Going to bed mad vs. Fighting it out

A long ways back, I did a post on going to bed mad. And how you shouldn't.

The Digital Father did a podcast about happy marriages ( Episode 30) as discussed with people married 50+ years.

Debunking the ever popular "Don't go to bed mad" myth actually made sense. Sometimes you have to in order to think with a fresh mind.

I bring this up to illustrate what happened last night.

I spent the better part of my afternoon - about 4-5 hours specifically - setting up a wireless router and network in our home so that both his desktop and my laptop could connect with the benefit of few to no wires.

It was not as easy as Cisco would make it seem, however it was less complicated than I originally had envisioned.

That not withstanding - I still experienced a number of hitches that someone who works with routers -both wired and not- every day should have expected. Ironic that I am the voice of reason and troubleshooting when it's me and a client but when it's just me??? I'm a freaking lunatic who ate the majority of a chocolate bunny during the 5 hours this projecct entailed.

So it should come as no surprise to you that when I returned from my rehearsal and was reading email from his own computer for the first time and it shut down in the middle, the anger and frustration that went on. I was trying to work on it and simultaneously he's fighting to connect. I offer him my laptop in the interim - but no. I mention multiple times that I am addressing the issue. He continues to huff and puff, sigh, curse, and bitch.

I finally shut everything on my laptop down, setup his email and say "just use mine for now - I can't fix it while you are hammering away".

I go to bed.

He makes a snide remark about half a job. I said if he thinks 4-5 hours is half a job I would like to see him do it since he was out playing all day.

He walks in and immediately changes his tune. Now he's mister nice guy. Lots of "I Didn't realize that" and "Obviously you are as frustrated as I am but deal with it better" and crap like this.

Somehow - with no actual apologies - we mend the fence.

By the time I went bed, I realized that we fought it out to a logical conclusion though it was not a realistic problem. It was frustration on both sides.

But it made me laugh. For me - it's better to resolve it right away - making me wait leads to not at all. Usually.

We have had some instances of some major fights that wait for the morning. Some are lined up out in the hall STILL waiting.

Well - these 50+ year marriages - they didn't say WHAT morning it had to wait for now did they?

It's good advice though. I just suggest you pick and choose when to use that.