Saturday - anything but average

I woke up this morning without having planned out my day the night before.

I should have put that on my weird things list. Every night right before I turn off the lights I mentally review the activities of the next day, what apparal/accessories/makeup and hair need to be set out and how I am going to orchestrate going from one actvity to the other, what time I have to leave one place to get to the other on time, that sort of thing.

Last night I didn't. Maybe for the first time in 10 + years.

And this morning I didn't wake up on time. That plays a part in the mental review the night before. I identify HOW MUCH time I need in the morning. You see I prefer to sleep so whenever I have the opportunity for more, I take it.

So, I was running late at 9:45 - had to leave at 10 and I wasn't done. I put makeup on, took it off because I remembered too late that I was having an eyebrow wax, eyelash tint and curl. I finally got out of the house at 10:10. It took me a few minutes wth the new dead bolt I had put on Friday afternoon as the key was tight. Finally got that, worried all day about it because I only have the one key and what if there is a fire and my cats are trapped because no one can get in? I really do worry about that. Not consumingly so.

I decided on jeans, shoe boots an a navy blue sweater dressed up with a velvet burnout scary. Put my hair back in a pony tail and headed to pick up coffee and got to my voice lesson.

I was 10 minutes late all said and done. Lesson went OK. I really hate doing anything Schubert with this guy. He sings along with me the entire time and then corrects my German. even when it is right. He says the word, I repeat is EXACTLY, he says no and says it again, I say - that's what I said and repeat it. so next week for sure - lessons will be taped. I can take criticism if I am wrong but I hate when people correct things that aren't wrong to start with. I have 4 new tunes so that's good.

I headed over to WW as I have a friend in my group I won't see for a couple of weeks and I wanted to see her. I am really trying with the other friend even though she continues to freeze me out and to be fair to her, I suspect she read my post on the blog and perhaps that has pushed the problem between us over the edge. Now I want to be perfectly clear here. I do not apologize for what I wrote and I stand by it. However, to refresh your memory:

"So no additional energy will be expended there. I will be nice and polite but that's it. Please don't misunderstand me, she's a fantastic person, bright, funny, driven, energetic. A person that I clearly wanted to be friends with. But alas it is not to be so. A conversation about it would be awkward only because we really aren't friends.... we are somewhere in that no-mans-land between being friends and acquaintances so what would one say? Why are you treating me like a third wheel? No - if we were closer I could bring that to her attention. It's easier to just let it go at this point."

At this point, I would like to be on speaking terms with her because I do spend time with she and WWfriend2. She now, literally, ignores my presence. Why do I still care?

I crave approval and validation and it pisses me off.

This is the reason I chose this quality to work on in my life makover project. I really have to get comfortable with people not liking me. You can't please everyone, and I really need to get that under control.

I had a similar instance at my parents house. NO need to go into it as except for those 2 minutes of time, and that's literally all it was, that day was lovely. I met my new niece who is stunning of course at 12 weeks old. Nice dinner, nice company.

And I had my nails done and my eye lashes tinted and curled. I played the ipod recordin of my recital for some of the folks in the salon who have known me for a hundred years and that was fun to see the shock on their faces.

I had an eating episode over this day - it wasn't terrible - it could have been SO MUCH worse, I ate 3 servings of Edy's Slow churned reduced fat ice cream. In place of dinner. I was planning to go to coldstone, so this is actually a decent substitution. I'm not pleased at the trigger to eat, but I am fully aware of what it is. I am not pleased at my initial behaviour, but am pleased that I made a better choice when faced with the urge to eat.

I am vowing to do better tomorrow. All I can do is try to be better.