I had an entirely different post prepared for today when my life changed somewhat dramatically.
At 8Am, my phone rang. It was my Ob/Gyn. I had been there last week for a routine appointment.
My pap came back positive.
Pre-cancerous cells. On my cervix.
Oh and we have an appointment for you at 2:15 PM, please come in so we can do a second test.
I go about my day, have my coffee, get on my conference calls, get verbally abused by the customer, then I go to the doctor.
Before I left I dropped an email about the situation to someone close to me. Someone who needed to know.
Then I got my self into my car, and went to the doctor.
Everything was normal, same routine, same everything. He told me I looked OK but visuals aren't conclusive and I shouldn't worry until the test comes back. That should be Thursday at the latest. If it is, I come back in for the biopsy. then its a quick laser procedure. If it's negative, he wants me to come in quarterly for the next 12 months just to be safe.
Then he sends the nurse in to take my blood pressure.
I suffer from white coat syndrome in the first place. Secondly when I am under stress, it shows in my blood pressure. So when it came back as 160/110 I was hardly surprised. Upset but surprised. The doctor comes out to the nurses station and says "That's kind of high kid"
"My life is a bit of a mess right now. If you recall the last time my life was this stressful, my dad was in surgery that was life or death and died the following week. That week, I was here, and it was 160/110" I whine
"All the same, I want you off the pills for 30 days. We need to get your bp down in the normal range or you could have a heart attack" He Says
"But this is not an accurate reading! I was JUST HERE and it was 120/80!" I start to cry. Now I am actually feeling chest pains - gee thanks for suggesting THAT!
He hands me the scripts and says "I'm trusting you. Don't take them for a month, get your b/p straightened out and fll the scripts."
" Oh and don't worry about the pap. I doubt this one is coming back positive again. Just go home and relax. Have your husband order dinner out. "
My husband??? Unless he thinks my cats can dial phones - that ain't happening.
So now, I have to decide. Do I tell my family? My friends? What? So I decide not to mention it to my parents or siblings until the second pap results are in. No need for them to worry right away. I tell a couple of friends that I am very close to. And I await the phone call back.
I took a nap at 6:30 quite unintentionally. The chest pains caused by stress and suggestion were really worrying me. And as predicted were gone upon waking.
I know meditation is working and so is the prayer and exercize. I FEEL better overall. This can't be happening to me. I'm working so hard ot get healthy. And I know this is common and it happens to people all the time, but this is MY body and MY life.
I know that I will be OK. But How much more do I need to deal with???
4 comments:
The problem with screening exams is that there are false positives. It sounds like you have a good doctor who is taking the right attitude - check again and try not to worry. Let your friends care for you and be extra good to yourself. You'll be in my prayers - I know you'll be just fine. But it is scary and I'm so sorry you have to cope with this worry now.
I'm sorry--you didn't need more stress right now.
But. Abnormal Paps are not uncommon, and most come back negative on the repeat. I've have several friends who have gone through this. Even if it does come back positive, it's almost certainly early and easily treatable, especially if you've been getting paps regularly.
So, take care of yourself! Try not to worry too much between now and Thursday. And if all goes well, and it comes back negative, do look into getting the HPV vaccine. It helps reduce the risk of cervical cancer.
Don't sweat it, baby. There was a point about three years ago when I was going *every* 6 months b/c mine kept coming back positive. At first it blew my mind and I was terrified. Then after awhile, when it was apparent that nothing was going to come of it, even my doctor said to go back to once a year. Nothing new since. It happens all the time. Keeping my fingers crossed for a good outcome and sending loev your way!!
I have to agree with everyone. Abnormal pap tests are not uncommon and often mean nothing. Hang in there as best you can while you wait for the results. I know it's tough to stay calm under the circumstances.
Keep us posted.
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