This town ain't big enough for the both of us

It's amazing what the mind can block and forget when the pain is too much,


This obviously isn't our first go around in this situation.


There are several things that make it different though this time.


One is, we live 2 miles apart. Before we livedd 25 miles apart.


Little bit easier, that 25 miles. Not a lot of chances that we would arrive on one another's doorsteps, or show up in the middle of the night, or run into each other in a store.


A LOT more chance of it now. AND he's a bit of a local celebrity. And more people know me than I actually know here in town. Because of my dad.


So not only did we not have the conversation that needs having, he didn't call. Which is starting to make my decision making so MUCH easier.


It just proves what I have been saying. I am NOT as important to him and holding on to me is only to deal with his guilt. He doesn't need me. He has plenty and I mean plenty of other friends. I truly can't imagine what I actually bring to the table that means so much to him that he won't let me go. I can't imagine what about me he can't get from, say, the other woman ( Post-doc feel free to interject with your special word here....). So why does he need me?


I say it's guilt. And I Don't even think it's guilt about me personally either, though I play the biggest part of it currently.


No, I think the thing of it is, never seeing him again, in any capacity, might be the only option. I just don't think I am going to mention it. I am just going to act on it. No more discussion, just do it. Like Nike.


If I find myself in the awkward position of being in the same place, I will just make my excuses and get out of there as quickly as possible.


If, at some point, he finally figures out what it is he misses, he will have to do some major tap dancing to get me to believe it. AND I will be citing yesterday and today's blog posts as to why. When he should be worrying about the status of our relationship, he was too busy worrying about other things, conveniently putting me to the bottom of the list if I was still on it at all.


The fact is, I am not important to him. I can't imagine that there is someone out there that will think that I am important someday and seriously, at my age, I have to make my peace with that.


I have cut my schedule back to the necessities now. The rest of the time I spend on the couch or on the bed.

Sleep is the only antidote I have right now.

As Harry said in "When Harry Met Sally", "That's the nice thing about depression, you get your rest".