Life Makeovers

I have started a new project.

I was going through my bookcases and found not one but two copies of a book I had purchased many years ago and started but never finished.

It was a wonderful book and I am sorry that I stopped it.

So I made the decision to start it again.

In the spirit of Blogging and to keep my thoughts straight, I began a new Blog called The Contessa's Life Makovers.

This Blog will specifically deal with the book and the weekly exercizes. There will be one post per week at first, on Tuesdays, on the exericise from the week prior and the plan on the week coming. At some point, I will add interim posts that will detail my progress towards the weeks end.

I would love it if any of you want to join me. The book is titled Life Makeovers and is written by Cheryl Richardson.

Burn out

I think I am heading for burn out.

Eiher that or I am still coming down off two years of work being over in a blip.

Or all of the above.

What I like most about the above statements is, at my age ( too young or too old depending on whose reading), I know myself to see the signs.

I am falling asleep the minute I relax. Regardless of where I am. 30 minutes here, an hour there.

And Yet Once I fall asleep, I am down for the night. But I can't seem to wake up in the morning.

This can possibly be related to my latest eczema outbreak as well or again so combo of the above. I am going through my extensive treatment of the eczema. Moisturizing like a lunatic, bathing less frequently than I like ( water is drying did you know that) - so for me that means one time a day and I space it out to be after I work out but before I go out in public. I moisturize when I wake up, before lunch, before dinner, after bathing and before bed. 3 times out of those I also put on special lotions, oils and sprays to treat the skin. I take an allergy pill breakast, dinner and before bed. I drink 96 ounces of water per day with 24 of them containing electrolytes.

I have added a new holistic twist to all of this. I also now add a teaspoon of Baking Soda to my coffee ( it adds NO taste and I would know! ) in the morning and a quarter cup to my bath at night. This accomplishes a number of things. The ingested version bulks up the immune system, adds a natural relief from any heartburn or acid reflux you may be suffering from and restores a PH balance to the body. The soaking in the bath ( along with Baby oil wiht aloe and vitamin E) offers a restoration of the PH balance of the skin which is thought to be a contributing factor to eczema.

For those of you non sufferers: Eczema is a dry skin skin disease caused by an immuno-deficiency in the body. It is often described as the itch that rashes. Itching will happen on perfectly normal skin. Or normal to the naked eye. It generally means a sub dermal layer is dry causing the itch to go upward to the surface.

Mine is not considered truly severe but on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being normal, 10 being severe, I am about a 6 or 7 today. Once it clears up - I go to about a 2 and stay there awhile.

Stress is a contributing factor on any level. So I need to get that under control.

Hence my Burn-out realization. My skin is suffering and my sleep is suffering. we are a just a few dark turns into the burn out phase so i need to get this under control.

the good news is now that I am aware of it, ad my life is returned to some semblance of a schedule, I can make that work.

Its not comunicable but people who see it and don't understand have a tendancy to be cruel.

I was in a remission from the time I was 7 until I turned 30 with minor outbreaks once a year during a season change. It came back with a vengeance when my whole life was turned topsy turvy back then. Needless to say I am trying to regain teh balance I had prior to that. I had been doing rather well this year. This outbreak appears to me to have been triggered by the mind bending cold and dryness we are suffering from and exacerbated by the stress.

So I need to fix it. and I have started reworking the regimen.

I need to get that beauty sleep I mentioned earlier too.....

Post Mortem's

I have made a decision. There will be a new movement to eradicate the use of the word Post-mortem for anything other than it's actual definition.


Post-Mortem as defined by Websters Dictionary -

1. Occurring after death 2. Appraisal following an event where negative actions occurred.

I am spear-heading the movement to stop using this word inappropriately. It should be used only in the instance of negative or truly questionable actions having taken place that need to be reviewed to prevent those actions from taking place again.

It does not, in any context, have good connotations. And those of you in the technology industry can verify that. In our industry,. when a circuit fails, or a server crashes - a post mortem is demanded and expected by the client to determine what actions took place from a corrective standpoint and what situations occurred to cause said outage in the first place.

If anything positive is included in these reports it is RARELY acknowledged as that is the wrong medium to include it. I, personally, include it for future references when emotions are riding so high and people can reflect and see that everything that was done, was done in the spirit and best interests of the client.

How does this translate to my personal situation? I had my "post-mortem" or as I am now calling it "my performance notes" this morning. I went to my coaches home and we discussed certain facts.

1. He doesn't like my stage presence or audience Acknowledgment. I don't agree completely but there are some points that I do agree with. I would rather be off book so I can communicate better with my audience while performing. He felt I should use a stand - that wouldn't work for me. I'm too short, it needs to be too high, my voice would be drowned out - you see the problem. He also feels that I don't allow the audience to appreciate me, I bow too soon. I'm not that cocky. We'll see if I can pull off something to meet him halfway at my performance in March.
2. He still feels that my German is weak. It is weak. I know that. He told me that " I was lucky Crystal wasn't there" . First of all, I have no idea who Crystal is. Secondly, unless my great-aunt herself told me my umlauts sucked, I'm not buying into it.
3. I felt that my high notes were running a little bit sharp in some places. That Hall is wonderful for not making me work too hard, but it does show pitch issues. I run high when I am nervous and I knew it that day. the recordings just gave me specific areas to work on.
4. I mentioned it before, but the program was too ambitious and he agrees with that. The next one will be less ambitious and will be set earlier so I can work the pieces towards memorization.
5. I felt that the tempo's were slow and that though I pushed them in places, he pulled them back. There cannot be a tempo or ego tug of war. If I push the tempo , he needs to trust ME too and go with it. There isn't a soprano on earth who can get through Der Holle Rache at the tempo he started it at. That was a train wreck waiting to happen.
6. I felt that, in general, I spent more time catering to his performance nerves than my own.
7. The creative control is back in my hands.
8. We do work well together, but a dress rehearsal in full has to happen the week of.
9. I will not be doing any songs that he loves. Shepherd on the Rock is his favorite and I paid dearly in criticism for it. No German pronunciation was going to be good enough for him. He acknowledged that. He is overly critical of that piece because it is his favorite.
10. Overall a success, he was proud, he felt my dad was proud and we are OK.

I told him that in the future, I would prefer him to not mention my performance notes existence even until the next day. I don't want to be worrying and second guessing myself.

I learned a lot about myself with this performance. My stamina ( I was pleasantly surprised ) was high, My voice is much fuller than it was a year ago. I want it to be even fuller, so I need to work on that. There is a breathiness that comes in and out at times - I need to consistently get it out. I need to practice my German as it does need work. I need to work on my pitch in my upper notes. I don't know how I could pop F's out and have them be sharp seriously. That's just crazy talk!

I have another performance in mid March - just one or two tunes. I am doing the only one that wasn't on this last performance. I am very excited to sing it too as it is one my favorites.

All in all - things are OK. But I am starting the revolution to make sure that the terms are used appropriately.

Review

I had my review today.

It took two and half hours.

Why ?

He likes to talk.

For those of you who know me.... he can OUT-TALK me.

Now THAT is saying something.

Before we got to my actual review, we talked about his trip, his undergrad work and his MBA work, my being a poor test taker, the credits towards my PMP that I have, his not wanting to be a snowbird in Florida ( he's 59), air travel pre-9/11.

Then we got to my review. Which was wonderful. Seriously. I got the max raise allowed. My director even threw some nice comments in since we are working together again.

Before I could throw it out there, he brought up the micro managing. He has some work to do on that and we, as a team, will try to deal with it. He's going to try the timed out updates so he's not riding us the entire time.

It's not optimal, but if it actually works out, it would be an improvement.

I don't have high hopes though.

We did this remotely. Me in my pajamas and coffee and him with his car back with freshly rotated tires.

Working remote is onoe of my favorite things. I love this. I haven't seen my office since the fall. I've been in other offices in the country more often than my own. I hate my office, but I do NOT want to commute - so this is the happy medium. My CMS is wonderful - forwards my phone anywhere I need to and announces the callers. I love this. I was able to spend my days home watching my kittens grow up.

I took another nap today. I was arely up 2 hours when I went down for the 2 hour nap. I was wondering why this is the third day this week this has happened. I think I have nailed down the answer.

I am not sleeping at night as well as I could. No that's not it, I am not Falling asleep easily - but once there I don't wake up. I think its the eczema. Given the temperatures and lack of humidty in the atmosphere, I am suffering a bit. enough that I am taking the oral meds exactly when I should be and the topical meds twice a day and moisturizing four times a day. It's slowly improving but sleep is not coming so easily to me. I am trying not to nap in the middle of the day as that makes it that much harder.

Tomorrow I see my coach. I will be bearing sad news too. A colleague of his and my dads passed away last night after a long fight with cancer. He was the orchestra director in the HS here until this past December. It was very sad.

I also had a neighbor pass today and I met her husband, whom I know better, in the elevator on his way to the funeral home to make arrangements. I had only met his wife once as she was always in the hospital or nursing home. I felt so sorry for him. He took such good care of her, but he felt this was for the best as she was suffering and in pain. Very sad news.

So given all of this, I am going to have my lesson tomorrow. It feels sort of anti-climactic. Not that I am anywhere near ready to stop. I have so much more to learn. I just feel like I have nothing to work towards. It was 2 years of my life prepping for that recital. I also have the issue of the situation with my coach. I am hoping that he will be mature enough to say "Hey we had a fight, we talked about it and we're moving on" as I have. I don't have high hopes though.

Stay tuned.

Life is queer.

a little stir crazy

I believe that, in bad weather, if you don' t have to go out -don't. Certainly not if it's 18 degrees out and icy conditions.

Such has been the weather here the past two days. So I didn't go out. At all.

I stayed in, nested, and basically just rested and relaxed. I worked, cleaned out my humidifier and changed the filters on all of them, cooked, napped and tended to my plants. I even managed to notice that my African Violets have started to bloom again for the first time since the forced re-potting a few months ago. Wolfi knocked down the original pot and broke out so....

But after 2 days of this, I needed to get out.

MISTAKE. I should have waited for Spring. I'm the ground hog and would happily have stayed in if I knew how frozen my car would be. I realized how bad it was ahead of time and found the de-icing spray that I have had for just such an emergency.

Thats some amazing stuff actually. The ice encasing my car was 1-2 inches thick in places, but this stuff cut rght through it. I even sprayed it on the tires and the ground around it to make the traction better.

I was so surprised how fast that i was able to de-ice the car with that. I need to always have that Prestone De-icer with the built in icec scraper on the end.

But I ventured out and taught some kids. Came home and had.... PIZZA yay!!!!

Not a bad way to end a stir crazy day....

Happy Valentines day!

Today was a wonderful day.

My favorite part of the entire day was the nap I took. I know I know, a nap????

But yes a nap. My Little chou chou, Wolfi, decided to join me and crawled under the flannel afghan and settled down on my lap for a delicious 30 minute nap. He had his paw on top of my hand and purred until we were both drowsy with contentment.

What a way to say I love you. Yes, it was a cat - but honestly, it's not Romantic love, but it is love and thats what the day is about.

So in the spirit of love, I Love all of you! My faithful readers and those who are new - I hope you come back - I love you. For some of you - I LOEV you.

I never thought that I would be a blogger. But it's been a largely joyful and educational experience. It's a great place to try ideas, borrow ideas ( please make sure you give credit when you do!) vent and just lay your thoughts and experiences out. I love comments - live for them sadly. I check my stats way too often and though I don't often change my layout, I have many drafts filed away that I am always tweaking. I hate HTML but it's coming easier.

I love all my friends and my family. I appreciate them all for the things they bring to my life to help me be the person I am and the person I am always striving to be. Even the traits and behaviours that I don't like help me be a better person.

So here's to you - Happy Valentines Day. It's a day about Love - not just romantic love - but any love and I had two boys vying for my affections today - Felines, yes - but love none-the-less.

Please feel free to check out my recital at The Contessa's Recital. I would love comments on that too!

Things are better now

Things are back to normal.

My housekeeper came today and cleaned my house - it's so nice now. My Christmas tree is down and my house is clean.

I found that I was down to my last check so I re-ordered. I bought pretty tropical ones from Colorfulimages.com.

I don't want to talk about the bad things that happened with my coach. He apologized. That's all I can ask for. I doubt he's changed but that's my challenge not his. My challenge in terms of can I tolerate and do I want to? For now, yes. But it did force me to look at the relationship and examine those things that I don't like. Voice Twin and I had a conversation today about that and we are both on the same page about it but we will probably act on it in different ways. Our voices may be similar but we are different people in many ways. good ways, and she's starting in a different place than I am. The thing that continues to come up for me, is that when you are an adult taking lessons from a peer, there's a fine line between friendship and teacher/student. There's more control on the student end of that relationship. I forgot that and I need to start remembering that. I am a teacher as well. I am not a newbie or anything like that. And that children, concludes our fairy tale.

So my house is clean, I went back to the insanity ( my day job) and now I am settling in to watch the snow.

I am reveling in the normal-ness of things and I am in a good place now. I have heard the files and I am very happy with the job that I did. I ate very healthy, normal quantities of food today. I am deciding what to do for dinner even as we speak and there is a hot bath and hot chocolate in my future. Tomorrow there are big plans for exercise and some critical listening to the recital for my own notes.

This weekend coming up I will be making some family sized meals to freeze - I am going to start doing 1-2 a week. One that I love and another that's new. Portion them out and freeze. then I won't be in such a hurry to stop for fast food on the way home.

My life is getting back to normal. I think I just need to keep remembering that I do have some level of control over the outcome of things like this. Being Recital-zilla isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I do better in my life when the status is quo.

Selfish or Self Centered?

Webster's Dictionary defines Self-Centered as Concerned Solely with one's own desires, needs or interests.

It defines Selfish as Concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure or well-being without regard for others.

Given the two definitions presented above it lends me to the question - Selfish or selfcentered?

As a "people", we tend to use selfish in a deragatory fashion. Self Centered however is reserved for less callous descriptions.

I am a single woman as most of you know. I tend towards the self centered because, other than my cats, most of my day to day decisions only affect me.

However. Having said that - there are times when I have difficulty because my tendancy is to NOT put myself first. It's caused me a great deal of issues in the past.

My recital is actually a wonderful example. That day was all about me. The people who participated were very careful and respectful of that. It actually made me laugh because I am without pretentions in this area. But the day was all about me and I was very nervous that I would disappoint others because of that.

My coach is a Selfish person. I do not understand it, other than the genious aspect, but he is. I don't hold it against him. Most of the time, I just work around it. When the commentary came back on my performance, every single self centered bone in my body RESONATED with anger.

And I showed it.

He called me today and I pretty much spelled it out in no uncertain terms that I felt that his commentary was inappropriate. I don't need a lot of help lowering my self esteem and that did nothing for it. I told him very pointedly that if he meant what he said as a postive thing, he would have said it that way.

The thing is, I know many selfish people and I know many self centered people. The selfish ones have a tendancy towards excuses and display an inability to take responsibility for their actions. I have friends like this, I have a coach like this. I make my peace with it because each in their way is important to me. I just have to know how to deal with them.

In the case of coach, I have no illusions about what I am dealing with. He said those things publicly to look like a bigshot. When called on it, he tried to play it off as a joke, as a miscommunication and then lastly as a new definition for the word. I let it go, but the next conversation we have I will have to remind him that I am not stupid and he's not going to convince me that I am wrong on this. But I have no intentions on fighting with him any more either. I know what he is and what I get out of the relationship is important to me. He is a spoilt child and there is no reasoning with him in these situations so it has to stop now.

You see, thanks to my bestest bud, Bernie, I have heard someo the audio recordings from my performance. I couldn't believe it was me. It was really quite good. No ego here, lord knows I should try to develop one. I was really surprised at how good I was sounding. The proof is on the tape. The post Mortem is unnecessary in it's current context. We can discuss little things. the words here and there that I blew. Being off book in the future. That kind of thing.

But now that I have heard the proof, I feel much better - even vindicated to some degree. I trust my family and my friends who attended. But that microbe of doubt in me was made into a skyscraper with that one comment. So I needed the proof that I am not crazy on this one.

I use these recordings as proof, I use them for the bragging rights that I retain but don't shove down others throats, and as a tool to learn from most importantly.

Bernie - I can't thank you enough for this. It serves as my learning tool, but most importantly, it served as my peace of mind.

Top of the world

Or at least I should be....

On the one hand, I am. I personally felt that for such an aggressive challenging program, I kicked some Serious Ass.

No performance is without its flaws. Mine tended towards two - I would have preferred to be off book ( memorized) and my words were literally failing me.

So each point:

1. My program wasn't set until 2 weeks before. I'm not THAT good at memorizing things and seriously I needed the crutch. But I was to conscious of it being there and I blew words on a tune that I know well enough to be off book and actually referred to it while I was singing. Not cool. Next time, if there is a next time and I'll cover that later, it will be set much further out than that to allow time for better memorization.

2. if I fail at something it's RARELY note or rhythm related. Its nearly always words. So most of my issues were word related down to a letter.

3. There are miscellaneous failings in coordination. These are the things that irk me the most. For starters, you don't give notes midway through a performance, ever, unless something like a train wreck with no recovery happens. I got notes. I got notes on stupid things that qualify in the area of Miscellaneous Failings in Coordination. Things like how I acknowledged the audience ( I used the three thank you method). He didn't like that, he advised me that "I had BETTER acknowledge my other performers correctly or they will be upset." during my intermission. Now in my opinion a lot of thins could have prevented this from happening and the subsequent commentary on how he doesn't' do postmortems but I could bet my sweet ass we were going to at my next lesson and I had better be there - no excuses.

Who the hell is he?

The man is a damn good coach. But come on. I'm not a freshman in college, I have performed hundreds of times before. He has worse performance nerves than I do. I didn't deal with 80% of the pre-performance stress that I normally do with him around because he did it all for me.

But in reality, I have more music degrees than he does. I have more paper proving it than he does. I always say that paper isn't the same as getting the job done, but it does help.

Why do I bring this up? Because now I am second and third guessing myself on my performance when I should have been reveling in it. He literally sucked the wind out of my sails with those two comments. He took the joy out of it for me by making the threat of "you wait until your father gets home" or "We'll have a "talk" about that later". The threat of a post mortem is just F'd up. First of all NOTHING DIED. NOTHING WENT HIDEOUSLY WRONG ENOUGH TO WARRANT A POST MORTEM.

The man unfortunately suffers two issues.

1. It's all about him. He was going to cut my favorite and best song because his pipe organ wasn't working. I said do it on piano an he said NO. Excuse me ? Whose freaking recital is it again?
2. He speaks first and thinks second. so words like "post mortem" which, in my industry, indicate that a circuit failed for more than 4 hours and the customer deserves an explanation, should never be used in a performance scenario. ever. I will NEVER do that to a kid. So help me GOD.

So I am second and third and now fourth guessing my performance. I am not as happy as I should be. I spent an hour on the way home from my mom's talking to Voice twin, who sang a duet with me, about it. She has done all the material that I did, so she was honest. She told me that I did a bang up job on an otherwise ambitious program and I didn't display vocal exhaustion or anything like that. My personal criticisms were the same ones that she noted so we were on the same page. I have other friends - musicians - that were there that I will want to speak with for honest notes. I also have a recording to listen to for that same purpose. I am after all my worst critic and even I didn't think I blew enough things to warrant a Post Mortem.

I don't think that TONIGHT should have me as down as it does. I don't thank my coach for that and when he is through with his post-mortem I will have one of my own to give. It's deliverance will be largely dependent on how his notes are delivered to me.

I'm not being vindictive - though that appears to be a nice bi-product. I will cut him slack because he had flown out and back to a Carolina perform and eulogize his first teacher. But regardless, he will hear the points about notes at intermission, threats at the end and organization or lack thereof.

He's immensely proud of me. I do know that. But dammit man - show it!

I got nothing but good comments from everyone who was there. I am trying like hell to keep those in the forefront of my mind until next week.

So on the one hand I am on top of the world and on the other - I'm pissed.

We did have a lovely party at my moms for a few of us and it was a lot of fun. I was thrilled to see my Bernie, two of my dear friends were there,Voice Twin and of course my parents. That was a blast my mom is the best hostess - we had a great time.

My mom being a musician and all, she told me that I brought tears to her eyes. I, of course, asked if she were in pain.... I was kidding. She was just floored. She couldn't believe that I was able to pull off such an ambitious program. To be honest, if I had been a little bit more assertive in the planning phase, the program would have been very different and lot less stressful. Live and learn. I told Voice Twin to learn from my mistakes. Do not be bullied into tunes you don't feel comfortable with . Do not give up creative control. Don't tolerate inappropriate behaviour, Don't tolerate excuses, and don't let the little boy-I'm-so-stupid act sway you. Sadly many traits that come with the genious territory.

Most of all, don't leave the details to him. He can coach you through the tune and all of its wonders and do a dynamite job at it. But if you don't cover things like Performance etiquette and all the things that go with it.... you get notes at intermission when you need to be focusing on other things. So really, the lesson learned is don't leave him the details. Don't leave anything to chance and don't assume that he remembers what he's been told or what he has heard.

I do so apologize for the rant. I am just very disappointed on how this worked out and how my teacher actually nearly ruined an amazing experience for me by simple lack of planning and thinking. I take some responsibility for the planning, but come on!

You'll get a much better view from me tomorrow or the next day when I've had time to calm down and review things better.

40 hours left - tick tock tick tock

I must confess I'm more excited about seeing my friends traveling down for this gig than I am about singing......

Well that's not entirely true. I am excited about singing this program. It's agressive I realize that. I'm a little bit afraid of it, I acknowledge that. But nervous? Not yet.

Not yet.

I am refusing to even consider the option until I am physically at the church on Sunday. Just not even giving myself up to the option.

My mental condition on this is actually quite good. The reality on my brother is, he hates classical music - and Opera???? YEEESH!!!!! The only classical music he really knows he learned frm cartoons. He'll tell you that. I'm disappointed in his decision based on our past together and now that things are better between us, I expected more. Maybe that's unreasonable - I don't know. There's some logic in my responses though. I just think that its rude to have one thin on the calendar and decide to do something else at the last second because you got a better offer. But that's me.

I'll be over that part shortly. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to take 24 hours to react, reflect and then shelve.

I had my last meal with dairy in it until Sunday Night. I took some mucinex and my allergy pllls, and had a hot bath. I have a formal event to attend Saturday night, but I won't be drinking and I will be leaving early. I am going to support the guest of honor as he is super person who supported my team and I through an entire year.

I do not have a lesson tomorrow which is OK - I have had 2 this week already. I have to arrange my music in my folder ( yes it's not ALL memorized - 14 tunes are you kidding me?). I need to steam my dress for both Saturday and Sunday. My dress for the recital is really pretty and I feel like a performer when I wear it. Basic Black - sheer sleeves to the wrist. I love it.

I am now at the point where I am looking forward to this gig. This is the only time in my life I have done an hour all by myself. I'm sure I will be unnerved later but right now other than excitement, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I also feel in my heart how proud my dad would be if he were here in person. But I already know he's with me in spirit. I find it funny that my dad passed away and suddenly I discovered my "real" voice. I wonder if he stuck my vocal lchords from heaven with his his own talent? That was his calling after all.... he was an amazing tenor. I just think it's ironic in the timing.

So with that I sign off to go to bed and I get to sleep in!!!!!!!

Now I'm just distracted

I am starting to hate my day gig.

I used to love it. A lot. Enough to keep me in it for 15 years.

Now the past 12 months have been an experiment in hell.

So I sat down to examine WHY.

It's my boss.

He's a wonderful, caring and compassionate person. He really is.

That's what pisses me off to be honest. If he was a cold-hearted bastard I would dhave a much easier time with the work behaviours my team has to deal with.

It certainly isn't personal. But he does believe that my entire team of 6 of the best and brightest and most talented in the entire company, are just stupid. It's become more and more obvious the longer he's responsible for us. He truly believes that we have no ability to think or know what the next step is, though we've proven it for YEARS. YEARS longer than he has been back to work after retiring.

We'll see what the outcome is, but it's distracted me so much this week that I am not focusing on the events at hand. So I am taking half a day today and all of tomorrow off so I can rest and be functional before sunday.

On the topic of Sunday. I'm a little disappointed, my brother and his wife have decided to go to my new nieces christening rather than my first recital. I'm a little upset about it because he's my actual brother and this is not something that I get to do all that often and it is the first and may well never happen again. That it was on the calendar for over three months is the least of it. His email said that they intended to come to my recital until they got the baby's invitation. I have to be honest here, that's as bad as waiting for somethin better to come along. And that hurt even though logically I realize the baby won't get another christening and I have the possibility of another recital in my lifetime. But that means that my mom and step mom will be there and all my siblings will be with the baby. That hurts a lot.

On the flip side I have so many great people traveling for me though - and that makes me seriously happy! I can't wait to see them!!!! So though I had to vent a little bit about my brother's choices, I do have people coming that love me and I don't get to see very often. So this does have some nice balance to it!!!!

Dreams

I had a dream about my dad last night.

Now there is only one other time that I dreamt about him in the past 4 years and that was a codeine based dream.

I do have to elaborate on the first codeine based dream for last nights to make sense. Codeine has the ability to cause you to have reality based horror like dreams. Mine, in short, was that my dad DIDN'T die and was, in fact, in a nursing home where they were taking what few organs still functioned, from him to give to others, while keeping him clinically alive.

This dream took place 4 years ago. Sadly I still recall it in great detail. There's more to it than what's above, but that's the gyst of it and all you need to know about.

Last night, I dreamt that he was alive again. Healthy though. I was being kept from him for reasons I still don't understand, but somehow I was finally able to see him. He was taller than i ever recall ( those who know me will say that EVERYONE is taller and they would be right) but hey it's my dream. All he did was smile at me and tell me he was fine. He didn't actually pat me on the head, but it felt like that.

All I could think of when I woke up was that he had hugged me close in my dream. It was comforting and unsettling all at once. It was like it really happened.

Some folks who believe in this stuff will tell you that it did because your mind in dreams is open to bridge the gap between the living and the dead. Maybe that's so - I don't know. This has not happened in my dreams before ever.

If it had been anyone else I would have felt like it was an invasion of my privacy. But it was my dad so I awoke, early, feeling refreshed and comforted. Really weird when I think about it.

It made me cry when I really reflected on it. I miss my dad. We did really have a good relationship until I was in my 20's. So, while I had him my whole life, we didn't bond well til I was an adult. So in a weird way I feel cheated now that he's gone.

I may end up removing the Pie Jesu from my program after all. We had that sung by the Diva at my dad's funeral. I also may leave it in - it was one of his favorites.

It's a tough call, but I feel better knowing that he's watching over me.

First Month of the Borrowed Plan

I am here to report on my first of the plan.

Situation 1: Health.

1. Exercize: intermittent 30 minutes of walking per day. Not constistent but trying.
2. Food: Eating better breakfasts. Need some work still on balancing the meal. I have started adding yogurt and yogurt smoothies. I like the Dannon Light and Fit smoothies and the Crave Control yogurt in strawberry or vanilla.
3. Journal: Journal went by the wayside for 2 weeks but I re-vamped and I am back.
4. Much better with allergies and managing it. I have been working on my eyes and my skn lately. It's going much better even in the single digit cold we are experiencing which is traditionally my worst times.

Situation 2: Job

1. I am managing my time just fine thank you very much. I am still at ther mercy of the workaholic that manages my team.
2. I am not worrying about everyone else as a rule and certainly not in terms of their performance. We have started truly supporting and leaning on each other in order to work around a certain micro managing individual.
3. I have determined that I don't have a choice but to bring management in whether I want to or not. Micro managers don't trust the people that work for them. They don't believe that other people can do the job equally as well or better.
4. I did finally determine after 2 VERY long days in cold Tampa FL that this person has very poor self esteem and is eager to please the people above him and his customer. but doesn't give much thought to the people that make it possible for that to happen. It does help to know this so we can, as a team, work around him. It hurts us knowing this because our patience, as a team, is gone. Time will tell.

Situation 3: My Home

1. Nothing beyond cleaning has happened to better my home at this point.

Situation 4: Finances

1. Special Savings is actually in the works but not completed yet.
2. 2 momr months on the 401K loans
3. Payment schedule in place on debt
4. Added investment money to money market account
   

Situation 5: Education

1. Voice Lessons are going well. Continuing to learn and work
2. I am managing the stage fright better because I am trusting my new found voice more
   

Situation 6: Family & Friends

1. Will schedule vet appointments after weather warms up. I am not bringing the cats out in sub-zero temps.
2. communications are going well. My mom is doing my reception after the recital which unfortunatley coincides with the baptism of my niece. That's OK - we split the family for it.
3. Made some good headway here. I am standing up for myself when I need to and not taking any crap. I am picking my battles as well. And working on the good stuff too. I have made a subtle break from one person who is not treating me as well as she could be. I am not one for scenes, so I just slowly backed away from the relationship.

Situation 7: My self esteem

1. Strangely, seeing the manager with low self esteem and how that relates to the folks who work for that person and how the whole thing really doesn't work well gave me new perspective.
2. I have decided that when I do something well I don't need to be ashamed of it. I have people in my life. Well one person, who feels that you shouldn't brag ever because it develops an ego. I realized that when I am with one friend of mine, who is 13 years younger, I am the mentor version of myself and am very relaxed about my gifts and sharing them and the wisdom that I have. That helps me be relaxed about what I am doing and how to handle others.
3. Better with compliments - I am finding that I tend to look deeper into why they are given and by whom. Some are not the surface value that I think they are.
4. Keep repeating to myself that other people do not decide how valuable I am.... I do.
   Stop listening to negative soundtracks playing in my head. Create new GOOD ones. Trouble on this one - but it's slowly getting there.

This was not the best first month out of hte gate. I made some significant progress in some areas and actually regressed on others. I know where I need to improve for next month and have already taken some serious time to reflect on how. I am moving more towards yoga and holistic lifestyles again. I find more peace and feel better when I am doing more of that.

Thank again to Minor revisions for this adaptation of the Plan.

First Rehearsal

I had my first rehearsal with the Clarinetist for "The Shepherd on the Rock".

The first words out of her mouth were "Are you Eric's daughter?"

This follows me forever. In a good way.

My dad was well known and well respected in the music education industry. I live in the town where he taught and retired from for 27 years. He has taught kids that are 16 NOW through 50 years old this year. Isn't that an amazing fact?

So I can't go too many places in my town without hearing "Are you related to Mr Contessa?" It's funny too, because it keeps a little part of my dad alive.

So when this lovely woman asked me that, first thing in the morning, with my coffee not even opened yet, I was stopped dead in my tracks.

Of course I said yes. But the words I expected to hear next didn't come.

Usually that is followed with something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry" or "What a terrible loss to you and your family AND the music community" or "How sad, he was so young".

But she said " I remember you as little girl tagging along with your dad. You are just taller now. I remember from the NMEA conferences. I too, am a past president".

Once we got to talking I realized that she wasn't even aware that my parents had divorced when I was 7. The only person she knows my father married to s my step mom. That's OK - that was the bulk of his adult life. She had no idea that I have a younger brother with the same name as my dad.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't expect that level of detail to be out there publicly. That's absurd. Until today, its the first time I have come across someone who knew my family but didn't know that level of detail. It took me off guard for moment.

I really like her though. She immediately took my name and number to add to the private teacher list in the district where she teaches. She is an incredible performer. She and I have one of my classmates in common. She teaches with a young woman who was a couple of years younger than me and married a wonderful man from my class. A horrible tragedy on their honeymoon took his life and left her's literally hanging in the balance. Thirteen years later, she has recovered, remarried and has 3 stepchildren and 2 of her own. Her baby is heading to Kindergarten this fall. It was very happy ending for me.

The rehearsal went well on this tune. Its a killer for all three parts - there will be no phoning this one in for any of us. And we are all perfectionists - hence the 2 hour rehearsal and another on Tuesday night.

It sounds good though. I'm really feeling good about it.

I many have to re-program where Queen of the night is.... I don't want to do it at the end and risk not having those top notes. I'm a little nervous there.

I dedicated this program to my dad. He would be so proud if he were alive. And I know he will be there.

oh and a little note - there is most definately a seat for both you and Maple Mama and we can catch up at my moms after!

It's a reality now

9 days.

Actually 209.5 hours left

its the countdown to the recital.

I'm excited. We did the program tonight and it's very comprehensive. It covers Oratorio, Art Song, Opera, Light Classical.

I included the Queen of the Night Aria from Mozart's Magic Flute. Brazen maybe. But it's easier now than I thought it would be.

The sets worked out well and I also include a Menotti piece for two reasons: Most importantly he passed away last night and secondly he was the lover of a great uncle of mine. Those guys were SERIOUS composers and their music will live on forever. My great uncle's music doesn't really do it for me ( yes I am that UN american) but his partner's I love. Menotty wrote some gorgeous opera's. I love Amahl and the Night Visitors. The Medium. All wonderful. My great Uncle wrote Adagio for Strings ( Blech). Sure on this Shining Night, some thing about purple monks and green raisons... he might have been on drugs there.

It's really diverse and serously I can't believe that I am singing some of the things on this program. I never thought I could.

But I can and it was a lot of work but not too hard. My biggest challenges are stamina and health.

I'm a little bit nervous but not overly so. Not yet.

I really feel like it's real now. I am rehearsing tomorrow with a clarinetist, my mom called and is going to host a reception at her home after the recital ( for those of you coming - my mom's receptions are generally not to be missed!), I am practicing the duet with my identical voice twin and I have my program worked out now.

It's going to be good. I just know it.

It's warmer in NY

Bet you didn't think that was coming did you?

Ok here's the trip....

Sunday Night -

I leave my rehearsal at 9:30 and go with the gang out to eat at the local Diner. It was snowing. After we eat and have a LOT of fun, I go home only to find that my parking lot is full. Given that I am getting up at 4AM for this trip, I refuse to park on the street. So I did what I do best, I created a parking spot where there was none. I figured it was safe given that I will probably be the first one to leave the building.

Monday -

I get up on time, miracle of miracles and get myself ready to leave. I get the biggest coffee that 7-11 makes and started for LaGuardia International Airport. Woohoo.

It occurs to me on the ridiculously speedy drive that I am going to have to be social once I get there and I have only had one cup of coffee..... interesting, for the guys at any rate.

I park my car and get on the shuttle. They get me to the terminal at 6:30, I check in and literally fly through security. I see my sales guys and my old boss and Poodle sitting right in front of the security gate drinking what turns out to be REALLY BAD coffee. I threw it away - not worth it.

Our Flight has been called. We board the plane. We are all sitting one row in front of the other through out the plane. Poodle is in front of me and turns to the woman next to him and says " would it be alright if you switched seats with the lady behind me? She's only going to hit me the entire way down...." The woman laughed looked at me ( I nodded) and switched seats.

I immediately pull out my book and my ipod and get settled in. We take off uneventfully.

Once we land we all collect our luggage and head out for the courtesy van. It arrives and I am sitting on my side between Poodle and my old boss and the poor sales guys were sitting on each others laps. It was pretty funny - but I was wayyyyyyyyy too close to my own boss.

I check into my room, which is down the hall from the gym and pool that I will never have time to use ( bummer), change and clean up and head down to lobby so we can go to the meeting.

The meeting starts and there are 35 of us in the room. There are 6 rows of training style tables with two 4 pack on the floor each with 2 data and 2 phone jacks. For each 4 pack, only 1 data jack was working at any given time. So that made keeping in touch with the world challenging.

We all go around the room with intro's and a "fun Fact". Very typical intro. we had enough musicians to start a jazz combo in the piano bar downstairs ( and we did later that night), we had a lot of folks who had brushes with fame and some military guys , a couple of folks who were "in the family" and one guy who caused an Israeli border dispute. One woman was married twice with both husbands having the same name, another woman was on the team for many many years and had had so many husbands most people weren't sure what her last name was anymore. very entertaining.

We broke into departmental presentations and I may have mentioned that my boss wrote ours ( because we refused to) and it was, in effect, inappropriate.

It generated a good deal of Q&A from other depts on legal ramifications to our managements latest policy decisions in addition to some other interesting discussion points.

I figured out that my boss is insecure and has low self esteem at this point. I still didn't feel sorry for him though because he's also stubborn. When we told him what he needed to change he refused.

Yes that sounds callous and cruel. There are days I feel sorry for him in this particular area. Largely because when there is a self esteem and security issue personally in people I know, I feel compelled to help. That's MY insecurity and self esteem issues at work. My problem here is, you can't help someone who doesn't want it. So my compulsion usually fades fast.

He's a great guy, a nice man, family oriented, but seriously, his work ethic is different. Mostly not in a good way. Lord knows we are trying to fix that.

But I digress.... more than likely again.

We have lunch ( pizza) and after lunch we start up again with directors speaking and presentations being given. Somewhere around 2PM, our business analyst lets out a shriek of what we thought was laughter, her arms shoot out in front of her, wrists clubbed over a la carpal tunnel style, and continues to moan and shriek. One my people was sitting next to her, got her down on the floor safely. She was as rigid as a board. One of our techs called 911 and security for the building. Gen rolled her on her side and she must have bitten her tongue as she started foaming at the mouth. Her eyes were rolled back in her head.

We were all shaken up. She was on the plane with me form NY and when we landed she mentioned that she just "didn't feel right ". By the time 911 got there, she snapped out of it and was talking and making some sense. She has never been a diabetic or epileptic. They take her to the ER in Tampa. Two of my team went along with her (locals to Tampa).

We were out in the hall to give them room for her. We all went back and tried to resume the meeting. We all kept looking at her empty chair. I won't speak for anyone else, but the image stayed in my mind. I was really proud of Gen - she was fabulous with her. A real trooper. She just made sure she wouldn't do further damage to herself. Kept her warm. She really did great.

We break and head upstairs to change and get ready to go to our evening activity. Bowling. Did I mention I don't bowl?

I don't bowl.

We load up the cars and I end up in a car with Poodle, Phil, Craig and Joe. Craig lives in Tampa and had no idea where we were going. The rest of us are from the Northeast. So Joe starts "helping". I am now feeling queasy and headachy but its not due to the driving ( though that was interesting). Its due to over exhaustion. When I start getting like that I know its time to hydrate eat and have some aspirin. When we got there, I did exactly that. Two HUGE glasses of water and some food and I was ready to cheer on the bowlers ( I don't bowl). Teams were drawn and I got the job of watching them play.

It was interesting. The whole point of this social event was team building. No Clique-y stuff.

I noticed that mgmt was bowling on one team and the rest of us on another. Except for Jak, she bowled on our team. She's definitely the coolest. I just found it funny. At one point I noticed that our sales director started bowling with us and that was really great. We talked a lot, laughed a lot, took pictures, drank, ate and had a lot of fun.

At 10 PM K and D come strolling in from the Hospital. D looks like nothing happened and she confirmed that they have no idea what this was. She had half a glass of wine an some dinner and she said hasn't felt this good in a week! So she will be fully tested again once she gets home.

The night ended at the bar in the hotel and then up to bed on the worst bed in history. It had a hump in the middle and you could roll off either side if you weren't holding on or positioned right.

I was awakened at 4AM by stomach cramps. Dealt with that. Woke up at 8AM packed up, checked out and went to the meeting. this portion of the day was Boredom centrale. I felt crappy to start with and all I wanted to do was sleep. I kept nodding off. So bad....

We break at 2:30 and we socialized till we had to leave for the airport. The plan trip home was blessedly uneventful except for flying through snow that never made it to the ground and the fact that the tail wind got us to NY in 2 hours but we had an hour of circling the airport till we could land. The longest final descent in history.

I was home in my house at 10:30 and in bed by 11:30.

My personal opinion on this trip is, I would go a day ahead next time, but I am not sorry that I spent time with my team and wished I had a little bit more time with them. I miss them when they aren't around. We cover 6 states. Some of us are the only ones in our offices from this team. ( I know I am and I hate my office but not enough to commute to another).

It was sad to leave them all but I am so happy to be in my own bed with my boys.... I missed their little faces !

Oh and it was Freezing in Florida - 38 degrees and they forgot to turn off the A/C!!!!

Oh NO - I AM high maintenance!

To some degree we all have varying degree's of low maintenance or high maintenance. I think it depends on the topic.

For example, where my ordering in a restaurant is concerned, I am decidedly low maintenance. I normally don't need things on the side, I may ask for something specific in the way it's prepared ( meat well done or rare, fries overdone - that kind of thing) but nothing out of the ordinary. I have an acquaintance that I eat with once a week in a group setting who has so many rules and restrictions on what is on her plate, what needs to be on a separate plate, what needs to be on the side, how it's prepared.... etc - that I know based on that I am the other extreme.

When it comes to my person however, I have the ability to be either low maintenance or high. It depends on the status of my skin really. If I am having a bad season with it, you won't believe how high maintenance I can actually be. Everything from how I bathe, to what products I use, to timing and frequency. It's ridiculous. If I got paid for this as a job I would be a multi millionaire.

I realized in packing for this trip that I am a bit high maintenance in the packing department. I have a tendency to want a choice always. I also have a tendency to want to travel elegantly. even in HS and middle school my parents will tell you that I NEVER got on a plane in jeans. It just wasn't done. I travel in an outfit that will enable me to arrive at the first event dressed properly yet comfortably in the event of a delay.

Having said that, this trip has posed some challenges. It's business casual which is fine. My plane arrives at 10:30 and my first event is at noon. They are predicting snow showers here until 10. My flight leaves at 7:30. The weather in Tampa is unseasonably cold for them. They have put the heat on down there. It is high of 60 and low of 37 for this entire week.

Weatherman are traditionally wrong so I have to plan around that too. Plus I need to look good. It's not just a vanity thing. but I am meeting my customer for the first time, some of my team mates for the first time in person and a few who I haven't seen in 5-10 years. So this is important to me.

Sleepwear is also important as I have a tendency to not sleep well in hotels. and I have to be up ridiculously early starting tomorrow.

I know its early in the day, but I started packaging my travel sized shampoo and that sort of thing. I created my baggies for my checked suitcase. To my credit I really really really really tried to use one quart sized baggie and I am now up to 7 so I think we all realize that checking the bag on the non stop flight is our only option. I really hate that rule. I get it, but I don't like it.

I reviewed my costume choices and went with all black with olive green accents. Good colors for me, and mix and match. I am wearing a pair of boots and bringing one pair of shoes in addition ( this is a HUGE step for me by the way. ) I am not bringing a purse but using my new pretty cold water creek laptop bag was a briefcase/purse. I packed coordinating makeup already and skin care in travel size bottles.

All of this and it's 1PM. I am starting to get panicky that I won't be ready. Yikes that's high maintenance. I am always worried that I won't be able to amuse myself. I had to mentally unpack the volume of books and magazines because there really isn't room.

Seriously this is OVERNIGHT. I really have to thank my poodle because he keeps saying over and over again.... It's only OVERNIGHT!!!!

Geez, Contessa you really are High Maintenance for traveling.

It's only overnight.

Ahhhhhhh Choooooooooooooo!

I FINALLY SNEEZED!!!!!!!!!

And I didn't even try. I was not in direct sunlight, I had not sniffed pepper or tweezed a single thing.

But it the best feeling ever.

Now for the story - and what a funny one it is.

Have you all seen the commercials for Claritan D or Advil Cold and Sinus? THe ones that go something like this?

" We are not in your drugstore aisles anymore because we chose NOT to change our formula. We can now be found BEHIND your pharmacists counter. Just ask. "

What they don't tell you is why.

This is where it gets funny.

I called Walgreens this morning to ask if they had Advil Cold And Sinus. I was met with a resounding yes. I turned the car right and headed straight there.

I got there, and had some prescriptions to pick up, so while the pharmacy clerk was busy dealing with that - I was scanning the drugs behind the counter that are no longer " found in your drugstore aisles". Quite a few actually. Claritan D, Claritan, Mucinex D, Tylanol Cold And FLU liquid, All Sudafed decongestant products and advil Cold and Sinus.

The clerk returned with my prescriptions and I asked for the advil. She returned with it and said

"I'll need a valid form of identification".

I must have looked at her strangely so she quickly explained that this is the new law. For OTC ( or as I like to call this new brand.... BTC) meds???? Seriously????

So I hand over my drivers license.

Then she says,

"Please sign this release form."

Release form? what am I releasing? I don't have to go through this much to fill a script for a steroid or Vicadin.

"Yes, I'm sorry, But you have to sign this release form promising that you won't use the drug to make Methamphetamine. "

Crystal Meth in short.

I burst out laughing and the clerk starts looking uncomfortable. I tell her not worry and sign it away. Then I say - Do I look like someone who uses crystal Meth? Do I look like someone who would even recognize it if I tripped over it in the street??

The clerk looks at me, jeans, Fleece sweat shirt, shoe boots, leather bag, chenille scarf, hair in a ponytail, and joins me laughing.

"Unfortunately its the law now. " She points to the bottom that refers to fine print.

I got in the car, took two an went to my lesson. By the time I had gotten my coffee and arrived at my coaches home, I felt unbelievably good. I was surprised in fact at how good I felt. My sinuses were clear, my jaw and teeth were no longer hurting and the swelling that I systematically get with each sinus infection was going down.

Now that was at10:30 this morning. I haven't taken a second dose yet and it's worn off by now. But I don't feel any pain - and I started to sneeze again!!!! That released a whole lot of pressure in my head.

If any of you are familiar with pain management techniques, my pain threshold was at a 7 this morning. Within 20 minutes it was down to 1.5. I was able to sing through my lesson, really well actually. I had planned on going home after that and taking a nap until my nail appointment. But I didn't and I didn't need it.

I'll take it before I go to bed to make sure that I don't wake up in pain. But things are going much better.

What I have discerned from this experience is something that I have been thinking for the past 6 months. Phenylalamine is not a reasonable replacement for pseudoephedrine HCL. It takes much longer and more of the meds to recover. The reality is that while I recognize that anything can be abused and transmutated into somethind else that may or may not be legal, the removal wasn't due to FDA requirements as we were made to believe at first. This is all about illegal drug use.

I hate the hassle. You guys who read me know how I feel about that. But this is an active ingredient that I am finding necessary so it's worth the hassle ( and the laugh that it gets) in order to get it the one or two times a year that I need it.

I probably made the pharmacy clerk's day.

And now I have a cold

This is great. Just great.

This trip is jinxed. I swear it. I went to bed last night with a head cold. I took some sinus and cold meds but ever since they took pseudo ephedrine out of them I have been pretty upset about their usefulness.

I found Advil Cold and Sinus didn't however and I am now on the quest to locate that behind the pharmacist counter. That is tomorrow's number one job.

In the meantime I am doing a sinus wash every hour which helps. Hot showers help, hot compresses hot tea and tons of water. It's pressing on my upper jaw which is making eating difficult. And I WISH I could sneeze and release the pressure.

So much so that I went on line to see how one couuld induce a sneeze. Sad. I discovered that one in three people are photic sneezers. that means that sunlight or bright light can induce a sneeze. I am one of the OTHER two people.

Someone suggested pepper - nope. Tweeze hair from brows or nose, nope and nope. Tickle the inside of your nose with a q-tip - no.

What's pissing me off is that I can FEEL one in there. This is frustrating. It would release so much sinus pressure and I would feel so much better.

Anyway, I still have so much to do here before I leave on my trip. I have all my documentation in place already, I have laundry and cleaning to do. And all I want to do is sleep.

I really get so worked up about traveling because I really do hate it. Until I get there. Then I relax until I get home.

I keep telling myself that I have traveled further and more often in my life than most so this shouldn't be a big deal.

Overall I just resent the upheaval of life. And I will worry about my cats. they are after all my babies.

Airline Regulations

OK I have had ENOUGH of terrorism.

They have now managed to hose up my business trip and I haven't even packed a thing.

Honestly - a status of elevated????

I know that terrorism is serious business. I have some first hand experience with it. I was working in Manhattan on 9/11. I was walking to my mid-town office that day. I was in Bryant Park behind the fifth avenue branch of the library when a friend of mine in FL paged me to tell me that a plane hit the WTC.

Knowing that she was working from home and saw it on TV made it very real all of a sudden. I was just about at the point where I come out of Bryant Park onto fifth avenue when I stopped to read the page. I noticed a deadly silence - which in Manhattan is UNHEARD of. It really struck an odd chord. I kept thinking "what kind of idiot doesn't know the towers are there?"

As I exited the park I looked over my shoulder downtown and watched in horror ( while cabs where just missing me in the middle of the street) as a plane hit the tower.

The rest of the day is just horror after horror as I walked uptown to a friends building, realizing there was no way out of the city that day. I eventually got home but it was close to 10PM and was absolutely horrible.

So the fact that we are all these years later still dealing with this is frustrating. I lost people that day. It was unreal. And never to be equaled. It was the "where were you when Kennedy was shot" of our generation.

So now that I am traveling again, my quick hop to Tampa would oridinarily just require me to grab my trusty overnight suitcase ( regulation size) , not pack anything weapon-like in it and get on the plane right?

Wrong.

I am allowed to pack my toiletries in a quart sized zip lock baggie. Have you seen one of these? Are you kidding me? Then you can only pack toiletries in 3.4 oz bottles and no half used toothpaste tubes. Ok that baggie won't even cover my medications ( which are unlimited in carry-on but check in is STILL a headache). You are only allowed ONE such bag.

Now I can travel light. I am actually pretty good at it. But that's lighter than anyone - even a man - can travel.

I am going to try it. See how it goes. When it fails - the suitcase is getting checked. I do not have any patience for this crap. I cannot believe that we are relegated to carryon's like this. What is ONE baggie going to net them? Why not two? Why not a Gallon bag? I am the first one to say in this Elevated status, that precautions are necessary nee required. But couldn't they be a little bit more flexible to those of us who have business travel as part of our jobs ? Does this mean they will lose our luggage less? I sincerely hope so but have some major doubts.

So while I will follow the guidelines carefully and attempt to make this work as a carry on, but I am expecting to fail.

My oldest friend in world told me once that I won the prize for the most personal products in the world - and she's right. Sadly, not only do I have a lot, but they are all used too.

Circling back where we began, we are in an average state in the alertness of terror. It's elevated which means practicing vigilence, not just for airline employees but also for passengers . Homeland security and the travel industry have helped make security policy for airlines that overall is good. Or at least it's on the right path. I think under "elevated" we coul still be vigilant and let a gallon bag through. Or two.