Dreams

I had a dream about my dad last night.

Now there is only one other time that I dreamt about him in the past 4 years and that was a codeine based dream.

I do have to elaborate on the first codeine based dream for last nights to make sense. Codeine has the ability to cause you to have reality based horror like dreams. Mine, in short, was that my dad DIDN'T die and was, in fact, in a nursing home where they were taking what few organs still functioned, from him to give to others, while keeping him clinically alive.

This dream took place 4 years ago. Sadly I still recall it in great detail. There's more to it than what's above, but that's the gyst of it and all you need to know about.

Last night, I dreamt that he was alive again. Healthy though. I was being kept from him for reasons I still don't understand, but somehow I was finally able to see him. He was taller than i ever recall ( those who know me will say that EVERYONE is taller and they would be right) but hey it's my dream. All he did was smile at me and tell me he was fine. He didn't actually pat me on the head, but it felt like that.

All I could think of when I woke up was that he had hugged me close in my dream. It was comforting and unsettling all at once. It was like it really happened.

Some folks who believe in this stuff will tell you that it did because your mind in dreams is open to bridge the gap between the living and the dead. Maybe that's so - I don't know. This has not happened in my dreams before ever.

If it had been anyone else I would have felt like it was an invasion of my privacy. But it was my dad so I awoke, early, feeling refreshed and comforted. Really weird when I think about it.

It made me cry when I really reflected on it. I miss my dad. We did really have a good relationship until I was in my 20's. So, while I had him my whole life, we didn't bond well til I was an adult. So in a weird way I feel cheated now that he's gone.

I may end up removing the Pie Jesu from my program after all. We had that sung by the Diva at my dad's funeral. I also may leave it in - it was one of his favorites.

It's a tough call, but I feel better knowing that he's watching over me.