Things are better because I decided they need to be

Now I woke up this morning and for the first time in literally 7 days, I didn't dream about the situations that I have been dealing with this week.

At least I don't readily recall the dreams if they were happening. That's a relief.

The reason being: the first two nights were wonderful. Deep sleep, lovely just lovely dreams.

The second two nights - comme ci comme ca - not bad but not winning awards in the happiness department.

The last two nights were positively abismal. I was very upset upon wakin up and it carried through my day.

So this morning when I woke up and realized that I wasn't dreaming in a memorable fashion AT ALL, I was kind of relieved.

I had had a nice hot bath and read my frivolous book after working at the house to make it party ready for Saturday.

I took one look at my body and noticed hives. My whole body from the hips up. I freaked out.

I felt fine and if I hadn't had the bath I would not have noticed right off. I took some benedryl and all of my normal creams and lotions and allergy meds etc. I went to bed and woke up feeling refreshed but most importantly the hives, while not yet gone, have gone down some.

It was stress related. This is a new one. I usually eat!

But no eating for me. I had no time. So I got hives. so now the question becomes do I eat and be fat or be thin and hivey?

Tough call.

The bottom line is stress does strange things to the body. So for the sake of my personal self preservation, I have decided that things are OK. They have to be for my health.

The entire point of this post is, I can be sad about the end result of this situation, or I can be hopeful and look for a silver lining. I am generally a positive person, but only in certain situations do I jump to the negative first. Those situations are usually wrapped in my self esteem issues. Am I good enough, do I do the job well, will they like me? things like this. Of course my appearance has something to do with that as well. While I am working on that, I still believe that I am a beautiful woman inside and out.

So in order to preserve my health and my sanity, after some conversation on the topic last night, I just woke up and decided that I am going to try not to worry, not to be sad and fearful and just go on being fabulous. I have now changed my outfit for the party somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 times and I am really still nervous about it, but I think it will be OK. I can't tell you that Saturday and Sunday's posts are going to be OK. I simply do not know.

I thank you all for your support here - this has been a rough week and while compared to some REALLY bad things that can happen, this is but a drop in the bucket and could go a good way too. Time will tell.