The aftermath and the new intimacies that go with that

Its 48 hours later.

You may recall that I mentioned that I was prepared and expecting this round of chemo to go worse than the first round.

The fact is he is weaker this time, so that stood to reason.

Interesting factoid to note - he came home a little bit tired but in a great mood and kind of raring to go....

He did rest but we did talk a bit about some good topics.

In my rounds of teaching I discovered from the parent of one child ( who is a cancer survivor) that they put a steroid in the chemo IV to help keep the patient energy and immune system stable during admission of the drug and that this is standard practice. I did some research and I believe that this is why he is borderline manic when he arrives home.

Yesterday he had radiation. Had an appointment and rested, then did some laundry and rested. We went to bed early. Or rather, he did. Me? Don't sleep much or well.

Today, he went to radiation, came home the earliest ever and proceeded to determine that some bodily functions that used to work well, no longer work much at all and sent me to Walgreens to pick up something to help out.

In the 10 minutes that I was gone, he almost passed out.

When I came back he was in bed and looked exhausted. I mean, down and out exhausted. I was worried.

He slept all day. When he did wake up, it was only to have some grape juice and then back to sleep.

I left to take care of some things and pick up the necessary dietary supplements as he now has to be on a liquid diet until his throat heals from the radiation. The site on the inside of his throat plus the location of the tumors causes food - even the smallest particles, to get caught in his throat and he aspirates a lot.

He's down 30 lbs. I have been picking up nutritional supplements that are heavy on vitamins and protein. I don't think he should lose too much more weight as that would be very counterproductive to his recovery. I have protein powder to add, I have ensure, myoplex, carnation breakfast mix, ice cream , whole milk, bolthouse farms protein drinks and will pick some Met-rx at GNC over the weekend.

I have to interject that money is getting tight here. We aren't in danger yet but it's tight and I am feeling the pinch. I didn't think that this would happen this fast, but it did and in backtracaking through the books I know why and there was no way to avoid it. I am relieved that he is not working as he can't and he shouldn't. This is NOT HIS FAULT and I DO NOT BLAME him.... I am, however, financially stressed, as well as emotionally and well - all around stressed.

This problem has solutions in place in the distant future, but that doesn't get me through now. I don't want to pick up another student unless I have no other choice because that takes me out of the house more and I do not want to do that either. the solutions are in place, they just haven't kicked in yet. Once they do I will feel better and this part of the stress will be relieved. This too, shall pass.

He's supposed to go to his sister's birthday in the city tomorrow. He laid on the couch tonight and looked at me and said "Tell me I'll feel better tomorrow"

I didn't miss a beat.

"Your goiing to feel fantastic tomorrow and Your sister is going to be thrilled that you are there!!"

" Good" he whispered.

Bet you didn't know I could predict the future, did you?

Well - I can't - but I have something better, prayer.

I am praying that tomorrow is a better day for the man I love.