Status Quo - "for now"

With my best friend no longer being his brothers keeper, I have found myself worrying less about him on one hand and a little bit more about us on the other. He's sufficiently starting to be on the mend for which I am grateful to God. His downward spiral, while totally predictable, was alarming.

I suppose that my worrying about us is not as critical as I thought it was, though it's not completely at bay. Last night, his first official day of freedom, he called me to bring me dinner and watch some films. I had a call that I could not miss at 8:30 for work, and he didn't even care. He slept through it. Some of the snoring intentional to get me off the phone faster.... he slept right on my lap while my team had our first call of many.

The thing that I noticed first was that in our relaxing of the vigilance we have both been observing over the past 4 months, nay, the past 5 years, was that we are both exhausted. Sleep takes on a whole new meaning. We talk about things that are of interest to both of us and he's taken more of an interest in my life and my past that he was just unable to focus on before. We did some pictures and conversation over dinner. It was entirely lovely.

Until things get to a more settled place where he has a regular job, and sadly, his brother passes, I don't expect the relationship to get where I want it to be. And I am enjoying what is happening now, while slightly uneasy because I abhor change, it's really better than it's ever been.

This has forced me to look at some things in my life that weren't working that I need to address. It's strange actually. Things you thought you had dealt with months or years ago suddenly arriving on your doorstep clamoring for your attention.

My job was the first thing to reach up and grab me in a choke hold. I am not alone in this and we are addressing it. An action plan is being put in place and a series of conf calls for planning sessions. We each have some hard thinking to do about how far we are willing to go, but there is at least a glimmer of light and hope.

The other thing is my home. I've got a commission check coming in on Friday that will enable me to catch up on a couple of things, buy my new A/C and start saving up to replace my, shhhhh, refrigerator. I bought a new gown for a formal event that my best friend is taking me too. I am madly in love with this dress and I am so excited that 23 lbs down I can fit into it.

My music has suffered unbearably and I need to get back to that. I actually brought all my books into the house from the car so I could work during the day. I have so much rep to learn and not enough hours in the day. I'm starting to get verbal about what I like and don't like and I"m standing up to it. I DO NOT want to sing anything else from "Merrily we roll along". I don't like it and that's that. I did start playing around with a new tune from Lady in the Dark called my ship.

I have to work on some of my relationships. Seriously. It's time for a little honesty here. I h have friends who hate the phone. I call them and one out of every 10-15 calls get returned. I understand the hows and whys that go into it, but its time for people to hear my side.

I myself hate email. If you got 500-700 emails per day - and that's just for work, you wouldn't want to be anywhere near it either. I make the concession for my friends sometimes, but truthfully, those of you phone haters - step up! I did, I check and answer email though I regularly wish to toss my laptop out the window by 5PM each day. And I'm on a high enough floor that it will do damage to it. I feel the same way about instant messenger. I am on 1 personal, 3 work related ones every day. I shut them down most times at night and will only talk to people on them during the day or for some select group of friends in the evening. ( you all know who you are). The phone is the only thing I can stand because I can truly multi task while on it. So there it is guys.

Friendship is a two way street. If you email me and I take the time to return it, knowing how much I detest it, please take the time to return the phone call I might make. I will recognize the effort as much as I know you guys will recognize the effort of my returning the Email. Thus endeth the lecture. Please understand that I needed to come clean and let you know that I appreciate your honesty and now it's my turn .

I need to start going back to church regularly, I have been using that time to sleep. I know, sad.

I need to add more activity to my life. I'm doing it, but it's not consistent. So I need to work on that.

health and skin - they are so susceptible to stress. I am working on my skin now and it's got good days and bad days. I have some kind of inner ear thing that makes me really uncomfortable but I have some drugs now.

I have doctor appts that need to be made and I am scheduling my third Brazilian wax for this week. It's not so bad now. The trick is to take aleve before you go in - and take a double dose, less pain.

I have been really reviewing things in my life and while thins are going well I have one small piece of stress, my best friend is having the lump on his neck looked at today and I haven't heard back yet whats up. I'm praying though.

Pray with me too please. He's everything to me.