 of the best and brightest and most talented in the entire company, are just stupid. It's become more and more obvious the longer he's responsible for us. He truly believes that we have no ability to think or know what the next step is, though we've proven it for YEARS. YEARS longer than he has been back to work after retiring.

We'll see what the outcome is, but it's distracted me so much this week that I am not focusing on the events at hand. So I am taking half a day today and all of tomorrow off so I can rest and be functional before sunday.

On the topic of Sunday. I'm a little disappointed, my brother and his wife have decided to go to my new nieces christening rather than my first recital. I'm a little upset about it because he's my actual brother and this is not something that I get to do all that often and it is the first and may well never happen again. That it was on the calendar for over three months is the least of it. His email said that they intended to come to my recital until they got the baby's invitation. I have to be honest here, that's as bad as waiting for somethin better to come along. And that hurt even though logically I realize the baby won't get another christening and I have the possibility of another recital in my lifetime. But that means that my mom and step mom will be there and all my siblings will be with the baby. That hurts a lot.

On the flip side I have so many great people traveling for me though - and that makes me seriously happy! I can't wait to see them!!!! So though I had to vent a little bit about my brother's choices, I do have people coming that love me and I don't get to see very often. So this does have some nice balance to it!!!!

Dreams

I had a dream about my dad last night.

Now there is only one other time that I dreamt about him in the past 4 years and that was a codeine based dream.

I do have to elaborate on the first codeine based dream for last nights to make sense. Codeine has the ability to cause you to have reality based horror like dreams. Mine, in short, was that my dad DIDN'T die and was, in fact, in a nursing home where they were taking what few organs still functioned, from him to give to others, while keeping him clinically alive.

This dream took place 4 years ago. Sadly I still recall it in great detail. There's more to it than what's above, but that's the gyst of it and all you need to know about.

Last night, I dreamt that he was alive again. Healthy though. I was being kept from him for reasons I still don't understand, but somehow I was finally able to see him. He was taller than i ever recall ( those who know me will say that EVERYONE is taller and they would be right) but hey it's my dream. All he did was smile at me and tell me he was fine. He didn't actually pat me on the head, but it felt like that.

All I could think of when I woke up was that he had hugged me close in my dream. It was comforting and unsettling all at once. It was like it really happened.

Some folks who believe in this stuff will tell you that it did because your mind in dreams is open to bridge the gap between the living and the dead. Maybe that's so - I don't know. This has not happened in my dreams before ever.

If it had been anyone else I would have felt like it was an invasion of my privacy. But it was my dad so I awoke, early, feeling refreshed and comforted. Really weird when I think about it.

It made me cry when I really reflected on it. I miss my dad. We did really have a good relationship until I was in my 20's. So, while I had him my whole life, we didn't bond well til I was an adult. So in a weird way I feel cheated now that he's gone.

I may end up removing the Pie Jesu from my program after all. We had that sung by the Diva at my dad's funeral. I also may leave it in - it was one of his favorites.

It's a tough call, but I feel better knowing that he's watching over me.

First Month of the Borrowed Plan

I am here to report on my first of the plan.

Situation 1: Health.

1. Exercize: intermittent 30 minutes of walking per day. Not constistent but trying.
2. Food: Eating better breakfasts. Need some work still on balancing the meal. I have started adding yogurt and yogurt smoothies. I like the Dannon Light and Fit smoothies and the Crave Control yogurt in strawberry or vanilla.
3. Journal: Journal went by the wayside for 2 weeks but I re-vamped and I am back.
4. Much better with allergies and managing it. I have been working on my eyes and my skn lately. It's going much better even in the single digit cold we are experiencing which is traditionally my worst times.

Situation 2: Job

1. I am managing my time just fine thank you very much. I am still at ther mercy of the workaholic that manages my team.
2. I am not worrying about everyone else as a rule and certainly not in terms of their performance. We have started truly supporting and leaning on each other in order to work around a certain micro managing individual.
3. I have determined that I don't have a choice but to bring management in whether I want to or not. Micro managers don't trust the people that work for them. They don't believe that other people can do the job equally as well or better.
4. I did finally determine after 2 VERY long days in cold Tampa FL that this person has very poor self esteem and is eager to please the people above him and his customer. but doesn't give much thought to the people that make it possible for that to happen. It does help to know this so we can, as a team, work around him. It hurts us knowing this because our patience, as a team, is gone. Time will tell.

Situation 3: My Home

1. Nothing beyond cleaning has happened to better my home at this point.

Situation 4: Finances

1. Special Savings is actually in the works but not completed yet.
2. 2 momr months on the 401K loans
3. Payment schedule in place on debt
4. Added investment money to money market account
   

Situation 5: Education

1. Voice Lessons are going well. Continuing to learn and work
2. I am managing the stage fright better because I am trusting my new found voice more
   

Situation 6: Family & Friends

1. Will schedule vet appointments after weather warms up. I am not bringing the cats out in sub-zero temps.
2. communications are going well. My mom is doing my reception after the recital which unfortunatley coincides with the baptism of my niece. That's OK - we split the family for it.
3. Made some good headway here. I am standing up for myself when I need to and not taking any crap. I am picking my battles as well. And working on the good stuff too. I have made a subtle break from one person who is not treating me as well as she could be. I am not one for scenes, so I just slowly backed away from the relationship.

Situation 7: My self esteem

1. Strangely, seeing the manager with low self esteem and how that relates to the folks who work for that person and how the whole thing really doesn't work well gave me new perspective.
2. I have decided that when I do something well I don't need to be ashamed of it. I have people in my life. Well one person, who feels that you shouldn't brag ever because it develops an ego. I realized that when I am with one friend of mine, who is 13 years younger, I am the mentor version of myself and am very relaxed about my gifts and sharing them and the wisdom that I have. That helps me be relaxed about what I am doing and how to handle others.
3. Better with compliments - I am finding that I tend to look deeper into why they are given and by whom. Some are not the surface value that I think they are.
4. Keep repeating to myself that other people do not decide how valuable I am.... I do.
   Stop listening to negative soundtracks playing in my head. Create new GOOD ones. Trouble on this one - but it's slowly getting there.

This was not the best first month out of hte gate. I made some significant progress in some areas and actually regressed on others. I know where I need to improve for next month and have already taken some serious time to reflect on how. I am moving more towards yoga and holistic lifestyles again. I find more peace and feel better when I am doing more of that.

Thank again to Minor revisions for this adaptation of the Plan.

First Rehearsal

I had my first rehearsal with the Clarinetist for "The Shepherd on the Rock".

The first words out of her mouth were "Are you Eric's daughter?"

This follows me forever. In a good way.

My dad was well known and well respected in the music education industry. I live in the town where he taught and retired from for 27 years. He has taught kids that are 16 NOW through 50 years old this year. Isn't that an amazing fact?

So I can't go too many places in my town without hearing "Are you related to Mr Contessa?" It's funny too, because it keeps a little part of my dad alive.

So when this lovely woman asked me that, first thing in the morning, with my coffee not even opened yet, I was stopped dead in my tracks.

Of course I said yes. But the words I expected to hear next didn't come.

Usually that is followed with something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry" or "What a terrible loss to you and your family AND the music community" or "How sad, he was so young".

But she said " I remember you as little girl tagging along with your dad. You are just taller now. I remember from the NMEA conferences. I too, am a past president".

Once we got to talking I realized that she wasn't even aware that my parents had divorced when I was 7. The only person she knows my father married to s my step mom. That's OK - that was the bulk of his adult life. She had no idea that I have a younger brother with the same name as my dad.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't expect that level of detail to be out there publicly. That's absurd. Until today, its the first time I have come across someone who knew my family but didn't know that level of detail. It took me off guard for moment.

I really like her though. She immediately took my name and number to add to the private teacher list in the district where she teaches. She is an incredible performer. She and I have one of my classmates in common. She teaches with a young woman who was a couple of years younger than me and married a wonderful man from my class. A horrible tragedy on their honeymoon took his life and left her's literally hanging in the balance. Thirteen years later, she has recovered, remarried and has 3 stepchildren and 2 of her own. Her baby is heading to Kindergarten this fall. It was very happy ending for me.

The rehearsal went well on this tune. Its a killer for all three parts - there will be no phoning this one in for any of us. And we are all perfectionists - hence the 2 hour rehearsal and another on Tuesday night.

It sounds good though. I'm really feeling good about it.

I many have to re-program where Queen of the night is.... I don't want to do it at the end and risk not having those top notes. I'm a little nervous there.

I dedicated this program to my dad. He would be so proud if he were alive. And I know he will be there.

oh and a little note - there is most definately a seat for both you and Maple Mama and we can catch up at my moms after!

It's a reality now

9 days.

Actually 209.5 hours left

its the countdown to the recital.

I'm excited. We did the program tonight and it's very comprehensive. It covers Oratorio, Art Song, Opera, Light Classical.

I included the Queen of the Night Aria from Mozart's Magic Flute. Brazen maybe. But it's easier now than I thought it would be.

The sets worked out well and I also include a Menotti piece for two reasons: Most importantly he passed away last night and secondly he was the lover of a great uncle of mine. Those guys were SERIOUS composers and their music will live on forever. My great uncle's music doesn't really do it for me ( yes I am that UN american) but his partner's I love. Menotty wrote some gorgeous opera's. I love Amahl and the Night Visitors. The Medium. All wonderful. My great Uncle wrote Adagio for Strings ( Blech). Sure on this Shining Night, some thing about purple monks and green raisons... he might have been on drugs there.

It's really diverse and serously I can't believe that I am singing some of the things on this program. I never thought I could.

But I can and it was a lot of work but not too hard. My biggest challenges are stamina and health.

I'm a little bit nervous but not overly so. Not yet.

I really feel like it's real now. I am rehearsing tomorrow with a clarinetist, my mom called and is going to host a reception at her home after the recital ( for those of you coming - my mom's receptions are generally not to be missed!), I am practicing the duet with my identical voice twin and I have my program worked out now.

It's going to be good. I just know it.

It's warmer in NY

Bet you didn't think that was coming did you?

Ok here's the trip....

Sunday Night -

I leave my rehearsal at 9:30 and go with the gang out to eat at the local Diner. It was snowing. After we eat and have a LOT of fun, I go home only to find that my parking lot is full. Given that I am getting up at 4AM for this trip, I refuse to park on the street. So I did what I do best, I created a parking spot where there was none. I figured it was safe given that I will probably be the first one to leave the building.

Monday -

I get up on time, miracle of miracles and get myself ready to leave. I get the biggest coffee that 7-11 makes and started for LaGuardia International Airport. Woohoo.

It occurs to me on the ridiculously speedy drive that I am going to have to be social once I get there and I have only had one cup of coffee..... interesting, for the guys at any rate.

I park my car and get on the shuttle. They get me to the terminal at 6:30, I check in and literally fly through security. I see my sales guys and my old boss and Poodle sitting right in front of the security gate drinking what turns out to be REALLY BAD coffee. I threw it away - not worth it.

Our Flight has been called. We board the plane. We are all sitting one row in front of the other through out the plane. Poodle is in front of me and turns to the woman next to him and says " would it be alright if you switched seats with the lady behind me? She's only going to hit me the entire way down...." The woman laughed looked at me ( I nodded) and switched seats.

I immediately pull out my book and my ipod and get settled in. We take off uneventfully.

Once we land we all collect our luggage and head out for the courtesy van. It arrives and I am sitting on my side between Poodle and my old boss and the poor sales guys were sitting on each others laps. It was pretty funny - but I was wayyyyyyyyy too close to my own boss.

I check into my room, which is down the hall from the gym and pool that I will never have time to use ( bummer), change and clean up and head down to lobby so we can go to the meeting.

The meeting starts and there are 35 of us in the room. There are 6 rows of training style tables with two 4 pack on the floor each with 2 data and 2 phone jacks. For each 4 pack, only 1 data jack was working at any given time. So that made keeping in touch with the world challenging.

We all go around the room with intro's and a "fun Fact". Very typical intro. we had enough musicians to start a jazz combo in the piano bar downstairs ( and we did later that night), we had a lot of folks who had brushes with fame and some military guys , a couple of folks who were "in the family" and one guy who caused an Israeli border dispute. One woman was married twice with both husbands having the same name, another woman was on the team for many many years and had had so many husbands most people weren't sure what her last name was anymore. very entertaining.

We broke into departmental presentations and I may have mentioned that my boss wrote ours ( because we refused to) and it was, in effect, inappropriate.

It generated a good deal of Q&A from other depts on legal ramifications to our managements latest policy decisions in addition to some other interesting discussion points.

I figured out that my boss is insecure and has low self esteem at this point. I still didn't feel sorry for him though because he's also stubborn. When we told him what he needed to change he refused.

Yes that sounds callous and cruel. There are days I feel sorry for him in this particular area. Largely because when there is a self esteem and security issue personally in people I know, I feel compelled to help. That's MY insecurity and self esteem issues at work. My problem here is, you can't help someone who doesn't want it. So my compulsion usually fades fast.

He's a great guy, a nice man, family oriented, but seriously, his work ethic is different. Mostly not in a good way. Lord knows we are trying to fix that.

But I digress.... more than likely again.

We have lunch ( pizza) and after lunch we start up again with directors speaking and presentations being given. Somewhere around 2PM, our business analyst lets out a shriek of what we thought was laughter, her arms shoot out in front of her, wrists clubbed over a la carpal tunnel style, and continues to moan and shriek. One my people was sitting next to her, got her down on the floor safely. She was as rigid as a board. One of our techs called 911 and security for the building. Gen rolled her on her side and she must have bitten her tongue as she started foaming at the mouth. Her eyes were rolled back in her head.

We were all shaken up. She was on the plane with me form NY and when we landed she mentioned that she just "didn't feel right ". By the time 911 got there, she snapped out of it and was talking and making some sense. She has never been a diabetic or epileptic. They take her to the ER in Tampa. Two of my team went along with her (locals to Tampa).

We were out in the hall to give them room for her. We all went back and tried to resume the meeting. We all kept looking at her empty chair. I won't speak for anyone else, but the image stayed in my mind. I was really proud of Gen - she was fabulous with her. A real trooper. She just made sure she wouldn't do further damage to herself. Kept her warm. She really did great.

We break and head upstairs to change and get ready to go to our evening activity. Bowling. Did I mention I don't bowl?

I don't bowl.

We load up the cars and I end up in a car with Poodle, Phil, Craig and Joe. Craig lives in Tampa and had no idea where we were going. The rest of us are from the Northeast. So Joe starts "helping". I am now feeling queasy and headachy but its not due to the driving ( though that was interesting). Its due to over exhaustion. When I start getting like that I know its time to hydrate eat and have some aspirin. When we got there, I did exactly that. Two HUGE glasses of water and some food and I was ready to cheer on the bowlers ( I don't bowl). Teams were drawn and I got the job of watching them play.

It was interesting. The whole point of this social event was team building. No Clique-y stuff.

I noticed that mgmt was bowling on one team and the rest of us on another. Except for Jak, she bowled on our team. She's definitely the coolest. I just found it funny. At one point I noticed that our sales director started bowling with us and that was really great. We talked a lot, laughed a lot, took pictures, drank, ate and had a lot of fun.

At 10 PM K and D come strolling in from the Hospital. D looks like nothing happened and she confirmed that they have no idea what this was. She had half a glass of wine an some dinner and she said hasn't felt this good in a week! So she will be fully tested again once she gets home.

The night ended at the bar in the hotel and then up to bed on the worst bed in history. It had a hump in the middle and you could roll off either side if you weren't holding on or positioned right.

I was awakened at 4AM by stomach cramps. Dealt with that. Woke up at 8AM packed up, checked out and went to the meeting. this portion of the day was Boredom centrale. I felt crappy to start with and all I wanted to do was sleep. I kept nodding off. So bad....

We break at 2:30 and we socialized till we had to leave for the airport. The plan trip home was blessedly uneventful except for flying through snow that never made it to the ground and the fact that the tail wind got us to NY in 2 hours but we had an hour of circling the airport till we could land. The longest final descent in history.

I was home in my house at 10:30 and in bed by 11:30.

My personal opinion on this trip is, I would go a day ahead next time, but I am not sorry that I spent time with my team and wished I had a little bit more time with them. I miss them when they aren't around. We cover 6 states. Some of us are the only ones in our offices from this team. ( I know I am and I hate my office but not enough to commute to another).

It was sad to leave them all but I am so happy to be in my own bed with my boys.... I missed their little faces !

Oh and it was Freezing in Florida - 38 degrees and they forgot to turn off the A/C!!!!

Oh NO - I AM high maintenance!

To some degree we all have varying degree's of low maintenance or high maintenance. I think it depends on the topic.

For example, where my ordering in a restaurant is concerned, I am decidedly low maintenance. I normally don't need things on the side, I may ask for something specific in the way it's prepared ( meat well done or rare, fries overdone - that kind of thing) but nothing out of the ordinary. I have an acquaintance that I eat with once a week in a group setting who has so many rules and restrictions on what is on her plate, what needs to be on a separate plate, what needs to be on the side, how it's prepared.... etc - that I know based on that I am the other extreme.

When it comes to my person however, I have the ability to be either low maintenance or high. It depends on the status of my skin really. If I am having a bad season with it, you won't believe how high maintenance I can actually be. Everything from how I bathe, to what products I use, to timing and frequency. It's ridiculous. If I got paid for this as a job I would be a multi millionaire.

I realized in packing for this trip that I am a bit high maintenance in the packing department. I have a tendency to want a choice always. I also have a tendency to want to travel elegantly. even in HS and middle school my parents will tell you that I NEVER got on a plane in jeans. It just wasn't done. I travel in an outfit that will enable me to arrive at the first event dressed properly yet comfortably in the event of a delay.

Having said that, this trip has posed some challenges. It's business casual which is fine. My plane arrives at 10:30 and my first event is at noon. They are predicting snow showers here until 10. My flight leaves at 7:30. The weather in Tampa is unseasonably cold for them. They have put the heat on down there. It is high of 60 and low of 37 for this entire week.

Weatherman are traditionally wrong so I have to plan around that too. Plus I need to look good. It's not just a vanity thing. but I am meeting my customer for the first time, some of my team mates for the first time in person and a few who I haven't seen in 5-10 years. So this is important to me.

Sleepwear is also important as I have a tendency to not sleep well in hotels. and I have to be up ridiculously early starting tomorrow.

I know its early in the day, but I started packaging my travel sized shampoo and that sort of thing. I created my baggies for my checked suitcase. To my credit I really really really really tried to use one quart sized baggie and I am now up to 7 so I think we all realize that checking the bag on the non stop flight is our only option. I really hate that rule. I get it, but I don't like it.

I reviewed my costume choices and went with all black with olive green accents. Good colors for me, and mix and match. I am wearing a pair of boots and bringing one pair of shoes in addition ( this is a HUGE step for me by the way. ) I am not bringing a purse but using my new pretty cold water creek laptop bag was a briefcase/purse. I packed coordinating makeup already and skin care in travel size bottles.

All of this and it's 1PM. I am starting to get panicky that I won't be ready. Yikes that's high maintenance. I am always worried that I won't be able to amuse myself. I had to mentally unpack the volume of books and magazines because there really isn't room.

Seriously this is OVERNIGHT. I really have to thank my poodle because he keeps saying over and over again.... It's only OVERNIGHT!!!!

Geez, Contessa you really are High Maintenance for traveling.

It's only overnight.

Ahhhhhhh Choooooooooooooo!

I FINALLY SNEEZED!!!!!!!!!

And I didn't even try. I was not in direct sunlight, I had not sniffed pepper or tweezed a single thing.

But it the best feeling ever.

Now for the story - and what a funny one it is.

Have you all seen the commercials for Claritan D or Advil Cold and Sinus? THe ones that go something like this?

" We are not in your drugstore aisles anymore because we chose NOT to change our formula. We can now be found BEHIND your pharmacists counter. Just ask. "

What they don't tell you is why.

This is where it gets funny.

I called Walgreens this morning to ask if they had Advil Cold And Sinus. I was met with a resounding yes. I turned the car right and headed straight there.

I got there, and had some prescriptions to pick up, so while the pharmacy clerk was busy dealing with that - I was scanning the drugs behind the counter that are no longer " found in your drugstore aisles". Quite a few actually. Claritan D, Claritan, Mucinex D, Tylanol Cold And FLU liquid, All Sudafed decongestant products and advil Cold and Sinus.

The clerk returned with my prescriptions and I asked for the advil. She returned with it and said

"I'll need a valid form of identification".

I must have looked at her strangely so she quickly explained that this is the new law. For OTC ( or as I like to call this new brand.... BTC) meds???? Seriously????

So I hand over my drivers license.

Then she says,

"Please sign this release form."

Release form? what am I releasing? I don't have to go through this much to fill a script for a steroid or Vicadin.

"Yes, I'm sorry, But you have to sign this release form promising that you won't use the drug to make Methamphetamine. "

Crystal Meth in short.

I burst out laughing and the clerk starts looking uncomfortable. I tell her not worry and sign it away. Then I say - Do I look like someone who uses crystal Meth? Do I look like someone who would even recognize it if I tripped over it in the street??

The clerk looks at me, jeans, Fleece sweat shirt, shoe boots, leather bag, chenille scarf, hair in a ponytail, and joins me laughing.

"Unfortunately its the law now. " She points to the bottom that refers to fine print.

I got in the car, took two an went to my lesson. By the time I had gotten my coffee and arrived at my coaches home, I felt unbelievably good. I was surprised in fact at how good I felt. My sinuses were clear, my jaw and teeth were no longer hurting and the swelling that I systematically get with each sinus infection was going down.

Now that was at10:30 this morning. I haven't taken a second dose yet and it's worn off by now. But I don't feel any pain - and I started to sneeze again!!!! That released a whole lot of pressure in my head.

If any of you are familiar with pain management techniques, my pain threshold was at a 7 this morning. Within 20 minutes it was down to 1.5. I was able to sing through my lesson, really well actually. I had planned on going home after that and taking a nap until my nail appointment. But I didn't and I didn't need it.

I'll take it before I go to bed to make sure that I don't wake up in pain. But things are going much better.

What I have discerned from this experience is something that I have been thinking for the past 6 months. Phenylalamine is not a reasonable replacement for pseudoephedrine HCL. It takes much longer and more of the meds to recover. The reality is that while I recognize that anything can be abused and transmutated into somethind else that may or may not be legal, the removal wasn't due to FDA requirements as we were made to believe at first. This is all about illegal drug use.

I hate the hassle. You guys who read me know how I feel about that. But this is an active ingredient that I am finding necessary so it's worth the hassle ( and the laugh that it gets) in order to get it the one or two times a year that I need it.

I probably made the pharmacy clerk's day.

And now I have a cold

This is great. Just great.

This trip is jinxed. I swear it. I went to bed last night with a head cold. I took some sinus and cold meds but ever since they took pseudo ephedrine out of them I have been pretty upset about their usefulness.

I found Advil Cold and Sinus didn't however and I am now on the quest to locate that behind the pharmacist counter. That is tomorrow's number one job.

In the meantime I am doing a sinus wash every hour which helps. Hot showers help, hot compresses hot tea and tons of water. It's pressing on my upper jaw which is making eating difficult. And I WISH I could sneeze and release the pressure.

So much so that I went on line to see how one couuld induce a sneeze. Sad. I discovered that one in three people are photic sneezers. that means that sunlight or bright light can induce a sneeze. I am one of the OTHER two people.

Someone suggested pepper - nope. Tweeze hair from brows or nose, nope and nope. Tickle the inside of your nose with a q-tip - no.

What's pissing me off is that I can FEEL one in there. This is frustrating. It would release so much sinus pressure and I would feel so much better.

Anyway, I still have so much to do here before I leave on my trip. I have all my documentation in place already, I have laundry and cleaning to do. And all I want to do is sleep.

I really get so worked up about traveling because I really do hate it. Until I get there. Then I relax until I get home.

I keep telling myself that I have traveled further and more often in my life than most so this shouldn't be a big deal.

Overall I just resent the upheaval of life. And I will worry about my cats. they are after all my babies.

Airline Regulations

OK I have had ENOUGH of terrorism.

They have now managed to hose up my business trip and I haven't even packed a thing.

Honestly - a status of elevated????

I know that terrorism is serious business. I have some first hand experience with it. I was working in Manhattan on 9/11. I was walking to my mid-town office that day. I was in Bryant Park behind the fifth avenue branch of the library when a friend of mine in FL paged me to tell me that a plane hit the WTC.

Knowing that she was working from home and saw it on TV made it very real all of a sudden. I was just about at the point where I come out of Bryant Park onto fifth avenue when I stopped to read the page. I noticed a deadly silence - which in Manhattan is UNHEARD of. It really struck an odd chord. I kept thinking "what kind of idiot doesn't know the towers are there?"

As I exited the park I looked over my shoulder downtown and watched in horror ( while cabs where just missing me in the middle of the street) as a plane hit the tower.

The rest of the day is just horror after horror as I walked uptown to a friends building, realizing there was no way out of the city that day. I eventually got home but it was close to 10PM and was absolutely horrible.

So the fact that we are all these years later still dealing with this is frustrating. I lost people that day. It was unreal. And never to be equaled. It was the "where were you when Kennedy was shot" of our generation.

So now that I am traveling again, my quick hop to Tampa would oridinarily just require me to grab my trusty overnight suitcase ( regulation size) , not pack anything weapon-like in it and get on the plane right?

Wrong.

I am allowed to pack my toiletries in a quart sized zip lock baggie. Have you seen one of these? Are you kidding me? Then you can only pack toiletries in 3.4 oz bottles and no half used toothpaste tubes. Ok that baggie won't even cover my medications ( which are unlimited in carry-on but check in is STILL a headache). You are only allowed ONE such bag.

Now I can travel light. I am actually pretty good at it. But that's lighter than anyone - even a man - can travel.

I am going to try it. See how it goes. When it fails - the suitcase is getting checked. I do not have any patience for this crap. I cannot believe that we are relegated to carryon's like this. What is ONE baggie going to net them? Why not two? Why not a Gallon bag? I am the first one to say in this Elevated status, that precautions are necessary nee required. But couldn't they be a little bit more flexible to those of us who have business travel as part of our jobs ? Does this mean they will lose our luggage less? I sincerely hope so but have some major doubts.

So while I will follow the guidelines carefully and attempt to make this work as a carry on, but I am expecting to fail.

My oldest friend in world told me once that I won the prize for the most personal products in the world - and she's right. Sadly, not only do I have a lot, but they are all used too.

Circling back where we began, we are in an average state in the alertness of terror. It's elevated which means practicing vigilence, not just for airline employees but also for passengers . Homeland security and the travel industry have helped make security policy for airlines that overall is good. Or at least it's on the right path. I think under "elevated" we coul still be vigilant and let a gallon bag through. Or two.

A business trip in warm weather

This post needs no other heading.

I am dedicating this post to the up coming business trip that I have to take.

Yes. Have to.

I'm not wild about this. I really don't like traveling. I hate sleeping in hotels, I hate the disruption to my life. I worry about my home, my cats, my car - all the things that I can't keep watch over when I am not there. And I always get sick.

So while being in Tampa in 70 -80 degree weather when it supposed to be in 20's here should make me giddy, it doesn't.

I am going down with my entire team to meet up with the rest of the team that is already in residence down there. There will 35 people when we are all together. For the most part - that's going to be fun.

I am excited at the prospect of meeting some of them face to face for the first time. I am happy about the socialization aspect, but the idea of spending 2 days in close quarters with my boss is more than I ( or anyone on my team) can stomach.

He's a great guy. Very sweet and very good family values but his business tactics are highly suspect. We all know it - we don't discuss it often.

So I will be down there to see a presentation that is fictious and going to cause major upheaval at best, and at worst - well, lets just hope it doesn't get to that

So in trying to make the best of this situation - I am already planning. I am bringing my ipod with me so I can work on my recital pieces while I am down there. I will have my laptop and cell phone. I have my Walking DVD so I can exercize. I am only gone 2 days total. I have selected my wardrobe carefully. My planning is not done yet.... but the list is getting longer.

I have also made some tentative arrangements to meet a friend that I have spent a lot of time with over the years via phone, email, IM etc but never met. I am going to see if she can meet me at the airport bar while we wait for our plane. That is a meeting I am really looking forward to.

I am praying for safe trip and safe return. I am not afraid of flying or traveling. I just really hate the disruption in my life. THe older I get the more I realize that I really don't like to have my routine disrupted too much. Largely because I keep SUCH a busy schedule that distuption to it causes me havoc when I have to re-schedule things and I end up missing something or screwing something up. So messing with my schedule makes me nuts. Even with advanced notice.

I am trying to get over that. My best friend from HS lives in CT and she has recently invited me to come up and have a girls weekend. I can't really do that until after my recital - but you can bet I will. Wine a hot tub ???? I'm there. I can even bring my boys. So that would make me happy. ( shhh I"m bidding on soft carrier's on ebay for them even as we speak - very chic ones too!).

So I am trying to make room in my life for travel. I used to love it. But I honestly stopped doing it altogether when my dad got sick I was afraid to be too far away in case anything happened. Now that he's been gone for a few years it's time for me to get out again. I just got complacent with things comfy and cosy at home.

It's time for adventure and I'm going to make the most out of this trip despite the circumstances.

Good Friends are Like this

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it. From a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing. Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind.His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him. This alone is amazing.If nearby and listening, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.Attached to her halter is a small bell. It lets her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow her.As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see how she is always checking on him, and that he will listen for her bell and then slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him astray. When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses, Friends do not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. Friends watch over us and even bring others into our lives to help us when we are in need.Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who enter in our lives Other times we are the guide horse, helping others see. Good friends are like this .......... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle".

My first REAL performance

I had my first real solo performance yesterday.

I have done many solos in my life but to be a 'soloist" holds a different meaning.

I was able to wear a different outfit - which for me is a blessing - I HATE black and White. We ladies decided we would wear all black.

I had my bio put in the program - that was kind of neat. No head shot which is good because I don't have one!

My coach made me a little crazy - he kept tellng me to relax. I was relaxed. That close to zero hour - it doesn't pay to get stage fright and I rarely do until immediately after when I start critiquing my performance. I told him twice that I was fine. After that I was going to blow so I just didn't respond.

I find that part of my pre-performance stress behaviour is my inability to have any level of patience. And I usually have patience for miles. So my lack of patience this week was in part due to this performance and the fact that the other 4 soloist had 3 months to learn the music and I had a week and half to learn a tune meant for a man that has notes for me to sing that I think only dogs can hear. I immersed my self in the piece - here's where the IPOD was handy. I listened to my 2 pieces constantly for nearly 2 weeks right up the instant I sang htem in rehearsal on Tuesday and dres on Saturday.

This patience thing is kind of funny. As my college room mates can attest to - I have ALWAYS been like this. I try to manage it better now that I am aware of it.

Getting back to the performance. It went splendidly. I was happy with my performance. There are things that could have been better of course, but the major points that needed to be made went perfectly. Afterwards, I went to each of the soloists ( All seasoned and I knew all of them at least by sight) and thanked them for opportunity to work with them. They all seemed surprised but pleased that I felt that way. It's something that I think a new comer should do with the incumbents.

I have seen too many "newbies" walk in with their head held high and behaving in a less than humble fashion and get stepped on. With this group particularly. The soloists that are normally hired are wonderful down to earth people who happen to be talented. More importantly they are the ones getting RE-hired. I have yet to see the same second soprano hired twice. I hope I break the trend. I am using the humble but deserving approach. Arrogance doesn't bode well with this crowd. The fact is, Those other folks have been doing this for years. They are getting paid. I did not - this time - and that didn't escape me. I got some free press through ads in the program which was cool. And one of the soloists did approach me to join another audition only group as well.

Some really nice things came out of this. Payment would certainly have been nice - but I wasn't doing it for the money. I was getting my foot in the door. I am making nice with the director and his wife. They are lovely people so that's easy to do. The soloists were such nice folks and it was so great to be included with them. At the very least I will enjoy working with all of them regardless of my capacity in the future.

So all in all - things went well. I was really pleased with the way everything turned out.

And I'm back to my normal self at least until next week.

An update and recap

"I need some reader assistance"

Update: I bailed on the 2 kids. They went back into the pool to be picked up by some other unsuspecting schmo on my team. But I did ask that the management team advise whoever takes these kids what the parents are like. If they never experiencec it, great, but at least they won't learn the hard way .

OH - and I got paid for the lessons too.

"A new size"

The clothes are great. And I lost 1.6 today at Weight watchers. that leaves .4 left from that weird gain. I am doing a 30 minute power walk on a video every day.

"THIS is what I am talking about"

DVD player is the new joy of my life. I now use to work out with. My entertainment center looks strangely empty now. That I Can adjust to.

Another jumps over to the dark side. Now three of us in my crew of friends not only went over the IPOD darkside, but we did it without consultation of one another which, in and of itself is odd, AND all three of us got the same exact one. and we all had the same headaches. But we see light at the end of the tunnel. I do feel that 99 cents per song is an unbelievable rip off. Even Rhapsody at 89 cents was ridiculous. That puts entire albums more than the retail cost to buy it in the store. Sorry Apple folks - Apple = Arrogance. ( not that they haven't earned it, but they really make their users lives sucky).

"A weird reality"

I had my dress rehearsal today. I felt it went well. I loved singing with the orchestra. I enjoyed being part of the "soloists". Thats kind of a cool feeling. I did also like the costume discussion amongst the three of us at the end of rehearsal. We are all wearing all black. yay. I hate Black and White.

"Pre-performance Stress"

Well I know I am going through a portion of that now. I am also frustrated at the being criticized for everything - both right AND wrong.

Seriously I don't think that has as much to do with my music career as my day job. My boss in my job is highly critical and doesn't even know HOW to do what I do each day. He got himself in a world of trouble with my team on Friday and spent the day calling around to us to make sure we weren't mad at him.

So any criticism after the week that I have been through is too much. It's me mostly - not them. I am pretty good at taking constructive criticism - just not this week. I need to get some things wrapped up and then I will bounce back.

I have times where I just got frustrated and disgusted with everyone and everything. It's not personal, I can't tell you what one thing is driving the mood, it just is. When that happens, the best thing for me is to stay home and not socialize. Or socialize with very few people.

Today is one of those days.

Can you tell???

I'll bounce back tomorrow.

More on keeping your kids and YOURSELF safe

I recently recieved this email from a friend and collegue in the Kiwanis club. As a followup to protecting our kids - this information is good for women of all ages to be aware of.

I recently listened to some really wonderful poscast episodes of the Digital Father They were amazingly informative an really provided some insight into protecting our children and how to address certain issues and topics. He nicely does justice to the issues of how to keep your kids informed and safe while allowing them to be kids.

In the spirit of that and in keeping all people safe I am sharing this information. Some we have heard before but there are few things here that I can safely tell you surprised me. I know I've learned something new.



Through a Rapist's Eyes

This is important information for females of ALL ages .

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts :

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle . They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed . They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair . Women with short hair are not common targets.

2) The second thing men look for is clothing . They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly . Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.

3) They also look for women on their cell phone , searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5:00a.m. and 8: 30a.m.

5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots . Number two is office parking lots/garages . Number three is public restrooms .

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming .

9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas , or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question , like what time is it, or make general small talk: "I can't believe it is so cold out here", "we're in for a bad winter." Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.

11) If someone is coming toward you , hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP or STAY BACK ! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back . Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

13 ) If someone grabs you , you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them . If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it;
it hurts.

14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN . The writer knows from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful . You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there .

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you , grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible . The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings , take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!! You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

Even if some of this is knowledge you already have it bears repeating and please share with your teenagers and young adult women.

As a single woman I have a few more to add.

1. NEVER accept a drink in a bar from a stranger. Its entirely too easy to have someone slip something in your drink and hand it to you. If they are smart on on the money they will introduce themselves and ask you if they can buy you a drink and allow you to order it. Don't be swayed by flattery.

2. Don't leave a bar alone. Have a trusted escort walk you to your vehicle. Make sure you have your cell phone on. Call someone you know as you leave and again when you return home.

That's it for now.
Keep safe!

I need some reader assistance

I work for a contract organization that supplies Music Teachers like myself students and we get a contracted rate that is a portion of the overall rate. I receive one check monthly for lessons taught the month prior. I don't deal with billing or any of that administrative stuff, all I need to do is log the lessons I teach into their website.

Having said that, their process for advising teachers of potential students is put the bare basics out in an email to the teachers on that instrument list in that area. The deal being first come first serve and once you commit, you pretty much have to have a valid and good reason for not taking the kid on.

I took on a sibling set for piano back in November. I say "took them on" meaning I agreed to give them the intro lesson that enables that parent to meet the teacher and make sure there is a bond.

I contacted the parent within 48 hours of the inquiry being sent to me and made arrangements for the lessons for the boys. I had to completely re-arrange my schedule to accommodate the initial lesson. I provided the mother with my contact information if something were to come up between this call and the initial lesson. I was not impressed with the parent at all. She seemed lukewarm at best. She was not reacting to any of the usual things that I say that make parents smile and feel good about their choice. She seemed detached and not interested.

Not knowing her from Adam, I overlooked it. Who knows what kind of day she had or what was happening in her life at that point.

I arrive on the day agreed upon a few minutes early. My test run had heavier traffic than it did the night that I actually went so I got there early. I waited in the car until the time agreed on, and rang the bell.

There were cars in the drive, lights on in the house and noise from a TV or some audio device coming from somewhere in the interior. Yet no one answered the door. I waited about 5 minutes and rang the bell again, this time listening to make sure I heard the bell ring - and yes there it is. Another 5 minutes goes by and it's cold and I was starting to notice. I ring the bell one last time and knock on the door. Still nothing. I give it up and leave.

Not really thrilled at being stood up, I figured she changed her mind or some emergency came up an she forgot to call.

I try to call on the way home, rings and no answer. I try every other day a total of 3 times - ring no answer. I call the director of the group I work for and report my situation. They decide to compensate me anyway - which is nice, but not why I called.

I called because I needed them to know that I made good on my end of the deal. And this family seems to suddenly be MIA. Director didn't seem terribly concerned other than for my personal time - again really nice guy, super to work with. So we discuss this business and some others and move on. I sort of forgot about it what with the Holidays coming.

Then I get this email last week:

Contessa,

Back in November you were assigned to a student by the name of Student 1. As we were following up with the students and assignments where any status was unclear, an email was sent to the Student Parents. Student 1's parent sent me an email with the impression that you had not showed up for Student 1's lesson and that the cell phone number she had listed for you was disconnected. In the time that you have been teaching with us, we have been very happy with your performance and responsibility, so it was hard for us to believe that the situation had occurred exactly as Student's Parent had observed. Please know that we are happy with your teaching for us and we suspect there was unfortunately some form of miscommunication between you and the Student Parent's at some point regarding the time and details of the lesson.

To be brief, she is still interested in lessons for Student 1 and I have listed her number below if you are still available to teach him. If you are unable to take him at this point, please let me know as soon as possible so I can assign him to another teacher.

Dear Rep,

Now, this email gives me the option of an out. But I respond mostly because I am upset at the implications this parent made.


This upsets me. I advised Director within 48 hours while we were talking about another situation and he had actually mentioned that he would see about getting me payment for going there and having no one show up.

My cell phone has not changed ever. it was and has been 516-555-1212. I gave her that and my home number which is also listed in the phone book and 411.,

I'm disturbed about this because I mentioned it to Director immediately after it happened. I had re-arranged my entire schedule to accommodate Student Parent's kids for the initial lesson back in November 14 at 6PM . No one was home when I got there however I was a few minutes early - I waited on the front porch, ringing the bell for 15 minutes. It appeared that people were home but no one came to the door or answered the phone when I called. Each time I tried to call thereafter ( 11/15, 11/19 and 11/20) was met with a Ring no answer on there part.

The number that I had for her is 631-123-4567.

I would be happy to arrange for another date with her, but I she was luke warm about this/me to start with on the phone. I'm not sure I am the person who should be teaching her kids, but I would be willing to try it if you guys think it's the best thing for the client.

Please advise how you would like me to proceed.

Best Regards,

The Contessa

And the reply that I got back was

Contessa,

I am sorry I forgot to mention in the email, but I had spoken with Director before sending the email regarding the conversation you had had with Director. He related the story of you going over there and the student being a no show. We were obviously surprised by the email we receive from Ms. Student Parent. You will be compensated for your time. It seems that Ms. Student Parent is still interested and I sincerely appreciate your willingness to proceed for lessons. I wanted to relate Ms. Student Parent's comments so that you had some idea of where she would be coming from when you spoke with her. Please know that we are extremely grateful for your flexibility and patience and we are happy to have you as a teacher.

Please let me know if I can be of any assistance.

Rep


See my problem is, I am unsure if I should even agree to continue on this path with this client. I don't usually question my gut instinct on a parent. I also don't usually put my feelings for a parent ahead of the need of the child. But do I really want the head-ache that is already presenting itself and I am not even the child's official teacher? what will happen if I have to re-schedule due to illness or work ? One needs a certain relationship to be developed with the parents for things like that to happen on both sides, but I don't see that happening already.

So my fair education minded friends - I need you to read this and help me in my plight.

My gut says - run like hell from this one and don't look back, but I don't want to ruin my reputation with this company either - I get a lot of business from them and they get a lot from me.

Thoughts?