I've had a little vino and am starting to chill

Yes my readers I was really stressed and a bit pissed yesterday.

What also happened was that I didn't sleep and I was sick most of the night.

I awoke feeling worse for the wear. Lack of sleep and a high pollen count did me in. That and being angry.

Anger is a wasted emotion to dwell on. I"ve seen what it can do to people. I was not about to let that get inside me and tear me apart.

So he woke me up to tell me was leaving to do some errands including my banking. I got up, snapped out of it and went to work.

I decided the night before that I was going to drive out to my accountant and deliver paperwork. I left about 11 and was home about 12:30. I worked for an hour and had to lie down. My allergies were kicking my ass.

While I laid down for a hour I thought about where I was going to get the last hundred dollars. I had no ready solution at my fingertips. But I did get suitably angry at myself. First that I put my priorities last and second that I let him treat me badly.

The fact is the whore really isn't a problem. I don't really give a crap about her but I dont' want her rubbed in my face. The fact is she still thinks of him as hers. She doesn't want him, but she doesn't want anyone else to have him either. At the end of the day, I still don't care about that either - that's her problem. I am just a wee bit put out that I am being told that "we" need to be nicer to her. I don't see why I have to. Call me petulant, call me unreasonable, but I am just a bit frustrated because of all the hell I've been through at her expense - and she IS NOT EVEN AWARE OF IT.

So - the root of yesterday's post mostly was about that. The financial thing - yeah it's a headache. Yeah it sucks. Yeah it's my some of my financial things behind the eightball, but if he doesn't have a legal vehicle, he can't work. If he can't work, we don't eat. So the math at the end of the day goes straight to that. I will put my needs first more frequently now.... I have to for my own sanity.

A friend asked me today how did I handle the down time while waiting for someone to make a major life altering decision.....

The truth is, I am still waiting. My situation is weird. Only because he wants the grown up relationship and the perks that go with it. At the same time, he's reluctant to give up the life style he had. Baby steps get us closer every day.

My advice as a rule here is, you have to know that you really want is worth the waiting and the effort. And you have to be willing to walk away.

I came home from teaching tonight and dinner was waiting for me. It was delicious.

Now I'm heading for a bath and then bed.

Night!