On Decision Making

As many of you know, I am struggling with a personal situation. I don't want to whine about it and I'm not anymore.

Earlier in the week, I got a call regarding it, a call that I consider to be simply "beige". But that's OK. I was and am OK with that.

I had a face to face on it last night. And all the questions I had have been answered for now to best of both parties abilities. I have to now decide how do I want to proceed.

Not being especially good at making good decisions for me especially when they are about me, I've come to another impasse.

One thing I've noticed and learned about myself is I am in big hurry to make the decision and move on. That doesn't work as well all the time. So I've decided to step back and observe some more and sleep on it a bit. I am finding that if I force the issues and force the decisions - even just for me - I don't end up with things the way I want them to be. I just box myself in.

So, in the spirit of growth, I took a step back after the face to face, which went really well and really not. But it was an honest exchange which is what I really was hoping to have. I am very short on sleep so I am not making any decisions now. I am putting the whole experience in my personal journal for later reference. Then I will just see how things go while I continue to take care of me.

I am partially using my technique for wisdom - the one where you put the problem on a shelf and dust it off on a specific time and notice the solution is sitting there too? I put the problem on the shelf and I guess my shelf has a number of problems sitting on it, because when I went back to look I had a solution to a different problem for work sitting there. Kind of funny I thought.

But I won't even think about this before next weekend. I just won't. I need to time to investigate what's important to me.

I will acknowledge that I did not walk yesterday nor do my pilates today which means I need to do both Saturday and Sunday to make up for the lost time. I am not letting anything slip because of this situation. And this too will pass.

I am getting better at this whole thing I think. I am just living in some level of confusion. But that too will pass. Sooner rather than later.

I'm really kind of proud of myself. I used to be the girl who didn't stick up for herself and caved to everyone elses demands, I didn't do that last night. I was very specific and very clear.

"It'll all work out alright"