The parental units

Someday I want to read the mom handbook.



You know - the one that doesn't necesarilly TEACH you about how to raise your kids, but the one that all parents use expressions and end with the tag "Well, that's what it say in the parenting handbook"



Or how they behave for reasons that are eons old. Handed down generation after generation since Adam and Eve had THEIR kids - Cain and Able.



I can actually sort of see how that one went to be honest. Two boys? - you know the younger was the favorite. You also must know that in addition to that, the grief those boys gave their folks about being kicked of Eden must have been hell....



Which explains the need for parents to want better lives for their kids. A worthy goal to be sure.



The prodigal son story also truly explains the favorites bit. It's fairly self explanatory.



Having said all this.... Last night My best friend's mom and sister came to his gig. On his break. at 10:30.



I am thrilled that they are there for his sake. Not entirely comfortable for my own - but lets leave that out of it.... for now.



Mom makes a beeline for me and directly asks me how the living situation came to pass. I neatly deflect it and ask about brother. Phew..... Sis is taking up best friends time.... good all around. I compliment mom's parenting by telling her that he's wonderful around the house and clearly he's a good boy and was raised right.... I think I am in good for awhile.



He takes his mom into the now empty dining room. Leaving sis with me. She only has two switches - on and off. Lucky me - tonight is on. We have a great time. We have a drink and catch up.



They come back and he goes back on, they get up to leave.



She never heard him play a NOTE!



I'm offended on his behalf when he says "You're leaving? I haven't played a note since you got here!"



Sis responds "good guilt ! excellent" and they return to the bar. He plays three good songs then they pack it in and leave.



This morning - the phone rings. My phone.



It's his mom. How did she get this number? I think. Then mental headslap, she has had it for years. The benefit and his birthday.....



First, I put her on hold. Second I wake him up, third, he swears.



The next thing to happen is pacing, changing of clothes and the rushing to get out there, and my fielding calls. the onyl discussion we get to have between us is "She didn't hear a word I said last night".



That's not a good thing. He told her some very important things last night. Including his own health issues.



Parents are funny creatures. I have been taking her task on some of her behaviours where her other son is concerned ( my best friend ) and asking him to go easier on her because she is losing a child. I can't even imagine what this must be like for her. But I do know what this is like for him. He can't watch his brother perish anymore. It takes so much out of him and is borderline debilitating at times, most of which are coming more and more frequently. If he hadn't put in his time already for the past 5 years, I would say that he had to be a little more flexible with this - but he's been carrying the bulk of the load for so long and his shoulders are only so wide. It was time for him to hand the cross over to someone else for his own sake.



He came home in immense pain - physically, emotionally and spiritually. We talked for awhile and I put him to bed.



Till the phone started ringing.



Parents are funny creatures. ONce you become a parent, you are agreeing to love and raise this baby into a responsible human being. Teaching right from wrong, teaching the values that are important to you and passing family histories and generally helping to mold a responsible adult while giving some freedom to make choices and mistakes along the way.

This is a tough gig. You are signing on for a lot and there's no guarantees. And no REAL handbook.

I am not a parent and am not at all sure that I would a good one. My respect for parents in general is huge. It's the hardest job in my book and the lowest paid but I suspect more rewarding in many ways than the traditional 9-5. YOu are after all your own boss with joint ownership in most cases.


Your priorities completely change when you are a parent too. Once changed though, based on my parents and my friends parents, I suspect that they don't exactly alter as the child grows up though. Seeing your child as an adult who can, in fact, manage their own lives because of ( or in spite of at times) the parenting job you did would be difficult. The tendancy to want to jump in and prevent or fix still exists. My mom does this all the time and while frustrating - it's still a sing of love and protection.



I'm dealing wtih parents that aren't mine and seeing world I am not accustomed too, though I knew about it going in ( the fine print on the bill of sale), it wasn't live-in-person till the past month. I am finding it treacherous at times BUT I am finding that I am handling it better than I thought and I am grateful to my own family right now for just bearing with the fact that I am more incommunicado than is normal due to this overwhelming change.


No doubt about it - parenting is a tough gig. God bless all of you who are parents and all of us who have our parents - while they may not be perfect, they are ours. The good things about all of us came from them. The responsible adults that we have all turned into? them.



Their only fault ?



Being human.



That's the commonality between parents and their children.



We are all human.



It's because of this that we err.



It's also because of this that we perform miraculous feats.