definitions

My job in the past few days has been unbelievably challenging.

I have noticed an increasing anger like a low level hum, almost primordial, amongst my team in the past 18 months.

It's been slowly increasing to a fever pitch.

And the calm before the storm is now officially over.

Our staff call today went 2 and half hours. It was recorded, and now I know why. OUr leader verbally abused and bashed us in defense of a lie he has been perpetuating.

Actually. I feel really sorry for him. I'm sorry that he came from a corporate culture that used fear and intimidation in order to lead. I'm sorry that he feels if he doesn't have us doing absolutely everyone's job including our own means that he will lose his.

The reality is, he is a nice man. He is a smart man. He is a compassionate man.

His business persona is almost opposite.

What I found more important here is that I walked out of my house at 5 and taught 3 lessons to my kids. Then I was looking forward to Coldstone Ice cream, but my mom wanted us out east as my step dad had just gotten through surgery. Successfully as it turns out, the mass is gone now. We are thrilled, he is running a temp but as long as it goes down and stays down he can come home tomorrow.

I heard from my best friend again today twice. This is an unnerving precedent. But entirely lovely. He is coming by any minute to show off his new car and we'll watch a movie and relax a bit. This is a repeat of what we did last night too.

I want to say this because today I noticed it. The work stuff is really bothering me. Here's what I do and I realized today that I do it all the time.

When things get bad, between my immediate mgmt and myself ( and /or my team), I assume that it's me. It's my fault, or I'm not as good at what I do. I torment myself into believing that I am not qualified or good at my job.

As I was driving to my mom's, with various team members on my phone, It occurred to me that the reason things are bad, is because I am not good at what I do.

I was quickly brouoght back to reality. My customer likes me. I must be doing something right. My previous manager gave me superior ratings all the time. He trusted me implicitly.

The problem here, isn't me.

Well it is in a way.

I am very thorough in what I do. What ends up happening is that my bosses of yore ( and present) woulf issue me directives that I had already done. I normally just say OK. and do the next couple of necessary steps. With my current boss, if I don't confirm it's done already, I end up hearing hourly "is it done yet? when will you get to it?". So I find myself in the awkward position of saying " I took care of that already" which generally shows that I am ahead of my boss.

ONly people who are really secure can handle that.

I find that the mgmt that I have worked for in my life that can't hear that, are generally afraid one of us is after their job.

They needn't worry. Not interested.

But once I realized that I am really good at my job, I was able to let it go. I had a nice evening with my family. Great news on the mass being gone succesfully and my best friend should be here momentarily. I am in a great mood.

Seriously no matter what happens tomorrow or the next day, this mgmt does not define me or my qualifications to do this job.