The day was hectic. I ran around like a wingnut getting everything ready for this party. The party I am not in the mood to host. Nothing against my friends, but I am not in a party mood.
It's a good thing that I am doing it anyway. The fact remains that if I am busy I can't think or react. So those two things aside, this has the potential to be good for me.
I am the master of hiding when I need to. I feel like I need to, but not allowing myself that luxory. Not now and not on this.
A very wise point was made today, that I was sliding fast. That's true. So stopping myself midslide seems like the wise thing to do. I am picturing myself, fallen, on a ski slope, unable to go down any further but with no viable means to get back up to the top.
So I was relieved when the hand was held out to help me back up to the top. I had been planning to ask for that help from this specific individual, but there never seemed to be a good time. I felt like it was a productive discussion and while I still have the fear, it's much easier to deal with. The conversation led me to more questions than answers butI can't tell you how relieved I feel. Though nothing truly got resolved, I am no longer angry and upset. Yes, I shed a few tears but that was the reality of the situation being painted in front of me. The good part is I have that hand to help me back up the mountain.
Now, I have never thought of myself as stupid, but maybe I am. In certain specific areas. For example. If someone calls and leaves me a message saying " I need to talk to you, it's urgent, I'll call you back tomorrow" I'll climb the walls until I know what's going on. Likewise when I was younger and my mom would say "Wait until UB gets home" or even younger "Wait umtil your dad gets home" I would dbe panicking and flipping out until the inevitable happened.
So surprises don't sit well with me unless they are good ones. And please don't be swayed and give me clues because that will only make me crazy and not in the good way. I anticipate the worst because I have never had a major surprise that was a good one. One that was just about me an other people. Oh yes the surprise Christmas/birthday gifts for sure but I am talking about something other than the material.
So keeping myself busy is a good thing. I can't get caught up in the possible ( and lets face it probable ) bad outcome. I am considering filing this week under "fun memories" and calling it over. I think its the right thing to do. Although, to be fair, I am basing all of this on my own feelings and opinions. Is that the right thing to do? Should I take into acount the other's involved ? Probably.
I think I am alone in this to be honest. So I am going to mentally treat this as if I am. If I am wrong, I'll deal with that when it comes up.
So I am busy and now I am planning to be sleeping.
Oh - I ate Pina coloda flavored Cashews tonight for dinner - I HIGHLY recommend these.
Au Revoir - Fait de beau reves!
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
Things are better because I decided they need to be
Now I woke up this morning and for the first time in literally 7 days, I didn't dream about the situations that I have been dealing with this week.
At least I don't readily recall the dreams if they were happening. That's a relief.
The reason being: the first two nights were wonderful. Deep sleep, lovely just lovely dreams.
The second two nights - comme ci comme ca - not bad but not winning awards in the happiness department.
The last two nights were positively abismal. I was very upset upon wakin up and it carried through my day.
So this morning when I woke up and realized that I wasn't dreaming in a memorable fashion AT ALL, I was kind of relieved.
I had had a nice hot bath and read my frivolous book after working at the house to make it party ready for Saturday.
I took one look at my body and noticed hives. My whole body from the hips up. I freaked out.
I felt fine and if I hadn't had the bath I would not have noticed right off. I took some benedryl and all of my normal creams and lotions and allergy meds etc. I went to bed and woke up feeling refreshed but most importantly the hives, while not yet gone, have gone down some.
It was stress related. This is a new one. I usually eat!
But no eating for me. I had no time. So I got hives. so now the question becomes do I eat and be fat or be thin and hivey?
Tough call.
The bottom line is stress does strange things to the body. So for the sake of my personal self preservation, I have decided that things are OK. They have to be for my health.
The entire point of this post is, I can be sad about the end result of this situation, or I can be hopeful and look for a silver lining. I am generally a positive person, but only in certain situations do I jump to the negative first. Those situations are usually wrapped in my self esteem issues. Am I good enough, do I do the job well, will they like me? things like this. Of course my appearance has something to do with that as well. While I am working on that, I still believe that I am a beautiful woman inside and out.
So in order to preserve my health and my sanity, after some conversation on the topic last night, I just woke up and decided that I am going to try not to worry, not to be sad and fearful and just go on being fabulous. I have now changed my outfit for the party somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 times and I am really still nervous about it, but I think it will be OK. I can't tell you that Saturday and Sunday's posts are going to be OK. I simply do not know.
I thank you all for your support here - this has been a rough week and while compared to some REALLY bad things that can happen, this is but a drop in the bucket and could go a good way too. Time will tell.
At least I don't readily recall the dreams if they were happening. That's a relief.
The reason being: the first two nights were wonderful. Deep sleep, lovely just lovely dreams.
The second two nights - comme ci comme ca - not bad but not winning awards in the happiness department.
The last two nights were positively abismal. I was very upset upon wakin up and it carried through my day.
So this morning when I woke up and realized that I wasn't dreaming in a memorable fashion AT ALL, I was kind of relieved.
I had had a nice hot bath and read my frivolous book after working at the house to make it party ready for Saturday.
I took one look at my body and noticed hives. My whole body from the hips up. I freaked out.
I felt fine and if I hadn't had the bath I would not have noticed right off. I took some benedryl and all of my normal creams and lotions and allergy meds etc. I went to bed and woke up feeling refreshed but most importantly the hives, while not yet gone, have gone down some.
It was stress related. This is a new one. I usually eat!
But no eating for me. I had no time. So I got hives. so now the question becomes do I eat and be fat or be thin and hivey?
Tough call.
The bottom line is stress does strange things to the body. So for the sake of my personal self preservation, I have decided that things are OK. They have to be for my health.
The entire point of this post is, I can be sad about the end result of this situation, or I can be hopeful and look for a silver lining. I am generally a positive person, but only in certain situations do I jump to the negative first. Those situations are usually wrapped in my self esteem issues. Am I good enough, do I do the job well, will they like me? things like this. Of course my appearance has something to do with that as well. While I am working on that, I still believe that I am a beautiful woman inside and out.
So in order to preserve my health and my sanity, after some conversation on the topic last night, I just woke up and decided that I am going to try not to worry, not to be sad and fearful and just go on being fabulous. I have now changed my outfit for the party somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 times and I am really still nervous about it, but I think it will be OK. I can't tell you that Saturday and Sunday's posts are going to be OK. I simply do not know.
I thank you all for your support here - this has been a rough week and while compared to some REALLY bad things that can happen, this is but a drop in the bucket and could go a good way too. Time will tell.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
On drinking
OK, here's the deal.
My family has a history of unaddressed alcoholism. Social drinking was de rigeur and most of our parents did it. The Scotch after work to unwind, the wine with dinner, etc.
I still socially drink, but I rarely if ever drink alone and not because of the stigma. I will occasionally have my red wine with a nice meal at home alone, or I will have a glass of wine or the bubbly in my bath at night. But I keep those occasions rare to make them more of a special treat for myself.
But in times of intense stress or release of said stress, I find that if I am out with friends or at a party, I will drink and possibly drink more than I normally would at home in my bath.
Not to get drunk, not my intention because I don't like the loss of control and I hate the next day passionately.
So in light of the positive resolution to my work situation which included a holographic apology from the customer, I went to an event and proceeded to have 3 martini's in four hours.
And forgot to eat.
I paid very dearly too. The hangover wasn't even the worst part - not great, but it wasn't bad because I ate when I got home and I loaded up with fluids So not too terrible, tired but ok.
It's the principle behind the thing. I have open ended items that are makng no head way and I can't force them. So the reality is the job thing sent me all the way down the slippery slope that I was on already. The resolution presented it self late in the day so I was in a much improved mood, but not at the top of slope yet.
That situation requires other people to participate in the resolution and if I force it I am possibly forcing the resolution the wrong way. It's a precarious fall for me really and I don't have a lot of breathing room. What bothers me most about this scenario is that I really don't have the control over it and if I am honest with myself, I have already allowed it to take over too much real estate in my brain. With no realistic end in sight.
So when the situation to have a signature drink at this event came up, I tried one, liked it and went back for another. Never once activating my normal plan which is to alternate the drink with soda or water, which I normally do.
Having paid my dues to the Martini God, in the form of a very very very mild hangover that I recovered from quickly, the problem is me.
I'm being cautious, I'm being careful. But it's not enough. So it's sitting inside and festering.
I'll sort it out, but if I am honest with myself, I am afraid of the resolution.
Stay tuned.
My family has a history of unaddressed alcoholism. Social drinking was de rigeur and most of our parents did it. The Scotch after work to unwind, the wine with dinner, etc.
I still socially drink, but I rarely if ever drink alone and not because of the stigma. I will occasionally have my red wine with a nice meal at home alone, or I will have a glass of wine or the bubbly in my bath at night. But I keep those occasions rare to make them more of a special treat for myself.
But in times of intense stress or release of said stress, I find that if I am out with friends or at a party, I will drink and possibly drink more than I normally would at home in my bath.
Not to get drunk, not my intention because I don't like the loss of control and I hate the next day passionately.
So in light of the positive resolution to my work situation which included a holographic apology from the customer, I went to an event and proceeded to have 3 martini's in four hours.
And forgot to eat.
I paid very dearly too. The hangover wasn't even the worst part - not great, but it wasn't bad because I ate when I got home and I loaded up with fluids So not too terrible, tired but ok.
It's the principle behind the thing. I have open ended items that are makng no head way and I can't force them. So the reality is the job thing sent me all the way down the slippery slope that I was on already. The resolution presented it self late in the day so I was in a much improved mood, but not at the top of slope yet.
That situation requires other people to participate in the resolution and if I force it I am possibly forcing the resolution the wrong way. It's a precarious fall for me really and I don't have a lot of breathing room. What bothers me most about this scenario is that I really don't have the control over it and if I am honest with myself, I have already allowed it to take over too much real estate in my brain. With no realistic end in sight.
So when the situation to have a signature drink at this event came up, I tried one, liked it and went back for another. Never once activating my normal plan which is to alternate the drink with soda or water, which I normally do.
Having paid my dues to the Martini God, in the form of a very very very mild hangover that I recovered from quickly, the problem is me.
I'm being cautious, I'm being careful. But it's not enough. So it's sitting inside and festering.
I'll sort it out, but if I am honest with myself, I am afraid of the resolution.
Stay tuned.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
On not going to bed mad
"Don't go to sleep B-4 U put your bad feelings to bed. If U lie down angry U wake up the same. Let it go, 'cause if ya don't it'll eat U up. Be sad if U have to, but not forever. Be mad if U must, but stop & think. Life is messy...& that's what makes it fun!"
This is a hard one for me.
You see as a rule, I play my truest, deepest feelings, good, bad, angry, sad, all of them very close to the vest. If I am telling you about it, there is a good change that either A. I have no choice, B. The drama of the feeling has paled enough to deal with in the light of day or C. It wasn't that big of a deal in the first place.
I noticed this first when I had my first beau. I refused to mention his name out loud to anyone in the household. They only noticed when he called on the phone to speak to me and my clearly obvious reaction. An example of me not having a choice.
On the flip side, I didn't really react to my parents divorce either. That took so many years for me to deal with that by the time I was prepared it was such old news that it didn't matter. Likewise, since my older step brother was behaving like a mad idiot about the whole thing, why did I need to have a tantrum too? The facts remained that neither his parents nor mine should have been married to each other. Each couple divorced and his dad my mom married and thats that. THe reality is - that union still exists and is still happy. So here's an example of it paling by the time I was ready to deal with it.
And still a third scenario is about it not being THAT big of a deal in the first place. Like the bit with my family this past fall. That was less about me and more about others. Why did I have such a hard time with it. I only spoke of it to a small handful of people outside the family for perspective. When I finally got to a day to speak to my priest the reality was that this wasn'nt my issue at all. It was others. So I bowed out and made everything easier for me. Not my normal behaviour, usually I assume other's problems.
Now, given that we know that I keep my most intense and important things to myself, how the hell am I supposed to sleep and let them go???? When you can't control the situation??? I am telling you this I have some things I can't let go of right now and they aren't sitting so very well for me. One of the top two is that I have a meeting tomorrow that is sheer stupidity and I am the scapegoat and there is not a DAMN thing on this earth that I can do to control it. My good name is being sullied here and I can't personally alter it. So how to let that go? I am angry and hurting and I totally feel like no one gives a damn.
And of course - how could anyone? If you don't know about it ( because I keep it close to the vest - come on keep up!) how is this anyone else's fault? It's not. I'm not that unreasonable.
I had a kidlette, who could have been me at that age, fall completely to pieces on Monday. She just told me that she was under a lot of stress (at age 10) and started to cry. If I hadn't been stunned into silence ( yes I was!) I probably would have joined her. I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence. We talked for a long time. No answers readily came through. It was just burying each little hurt and pushing it down inside till there was no more room.
Sound Familiar?
So here I am, sitting in my house in the dark. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't focus and I feel like crying. but I don't have that much saved up, not like my kidlette. Just a handful of things. None do I have control over.
Because I have this lack of control, all I feel is frustration. I can't decide what the answers are and I can't really talk it over with people.
I have another 5 kids to teach between now and Friday and I have to be upbeat for them. They deserve that much for the money I get paid to do this.
I am hosting a party I am not ready for and part of me is dreading it. PArt of me is excited. We'll see.
I have another party at the end of the month - dreading it. and can't wait to go.
I am exhausted. I flipped my mattress and changed my bedding to the pretty springtime bedding I bought last year. No- it didn't help.
Yeah life is messy and sometimes that's fun.
I wish it was more fun right now than it is.
Am I overthinking this?
Well one thing's for certain, I'm not underthinking it.
Sound like I am ranting - no??? forgive me.
This is a hard one for me.
You see as a rule, I play my truest, deepest feelings, good, bad, angry, sad, all of them very close to the vest. If I am telling you about it, there is a good change that either A. I have no choice, B. The drama of the feeling has paled enough to deal with in the light of day or C. It wasn't that big of a deal in the first place.
I noticed this first when I had my first beau. I refused to mention his name out loud to anyone in the household. They only noticed when he called on the phone to speak to me and my clearly obvious reaction. An example of me not having a choice.
On the flip side, I didn't really react to my parents divorce either. That took so many years for me to deal with that by the time I was prepared it was such old news that it didn't matter. Likewise, since my older step brother was behaving like a mad idiot about the whole thing, why did I need to have a tantrum too? The facts remained that neither his parents nor mine should have been married to each other. Each couple divorced and his dad my mom married and thats that. THe reality is - that union still exists and is still happy. So here's an example of it paling by the time I was ready to deal with it.
And still a third scenario is about it not being THAT big of a deal in the first place. Like the bit with my family this past fall. That was less about me and more about others. Why did I have such a hard time with it. I only spoke of it to a small handful of people outside the family for perspective. When I finally got to a day to speak to my priest the reality was that this wasn'nt my issue at all. It was others. So I bowed out and made everything easier for me. Not my normal behaviour, usually I assume other's problems.
Now, given that we know that I keep my most intense and important things to myself, how the hell am I supposed to sleep and let them go???? When you can't control the situation??? I am telling you this I have some things I can't let go of right now and they aren't sitting so very well for me. One of the top two is that I have a meeting tomorrow that is sheer stupidity and I am the scapegoat and there is not a DAMN thing on this earth that I can do to control it. My good name is being sullied here and I can't personally alter it. So how to let that go? I am angry and hurting and I totally feel like no one gives a damn.
And of course - how could anyone? If you don't know about it ( because I keep it close to the vest - come on keep up!) how is this anyone else's fault? It's not. I'm not that unreasonable.
I had a kidlette, who could have been me at that age, fall completely to pieces on Monday. She just told me that she was under a lot of stress (at age 10) and started to cry. If I hadn't been stunned into silence ( yes I was!) I probably would have joined her. I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence. We talked for a long time. No answers readily came through. It was just burying each little hurt and pushing it down inside till there was no more room.
Sound Familiar?
So here I am, sitting in my house in the dark. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't focus and I feel like crying. but I don't have that much saved up, not like my kidlette. Just a handful of things. None do I have control over.
Because I have this lack of control, all I feel is frustration. I can't decide what the answers are and I can't really talk it over with people.
I have another 5 kids to teach between now and Friday and I have to be upbeat for them. They deserve that much for the money I get paid to do this.
I am hosting a party I am not ready for and part of me is dreading it. PArt of me is excited. We'll see.
I have another party at the end of the month - dreading it. and can't wait to go.
I am exhausted. I flipped my mattress and changed my bedding to the pretty springtime bedding I bought last year. No- it didn't help.
Yeah life is messy and sometimes that's fun.
I wish it was more fun right now than it is.
Am I overthinking this?
Well one thing's for certain, I'm not underthinking it.
Sound like I am ranting - no??? forgive me.
Monday, April 09, 2007
The Plan: Month 3: Check Point
I am a tad late in my month three Check point.....
Scenario 1 - Health
- Exercise - Really not so great here. I am more active overall but I am not doing regular activity. I am really committed to this for Month 4. I just thought I would be better at it by the end of this month but no.
- Food - I have seriously turned a corner. I have lost about 3 lbs in the last 2 weeks and I am feeling better than ever. I continue on this plan and my clothes are going to fit better than ever. My mom even commented how well I look.
- Journal - Honesty in my journal has become the primary. I am being very specific and weighing everything. It is actually gone well for me because I am eye-balling things better now making eating out or at someones home less of a crisis.
- Overall Health Management - My skin looks OK but it's allergy related. We have a high pollen count here ( High 9's) so I am actually feeling better than I should. I completed an internal cleanse and am doing the daily upkeep now. Lots of water and healthy food.
- Scenario 2 - Job/Career
- Boss is vindictive. We as a team are standing our ground with him. We have even agreed to jump levels on complaints if the need arises.
- Our Communication as a team has really improved over this past month. We are really working well as a unit now.
- We continue to give boss busy work to do so we can get our work done.
- I am just doing the best job I know how and taking the lead away from boss as often as possible while making sure that anything that has to have boss's name attached to it as actually done by Boss.
- I'm taking my lunch when I am supposed to. I am taking random 15-20 minute breaks to get my brain focused. I am shutting down at 5 and I no longer work weekend, after hours or holidays unless I am on call.
- Scenario 3 - My home
- It's clean and neat and that's all I can ask right now. The plans for interior design have been put off due to every weekend being tied up and NYSSMA
- Scenario 4 - finances
- My financial plan must be working because I am not feeling as much of a pinch as I had been.
- I am staying with Chase temporarily till I find someone better. Honestly their website has more minuses than pluses, but the pluses are big ones.
- I wrapped up my 401K loan just in enough time to pay my taxes this time. Which was the plan.
- Scenario 5 - Education
- Getting my kids ready for Solo festivals in this state.
- I am scheduled to take the adjudication courses next year ( The sign up was over by the time I found about it...)
- Still studying voice and doing well. I'm on hiatus performance -wise for awhile.
- Scenario 6 - Family & Friends
- Easter was wonderful. I spent the day with my brother and his in laws. My mom was there and my step dad, Mariana an Bill and their kids.
- Sister had her baby shower. It was a baby shower. But she received some lovely gifts.
- I am hosting a belated birthday party this weekend for my friends. It will be a lot of fun.
- My Friends are an interesting group of folks and I love them so very much. I spend time with my Jenna and her family - I adore them so. Eeman comes by when he can or I stop at a gig. Chris and I email, Lil and I catch up on the phone. It's wonderful. Chris is having a party soon too - a 70's theme!!! Yay!!!
- Scenario 7 - Self esteem
- Remember the low point with the Chinese food? Haven't had any since. Seriously. But that's all to the good. I love it, but it's not worth the caloric intake. I'm sure the delivery guy misses me.
- My self esteem is up up up up up up up up up. I just have to keep the euphoric feeling going.
- Life lessons are taking hold, I am already caught up and behind again. It's not that I am not doing the work, I am just not writing it down. I am reading a new book that always boosts my self esteem and confidence. It's called A bombshells guide to life.
- I am spending more time telling myself that I am beautiful. I am told that by others, but I can't believe them until I believe it. So I continue to dress and do my hair and put on my lipstick, but I am attractive even if I am just lounging in my home. I just have to remember that.
- I am doing my life Makeovers. This is a great help for putting my life in order.
- NEW Scenario - Faith
- Was not able to get to church as often as I wanted this month, but I did make a point of being there the week before Palm Sunday, the week of Palm Sunday and of course all of Holy Week.
- My Lenten reflections were on the good things that I have been provided with in my life. I know that I have a great capacity for love and I am using it to my best ability right now. I am using it for good and trying to do this unselfishly. I am in some uncharted waters here and will likely need guidance. Love is tough for me. Not actually loving, but the decision to allow it to happen at all. That is very hard for me.
I handled this month better in many ways and worse in others than Months 1 and 2. I had challenges I didn't plan on, some good and some not so good and some have the jury still out on. I will be continuing this plan and we'll see how it goes Next month!
As usual my credit line goes to Post - Doc for "the plan" and the inspiration to adopt it!
How much to say in a blogpost
I have some things in the hopper right now and I can't bring myself to post about them publicly yet.
Things like work, I can't put in publish mode. Not the gut wrenching brutally honest ones at any rate. For all good reasons.
But I was reading a book the other day. It's an old book that I read as teen an I kept the trio around because the author is very profound though she chooses to address the teen set. However, as an adult, I read these books from time to time on a different but yet the similar perspective as I did when I was younger.
Madeleine L'Engle wrote The Wrinkle in time series - wonderful. But the "Meet the Austins" Series is the one I keep around. A Ring of Endless light is an amazing story of a teenaged girl struggling with the death of a granndparent while living with her family at her grandparents home. She is also simultaneously dealing with boys and love, siblings and growing up in general. None of which is easy at any age. She is a poet.
The perspective I have now on this particular story is interesting. I used to identify with our Heroine, Vicky, most of the time. I still do in strange ways, but I find myself identifying with all the other characters in the story. Like the Widow who becomes the nurse to Vicky's grandfather. Her husband dies saving someone from drowning right in the first chapter of the story. He leaves behind two sons. One is younger thanVicky ( her younger sisters age in fact ) and the other is going off to college in the fall.
The widow speaks to her sons about grief in the book. It's a very short moment, but it always stuck with me. It's about life and death. Its about affirmations of life when tragedy strikes. The conversation between our heroine and dthe widow's eldest son seems pertinent to me right now....
It rang true. "Let's concentrate on eating, then. For now." Then I asked, "Have you been hungry too?"
"Famished. I talked to my mom about it, and she expained about it being an urge to live. When Dad's father died, he had a heart attack unexpectedly, just like dad - they wept, and then they made love. And she showed me that this wasn't being disrespectful but a-- what did she call it? An affirmation of the goodness of life."
Since the title of this post is "How much to say in a blogpost", the answer is clear to me right now on this topic. The quote says all of what I need to say right now.
Blogging is interesting. I am an honest person by definition but I notice that I am careful with how and what I write lest I offend someone close to me. And I can tell you that I have had one friend me why I felt a particular way about them when I met them. It wasn't a bad thing, just a timing thing. I am sensitive to others feelings and even when they may drive me crazy, I won't write what I am feeling at the time, because worse than saying things you don't mean, is writing them. It sits there in cyberspace eternally in print. Just like words spoken can sit on the soul forever.
So not writing what I want to write at this point is a little bit troublesome, but I will get it sorted at some point and write something appropriate thats deferential to others. I just can't break a confidentiality agreement that I sign for work on paper, or a verbal one that I make to myself or a friend. I will wait it out till I can put my feelings into appropriate words that only affect me and no one else.
Things like work, I can't put in publish mode. Not the gut wrenching brutally honest ones at any rate. For all good reasons.
But I was reading a book the other day. It's an old book that I read as teen an I kept the trio around because the author is very profound though she chooses to address the teen set. However, as an adult, I read these books from time to time on a different but yet the similar perspective as I did when I was younger.
Madeleine L'Engle wrote The Wrinkle in time series - wonderful. But the "Meet the Austins" Series is the one I keep around. A Ring of Endless light is an amazing story of a teenaged girl struggling with the death of a granndparent while living with her family at her grandparents home. She is also simultaneously dealing with boys and love, siblings and growing up in general. None of which is easy at any age. She is a poet.
The perspective I have now on this particular story is interesting. I used to identify with our Heroine, Vicky, most of the time. I still do in strange ways, but I find myself identifying with all the other characters in the story. Like the Widow who becomes the nurse to Vicky's grandfather. Her husband dies saving someone from drowning right in the first chapter of the story. He leaves behind two sons. One is younger thanVicky ( her younger sisters age in fact ) and the other is going off to college in the fall.
The widow speaks to her sons about grief in the book. It's a very short moment, but it always stuck with me. It's about life and death. Its about affirmations of life when tragedy strikes. The conversation between our heroine and dthe widow's eldest son seems pertinent to me right now....
" Why have I been so hungry all summer?" I asked
"Because eating is a part of life. So is loving" It rang true. "Let's concentrate on eating, then. For now." Then I asked, "Have you been hungry too?"
"Famished. I talked to my mom about it, and she expained about it being an urge to live. When Dad's father died, he had a heart attack unexpectedly, just like dad - they wept, and then they made love. And she showed me that this wasn't being disrespectful but a-- what did she call it? An affirmation of the goodness of life."
-Madeleine L'Engle, A Ring of Endless Light
Since the title of this post is "How much to say in a blogpost", the answer is clear to me right now on this topic. The quote says all of what I need to say right now.
Blogging is interesting. I am an honest person by definition but I notice that I am careful with how and what I write lest I offend someone close to me. And I can tell you that I have had one friend me why I felt a particular way about them when I met them. It wasn't a bad thing, just a timing thing. I am sensitive to others feelings and even when they may drive me crazy, I won't write what I am feeling at the time, because worse than saying things you don't mean, is writing them. It sits there in cyberspace eternally in print. Just like words spoken can sit on the soul forever.
So not writing what I want to write at this point is a little bit troublesome, but I will get it sorted at some point and write something appropriate thats deferential to others. I just can't break a confidentiality agreement that I sign for work on paper, or a verbal one that I make to myself or a friend. I will wait it out till I can put my feelings into appropriate words that only affect me and no one else.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
At an emotional impasse
My life is stranger than fiction.
No, no, no. It is. I am used to it, but I forget when people like yourselves pick up and read this blog, how unreal some of the things that happen to me must seem.
And yet they are all true.
I noticed this week that I am in an amazingly good mood and when the mood is this good, I don't write in my blog. Why is that? Wouldn't you think I would WANT to document happy occasions? I mean, happy for me - not just ordinary happy occasions like wedding and baby showers with 400 dollar strollers.
I have been working on this post since Valentines Day and keep setting aside. I love stories of how couples got together. I mean long term couples. I find in these stories the coincidences that could have caused the lives to go a different way. Like the couple who meets but they are both involved with others and they keep meeting one only one was single, until the universe deemed the timing right and they both meet and party or a friends home or whatever. This is an example of the kind of thing I am talking about. I have a friend, Maplemama, who met her husband at a wedding where she caught the bouquet and he caught the garter, but then didn't see each other again till much later. When they finally met, it was their time. The couple in my first example, they kept running into each other until the universe said "OK ENOUGH IT'S YOUR TIME NOW".
I love that.
I see these things happen and I like to dissect them and figure out where it went right AND where it went wrong. Especially for myself. I'm very trepidacious with myself though. I am usually the one who will deny myself that crazy raw emotional feeling that comes in the beginning. I will not even acknowledge it for fear that I will jeopardize the whole shebang. So when do you know it's your time? When Do I know it's my time? Is the nervousness gone? Is the shyness that suddenly disappears and the intense feeling of comfort a sign?
I just don't know.
Not yet, anyway. Too soon to tell.
So I continue to sit back and let the universe make it's decisions for me. I am not one who gives my heart that easily but when I do, it's the whole deal. I spent many years in love with the entirely WRONG person because I made the mistake of confusing sex and love. Not the first person to make that mistake, I realize and I chalk to my 20's and discovery of myself. The reality was I wasn't in love with that person and the more I see of him and his family now, the more confirmed that becomes for me. So with that experience behind me from my 20's, I now am a little bit more selective about who I allow myself to care for. It's really easy for me to care for someone and really hard for me to recover when it doesn't work is no longer an option.
But I have a neat little talent within myself. What I do, is I look at love in a multi layer type of cake. There is friendship love, there is familial love, there is romantic love, and then there is long term accepting love. Each layer can operate independently. They can operate in almost any version of combinations. They can operate as a whole.
So when one layer is no longer functioning or has been blasted into the universe, I review the other layers in that combination and decide are the remaining layers worth fighting to keep in my life and is it something that will work for both people? If I can step back after the healing has started and my soul says yes, I immediately re-group and start working at the new relationship.
My example is the guy from my 20's. He's happily married with children now. I adore his wife and we are all good friends. But the reality is, if that were me, we'd be divorced. So the universe was using him as a teaching tool for me. He taught me a lot of things about myself that I wouldn't know when I did and I don't regret a sinlge instance of that. The pain was worth the knowledge that I have about myself now.
Back to the layer analogy, the soul's ability to say "yes" to the a new layer combination minus the romantic love, is the tough part. I have to really let go, and let my inner soul do the talking and that has taken YEARS of practice. The tendency, when any kind of breakup or parting of the ways happens, is to keep that person around in any capacity in hopes of a reconciliation. I am the first one to say I am guilty of that. But that's not doing your human-ness a good turn at all. That doesn't teach you the lesson you needed to learn from the breakup of with that person. The breakup is a sign that this is either A. the wrong person for you or B. The right person for RIGHT NOW to teach you something specific so that C. When the right person arrives or returns to your life, you are in the right position to accept them.
When the soul finally comes to the decision that its ready to take on the new blended version of the relationship, it's going to be hard and take some work. You have to commit to it up front. And it requires communication, honesty and respect for the persn and the space that the two of you need. I find that if I put the work in and a few months down the road that person is mysteriously absent from my personal terain, than I wasn't that committed and I was holding that person to me for selfish reasons and hoping for the reconcilliation.
So I have an open ended question ahead of me. And I truthfully do not have a blessed clue about the answer yet.
But for the very first time ever in my life, I am not shy about it, I am not afraid of it and I have made my peace with whatever is the universe's decisions. There is no jealousy of others and there is no fear.
Only hope.
Because through hope, and through the universe's lovely methods, I have gained back the willingness to risk my heart when the time is right. I have gained the confidence that if I lose this round, there will be others and I will be fine.
Happy Easter!
No, no, no. It is. I am used to it, but I forget when people like yourselves pick up and read this blog, how unreal some of the things that happen to me must seem.
And yet they are all true.
I noticed this week that I am in an amazingly good mood and when the mood is this good, I don't write in my blog. Why is that? Wouldn't you think I would WANT to document happy occasions? I mean, happy for me - not just ordinary happy occasions like wedding and baby showers with 400 dollar strollers.
I have been working on this post since Valentines Day and keep setting aside. I love stories of how couples got together. I mean long term couples. I find in these stories the coincidences that could have caused the lives to go a different way. Like the couple who meets but they are both involved with others and they keep meeting one only one was single, until the universe deemed the timing right and they both meet and party or a friends home or whatever. This is an example of the kind of thing I am talking about. I have a friend, Maplemama, who met her husband at a wedding where she caught the bouquet and he caught the garter, but then didn't see each other again till much later. When they finally met, it was their time. The couple in my first example, they kept running into each other until the universe said "OK ENOUGH IT'S YOUR TIME NOW".
I love that.
I see these things happen and I like to dissect them and figure out where it went right AND where it went wrong. Especially for myself. I'm very trepidacious with myself though. I am usually the one who will deny myself that crazy raw emotional feeling that comes in the beginning. I will not even acknowledge it for fear that I will jeopardize the whole shebang. So when do you know it's your time? When Do I know it's my time? Is the nervousness gone? Is the shyness that suddenly disappears and the intense feeling of comfort a sign?
I just don't know.
Not yet, anyway. Too soon to tell.
So I continue to sit back and let the universe make it's decisions for me. I am not one who gives my heart that easily but when I do, it's the whole deal. I spent many years in love with the entirely WRONG person because I made the mistake of confusing sex and love. Not the first person to make that mistake, I realize and I chalk to my 20's and discovery of myself. The reality was I wasn't in love with that person and the more I see of him and his family now, the more confirmed that becomes for me. So with that experience behind me from my 20's, I now am a little bit more selective about who I allow myself to care for. It's really easy for me to care for someone and really hard for me to recover when it doesn't work is no longer an option.
But I have a neat little talent within myself. What I do, is I look at love in a multi layer type of cake. There is friendship love, there is familial love, there is romantic love, and then there is long term accepting love. Each layer can operate independently. They can operate in almost any version of combinations. They can operate as a whole.
So when one layer is no longer functioning or has been blasted into the universe, I review the other layers in that combination and decide are the remaining layers worth fighting to keep in my life and is it something that will work for both people? If I can step back after the healing has started and my soul says yes, I immediately re-group and start working at the new relationship.
My example is the guy from my 20's. He's happily married with children now. I adore his wife and we are all good friends. But the reality is, if that were me, we'd be divorced. So the universe was using him as a teaching tool for me. He taught me a lot of things about myself that I wouldn't know when I did and I don't regret a sinlge instance of that. The pain was worth the knowledge that I have about myself now.
Back to the layer analogy, the soul's ability to say "yes" to the a new layer combination minus the romantic love, is the tough part. I have to really let go, and let my inner soul do the talking and that has taken YEARS of practice. The tendency, when any kind of breakup or parting of the ways happens, is to keep that person around in any capacity in hopes of a reconciliation. I am the first one to say I am guilty of that. But that's not doing your human-ness a good turn at all. That doesn't teach you the lesson you needed to learn from the breakup of with that person. The breakup is a sign that this is either A. the wrong person for you or B. The right person for RIGHT NOW to teach you something specific so that C. When the right person arrives or returns to your life, you are in the right position to accept them.
When the soul finally comes to the decision that its ready to take on the new blended version of the relationship, it's going to be hard and take some work. You have to commit to it up front. And it requires communication, honesty and respect for the persn and the space that the two of you need. I find that if I put the work in and a few months down the road that person is mysteriously absent from my personal terain, than I wasn't that committed and I was holding that person to me for selfish reasons and hoping for the reconcilliation.
So I have an open ended question ahead of me. And I truthfully do not have a blessed clue about the answer yet.
But for the very first time ever in my life, I am not shy about it, I am not afraid of it and I have made my peace with whatever is the universe's decisions. There is no jealousy of others and there is no fear.
Only hope.
Because through hope, and through the universe's lovely methods, I have gained back the willingness to risk my heart when the time is right. I have gained the confidence that if I lose this round, there will be others and I will be fine.
Happy Easter!
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Sudden sadness
My dad published an arrangement of "He's Gone Away" many many years ago.
I have sung it half a dozen times in my adult life and I was priveledged to conduct a small select group of long time members to honor him at his final concert.
So, when our director decided to honor the deceased members of the Chorale at this next concert, it didn't really register that we would be singing this song.
So it was handed out on Sunday. We started singing it and I found myself crying. All the way through till the end.
I was really surprised because my dad's been gone nearly 4 years.
Now, I don't know how many people really caught on that I wass crying as I held the music up to hide my face from view.... not that I was embarassed, mind you. Frankly I think folks expected it to be honest.
But it was the 27th Anniversary of my dad and my step mom's engagement and it was only at that moment that I realized it and I couldn't show her my tears as I sit facing her. That wouldn't be fair to her. She has a tough enough time with it.
The song is short - it's a folk song really. The lyrics go like this:
He's gone away for to stay a little while.
But he's coming back, for he's gone 10 thousand miles.
And who will tie your shoes?
And who will brush your hair?
And who will kiss your ruby lips?
When he is gone, gone away?
Over yondro.
I can hear Bernie now saying "What is a Yondro???" Bernie - I don't know. Let me know if you do or we can add it to the dictionary near nogoodnick.
It's a beautiful song and a lush arrangement.
It kept me weepy for a few days. I couldn't really get the song out of my mind and at the same time when I noticed it was on my mind, the tears would come. What I fail to understand is why this happens almost 4 years later. seriously, I still expect him to call and ask me how my boys ( cats) are. ask me how work is, tell me his latest joke. It's weird.
When he retired from directing the chorale, we got him a plaque.
It says "He's Gone Away"
I have sung it half a dozen times in my adult life and I was priveledged to conduct a small select group of long time members to honor him at his final concert.
So, when our director decided to honor the deceased members of the Chorale at this next concert, it didn't really register that we would be singing this song.
So it was handed out on Sunday. We started singing it and I found myself crying. All the way through till the end.
I was really surprised because my dad's been gone nearly 4 years.
Now, I don't know how many people really caught on that I wass crying as I held the music up to hide my face from view.... not that I was embarassed, mind you. Frankly I think folks expected it to be honest.
But it was the 27th Anniversary of my dad and my step mom's engagement and it was only at that moment that I realized it and I couldn't show her my tears as I sit facing her. That wouldn't be fair to her. She has a tough enough time with it.
The song is short - it's a folk song really. The lyrics go like this:
He's gone away for to stay a little while.
But he's coming back, for he's gone 10 thousand miles.
And who will tie your shoes?
And who will brush your hair?
And who will kiss your ruby lips?
When he is gone, gone away?
Over yondro.
I can hear Bernie now saying "What is a Yondro???" Bernie - I don't know. Let me know if you do or we can add it to the dictionary near nogoodnick.
It's a beautiful song and a lush arrangement.
It kept me weepy for a few days. I couldn't really get the song out of my mind and at the same time when I noticed it was on my mind, the tears would come. What I fail to understand is why this happens almost 4 years later. seriously, I still expect him to call and ask me how my boys ( cats) are. ask me how work is, tell me his latest joke. It's weird.
When he retired from directing the chorale, we got him a plaque.
It says "He's Gone Away"
Monday, April 02, 2007
Palm Sunday
Palm Sunday was yesterday.
I dressed appropriately for Church and went to Dunkin Donuts to get my coffee ( That's my special treat on Sat and Sun -I don't MAKE my own coffee - I buy at there. ) before my rehearsal with the Choir.
I get there and the Choir Director/organist is in the Chapel with some members of the choir. We reviewed a piece that I am playing the flute on for Maundy Thursday ( I was actually a Flute major in under grad! ). Our priest came in and sang his part, the choir did their part ( I sing most verses with them) and then I played the intro and closer to the tune. Boom. we were done.
Church begins in the parish hall. We do the blessing of the palms. We read the blessing of the palms and coordinating lessons and Gospel. Then we recreate the ride into Jerusalem by processing out of the church,palms in hand, and walk around the building to the sanctuary ( yes - outside), singing Ride on Ride on in Majesty a capella. I get to the lead the troops here, because I have perfect pitch so I can get them in on the right notes so we match up with the Organ in the Sanctuary when we get there.
Once Inside, we start our service as we normally would on a random sunday. We process down the center aisle to the alter, split off and and walk around the side aisles, out the door and up to the choir loft.
We continue through the service. We sing our anthem, Lift up your heads, oh ye gates. ( No not the one from Messiah), and wrap things up.
I head over to my students house, where I proceed to give her a double lesson. 10 years old and she has an hour an half lesson. She is in Once Upon This Island and learned her songs wrong. So we had to go back to the drawing board. She cantored that day and didn't look at the music she was assigned on Wed until Sunday morning. I nailed her on that, because it sounded like she was seeing it for the first time. Her sightreading for NYSSMA however was astly improved, so that was a plus. I probably spent a good 30 mnutes out of that hour and half lecturing her - and I HATE that I had to do it at all. Not a solid 30 mins - 30 mnutes spread out over the entire time.
Lesson was overall good though. She was very focused and she is stopping the baby talk and using her words to speak to me without being reminded 20 times.
My brother called and invited me to his in-laws for Easter Sunday - so that wil be fun.
I went home and watched TV, literally, the rest of the day until my rehearsal. I needed to decompress and for those of you who know me, I can't ordinarily sit still that long. But I did and I'm not sorry. I had a lot of plans for that day, but nothing that couldn't wait. I caught up with some friends, read some blogs, but largely just sat.
I was bored witless. I couldn't even identify the feeling because I haven't been bored since the third grade. I discovered that I ate all day long yesterday due to boredom. the good news is, Noticing that I was bored and that I was eating to compensate, I was also eating good and healthy things like fruit and vegetables. I wasn't eating crap or heavy foods. I had yogurt which Wolfi felt should be partially his. Overall, my snacking was reasonable. I just have to address the behaviour. I felt good about that and the fact that each item I ate, got written in my food journal.
At rehearsal that night, I spoke to the other "normal" soloist about the directors mid week calls. I wanted to know if I was the only one that recieved them, and thankfully, no I wasn't. She had the president of the group shut them down, so I will be doing the same thing. The problem for me, is that the director is also my voice coach. It will work out.
I took a hot bath and rested last night. I fell asleep fairly quickly and slept through the night with no aid. It was wonderfully refreshing.
It wasn't the Palm Sunday I planned on, but it wasn't a bad substitute.
I dressed appropriately for Church and went to Dunkin Donuts to get my coffee ( That's my special treat on Sat and Sun -I don't MAKE my own coffee - I buy at there. ) before my rehearsal with the Choir.
I get there and the Choir Director/organist is in the Chapel with some members of the choir. We reviewed a piece that I am playing the flute on for Maundy Thursday ( I was actually a Flute major in under grad! ). Our priest came in and sang his part, the choir did their part ( I sing most verses with them) and then I played the intro and closer to the tune. Boom. we were done.
Church begins in the parish hall. We do the blessing of the palms. We read the blessing of the palms and coordinating lessons and Gospel. Then we recreate the ride into Jerusalem by processing out of the church,palms in hand, and walk around the building to the sanctuary ( yes - outside), singing Ride on Ride on in Majesty a capella. I get to the lead the troops here, because I have perfect pitch so I can get them in on the right notes so we match up with the Organ in the Sanctuary when we get there.
Once Inside, we start our service as we normally would on a random sunday. We process down the center aisle to the alter, split off and and walk around the side aisles, out the door and up to the choir loft.
We continue through the service. We sing our anthem, Lift up your heads, oh ye gates. ( No not the one from Messiah), and wrap things up.
I head over to my students house, where I proceed to give her a double lesson. 10 years old and she has an hour an half lesson. She is in Once Upon This Island and learned her songs wrong. So we had to go back to the drawing board. She cantored that day and didn't look at the music she was assigned on Wed until Sunday morning. I nailed her on that, because it sounded like she was seeing it for the first time. Her sightreading for NYSSMA however was astly improved, so that was a plus. I probably spent a good 30 mnutes out of that hour and half lecturing her - and I HATE that I had to do it at all. Not a solid 30 mins - 30 mnutes spread out over the entire time.
Lesson was overall good though. She was very focused and she is stopping the baby talk and using her words to speak to me without being reminded 20 times.
My brother called and invited me to his in-laws for Easter Sunday - so that wil be fun.
I went home and watched TV, literally, the rest of the day until my rehearsal. I needed to decompress and for those of you who know me, I can't ordinarily sit still that long. But I did and I'm not sorry. I had a lot of plans for that day, but nothing that couldn't wait. I caught up with some friends, read some blogs, but largely just sat.
I was bored witless. I couldn't even identify the feeling because I haven't been bored since the third grade. I discovered that I ate all day long yesterday due to boredom. the good news is, Noticing that I was bored and that I was eating to compensate, I was also eating good and healthy things like fruit and vegetables. I wasn't eating crap or heavy foods. I had yogurt which Wolfi felt should be partially his. Overall, my snacking was reasonable. I just have to address the behaviour. I felt good about that and the fact that each item I ate, got written in my food journal.
At rehearsal that night, I spoke to the other "normal" soloist about the directors mid week calls. I wanted to know if I was the only one that recieved them, and thankfully, no I wasn't. She had the president of the group shut them down, so I will be doing the same thing. The problem for me, is that the director is also my voice coach. It will work out.
I took a hot bath and rested last night. I fell asleep fairly quickly and slept through the night with no aid. It was wonderfully refreshing.
It wasn't the Palm Sunday I planned on, but it wasn't a bad substitute.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
PLaying Ketchup - or Catch-up!
I know it's been a few days for you, my faithul readers.... So let me clue you in to how things are going:
At work, project SSB has generated a lot of work and re-work. Since this is a custom application that we are developing each plan has huge failure point. Not just internally to the company but at the customer side too. We have yet to hit our stride yet and are still overcoming many frustrating obstacles. No one's fault, it's just a matter of hitting the hurdle, communicating about it and finding a reasonable workaround that's timely and efficient for all parties. It's been stressful - but not too hideous.
I ran into a potential HR case, but stood up for myself and refused on the basis of ethics. HR Case abandoned. Things are OK now there.
Diet and Exercize: OK I haven't actually shown up at a Weight Watchers meeting in 3 weeks but I have been working super hard at it. What that meant for me today was, since my last weigh-in ( February 17), I had NO IDEA whether my efforts had paid off.
Well here's the reality. My weight is up. But would have been much higher had I not been making the efforts that I did the last three weeks. Additionally my clothing is bigger on me. So it's OK an I"ve made my peace with it. It's very possible for me to correct this even further by tightening up the reins even more. So I am at a peaceful alertness with things as they stand now.
My asthma and allergies are back at a manageable level so I have clearance to exercize again. Which I started on Thursday. And Friday I was unable to move like the 30 something I am, I felt 9 MILLION years old. But I loved it. I took a hot bath and relaxed in the tub wiht my book. Today, Saturday, I feel fabulous - so like the masochist that I am with this stuff, I will be exercizing again today.
Music is on a temporary Hiatus till Easter is over. HOly Week is HUGELY busy for me with services every night from Wed through Sunday. It is for my coach as well.
I had a wonderful conversation with my girlfriends at WW today. It was like the old times. The three of us were talking to one another about topics that we could all appreciate and participate in. I was really enjoying it. I missed it a lot. I'm so glad about it really. I missed those two!
I have big plans to hang pictures today, iron and change my curtains and slipcovers. I want to organize my CD's over the next few days. My plans are to light Yankee Candles and just go to work.
Oh and I bought a new toilet seat. It's very cool. 
It's kind of sad that I get excited by a toilet seat but I have wanted this one for awhile and it was way too expensive until now. It's still a bit pricey but has come down to my range. I also bought a teapot that matches my china pattern - it was reasonable and they no longer make them so it was a nice find.
It's kind of sad that I get excited by a toilet seat but I have wanted this one for awhile and it was way too expensive until now. It's still a bit pricey but has come down to my range. I also bought a teapot that matches my china pattern - it was reasonable and they no longer make them so it was a nice find. I'm calling my emergency super to come fix the cold water tap in the house. Since the boiler incident last week, it doesn't work correctly. I am begging my neighbor to drill holes in my wall to hang my mirror for me as he has the correct type of drill for the plaster/cement combination that exists on the exterior and adjoining walls in the condo.
So Lots of good things happening now, still very frustrated with work, but things are getting better overall in the other areas of my life.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Hosting A Murder Mystery
I LOVE to entertain.
Up until now I have not done a lot - maybe 3-4 times a year for a large group and 5-6 times for 2-4 people.
So in honor of some friends birthdays ( of which one is normally my large group party in the winter), we decided to host a Murder Mystery.
This was a really great idea. I did some research on line and found a wonderful site that supplies everything one needs to Host a Murder Mystery Dinner.
I was able to find one called Murder on the French Riviera. This is really cool and supports 12 players and you can add non essential players for more guests.
It creates and emails the invitations. You can also print them and mail them if you need to. They provide and create individual webpages for each guest. these pages provide essentials on the character, their role in the crime, costume ideas and pregame clues.
The Host page controls the release of information, all the game materials that can be printed and coalated.
My party in two weeks will be a dinner party a la French style. We will have drinks ( martini's and Kir Royale or Champagne) and maybe a hot hors d'oevres or two. The Dinner menu will be:
Up until now I have not done a lot - maybe 3-4 times a year for a large group and 5-6 times for 2-4 people.
So in honor of some friends birthdays ( of which one is normally my large group party in the winter), we decided to host a Murder Mystery.
This was a really great idea. I did some research on line and found a wonderful site that supplies everything one needs to Host a Murder Mystery Dinner.
I was able to find one called Murder on the French Riviera. This is really cool and supports 12 players and you can add non essential players for more guests.
It creates and emails the invitations. You can also print them and mail them if you need to. They provide and create individual webpages for each guest. these pages provide essentials on the character, their role in the crime, costume ideas and pregame clues.
The Host page controls the release of information, all the game materials that can be printed and coalated.
My party in two weeks will be a dinner party a la French style. We will have drinks ( martini's and Kir Royale or Champagne) and maybe a hot hors d'oevres or two. The Dinner menu will be:
- iceberg wedge with melted blue cheese and crumbled bacon bits.
- Creamy French Country Chicken Stew
- French Breads and biscuits
- zucchini with parmesan
- San Andree Triple Creme with Baguette
- Birthday cake ( not french but home made)
- Wine - Both Red and White
- Water - Flat and Sparkling
I have no intentions of over stuffing my guests this time. Every party I throw is always more food than we ever need.
I am planning to have my guests who want to bring something bring the bread, the martini makings, the hot hors d'oevres, the sparkling water and any other beverage that might strike their fancy.
The stew is the barefoot Contessa's and can be made ahead. The zucchini will need to be made that day - no big deal, that's it really. Everything is easily pre-assembled.
It goes with the game too - this should be a lot of fun and I am doing a LOT of prep work to make sure that the game is a success. I am going to take the game materials to a copy center and have color copies made and bound, name tags, I have candles. I am getting flowers that both birthday girls can take home and I am, as of today, assigning the gift purchase to someone else as it is too much for me to all of this.
So I will delegate some tasks. This party will be a wonderful success!!!!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
More things learned
I'm less angry today but I know more than I did yesterday.
For openers, I am making a conscious effort not to take out my moods on my kids or my lovee ones.
That's going well actually.
Secondly the anger is fueled by a high frustration level. I have so much frustration due to situations that are beyond my control.
So I am stopping the madness now. I took a 15 minute nap in the middle of the day and it worked out better - I was much more in control and able to be more productive.
I need to exercize, hard, in the middle of the day. I need to get my frustrations out in a productive way. And I need to exercize anyway so that works out really well.... win win!!
I also have started using night time mantras. When the lights go out, I tell myself that I am going to sleep well and awake at (fill in time) and be refreshed, relaxed and revitalized. It's worked really well the last two nights.
I noticed that I ate an entire sleeve of low fat graham crackers today. Not liking that behaviour a whole lot, so I wrote it down and the time and what happened at that time in my food journal. I made a sign for my desk that says "No stress eating allowed".
I love the fact that I am able to look internally to myself now and see where I need to be better. I remember being 20 and thinking "I can't be wrong - the boss must be wrong" and I WAS wrong.
That isn't the case now, but I need a new approach that works better for me. Leader knows how to bait us, individually and as a team. I know what he is using as a hook for me, so I need to stop it and no longer react. It will be hard - really hard - but I need to try something ANYTHING to get past this.
Seriously though, my weight is coming down!!! I am not stress eating much at all because I noticed when I was doing it. I did eat a donut yesterday, but I counted it and accommodated in my dinner for those calories. Really - you can eat anything you want to lose weight as long as you balance it.
Take that all you carb control people!! I can eat pasta and lose weight - I can eat potatos ( though I don't like them much so I choose not to) and lose weight. I can eat BREAD, rolls, pastries and sweets - and still lose weight. I just can't eat an endles supply of them and there needs to be balance and accountability here.
I think I am slightly ahead of the curve on this one because the self awareness has kicked in.
I'm proud of me.
For openers, I am making a conscious effort not to take out my moods on my kids or my lovee ones.
That's going well actually.
Secondly the anger is fueled by a high frustration level. I have so much frustration due to situations that are beyond my control.
So I am stopping the madness now. I took a 15 minute nap in the middle of the day and it worked out better - I was much more in control and able to be more productive.
I need to exercize, hard, in the middle of the day. I need to get my frustrations out in a productive way. And I need to exercize anyway so that works out really well.... win win!!
I also have started using night time mantras. When the lights go out, I tell myself that I am going to sleep well and awake at (fill in time) and be refreshed, relaxed and revitalized. It's worked really well the last two nights.
I noticed that I ate an entire sleeve of low fat graham crackers today. Not liking that behaviour a whole lot, so I wrote it down and the time and what happened at that time in my food journal. I made a sign for my desk that says "No stress eating allowed".
I love the fact that I am able to look internally to myself now and see where I need to be better. I remember being 20 and thinking "I can't be wrong - the boss must be wrong" and I WAS wrong.
That isn't the case now, but I need a new approach that works better for me. Leader knows how to bait us, individually and as a team. I know what he is using as a hook for me, so I need to stop it and no longer react. It will be hard - really hard - but I need to try something ANYTHING to get past this.
Seriously though, my weight is coming down!!! I am not stress eating much at all because I noticed when I was doing it. I did eat a donut yesterday, but I counted it and accommodated in my dinner for those calories. Really - you can eat anything you want to lose weight as long as you balance it.
Take that all you carb control people!! I can eat pasta and lose weight - I can eat potatos ( though I don't like them much so I choose not to) and lose weight. I can eat BREAD, rolls, pastries and sweets - and still lose weight. I just can't eat an endles supply of them and there needs to be balance and accountability here.
I think I am slightly ahead of the curve on this one because the self awareness has kicked in.
I'm proud of me.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Anger and things learned
I have a really long fuse.
And I am not a yeller or a screamer.
Most people don't know that unless they are really close.
I get overly sarcastic at times....
But honestly - anger? rarely. Irritated, annoyed and frustrated. But rarely angry.
But when my fuse runs out - beware....................
I attended a 9:30AM call that has been moved 4 times since 9AM and twice since Friday.
I hate these calls regardless of date and time because they are never structured, there is no agenda and when interaction is requested it is always met defensively and all opinions are immediately invalidated.
So having this call first thing on a Monday morning was not setting the necessary tone for the week.
I decide that I am getting on the call but not involving myself, I just couldn't expend anymore emotional energy on this weekly call.
But leader certainly knows how to bait each and every one of us. And Leader does it. But doesn't want to hear any of the feedback that is being requested. But FL girl she makes some commentary, stating fact, and leader lies right to us, using the CYA tactic. I feel obligated to back FL girl up as I was present in the same meeting, so I venture my facts along with hers, and quelle surprise - we are both being shot down and lied too. I decide it's time to retreat temporarily and I IM FL girl and advise her of this. By now leader is mad as a hatter.
So NYC guy jumps in and starts talking about other things. Brooklyn Girl asks me for some assistance on SSB Project and CB project - we essentially started talking to another and leaving leader to listen in. I made sure that everyone's workload was manageable and started to wrap up the non productive 30 minutes of the week.....
But no, Lead starts talking about metrics and how this is the first time we are using them. Again, I can't let this go. So I mention that we have been measured on Metrics since before him. We both drop it. Leader is bound and determined to be right, so I stop speaking altogether. My team however is incensed. So they are fighting leader on a variety of topics now.
I have my phone on mute - I'm pretty sure. I look at the phone, mute light flashing merrily and I say in the most venomous tone that scared in me..... "Can't you just shut the &*()@!) up????"
I go on to say "SOMETHING STUPIDLY INAPPROPRIATE?"
" Why can't you just stop making additional work for everyone so you can take credit and look like a hero ?"
Then I realize I am actually screaming at my muted phone. My neighbors could hear me.
And swearing.
And wishing it wasn't 10:15 AM so I Could have a glass of red wine and I don't even drink all that much!
Then I got past screaming and just venom was coming out of every pour. My team started calling one by one to make sure that I was Ok...
I honestly can tell you that FL Girl made an interesting point. Leader beats up on her a lot and I take severe umbrage to that. She told me that she awoke at 6AM and took her phone off the hook and turned the cell off and went back to bed. Then she mentioned that leader makes her really angry and frustrated and then she takes it out on her ailing parent. I thought about that and realized that I do that too.
When I say nothing and even when I choose to say something, it's not what I need to say and it would fall on deaf ears anyway since the fact is, leader is of the belief that staff is not necessary to run the account since leader did it successfully in the smaller company for 1 year. It shows an amazing amount of ego, that statement does. What it shows if anyone is paying attention is that the smaller company had less business. But that statement can't be made without political uprisings.
I realized through this conversation with Fl Girl that I was taking this out on my poor kids. These kids work hard during the week and don't deserve to be yelled at by me. Even if they don't put in the time they should, I have been WAY too hard on them. Over the top too hard.
At 5pM I changed my clothes into an outfit that I feel good in and went out to teach my kids. The two that I have are not usually two that I need to have a problem with even on a bad week but I really paid close attention to my interactions with them. I was so wrapped up in this stupid situation, I almost messed up a NYSSMA festival date for 2 kids because of school break and vacations. Thank goodness the one I had today I was able to work out and negotiate for her and enable her to make her requirements for the school she attends in addition to the festival itself. Phew!!!! I won't make that mistake a second time tomorrow!
I feel bad that my kids have taken a beating of late, so I have made up my mind that they deserve a better experience with me. I love my kids and adore teaching them. They deserve a kinder and more understanding teacher.
I am simply not going to be baited anymore. I am going to address leader like an elderly dog. We love the dog and the dog may piddle in the corner so we train the dog with some strong words and a perhaps rap on the rump.
It was quite a day.
And I am not a yeller or a screamer.
Most people don't know that unless they are really close.
I get overly sarcastic at times....
But honestly - anger? rarely. Irritated, annoyed and frustrated. But rarely angry.
But when my fuse runs out - beware....................
I attended a 9:30AM call that has been moved 4 times since 9AM and twice since Friday.
I hate these calls regardless of date and time because they are never structured, there is no agenda and when interaction is requested it is always met defensively and all opinions are immediately invalidated.
So having this call first thing on a Monday morning was not setting the necessary tone for the week.
I decide that I am getting on the call but not involving myself, I just couldn't expend anymore emotional energy on this weekly call.
But leader certainly knows how to bait each and every one of us. And Leader does it. But doesn't want to hear any of the feedback that is being requested. But FL girl she makes some commentary, stating fact, and leader lies right to us, using the CYA tactic. I feel obligated to back FL girl up as I was present in the same meeting, so I venture my facts along with hers, and quelle surprise - we are both being shot down and lied too. I decide it's time to retreat temporarily and I IM FL girl and advise her of this. By now leader is mad as a hatter.
So NYC guy jumps in and starts talking about other things. Brooklyn Girl asks me for some assistance on SSB Project and CB project - we essentially started talking to another and leaving leader to listen in. I made sure that everyone's workload was manageable and started to wrap up the non productive 30 minutes of the week.....
But no, Lead starts talking about metrics and how this is the first time we are using them. Again, I can't let this go. So I mention that we have been measured on Metrics since before him. We both drop it. Leader is bound and determined to be right, so I stop speaking altogether. My team however is incensed. So they are fighting leader on a variety of topics now.
I have my phone on mute - I'm pretty sure. I look at the phone, mute light flashing merrily and I say in the most venomous tone that scared in me..... "Can't you just shut the &*()@!) up????"
I go on to say "SOMETHING STUPIDLY INAPPROPRIATE?"
" Why can't you just stop making additional work for everyone so you can take credit and look like a hero ?"
Then I realize I am actually screaming at my muted phone. My neighbors could hear me.
And swearing.
And wishing it wasn't 10:15 AM so I Could have a glass of red wine and I don't even drink all that much!
Then I got past screaming and just venom was coming out of every pour. My team started calling one by one to make sure that I was Ok...
I honestly can tell you that FL Girl made an interesting point. Leader beats up on her a lot and I take severe umbrage to that. She told me that she awoke at 6AM and took her phone off the hook and turned the cell off and went back to bed. Then she mentioned that leader makes her really angry and frustrated and then she takes it out on her ailing parent. I thought about that and realized that I do that too.
When I say nothing and even when I choose to say something, it's not what I need to say and it would fall on deaf ears anyway since the fact is, leader is of the belief that staff is not necessary to run the account since leader did it successfully in the smaller company for 1 year. It shows an amazing amount of ego, that statement does. What it shows if anyone is paying attention is that the smaller company had less business. But that statement can't be made without political uprisings.
I realized through this conversation with Fl Girl that I was taking this out on my poor kids. These kids work hard during the week and don't deserve to be yelled at by me. Even if they don't put in the time they should, I have been WAY too hard on them. Over the top too hard.
At 5pM I changed my clothes into an outfit that I feel good in and went out to teach my kids. The two that I have are not usually two that I need to have a problem with even on a bad week but I really paid close attention to my interactions with them. I was so wrapped up in this stupid situation, I almost messed up a NYSSMA festival date for 2 kids because of school break and vacations. Thank goodness the one I had today I was able to work out and negotiate for her and enable her to make her requirements for the school she attends in addition to the festival itself. Phew!!!! I won't make that mistake a second time tomorrow!
I feel bad that my kids have taken a beating of late, so I have made up my mind that they deserve a better experience with me. I love my kids and adore teaching them. They deserve a kinder and more understanding teacher.
I am simply not going to be baited anymore. I am going to address leader like an elderly dog. We love the dog and the dog may piddle in the corner so we train the dog with some strong words and a perhaps rap on the rump.
It was quite a day.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
The land of Amazons
I am short.
and no, It's not the handicap that some may think it is, but the fact remains that I am 5' 2".
62" in total.
I love my height and so do my seamstresses. I keep them in business. EVERYTHING is long on me - including the petite length - though I do better there.
So here's what happened.
I attended a party with my 6' friend Jenna. It was a partylite candle party. She's stunning and tall. and Blonde.
I am a sucker for candles and so is Jenna. Ideal.
We walk into this home where the hostess is also a 6 foot blonde. I don't pay it a lot of mind at the time.
Until
Another 6' blond walks in.
Still not daunted....
We continue to chatter, drink wine and snack....
ANOTHER 6' blond walks in.
I am starting to wonder about my genetics now...
By the time we were done there were 6 of them - 3 related to one another. I felt like I was on Island of the Amazons - and you know what? One of them had been asked to audition for that film!!!! She declined because she had kids and that would have been taken her on location for several months.
Nice people, fun party, ate too much, spent too much and feel ....
Too short.
and no, It's not the handicap that some may think it is, but the fact remains that I am 5' 2".
62" in total.
I love my height and so do my seamstresses. I keep them in business. EVERYTHING is long on me - including the petite length - though I do better there.
So here's what happened.
I attended a party with my 6' friend Jenna. It was a partylite candle party. She's stunning and tall. and Blonde.
I am a sucker for candles and so is Jenna. Ideal.
We walk into this home where the hostess is also a 6 foot blonde. I don't pay it a lot of mind at the time.
Until
Another 6' blond walks in.
Still not daunted....
We continue to chatter, drink wine and snack....
ANOTHER 6' blond walks in.
I am starting to wonder about my genetics now...
By the time we were done there were 6 of them - 3 related to one another. I felt like I was on Island of the Amazons - and you know what? One of them had been asked to audition for that film!!!! She declined because she had kids and that would have been taken her on location for several months.
Nice people, fun party, ate too much, spent too much and feel ....
Too short.
Update on yesterday
No one got her the stroller.
I could have predicted that - but no one got her the stroller and no one mentioned it either.
As far as I am concerned it was one more baby shower under my belt. I have at least one more in my family coming in the next year or so.
I think I am going to start having pet showers. Whenever I get a new cat, we are going to have a cat shower in which I can ask people to get me wonderful things such as:
An automatic litter box - you know the one that cleans itself???
Toys for my kitties
Food
Brushes
Medical Insurance gift cards
Frontline Flea and Tick contr ol
Cat litter
Kitty Condo's and/or beds
a cardboard box or two for them to play with
a remote control mouse
a laser pointer
Cat bowls that are personalized with their names
donations to their college accounts ( that's actually going to be towards their major medical and burial)
Some really Chic carriers - soft ones that are good for interior air travel but enables me to put one cat in each one and not kill my arms or back.
Since I am not intending to have children, I think this is more than fair. There is not one thing on this list that counts as an 800.00 gift. In fact, I don't think the entire list comes up to 800.00.
I had a friend who had a first birthday party for her three kittens. Seriously. She invited all people who have cats, we came and brought them gifts and then sat around and drank martinis and ate snacks. It was a blast. Stupid, but a blast. Any excuse to have a party.
I'm no better though, I make my cats open their Christmas gifts by lacing the paper with catnip.
I could have predicted that - but no one got her the stroller and no one mentioned it either.
As far as I am concerned it was one more baby shower under my belt. I have at least one more in my family coming in the next year or so.
I think I am going to start having pet showers. Whenever I get a new cat, we are going to have a cat shower in which I can ask people to get me wonderful things such as:
An automatic litter box - you know the one that cleans itself???
Toys for my kitties
Food
Brushes
Medical Insurance gift cards
Frontline Flea and Tick contr ol
Cat litter
Kitty Condo's and/or beds
a cardboard box or two for them to play with
a remote control mouse
a laser pointer
Cat bowls that are personalized with their names
donations to their college accounts ( that's actually going to be towards their major medical and burial)
Some really Chic carriers - soft ones that are good for interior air travel but enables me to put one cat in each one and not kill my arms or back.
Since I am not intending to have children, I think this is more than fair. There is not one thing on this list that counts as an 800.00 gift. In fact, I don't think the entire list comes up to 800.00.
I had a friend who had a first birthday party for her three kittens. Seriously. She invited all people who have cats, we came and brought them gifts and then sat around and drank martinis and ate snacks. It was a blast. Stupid, but a blast. Any excuse to have a party.
I'm no better though, I make my cats open their Christmas gifts by lacing the paper with catnip.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Baby Showers
Please, will SOMEONE explain to me the necessity of owning a Bugaboo Stroller at the tune $759.00?????
Seriously.
Tomorrow is my sister's baby shower.
I begrudge her nothing.
I looked at her baby registry and picked some nice items off her list that don't break the bank. Her registry is full of important and useful things. All of which are in the reasonable price range.
Except this damn stroller.
Now, I really need to know. Is this thing made of Gold????? Does it cook and clean as you walk the baby? Will it CHANGE the baby when that is needed? Does it provide rest for the poor weary mom?
For the life of me, I cannot understand that price tag. It's a STROLLER.
What on earth were they thinking and I posed the question to my new friend / neighbor - what the hell is so damn special about this ( citing all the above sarcastically). She sighed, and said, that they are all the rage in Manhattan and you can see them everywhere.
I have never seen A stroller let alone and 800 dollar stroller anywhere in Manhattan ( largely because I never go in to site see so unless the baby is doing magic tricks in said stroller I wouldn't notice. I go in, get my work done, have a post work drink with my colleagues and head home. I hate Manhattan to be honest. As much as I hate it - I love it too.
So while I do believe that what she is saying is true, I can't recall having seen one.
So I took my question to my sister-in-law. She too, sighed, and said "oh yes - that's the Rolls Royce of strollers.... "
The Rolls Royce of strollers?
That's a first. I'm having a lot of those "firsts" lately.
I wish her luck but as of now, its still on her registry.
Seriously.
Tomorrow is my sister's baby shower.
I begrudge her nothing.
I looked at her baby registry and picked some nice items off her list that don't break the bank. Her registry is full of important and useful things. All of which are in the reasonable price range.
Except this damn stroller.
Now, I really need to know. Is this thing made of Gold????? Does it cook and clean as you walk the baby? Will it CHANGE the baby when that is needed? Does it provide rest for the poor weary mom?
For the life of me, I cannot understand that price tag. It's a STROLLER.
What on earth were they thinking and I posed the question to my new friend / neighbor - what the hell is so damn special about this ( citing all the above sarcastically). She sighed, and said, that they are all the rage in Manhattan and you can see them everywhere.
I have never seen A stroller let alone and 800 dollar stroller anywhere in Manhattan ( largely because I never go in to site see so unless the baby is doing magic tricks in said stroller I wouldn't notice. I go in, get my work done, have a post work drink with my colleagues and head home. I hate Manhattan to be honest. As much as I hate it - I love it too.
So while I do believe that what she is saying is true, I can't recall having seen one.
So I took my question to my sister-in-law. She too, sighed, and said "oh yes - that's the Rolls Royce of strollers.... "
The Rolls Royce of strollers?
That's a first. I'm having a lot of those "firsts" lately.
I wish her luck but as of now, its still on her registry.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Mental Health and Marshmallows
The modification of my eating system has been working really well so far. I did OK at the restaurant last night too - I went over my daily allotment, but not by a significant amount so I borrowed from the "bank" that I am given each week.
I am still losing weight and I now starting to feel good too.....
So I took half of a mental health day. At noon I shut down my email. and I turned on Pretty Woman. Wolfi and I sat there happily with my coffee. He was purring and we were content.
At 2:30 I changed my clothes and went out to teach a piano lesson. From there, I went to teach a voice lesson. Then, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - I went to get my nails done.
What a blessed relaxing hour. I got hand and arm massages, UV light to harden the gel on my nails is light therapy for my hand ( it helps clear up the eczema and hold it off).
It reached 58 degrees today. Gorgeous. Truly Gorgeous. The pollen started and I have requisite headache and I noticed that my skin is a little hive-y from the eczema (allergic dermatitis actually but we treat it the same as the eczema). I took a long relaxing bath when I got home. Put the treatments on my skin ( they are so lovely now....and work much better). I did the spray oil and a cream on the face.
I had a delicious dinner consisting of one and half cups of Barilla PLus Rotini, Sauce and chicken sausage left over from the batch I grilled on Tuesday. It was heavenly.
But the highlight of my night was the Swiss Miss Marshmallow lovers fat free hot chocolate.
I love the Marshmallows more than chocolalte itself. Now this mini wonder always brings a dreamy smile to my face when I take that first sip. I have made Marshmallow fluff from scratch and used it as icing for cupcakes and cakes. It's heavenly in any form. I love it on ice cream literally anything. I have eaten marshmallows and the fluff plain.
It literally has no fat. It's entirely sugar. Quite literally. Corn Syrup, egg whites and sugar.
I love all things made with marshmallow - candy corn is a personal favorite at Halloween ( little known fact but they are made primaril from marshmallow!)
So my special end of night treat is hot mug full of hot chocolate with the tiniest marshmallows ever created. I have been known to add my own when they melt down too much.
So my day ended on a lovely note and I have made this my new nightly ritual. Hot Chocolate wiht mini marshmallows. ( For those of you on WW - it's only 1 point - SWEET).
Yummmmmmm
I am still losing weight and I now starting to feel good too.....
So I took half of a mental health day. At noon I shut down my email. and I turned on Pretty Woman. Wolfi and I sat there happily with my coffee. He was purring and we were content.
At 2:30 I changed my clothes and went out to teach a piano lesson. From there, I went to teach a voice lesson. Then, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - I went to get my nails done.
What a blessed relaxing hour. I got hand and arm massages, UV light to harden the gel on my nails is light therapy for my hand ( it helps clear up the eczema and hold it off).
It reached 58 degrees today. Gorgeous. Truly Gorgeous. The pollen started and I have requisite headache and I noticed that my skin is a little hive-y from the eczema (allergic dermatitis actually but we treat it the same as the eczema). I took a long relaxing bath when I got home. Put the treatments on my skin ( they are so lovely now....and work much better). I did the spray oil and a cream on the face.
I had a delicious dinner consisting of one and half cups of Barilla PLus Rotini, Sauce and chicken sausage left over from the batch I grilled on Tuesday. It was heavenly.
But the highlight of my night was the Swiss Miss Marshmallow lovers fat free hot chocolate.
I love the Marshmallows more than chocolalte itself. Now this mini wonder always brings a dreamy smile to my face when I take that first sip. I have made Marshmallow fluff from scratch and used it as icing for cupcakes and cakes. It's heavenly in any form. I love it on ice cream literally anything. I have eaten marshmallows and the fluff plain.
It literally has no fat. It's entirely sugar. Quite literally. Corn Syrup, egg whites and sugar.
I love all things made with marshmallow - candy corn is a personal favorite at Halloween ( little known fact but they are made primaril from marshmallow!)
So my special end of night treat is hot mug full of hot chocolate with the tiniest marshmallows ever created. I have been known to add my own when they melt down too much.
So my day ended on a lovely note and I have made this my new nightly ritual. Hot Chocolate wiht mini marshmallows. ( For those of you on WW - it's only 1 point - SWEET).
Yummmmmmm
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
one of the many reasons work is hard right now
My poor team has it really rough. We are going through a really bad time with leadership and we are starting to turn on each other.
Upstate Guy put a moratorium on new work last Wed. He had perfectly good justification with four projects on his plate and RFP that he was asked by Capt More-on to review. Of course when asked why he was addressing the RFP by Capt More - on, he was obligated to say, because you told me too. So you see what we are dealing with here.
So I diligently changed the rotation for those kinds of orders and put UPstate guy at the end and put FL Girl and NYC guy in the first two slots, NC Guy, then Myself, then Upstate guy.
That worked wonderfully from Wednesday until today.
NYC Guy send me an IM that says, "maxed out - no more orders".
No explanation, no justification. Just that.
I will work with anyone in a situation. But this just PISSED ME OFF. I am not good when I am being dictated too like that.
So I told him that he is leaving me in the lurch and what has he got that is so blank blank important that he can make that statement and not justify it.
So I drafted an email.
Then I went back and reviewed Update Guy, FL Girl and NYC guys Workload. I noticed that NYC Guy had twice as much as FL girl in this area.
So I pinged her on IM and explained this unique position. She, always coming to my rescue, said to "bring it on".
Now I know that can't be indefinite so I have to put some reasonable controls in place. I am NOT taking this above me for any reason whatsoever. Lordy - I would stll be having THAT conversation from this morning.
So I retrieve my drafted email and come up with this one:
Upstate Guy put a moratorium on new work last Wed. He had perfectly good justification with four projects on his plate and RFP that he was asked by Capt More-on to review. Of course when asked why he was addressing the RFP by Capt More - on, he was obligated to say, because you told me too. So you see what we are dealing with here.
So I diligently changed the rotation for those kinds of orders and put UPstate guy at the end and put FL Girl and NYC guy in the first two slots, NC Guy, then Myself, then Upstate guy.
That worked wonderfully from Wednesday until today.
NYC Guy send me an IM that says, "maxed out - no more orders".
No explanation, no justification. Just that.
I will work with anyone in a situation. But this just PISSED ME OFF. I am not good when I am being dictated too like that.
So I told him that he is leaving me in the lurch and what has he got that is so blank blank important that he can make that statement and not justify it.
So I drafted an email.
Then I went back and reviewed Update Guy, FL Girl and NYC guys Workload. I noticed that NYC Guy had twice as much as FL girl in this area.
So I pinged her on IM and explained this unique position. She, always coming to my rescue, said to "bring it on".
Now I know that can't be indefinite so I have to put some reasonable controls in place. I am NOT taking this above me for any reason whatsoever. Lordy - I would stll be having THAT conversation from this morning.
So I retrieve my drafted email and come up with this one:
"Look, we are in a bind. I know that our volumes are slightly above average but they are manageable. We all know why that is too. We need to tell the customer’s when their due dates are out of whack more often and I will be rejecting orders as needed moving forward for poor due dates without expedites.
That’s the long term solution.
For the short term:
Starting today – there will be no holds on orders unless you are on an approved project. At this point, because of “holds” due to perceived volume I am down to ONE person working voice. With the volumes that come in, this isn’t acceptable.
At this point, Upstate Guy has projects that need to complete. He and I have been in constant contact regarding this and his workload has been justified as a project and his time table to resume day to day orders is Friday of this week.
NYC Guy does have the next highest volume and to give him a chance to clear that up, he won’t be assigned orders until Friday.
ALL orders will start coming to the mailbox – NYC GUY, make arrangements with Business unit P by end of next week to start routing their work through the mailbox, I will make sure you are the primary so you will still work that stuff and it will just be for managing purposes. I simply cannot judge what your workloads are if the orders aren’t coming through here.
Anyone else who is receiving orders from an alternate source, please make the same arrangements.
Please confirm when completed.
If you are taking an order that has not come through the mailbox YET from the Voice or data teams…. Please send a note to the mailbox and advise me so I can make sure that it gets routed properly to you.
Clear your decks folks. Friday the rotation starts with the following orders:
In this order:
Upstate Guy, NYC guy, FL Girl, NC Guy, Contessa for toll free voice in that order
NYC Guy, FL Girl, Borough Girl will be trained to offload some of this, NC Guy and Contessa for Dedicated Voice
Upstate Guy, Borough Girl, Contessa, NC Guy, FL Girl, NYC Guy for discos
Contessa, FL Girl, Borough Girl, NC Guy, NYC Guy for data.
I do NOT want this back in Capt Moron's court or he will be assigning orders and believe me WE DO NOT WANT THAT.
FL Girl will cover through Friday so Upstate Guy and NYC Guy can catch up
Please guys, help me out here.
Thanks, The Contessa"and that's how we tentatively solved the great workload problem of First Quarter 2007.
Spring the first day.
I love two seasons - Spring and Fall.
I look forward to them every single year.
I love Spring because this is the beginning of warmer weather, flowers, sunshine, birds chirping and all kinds of things like that.
I have some Spring rituals in my home that I like to do each year. One is to change out my yankee candles. I switch off from scents like evening fireside, pumpkin pie, mulled cider and gingerbread to scents like Ocean water, Clean cotton and two new ones I added this year, Midnight Cove and Sun and Sand.
Another ritual I have is to change the linens in my home. I change from dark warm velvets on my windows and couch to actual linen slip covers on couch and linen and sheers on the windows. I press them all out, hang them, launder the winter ones and put them away for next year.
I also change from a table cloth and linen napkins to placemats in the Dining room. I change the glasses that are out to my spring glasses. These are my favs. They are handpainted and came with a pitcher. What to put in that? I'm thinking Sangria this weekend. Yum. Maybe I can get Mariana to send me her recipe from her Argentinina family....
In my bedroom I take the flannel duvet off the bed, launder and put away and pull out my spring and summer bedding. This is my favorite too. It's luxorious and lovely. I sleep like dream in it.
I change my personal Fragrances also. THe Coco by Chanel and Patchouli go away and the Calvin Klein, Bobbi Brown and Burberry scents go on my tray on my dresser.
I launder the mosquito netting and sheer white roman shade on the windows. I dust the top of the wooden valances and put some nice trinkets up there that reflect spring for me.
I wash the windows crystal clear, I polish my silver and start opening the windows more.
I have a new super being hired here so I have to wait on having my mirror hung in the foyer.
I have new pictures to hang in the house from some performances at Carnegie Hall. So I have some things to re-arrange.
I am so excited that Spring is here. This is so wondereul and I am scheduling some "house" time for me already so I cann accomplish these things so I can enjoy them during this season.
SPring is time of re-birth really. I speak of this, not only from a religious standpoint, but also from a nature standpoint. I order flowers to be delivered for the house each time they deliver groceries. Tulips, daisies and Daffodils. I always mentally and emotionally feel my best during spring.
The only downside is all this new growth drives my allergies beserk. A small price to pay for the beauty.
Spring has Sprung! A happy spring to you all!
I look forward to them every single year.
I love Spring because this is the beginning of warmer weather, flowers, sunshine, birds chirping and all kinds of things like that.
I have some Spring rituals in my home that I like to do each year. One is to change out my yankee candles. I switch off from scents like evening fireside, pumpkin pie, mulled cider and gingerbread to scents like Ocean water, Clean cotton and two new ones I added this year, Midnight Cove and Sun and Sand.
Another ritual I have is to change the linens in my home. I change from dark warm velvets on my windows and couch to actual linen slip covers on couch and linen and sheers on the windows. I press them all out, hang them, launder the winter ones and put them away for next year.
I also change from a table cloth and linen napkins to placemats in the Dining room. I change the glasses that are out to my spring glasses. These are my favs. They are handpainted and came with a pitcher. What to put in that? I'm thinking Sangria this weekend. Yum. Maybe I can get Mariana to send me her recipe from her Argentinina family....
In my bedroom I take the flannel duvet off the bed, launder and put away and pull out my spring and summer bedding. This is my favorite too. It's luxorious and lovely. I sleep like dream in it.
I change my personal Fragrances also. THe Coco by Chanel and Patchouli go away and the Calvin Klein, Bobbi Brown and Burberry scents go on my tray on my dresser.
I launder the mosquito netting and sheer white roman shade on the windows. I dust the top of the wooden valances and put some nice trinkets up there that reflect spring for me.
I wash the windows crystal clear, I polish my silver and start opening the windows more.
I have a new super being hired here so I have to wait on having my mirror hung in the foyer.
I have new pictures to hang in the house from some performances at Carnegie Hall. So I have some things to re-arrange.
I am so excited that Spring is here. This is so wondereul and I am scheduling some "house" time for me already so I cann accomplish these things so I can enjoy them during this season.
SPring is time of re-birth really. I speak of this, not only from a religious standpoint, but also from a nature standpoint. I order flowers to be delivered for the house each time they deliver groceries. Tulips, daisies and Daffodils. I always mentally and emotionally feel my best during spring.
The only downside is all this new growth drives my allergies beserk. A small price to pay for the beauty.
Spring has Sprung! A happy spring to you all!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
A random Tuesday
I have a WW leader who always said "You don't gain weight from Thanksgiving or Christmas. You gain weight because of a random Tuesday... Wednesday.... Thursday etc."
I fully agree with that. In fact I eat healthier on those days than any other time of the year.
I tried to figure out why that was.
Because people are watching me eat.
I went to a meeting last night and I noticed right away that there were veggies and dip and fruit and dip. I don't get many veggies and these looked good so ate the veggies. I had almost a whole serving in. They were good.
When people watch me eat, I notice my behaviour is stellar. Interestingly enough.
So I started eating in my home as if people were watching.
So much better.
In a week and a half 4-5 lbs have come off.
Meanwhile, I have been working hard at just taking care of me. I have been luxoriating in dead sea salt baths every single night. I am sleeping better. I am up to one glass of wine per week. I am drinking tons of water. The one thing that I can't control is my job.
This started out to be a post about my job. I had one all drafted up. it's still drafted but I decided that Title Troubles has it right. Who wants to spend their time reliving and writing about the assholes at work and more importantly who the hell wants to read about that?
So I decided that since this job is just a job right now... I would avoid it. I love my career choices but I am not loving my circumstances right now. I talked to Jax about this evening and it sucks but I'm not going to focus on it during the times I don't need to be there.
It's a random Tuesday in March. The weather is starting to warm up. I have new music to learn ( A little known musical fact about me - I hate Lieder - all of it. ) and more motivation.
Honestly. that performance on Sunday accomplished a goal that I have had. It's not a published on prioir to now. My goal was to blow away the end of the performance so well that the Diva left in a huff. And a huff she did.
I'm not a vindictive person,. but she has put me through a lot in the past 4 years.
The best revenge is being successful ( and living well). So I guess I got both.
I fully agree with that. In fact I eat healthier on those days than any other time of the year.
I tried to figure out why that was.
Because people are watching me eat.
I went to a meeting last night and I noticed right away that there were veggies and dip and fruit and dip. I don't get many veggies and these looked good so ate the veggies. I had almost a whole serving in. They were good.
When people watch me eat, I notice my behaviour is stellar. Interestingly enough.
So I started eating in my home as if people were watching.
So much better.
In a week and a half 4-5 lbs have come off.
Meanwhile, I have been working hard at just taking care of me. I have been luxoriating in dead sea salt baths every single night. I am sleeping better. I am up to one glass of wine per week. I am drinking tons of water. The one thing that I can't control is my job.
This started out to be a post about my job. I had one all drafted up. it's still drafted but I decided that Title Troubles has it right. Who wants to spend their time reliving and writing about the assholes at work and more importantly who the hell wants to read about that?
So I decided that since this job is just a job right now... I would avoid it. I love my career choices but I am not loving my circumstances right now. I talked to Jax about this evening and it sucks but I'm not going to focus on it during the times I don't need to be there.
It's a random Tuesday in March. The weather is starting to warm up. I have new music to learn ( A little known musical fact about me - I hate Lieder - all of it. ) and more motivation.
Honestly. that performance on Sunday accomplished a goal that I have had. It's not a published on prioir to now. My goal was to blow away the end of the performance so well that the Diva left in a huff. And a huff she did.
I'm not a vindictive person,. but she has put me through a lot in the past 4 years.
The best revenge is being successful ( and living well). So I guess I got both.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Well... this is a first
So, I had a performance today.
One of the groups I perform with regularly does a fund raiser ( for themselves no less) one time per year. This year we did it in our church.
The fundraiser features 2 -4 numbers by the chorale that are light and fun and then solo's, duet's, trios etc..... it's great fun and is usually excellent.
We had a really good house and this year we did a severely reduced rate to bring in two adult group homes. It was such a joy to see how much they were enjoying themselves. All adults.
One young man sat at a table on stage right. He was very sweet, smiled at everyone and said hello. He conducted when the director did and was truly enjoying himself.
Until the solo acts started.
Now to be fair, I didn't notice it with anyone else because I was not scanning the crowd for reactions to the different acts. I watched and laughed and cried with all different types of music and every single person did a phenomenal job. We heard songs from Yentl, Die Fledermaus, Three Penny Opera ( NOT Mack the Knife), some wonderful little known Cole Porter tunes ( THe little Oyster if you can find it has lyrics that will make your sides hurt from laughing and Cherry Pies Aughta be you is another absolute sided splitter), Romeo and Juliet, Rigoletto, Josh Grobin, My Fair Lady - literally everything all over board.
My Tune was Je Veux Vivre from Romeo and Juliette. One I wanted to do on my recital program and it was ready then, but we didn't and I don't remember why. Be that as it may, it's a really beautiful Waltz tune and has some good opps for the singer to show off their voices.
So I am really doing a good job ( I suck at memorizing and I was really stressed about that) so far and I feel I am getting good feed back form the audience as I continue. I hit the last note, A sustained High C. I happen to look stage right and happy young man from group home yells out TOO LOUD and stands up and covers his ears.
I nearly burst out laughing. It had such comic overtones that I had to stop looking that way till that note, and the song , was over. I would have fallen over laughing - I'm telling you,
So, at the end of the concert, people were telling me what a wonderful I and the group did, but do you know more people came over to tell me about the young guy yelling? I couldn't stop laughing. Evidently according to everyone else he had been doing it to everyone all through the concert except for the men. This was nice to hear because that would have sucked if he had saved that up for me.
Cute musician man who we haven't heard from in awhile was there. He was the one who shared with me that young man was doing that to everyone. Of course musician man appeared to be unable to determine that I was singing in French. I was concerned briefly that my words weren't reaching the back of the room when I heard that but no, that wasn't it, He was sleeping! His brother woke him halfway through my number when they realized it was me.... Very funny. He got a promotion by the way.... :-) I don't anticipate anything major happening here to be honest, which is sad for him really. ( That is how I am looking at it... so just go with that for now. )
So I have to say.....
This, was a first!
One of the groups I perform with regularly does a fund raiser ( for themselves no less) one time per year. This year we did it in our church.
The fundraiser features 2 -4 numbers by the chorale that are light and fun and then solo's, duet's, trios etc..... it's great fun and is usually excellent.
We had a really good house and this year we did a severely reduced rate to bring in two adult group homes. It was such a joy to see how much they were enjoying themselves. All adults.
One young man sat at a table on stage right. He was very sweet, smiled at everyone and said hello. He conducted when the director did and was truly enjoying himself.
Until the solo acts started.
Now to be fair, I didn't notice it with anyone else because I was not scanning the crowd for reactions to the different acts. I watched and laughed and cried with all different types of music and every single person did a phenomenal job. We heard songs from Yentl, Die Fledermaus, Three Penny Opera ( NOT Mack the Knife), some wonderful little known Cole Porter tunes ( THe little Oyster if you can find it has lyrics that will make your sides hurt from laughing and Cherry Pies Aughta be you is another absolute sided splitter), Romeo and Juliet, Rigoletto, Josh Grobin, My Fair Lady - literally everything all over board.
My Tune was Je Veux Vivre from Romeo and Juliette. One I wanted to do on my recital program and it was ready then, but we didn't and I don't remember why. Be that as it may, it's a really beautiful Waltz tune and has some good opps for the singer to show off their voices.
So I am really doing a good job ( I suck at memorizing and I was really stressed about that) so far and I feel I am getting good feed back form the audience as I continue. I hit the last note, A sustained High C. I happen to look stage right and happy young man from group home yells out TOO LOUD and stands up and covers his ears.
I nearly burst out laughing. It had such comic overtones that I had to stop looking that way till that note, and the song , was over. I would have fallen over laughing - I'm telling you,
So, at the end of the concert, people were telling me what a wonderful I and the group did, but do you know more people came over to tell me about the young guy yelling? I couldn't stop laughing. Evidently according to everyone else he had been doing it to everyone all through the concert except for the men. This was nice to hear because that would have sucked if he had saved that up for me.
Cute musician man who we haven't heard from in awhile was there. He was the one who shared with me that young man was doing that to everyone. Of course musician man appeared to be unable to determine that I was singing in French. I was concerned briefly that my words weren't reaching the back of the room when I heard that but no, that wasn't it, He was sleeping! His brother woke him halfway through my number when they realized it was me.... Very funny. He got a promotion by the way.... :-) I don't anticipate anything major happening here to be honest, which is sad for him really. ( That is how I am looking at it... so just go with that for now. )
So I have to say.....
This, was a first!
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Being Neighborly
I have lived in my current residence coming up on 3 years in April.
The amazing conglomerate of people that reside here has found me to be nice and charming, but I don't really connect with anyone. By the large majority people here tend to be older in a very different place in their lives, or they just aren't social.
I live in a specific area where my immediate neighbors are approachable and friendly and we keep up to date on each other in the parking lot, the hallways, elevators, mailroom etc. But we don't socialize.
Now I have borrowed Ice from the couple across the hall, I have watched the kids of the couple next door one or two times and assisted the lady down the hall with her cats when they are ill. My neighbor next door is wonderful as well.
So two years ago, a woman moved in across the way. We've been friendly and somewhat social when we see each other until this year. I would say the last 4-5 months.
We know a lot of the same people. She grew up in this town and so did I ( to a point). We are the same age, but did not attend the same schools. Consequently, unless I was a regular at the public library ( which I am not - though I am an avid reader - I buy my books), our paths would not have crossed if we hadn't moved into this building.
We had exchanged phone numbers around Thanksgiving in the event of an emergency and found ourselves talking on the phone more and more frequently. We both attended a wake together as the family were friends of mine and she grew up next door ( and no we still didn't meet). She is active in the community and so am I, though ironically not as much in my own community as others....
We have a ton in common. We are the same age 3 months apart - ( I won't tell ou which one is older). We have opinions in common that are not in the mainstream either which is funny. And we tend to blurt those things out when we least expect it. It's always a trip.
We have the condo's best interests at heart and we do a lot of talking and sharing of ideas on h ow to keep the building nice and how to improve it cost - efficiently. We talk about heating, extermination, snow removal, additions of a fence, better parking, new superintendents, the new lobby ( stunning by the way - I'll try to take pictures and upload). We then select the most reasonable top three and bring those to our semi annual owners meetings.
By now you must know that I am not shy. Neither is she. librarianchic is a blast to hang out with and I really was truthfully surprised. This year I have made 3 new good friends. Out of the blew...... My Voice Twin, The "good" girl and Librarianchic.
I was the child that had the report cards come back to my mom saying "Good social skills.... sometimes too good. makes Friends easily. talks too much in class" But in more recent years I have been paring down my circle rather than enhancing it. No good reasons why, maybe dynamics change, lives go in different directions, or the universe just decided this particular relationship has served its purpose and time to move on.
So it delights me to no end to have these three women in my life in their capacitys. I have amazing fun with all of them. Laughter is so important to me. If we aren't having fun - what's the point?
The amazing conglomerate of people that reside here has found me to be nice and charming, but I don't really connect with anyone. By the large majority people here tend to be older in a very different place in their lives, or they just aren't social.
I live in a specific area where my immediate neighbors are approachable and friendly and we keep up to date on each other in the parking lot, the hallways, elevators, mailroom etc. But we don't socialize.
Now I have borrowed Ice from the couple across the hall, I have watched the kids of the couple next door one or two times and assisted the lady down the hall with her cats when they are ill. My neighbor next door is wonderful as well.
So two years ago, a woman moved in across the way. We've been friendly and somewhat social when we see each other until this year. I would say the last 4-5 months.
We know a lot of the same people. She grew up in this town and so did I ( to a point). We are the same age, but did not attend the same schools. Consequently, unless I was a regular at the public library ( which I am not - though I am an avid reader - I buy my books), our paths would not have crossed if we hadn't moved into this building.
We had exchanged phone numbers around Thanksgiving in the event of an emergency and found ourselves talking on the phone more and more frequently. We both attended a wake together as the family were friends of mine and she grew up next door ( and no we still didn't meet). She is active in the community and so am I, though ironically not as much in my own community as others....
We have a ton in common. We are the same age 3 months apart - ( I won't tell ou which one is older). We have opinions in common that are not in the mainstream either which is funny. And we tend to blurt those things out when we least expect it. It's always a trip.
We have the condo's best interests at heart and we do a lot of talking and sharing of ideas on h ow to keep the building nice and how to improve it cost - efficiently. We talk about heating, extermination, snow removal, additions of a fence, better parking, new superintendents, the new lobby ( stunning by the way - I'll try to take pictures and upload). We then select the most reasonable top three and bring those to our semi annual owners meetings.
By now you must know that I am not shy. Neither is she. librarianchic is a blast to hang out with and I really was truthfully surprised. This year I have made 3 new good friends. Out of the blew...... My Voice Twin, The "good" girl and Librarianchic.
I was the child that had the report cards come back to my mom saying "Good social skills.... sometimes too good. makes Friends easily. talks too much in class" But in more recent years I have been paring down my circle rather than enhancing it. No good reasons why, maybe dynamics change, lives go in different directions, or the universe just decided this particular relationship has served its purpose and time to move on.
So it delights me to no end to have these three women in my life in their capacitys. I have amazing fun with all of them. Laughter is so important to me. If we aren't having fun - what's the point?
Friday, March 16, 2007
Maybe not the quintessential people pleaser after all
I did something interesting Tuesday and Wednesday without even realizing it.
I truly put myself first.
It was work-related to start with. I have a project that I will refer to as Project SSB. I was going
I realize that I have to this completed on Tuesday NIGHT for them to be ready on Wednesday morning.
I looked at my schedule. I had 2 kids to teach and I had to pick up my house and get it ready for my housekeeper to come on Wednesday when she normally comes on a Friday.
So I looked at the workload and re-arranged the kids to other days and re-scheduled the housekeeper to another day as well.
I was so amazed and proud of myself for putting my needs ahead of everyone elses.
Of course, that not withstanding, I did drive out in an Ice storm pelting me and my car with pellets of ice ( fairly large by the way) so that I could give one of my students a final lesson before his solo festival. It didn't even occur to me to check the website to see if it was postponed.
It was.
I drove in that nightmare for nothing. But my kids and their parents were extremely thankful. I got a bottle of Body Glimmer Wash in strawberry fizz from Victorias Secret as a thank you. Yum.
I truly put myself first.
It was work-related to start with. I have a project that I will refer to as Project SSB. I was going
I realize that I have to this completed on Tuesday NIGHT for them to be ready on Wednesday morning.
I looked at my schedule. I had 2 kids to teach and I had to pick up my house and get it ready for my housekeeper to come on Wednesday when she normally comes on a Friday.
So I looked at the workload and re-arranged the kids to other days and re-scheduled the housekeeper to another day as well.
I was so amazed and proud of myself for putting my needs ahead of everyone elses.
Of course, that not withstanding, I did drive out in an Ice storm pelting me and my car with pellets of ice ( fairly large by the way) so that I could give one of my students a final lesson before his solo festival. It didn't even occur to me to check the website to see if it was postponed.
It was.
I drove in that nightmare for nothing. But my kids and their parents were extremely thankful. I got a bottle of Body Glimmer Wash in strawberry fizz from Victorias Secret as a thank you. Yum.
Poor Poodle
Seriously - I love him to death. He knows it, I know it - pretty much everyone knows it.
I torment him though.
You see, somehow I can find the person on my team, always, who fall for my childish practical jokes.
Never EVER aimed to hurt, Poodle has been on the receiving end of the great toilet scam, the Barclays Barking Robots and the very first and a classic, never before written about, Becky.
We have a long history together. Nothing can make us laugh faster than a good practical joke. We are so immature that we have taken to leaving VM's with funny things on it.... Once he left the title track to "Oklahoma" on during a particularly hairy project in said state. I have left classic clips from "will and grace" and "the Birdcage" on his VM.
When I did most of my work in an office, I was often surrounded by empty desks for the amount of laughing that I did. It was A LOT. Less now.... but sadly there's less to laugh at.
But most recently in talking about our early years on the team together, the Becky story came up.
We have a help desk in our company. Becky works for this Help desk - or helpless desk as we call it when her station in the ACD rings. She gets on with a very specific pronounced conglomerate accent that's nearly untraceable. One of my first days on the team, Poodle and I were on the phone and he put me on hold because Becky was calling him back.
He gets back on the line with me, and says:
"Can you believe her? Becky belongs in the Order prevention department !" ( A fictitious place we use as a catchall when we are being thwarted at delivering prompt and good customer service).
A momentary pause....
"Poodle, this is Becky" I mimic nearly perfectly....
dead silence.
"uh, um, hmmm - " Stammers Poodle
I foil my own jokes though because I can't contain my laughter. I burst out laughing and he lost it. The two of us were howling with laughter.
Bringing me to yesterday. I was in the middle of a serious rant with him over conditions in the workplace and dealing with "delivery and execution" crappola from above. I was literally having a fit. I was swearing like a drunken sailor. ( that's my real vice guys - I seldom drink, no drugs, no smoking - I swear and I like it. ) I couldn't take it anymore. He finally laughs and tells me he doesn't understand my management techniques upwards at all. He can't fathom yelling at those above and giving then directives. But it works for me and it gets results.
I calmed down for a moment. Paused and said,
"Poodle, anyone can be trained. You just have to know what their hotspot is. - look we trained you!"
silence then uproarious laughter.
The kid was back....
I torment him though.
You see, somehow I can find the person on my team, always, who fall for my childish practical jokes.
Never EVER aimed to hurt, Poodle has been on the receiving end of the great toilet scam, the Barclays Barking Robots and the very first and a classic, never before written about, Becky.
We have a long history together. Nothing can make us laugh faster than a good practical joke. We are so immature that we have taken to leaving VM's with funny things on it.... Once he left the title track to "Oklahoma" on during a particularly hairy project in said state. I have left classic clips from "will and grace" and "the Birdcage" on his VM.
When I did most of my work in an office, I was often surrounded by empty desks for the amount of laughing that I did. It was A LOT. Less now.... but sadly there's less to laugh at.
But most recently in talking about our early years on the team together, the Becky story came up.
We have a help desk in our company. Becky works for this Help desk - or helpless desk as we call it when her station in the ACD rings. She gets on with a very specific pronounced conglomerate accent that's nearly untraceable. One of my first days on the team, Poodle and I were on the phone and he put me on hold because Becky was calling him back.
He gets back on the line with me, and says:
"Can you believe her? Becky belongs in the Order prevention department !" ( A fictitious place we use as a catchall when we are being thwarted at delivering prompt and good customer service).
A momentary pause....
"Poodle, this is Becky" I mimic nearly perfectly....
dead silence.
"uh, um, hmmm - " Stammers Poodle
I foil my own jokes though because I can't contain my laughter. I burst out laughing and he lost it. The two of us were howling with laughter.
Bringing me to yesterday. I was in the middle of a serious rant with him over conditions in the workplace and dealing with "delivery and execution" crappola from above. I was literally having a fit. I was swearing like a drunken sailor. ( that's my real vice guys - I seldom drink, no drugs, no smoking - I swear and I like it. ) I couldn't take it anymore. He finally laughs and tells me he doesn't understand my management techniques upwards at all. He can't fathom yelling at those above and giving then directives. But it works for me and it gets results.
I calmed down for a moment. Paused and said,
"Poodle, anyone can be trained. You just have to know what their hotspot is. - look we trained you!"
silence then uproarious laughter.
The kid was back....
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Branching out
I attempte to branch out with my food choices today.
I was VERY VERY stressed from my job. In fact - I shut off my instant messengers ( all 4) and forwarded my phone to voice mail so no one would bother me. Only those trusted members of my staff knew to call my home directly.
I did eventually sign on to the one my boss doesn't know about or have access too. I needed to have other's visible even if I was too busy to "chat" - the task at hand was just too critical for me to be MIA.
I had 28 large sub tasks to accomplish by 5PM. I only got started truthfully at 1. I was pretty impressed that I was down to keying each one in in roughly 6 minutes when I was on a roll.
I got 26 out 28 in by 5 and the other 2 done before the end of the person's workday who needed it ( lord bless central standard time).
But I inhaled a lunch literally eaten with 1 hand ( A Weight watchers "smartwich" if you are interested - pepperoni and cheese - 6 points) while I keyed in with the other. I took a 5 minute break annd one of my cats and I sat on the couch while I ate an activia fat free yogurt and he looked longingly at it hoping to get some when I was finished - alas - mais non pour le pussy-cat!
I went and taught some kids that I haven't taught in 2 months due to contruction and major piano renovations done. Kids did well for a two month Hiatus. I got to have 2 light beers with their mom ( 4 points if anyone cares) and did some rapid calculations for dinner....
I could have either 2 slices of Pizza and a hot chocolate
Or
1 cup of brown rice with cheese and 3 girl scout cookies with tea.
I went with the pizza.
I have an addiction to pizza, but the minute I decided that I was happening I called in my order for 2 slices to be ready when I got there, then I wouldn't get tempted for a third while I was there giving my order.
I ate my slices slowly in wonderment - not yet with a knife and fork but that will come soon. I took a hot lovely bath.
And now I must go .... My hot cocoa is done.
Things are going super well.
I was VERY VERY stressed from my job. In fact - I shut off my instant messengers ( all 4) and forwarded my phone to voice mail so no one would bother me. Only those trusted members of my staff knew to call my home directly.
I did eventually sign on to the one my boss doesn't know about or have access too. I needed to have other's visible even if I was too busy to "chat" - the task at hand was just too critical for me to be MIA.
I had 28 large sub tasks to accomplish by 5PM. I only got started truthfully at 1. I was pretty impressed that I was down to keying each one in in roughly 6 minutes when I was on a roll.
I got 26 out 28 in by 5 and the other 2 done before the end of the person's workday who needed it ( lord bless central standard time).
But I inhaled a lunch literally eaten with 1 hand ( A Weight watchers "smartwich" if you are interested - pepperoni and cheese - 6 points) while I keyed in with the other. I took a 5 minute break annd one of my cats and I sat on the couch while I ate an activia fat free yogurt and he looked longingly at it hoping to get some when I was finished - alas - mais non pour le pussy-cat!
I went and taught some kids that I haven't taught in 2 months due to contruction and major piano renovations done. Kids did well for a two month Hiatus. I got to have 2 light beers with their mom ( 4 points if anyone cares) and did some rapid calculations for dinner....
I could have either 2 slices of Pizza and a hot chocolate
Or
1 cup of brown rice with cheese and 3 girl scout cookies with tea.
I went with the pizza.
I have an addiction to pizza, but the minute I decided that I was happening I called in my order for 2 slices to be ready when I got there, then I wouldn't get tempted for a third while I was there giving my order.
I ate my slices slowly in wonderment - not yet with a knife and fork but that will come soon. I took a hot lovely bath.
And now I must go .... My hot cocoa is done.
Things are going super well.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Genealogy
I recently discovere my Scottish heritage.
Ironically, it was from reading a book. A fictional series by Lilian Jackson Braun title "The cat who...." It takes a place in a ficitious town "400 miles north of anywhere". The main character is a newspaper man who comes into money. He has two Siamese cats. He is dating the head librarian of the town who's last name is Duncan.
In one book, her sister is getting married and using traditional Scottish Garb. Mrs. Duncan the librarian is wearing the clan sash, her sister too.... the millionaire is wearing full Scottish regalia of the Macintosh clan. This sparked a question for me.
You see Duncan is a last name that is part of the Robertson Clan. My Great Grand father was Stewart Robertson. A light bulb went off.
So I started searching and looking and found that branch of the family. It's HUGE. Evidentally Robertson is like Smith in US. But they are all inter-related. So I have a truckload of family in country I have never been to.
But I found our tartan. I sent My grandmother ( the daughter of the Scotsman) A wool scarf made out of our hunting tartan. Its somewhat similar to Blackwatch without the yellow...
Ironically, it was from reading a book. A fictional series by Lilian Jackson Braun title "The cat who...." It takes a place in a ficitious town "400 miles north of anywhere". The main character is a newspaper man who comes into money. He has two Siamese cats. He is dating the head librarian of the town who's last name is Duncan.
In one book, her sister is getting married and using traditional Scottish Garb. Mrs. Duncan the librarian is wearing the clan sash, her sister too.... the millionaire is wearing full Scottish regalia of the Macintosh clan. This sparked a question for me.
You see Duncan is a last name that is part of the Robertson Clan. My Great Grand father was Stewart Robertson. A light bulb went off.
So I started searching and looking and found that branch of the family. It's HUGE. Evidentally Robertson is like Smith in US. But they are all inter-related. So I have a truckload of family in country I have never been to.
But I found our tartan. I sent My grandmother ( the daughter of the Scotsman) A wool scarf made out of our hunting tartan. Its somewhat similar to Blackwatch without the yellow...
I was so excited when I found this. I love geneology and wish I had more patience for it. I know I am German primarily, but also Scottish, a tiny bit of Irish, Austrian, Belgian, French, Hungarian and I am sure there is more. It's easier for me to tell you what I am not than what I am.
The great majority is German. My Dad was entirely German and my mom is 25% German, 25% Austrian and 50% all the rest.
I guess I'm a Contessa but I just don't have ONE country - I have MANY!
Eating by the numbers
I have tried the unit eating plan for 1 day and I was successful.
surprisingly so.
And happy - go figure.
Happy because I wasn't overly hungry, I was comfortable and I was not resentful in the slightest.
Clearly this was the way to go.
On Caramel Pie: I feel that I should elaborate based on some of the comments that came back....
To Title Troubles: Dreaming of caramel pie isn't the problem - for me. It was eating it! ALL of it - without caring. No more pie when I am in this mindset. Not never, just not now....... I'll virtually save you a piece!
To Post-Doc: I blame myself for tossing out my own lessons learned so light heartedly for something so heavenly. I love your recipes and I love trying them! they are always soooo good. You too get a virtual piece saved!
Caramel Pie is delicious concoction that turns out to be 8 points per average sized slice. In another mindset, one I am not currently in but am working towards, I could factor that slice in and not need to eat more - even knowing it was in the house. But , for right now, it's better for me to not have sweets in the house and eat straight into units.
Units are foods that are already portioned out. I am doing much better with that. A yogurt, a veggie burger, one hot cocoa packet, one serving of Girl Scout cookies ( these I portioned out myself and left all in the car but the one portion I planned to eat and 2 Samoas'= 3 points).
It reads extreme. But I am calling it eating boot camp for me. Once the behaviours are re-established, I can start being more flexible and working new foods and weights and measures into it. Otherwise I have the tendancy to have measurements that are way off - using my eyes rather than the tools, scales, measuring cups - all of that.
Trust me when I tell you that this is a life long project. When one plan doesn't work, you have to find another that will. It's seasonal sometimes, it's event driven at others. Right now, I"m at a seasonal situation AND an event driven situation - so it's back to pre-packaged or pre-portioned out food choices. Soon new vegetables will arrive and they will be fresh and wonderful so I can add back salads....
I just keep plugging away, modifying as I go. I will find the formula that works - for now, write it down and refer to later when I need a trick.
I so optimistic now - I feel wonderful!
surprisingly so.
And happy - go figure.
Happy because I wasn't overly hungry, I was comfortable and I was not resentful in the slightest.
Clearly this was the way to go.
On Caramel Pie: I feel that I should elaborate based on some of the comments that came back....
To Title Troubles: Dreaming of caramel pie isn't the problem - for me. It was eating it! ALL of it - without caring. No more pie when I am in this mindset. Not never, just not now....... I'll virtually save you a piece!
To Post-Doc: I blame myself for tossing out my own lessons learned so light heartedly for something so heavenly. I love your recipes and I love trying them! they are always soooo good. You too get a virtual piece saved!
Caramel Pie is delicious concoction that turns out to be 8 points per average sized slice. In another mindset, one I am not currently in but am working towards, I could factor that slice in and not need to eat more - even knowing it was in the house. But , for right now, it's better for me to not have sweets in the house and eat straight into units.
Units are foods that are already portioned out. I am doing much better with that. A yogurt, a veggie burger, one hot cocoa packet, one serving of Girl Scout cookies ( these I portioned out myself and left all in the car but the one portion I planned to eat and 2 Samoas'= 3 points).
It reads extreme. But I am calling it eating boot camp for me. Once the behaviours are re-established, I can start being more flexible and working new foods and weights and measures into it. Otherwise I have the tendancy to have measurements that are way off - using my eyes rather than the tools, scales, measuring cups - all of that.
Trust me when I tell you that this is a life long project. When one plan doesn't work, you have to find another that will. It's seasonal sometimes, it's event driven at others. Right now, I"m at a seasonal situation AND an event driven situation - so it's back to pre-packaged or pre-portioned out food choices. Soon new vegetables will arrive and they will be fresh and wonderful so I can add back salads....
I just keep plugging away, modifying as I go. I will find the formula that works - for now, write it down and refer to later when I need a trick.
I so optimistic now - I feel wonderful!
Sunday, March 11, 2007
The great resentment
I'm having a mental block with Weight Watchers.
I did not go to the meetings the last two weeks due to conflicts in schedule and illness. I rarely miss one let alone two meetings. And that may be the issue here.
The bottom line is I resent having to eat less of what I like. it could be the healthiest food on earth and I will find away to eat more than I should.
I have eliminated sweets from my house with few exceptions. I have substituted Dannon Activia Low fat yogurts ( Raspberry is YUMMY), Dannon Light and fit smoothies, banana's and low fat graham crackers.
That has actually solved my sweet tooth problem. If I run into the need for Chocolate, Swiss Miss comes riding in to save the day with her fat free Marshmallow lovers hot chocolate made with water and skim milk.
My problem seems to be quantity not quality.
One of the major benefits to writing this blog is it helps me problem solve better. Learning from yourself is the best lesson I think. Reading other's blogs can be helpful as well. ( Post-Doc don't describe Caramel Pie Anymore - I DREAM about it!!!! Only kidding.... better to read about it than eat it)
In writing this post, it appears time for me to start eating what I call unit foods. Foods that are single serve sizes, prepackaged either by the manufacturer or by me in advance. That will keep my eating more uniform till I get the behaviours learned and consistent.
I need to get consistency into my exercise also which will be a challenge for this week.
It's very important that I take care of this and not quit. The weight has to get to a manageable point and as Lisa so rightly said - I'm tired of being the fat girl in pictures. I hear that.
So on the heels of finishing my homemade mac and cheese ( Barilla plus pasta = 3 WW points per cup, Brummel and BRown yogurts spread = 1 WW point per serving, a splash of skim milk and 1 oz of land o lakes sliced american cheese ( usually 2 slices)= 2). Total of 5 points per cup.
I ate 3 cups.
I had 13 points left
I owe somebody 2
I think I owe it to me.
I did not go to the meetings the last two weeks due to conflicts in schedule and illness. I rarely miss one let alone two meetings. And that may be the issue here.
The bottom line is I resent having to eat less of what I like. it could be the healthiest food on earth and I will find away to eat more than I should.
I have eliminated sweets from my house with few exceptions. I have substituted Dannon Activia Low fat yogurts ( Raspberry is YUMMY), Dannon Light and fit smoothies, banana's and low fat graham crackers.
That has actually solved my sweet tooth problem. If I run into the need for Chocolate, Swiss Miss comes riding in to save the day with her fat free Marshmallow lovers hot chocolate made with water and skim milk.
My problem seems to be quantity not quality.
One of the major benefits to writing this blog is it helps me problem solve better. Learning from yourself is the best lesson I think. Reading other's blogs can be helpful as well. ( Post-Doc don't describe Caramel Pie Anymore - I DREAM about it!!!! Only kidding.... better to read about it than eat it)
In writing this post, it appears time for me to start eating what I call unit foods. Foods that are single serve sizes, prepackaged either by the manufacturer or by me in advance. That will keep my eating more uniform till I get the behaviours learned and consistent.
I need to get consistency into my exercise also which will be a challenge for this week.
It's very important that I take care of this and not quit. The weight has to get to a manageable point and as Lisa so rightly said - I'm tired of being the fat girl in pictures. I hear that.
So on the heels of finishing my homemade mac and cheese ( Barilla plus pasta = 3 WW points per cup, Brummel and BRown yogurts spread = 1 WW point per serving, a splash of skim milk and 1 oz of land o lakes sliced american cheese ( usually 2 slices)= 2). Total of 5 points per cup.
I ate 3 cups.
I had 13 points left
I owe somebody 2
I think I owe it to me.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
allergies
I keep forgetting that allergy season is bursting to get started.
I'm not having that problem yet as it really hasn't started here yet, but I was reminded by the pollen notifications that started arriving in my inbox.
I have a tendancy to check the forecasted pollen as much in advance as they can tell me so I can medicate appropriately.
I have a cold right now - not a bad mind bending cold that has me hacking and coughing, but it is knocking me out and keeping me very tired. So it was with some level of surprise that at 5:00 yesterday my eyes started itching and tearing and the goo is in there. I took my eye drops ( I have an antibiotic, an allergy and a steroid that I have to take in the form of eye drops when this happens) and took a zyrtec 6 hours earlier than normal, but still within the prescription limits. Then I got the icepack out for my eye to keep the swelling down. Then the sneezing started and then the overwhelming need to sleep came over me.
I kind of feel like Dorothy in the wizard of Oz when this happens. Her overwhelming need to sleep when she see's the poppy's always felt more like a pollen induced phenomen the the Wicked Witch's. I real;y never understood how the witch could take credit for that.
So now I have to leave half an hour after this starts to teach a piano lesson. I walk in with an ice pack and they look at it, and no one asks any questions. This makes me laugh. But by the time I leave there, I am feeling much better. I guess I didn't look scary, the kids didn't comment.
I get home and notice that the flowers that I was given last week, were drooping and the pollen was lying on the top of my entertainment center. This is about 2 feet from my desk. Ah Ha!!!!
I really can't clean it up in my current condition. I have to wait - but I know what it is now that caused this premature pollen issue.
But the ever need to sleep and rest due to the pollen prevailed. I went to bed at 11:30 with the expectation that I would be able to be up between 9-10. I woke up at 4 went to bed again at 5 and slept till 11:30. Not exactly 12 hours, but still substnatially more than I tend to sleep. I am assuming I needed it. I am going to have to be really active and busy today if I intend to succeed wtih DST tonight. I don't do well with any time changes.
Anywhere. No matter where I go with a time change, my joke is, I can't even make it through DST or the change back without backlash to my sleeping patterns. 1 hour, 3 hours, 6 hours - no can do. When I am overtired I get nautious which is a curious sensation for me as I rarely deal with that.
So I skipped my voice lesson because of the allergy attack and I canceled it last night as I knew I would be useless this morning. And I was.
I need to get well from the cold and the allergies. I don't normally whine about something that is so commonplace for me. But I had two fabulous weeks so I really want to get back to that.
I'm not having that problem yet as it really hasn't started here yet, but I was reminded by the pollen notifications that started arriving in my inbox.
I have a tendancy to check the forecasted pollen as much in advance as they can tell me so I can medicate appropriately.
I have a cold right now - not a bad mind bending cold that has me hacking and coughing, but it is knocking me out and keeping me very tired. So it was with some level of surprise that at 5:00 yesterday my eyes started itching and tearing and the goo is in there. I took my eye drops ( I have an antibiotic, an allergy and a steroid that I have to take in the form of eye drops when this happens) and took a zyrtec 6 hours earlier than normal, but still within the prescription limits. Then I got the icepack out for my eye to keep the swelling down. Then the sneezing started and then the overwhelming need to sleep came over me.
I kind of feel like Dorothy in the wizard of Oz when this happens. Her overwhelming need to sleep when she see's the poppy's always felt more like a pollen induced phenomen the the Wicked Witch's. I real;y never understood how the witch could take credit for that.
So now I have to leave half an hour after this starts to teach a piano lesson. I walk in with an ice pack and they look at it, and no one asks any questions. This makes me laugh. But by the time I leave there, I am feeling much better. I guess I didn't look scary, the kids didn't comment.
I get home and notice that the flowers that I was given last week, were drooping and the pollen was lying on the top of my entertainment center. This is about 2 feet from my desk. Ah Ha!!!!
I really can't clean it up in my current condition. I have to wait - but I know what it is now that caused this premature pollen issue.
But the ever need to sleep and rest due to the pollen prevailed. I went to bed at 11:30 with the expectation that I would be able to be up between 9-10. I woke up at 4 went to bed again at 5 and slept till 11:30. Not exactly 12 hours, but still substnatially more than I tend to sleep. I am assuming I needed it. I am going to have to be really active and busy today if I intend to succeed wtih DST tonight. I don't do well with any time changes.
Anywhere. No matter where I go with a time change, my joke is, I can't even make it through DST or the change back without backlash to my sleeping patterns. 1 hour, 3 hours, 6 hours - no can do. When I am overtired I get nautious which is a curious sensation for me as I rarely deal with that.
So I skipped my voice lesson because of the allergy attack and I canceled it last night as I knew I would be useless this morning. And I was.
I need to get well from the cold and the allergies. I don't normally whine about something that is so commonplace for me. But I had two fabulous weeks so I really want to get back to that.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
90 miles an hour with my hair on fire
At least that's what it feels like I am doing these days.
One of colleagues had a terminal illness in the family and was summoned to NY on Tues night. Unfortunately weather conditions delayed and routed him to Philly. By the time he landed at the airport in Long Island, this person had passed away. It's very sad to lose someone at all but someone who's 41 is very difficult.
I mention this because while all this was happening, and I was covering his workload, I also had a wake to attend for the daughter of a family friend. Also 41. She passed away due to a car accident. I didn't know the daughter to speak to as she was enough years older than me growing up. Her dad had passed away in December so this is a double whammy for the mother.
Now, I am the only member of my family who attended the wake. My step mom, who is closest to the mother, called her and they had some discussion about it. But Ellen knows that my step mom really avoids wakes at all cost since my dad died. I go, pay my respects to the family, but I do not approach the coffin for any reason. It is a rare day. I did for my grandmother but honestly, I didn't look at her.
When they opened the coffin for the private viewing for my dad, I was stunned to see how much healthier he looked in death. We buried him in his tails. I put his conductor's baton and pictures of his cats in with him. That bothered me, how well he looked. People shouldn't look better in death and I honestly lobbied for a closed casket. I just don't see the need to look at a person in that state. Not that they care. They no longer inhabit that body.
So, I don't do viewings. I do pay my respects and offer to cook meals etc for the family. The wake was the strangest I had ever been to. People were hysterical and throwing themselves on the coffin. I saw many of my dad's friends and collegues - some I hadn't seen since before he died - and so I as accepting my own condolences at someone else's wake. Weird. Even my neighbor, who went with me, agreed this was really odd.
As tragic as all this death was, I actually handled it so much better than I had this time last year. Those posts reflect how far down I went dealing with so much death. No clue why.
Through all of this I am working like a dog on both my work and my colleague's. I tend to put more effort into keeping my colleague's work from piling up than my own during that time. And with that in mind I spent my entire day correcting 4 international orders because the ruleset for that country changed since Monday ( this is a pet peeve of mine), then entering the last 6 orders for the same coutries under the new ruleset. The corrections took 2 hours and the new orders took a total of 30 minutes.... silly. I hate this system.
From there, I left to have my routine bloodwork done, visit my office briefly, teach 1 kid for an hour and another for 30 minutes.
The very first time I sat down to do anything remotely for me was 8PM. Now this may appear to be a complaint. It's not. To be home at 8 vs 10 is always a treat. I feel like I have gained time.
I am trying to slow my pace down. I'm not doing as well with it as I want. I have a tendancy to overbook in an attempt to make everyone happy. I'm a people pleaser and I always have been.
So in review of month 2 of the plan - I need to not be going 90 miles a hour with my hair on fire all the time. I am planning one activity and if another comes up, well, I'm sorry but I made the commitment to activity 1 first, can we reschedule for another time?
It's a piece of my personality that I don't want to get rid of ( it's very helpful in my professions), but I do need tame it. Manage it better.
So, yes this post is a little bit rambly - but I reserve the right to do that!
One of colleagues had a terminal illness in the family and was summoned to NY on Tues night. Unfortunately weather conditions delayed and routed him to Philly. By the time he landed at the airport in Long Island, this person had passed away. It's very sad to lose someone at all but someone who's 41 is very difficult.
I mention this because while all this was happening, and I was covering his workload, I also had a wake to attend for the daughter of a family friend. Also 41. She passed away due to a car accident. I didn't know the daughter to speak to as she was enough years older than me growing up. Her dad had passed away in December so this is a double whammy for the mother.
Now, I am the only member of my family who attended the wake. My step mom, who is closest to the mother, called her and they had some discussion about it. But Ellen knows that my step mom really avoids wakes at all cost since my dad died. I go, pay my respects to the family, but I do not approach the coffin for any reason. It is a rare day. I did for my grandmother but honestly, I didn't look at her.
When they opened the coffin for the private viewing for my dad, I was stunned to see how much healthier he looked in death. We buried him in his tails. I put his conductor's baton and pictures of his cats in with him. That bothered me, how well he looked. People shouldn't look better in death and I honestly lobbied for a closed casket. I just don't see the need to look at a person in that state. Not that they care. They no longer inhabit that body.
So, I don't do viewings. I do pay my respects and offer to cook meals etc for the family. The wake was the strangest I had ever been to. People were hysterical and throwing themselves on the coffin. I saw many of my dad's friends and collegues - some I hadn't seen since before he died - and so I as accepting my own condolences at someone else's wake. Weird. Even my neighbor, who went with me, agreed this was really odd.
As tragic as all this death was, I actually handled it so much better than I had this time last year. Those posts reflect how far down I went dealing with so much death. No clue why.
Through all of this I am working like a dog on both my work and my colleague's. I tend to put more effort into keeping my colleague's work from piling up than my own during that time. And with that in mind I spent my entire day correcting 4 international orders because the ruleset for that country changed since Monday ( this is a pet peeve of mine), then entering the last 6 orders for the same coutries under the new ruleset. The corrections took 2 hours and the new orders took a total of 30 minutes.... silly. I hate this system.
From there, I left to have my routine bloodwork done, visit my office briefly, teach 1 kid for an hour and another for 30 minutes.
The very first time I sat down to do anything remotely for me was 8PM. Now this may appear to be a complaint. It's not. To be home at 8 vs 10 is always a treat. I feel like I have gained time.
I am trying to slow my pace down. I'm not doing as well with it as I want. I have a tendancy to overbook in an attempt to make everyone happy. I'm a people pleaser and I always have been.
So in review of month 2 of the plan - I need to not be going 90 miles a hour with my hair on fire all the time. I am planning one activity and if another comes up, well, I'm sorry but I made the commitment to activity 1 first, can we reschedule for another time?
It's a piece of my personality that I don't want to get rid of ( it's very helpful in my professions), but I do need tame it. Manage it better.
So, yes this post is a little bit rambly - but I reserve the right to do that!
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
My eyelashes all in curls....
So... I have gotten a couple of inquiries on this topic so I decided a full post was warranted.
Men this MAY not be for you though you are more than welome to read along.
Now I am sure you are all to familiar with the traditional eye lash curler and mascara methods of coloring and adding length and curl to your eyelashes.
First, you clamp the eyelash curler over your lashes, hold for undetermined amount of time, release and apply mascara.
If you are me, the undetermined length of time is anywhere from 5-7 minutes per eye. My eyelashes are sparse on my right eye, fuller on my left and are straight and angle down. And they are blond.
So when my nail technician ( who is a certified ( and certifiable) aesthetician), brought the eye lash perm to the salon where she works, I was on board to try it. It cost 35 dollars and the first two rounds were OK. The last 2 times are nothing short of spectacular now that the process is refined a bit.
In short its the same concept as perming your hair. They have a curler that has gentle adhesive on it and attach it to your eyelid. THey fold the lashes up over it. They then brush on perm solution ( specifically diluted and designed for eyelashes).
Once all of this is done, they put mini showercap looking adhesive wraps over your eyes.
Throughout this you are lying on a comfortable padded table with a pillow and blanket. Your eyes are closed. I like to use this time for napping. I plug in my ipod and relax. 20 minutes later they remove the mini shower caps, rinse off the solution with a soft cloth and warm water.
But your not done yet.
Next Vitamin E cream is applied to the skin around the eye including the upper and lower lids. then a half moon shaped bandage is applied to the skin right underneath the eye to protect the skin. At this point a tinting ( much like highlighting solution for your hair) solution is applied to the lower lashes. Then you close your eyes and the solution is brushed on the top lashes with your eyes closed. Again with the mini shower caps, and you continue your nap for another 15-20 minutes.
When you wake up they remove the showercaps and again rinse your eyes off with the soft warm cloth and Voila - one has tinted AND curly eyelashes.
There is no pain and you get to nap. Each application lasts roughly 8-10 weeks. Mine have gone as long as 12. I'm very happy with the results. I don't have to wear mascara but I can and either way it looks fantabulous.
The whole gig is 70 dollars. Well worth the effort. And my eyes look ever so lovely.
Men this MAY not be for you though you are more than welome to read along.
Now I am sure you are all to familiar with the traditional eye lash curler and mascara methods of coloring and adding length and curl to your eyelashes.
First, you clamp the eyelash curler over your lashes, hold for undetermined amount of time, release and apply mascara.
If you are me, the undetermined length of time is anywhere from 5-7 minutes per eye. My eyelashes are sparse on my right eye, fuller on my left and are straight and angle down. And they are blond.
So when my nail technician ( who is a certified ( and certifiable) aesthetician), brought the eye lash perm to the salon where she works, I was on board to try it. It cost 35 dollars and the first two rounds were OK. The last 2 times are nothing short of spectacular now that the process is refined a bit.
In short its the same concept as perming your hair. They have a curler that has gentle adhesive on it and attach it to your eyelid. THey fold the lashes up over it. They then brush on perm solution ( specifically diluted and designed for eyelashes).
Once all of this is done, they put mini showercap looking adhesive wraps over your eyes.
Throughout this you are lying on a comfortable padded table with a pillow and blanket. Your eyes are closed. I like to use this time for napping. I plug in my ipod and relax. 20 minutes later they remove the mini shower caps, rinse off the solution with a soft cloth and warm water.
But your not done yet.
Next Vitamin E cream is applied to the skin around the eye including the upper and lower lids. then a half moon shaped bandage is applied to the skin right underneath the eye to protect the skin. At this point a tinting ( much like highlighting solution for your hair) solution is applied to the lower lashes. Then you close your eyes and the solution is brushed on the top lashes with your eyes closed. Again with the mini shower caps, and you continue your nap for another 15-20 minutes.
When you wake up they remove the showercaps and again rinse your eyes off with the soft warm cloth and Voila - one has tinted AND curly eyelashes.
There is no pain and you get to nap. Each application lasts roughly 8-10 weeks. Mine have gone as long as 12. I'm very happy with the results. I don't have to wear mascara but I can and either way it looks fantabulous.
The whole gig is 70 dollars. Well worth the effort. And my eyes look ever so lovely.