Growth

Like plants, people grow at different paces.

I always laugh when I hear statements like "One day you wake up, you have a wife ( husband,partner whatever), kids, a mortgage and a job. And you wonder how all this happened when just it seems like yesterday that you woke up in a puddle of your own puke after a 3 day bender".

But it's kind of true. In a weird way.

I had an epiphany the other day. During my quiet introspective that I went through this week, I reached out to a friend. She gave me enough pause and enough to think about that I came to the following conclusion.

My best friend has grown a lot - tremendously in fact, despite his unwillingness to want to. Things he does for me, he didn't do for others in his past. Things he talks about with me were topics that were not approachable in his past.

He noticed my introspective and didn't try to intrude, but did try to being me out of it. While it was entirely about him, I wasn't angry or upset and he did nothing specific to cause me to be this way.

I received a call from a good friend today. She advised me that her husband had done some research on the cancer and treatment and wanted to let me know that even in an advanced state, it carries a 90% success rate after treatment. He didn't want me to worry about losing him. I was touched. That was so incredibly sweet of her husband to think of ME that way. He didn't want me to worry and he didn't want to keep upsetting me or my best friend by asking the same questions.

Not that I mind - I don't.

He sent out his notification for his upcoming gigs - it's light month for obvious reasons. But at the bottom of the note - to everyone in the world who knows him - he wrote the following statement:

"A special thank you goes to JoAnn, Denise, Lynne, Sandy and Kat and of course My Contessa for their love and support."

Now I saw it. but I didn't react right away. I went out taught a lesson and reflected on it. He's not prone to statements like this one. Certainly not public ones. So I didn't react right away.

When I returned home, he asked me if I had checke my email. I said I hadn't and sat down to look at it whilest he hovered over me like a kid on Christmas morning. I opened and read it. Right in front of him. I didn't know what to say. But when blinked back my tears and looked at him I said "Thank you Sweetie". It wasn't necessary but I am not telling him that. This was big for him.

I know he's grateful. He thanks me all the time. He's grown so much since this illness. I don't want to jinx it but I think out of this horrible disease may actually come some good.

Growth is hard. I am growing too here. and not the 5lbs I've gaine in the past week either. I learn things about him every day. I learn how he reacts each day and what triggers him and how he copes with tragedy every day. I learn things about myself too, like when I became introspective - I didn't try to pretend I wasn't. Normally I would. Ask anyone who's lived with me - they will all tell you...

Every cloud has a silver lining. I may have just found one....