Editing

Editing.

Publishers do it, recording studios do it, writers do it... film editors, composers.....

I do it too. But not in the way that you think.

There is a popular expression. Forgive and forget. I've spoken on it before. If you forgive you really have to forget, because remembering is holding on to the bad and not letting it go.

Human Beings are funny. We hurt each other, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. But when we hurt each other, and there's love-type feelings involved, that's when the forgive and forget thing comes into play.

Enter in - editing.

Now I have been doing this for years. Since my childhood. But I recently saw an episode of a sitcom where the best man and brother of the groom gave a toast to his brother at his wedding and basically said "editing. Only remember the good stuff".

I had to laugh. Clearly I'm less unique then I thought.

In the past year, my mom told me a memory of mine that I clearly blocked. It wasn't a particularly bad one, as memories go, I just think that I blocked it due to timing. I was young - 7 or 8. My parents were recently divorced as we were still living in the family home. My mom told me that my future step dad would be spending more time around the family.

As I said, not a bad memory judging from the reality that I have lived in the last 30 years... but given the fact that my parents were newly divorced and I was going through the phase where I still had hope that they would get back together, I believe that I blocked this. To be honest.... I still don't actually remember it and am taking it on faith that it's true.

Editing.

I have been reviewing my relationship with my best friend. Not in a big way... but just looking at our past 10 years. We have been talking about it a lot lately too.

I haven't edited as much as I thought I was. It's kind of funny. I won't speak for everyone, but I am the person who meets someone, convinces MYSELF that they are perfect and I am the one who needs to change myself to be with them. Then I watch and listen and pay attention and try to mold myself into the perfect person for that relationship.

Now here's where that tragic display of low self esteem can have it's entertaining moments. The lifetime review of THAT would have me being a financial wizard ( math???? hell no. ), A gay man, a woman who would give up her cats and live on a boat ( not so much the outdoorsy type), a politicians wife, arm candy.... you get the idea.

The point is, not only haven't I altered who I am for him, but we have grown because of one another.

In a recent discussion, a big part of his reticence of the years, is fear. He knows how good we are together, he is clearly aware of the connection but is so afraid that I will abandon him too that we keep playing some version of cat and mouse... until this past year.

We have hit a rough spot. This is well documented on this blog, albeit not terribly detailed. One set of events this weekend calls for some serious editing. Serious editing. On both sides but largely mine. I have forgiven. Completely.

And now I have started the editing. It started with a trip to the bar where he played last night. That went beautifully. I made a deal with myself on the way there, in the snow, that if this went well and certain events fell into place, church was a guarantee the next day regardless of what time I got home.

I kept that promise. Church was good too. I needed to feel that Joy and love that I get when I am there. I needed the cleansing hope that comes with it as well. And I prayed for him and I prayed for his brother.

and I continued the editing.

I have an advantage on this situation though. Up until the ONE bad event took place, we had two full happy, loving and amazing days together. We laughed, and cried and talked and talked and talked.

Only remember the good stuff.

Only keep the good memories.

Let go of the bad ones or "forget".

I am working on this, though I will not lie and tell you it's happening fast, but it is happening. I feel no need to be emotionally recompensed for what happened and I feel no need to hold it over his head.

Except for the only small and somewhat funny aspect.... we both resort to humor on these things...

It helps with the editing if you can find something to laugh about.

To wrap up the editing..... I find that letting go of the past, or editing, helps keep the fights fair when and if they happen. If you are only fighting about the present, then you can solve it and wrap it up, then edit it out, it helps keep you from mudslinging and dragging up every misdeed ever done in the world between you. It keeps the fights fair and easier to manage. No ripping open old wounds.

Only keep the good memories.