The halfway mark

I think Rosie Perez said it best in White Men can't jump....

Sometime you win, sometimes you lose and sometimes, it's a tie.

Every day brings new knowledge to this relationship and it's willing and sometimes unwilling participants.

Surprisingly - or not - depending on how you look at it... I have been the unwilling one in the last few days. Not that I am leaving, or anything like that - it's nothing that bad - it's more like I am less willing than willing but not unwilling...

OK this took a weird turn.

But I know you KNOW what I mean.

I came home last night after a few days of being less willing to discover that he wasn't home. It didn't register right away that I didn't see his car.... I actually walked back down the drive and looked again. I scratched my head and thought

"Well OK but I wouldn't be out socializing with no teeth - but thats just me and my vanity I guess"

The fact is he kind of looks and sounds like the bumble from Rudolph. I don't mind - it doesn't make him less attractive by any means. But his speech - not surprisingly again - is affected. MOst people don't realize that teeth and palette and lips and everything going on in the mouth area affects your speech.

He called to tell me that he went out east to check out the location for late month private party he is working. He sounded good. He needed to be out and about a bit. He told me has planning to swing by his buddy's Open Mic on the way home and just cover some business as they do some gig's together. He planned to be home around 11 -12.

I decided to take advantage of the time by talking with a mutual friend who has the benefit of a lot more years both on this earth and knowing him. It turned out to be a smart move. A lot of misconceptions on both of us were set to rest. Some hurt feelings were reconciled. Talking with her eased my mind considerably.

He walked in around 2. I was dosing in bed. He started cooking - don't ask - this happens every time he comes home from that open mic - he makes breakfast for himself. I heard him swear in the middle of all of this and stumbled into the kitchen. He apologized for waking me, then told me about his night. His buddy send regards - remembers me fondly from the ALS benefit 2 years ago ( I know he was ther but that day was seriously a blur!)... told me about the place where the party is, he finally located his webdesigner - that sort of thing. I leaned my head against the doorway and knocked it harder than planned. He looked at me and turned me around and put me back to bed saying

"I'm going to eat my eggs and then come to bed. If your still awake and want to - we can watch a movie?"

I smiled as I laid in bed. I know this sounds really goofy, but he's been sleeping on the couch recovering so much lately that I have missed him. He's not taking the Vicadin anymore. He's sleeping more soundly. He needed the rest and though I offered the bed, he was happier on the couch so he could channel surf without waking me.

Shortly after he came to bed and we searched movies in our on demand channels. Being the insane movie people that we are, I subscribe to everything thats subscribable. We found Catch and release and since neither of us saw it all the way through, this was a good choice. We were both really enchanted by it. What a charming movie and a wonderful sound track. Which reminds me - I need to buy that! I think I will check on Itunes today.

As the movie ended and I drifted off to sleep, I was relieved to feel like my old self again,re-connected to the man I love. Lord that sounds nerdy. But it's true. I also have to say that when he was talking about me to someone else tonight, he was re-connecting with me even though I wasn't there. It made him want to come home and nurture the relationship a little bit even subconsciouly.

I am sleep deprived today. But in the best way possible.