Some words of wisdom

By now you all should be fairly well versed in how things have been going in the house of the contessa.

I want to thank Lisa and by extension, Melodie for the quote below.

"There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don't expect you to save the world, I do think it is not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary, and remove from your life those who offer you depression, despair and disrespect"

It's a very profound commentary. But it does tie into the quote "Nothing worthwhile is easily attained." Thus, when one is working towards a goal and encounter people and situations that cause despair, disrespect and depression one should definitely work to remove them, but at the same time, one has to know that there is a possibility that this is part of the work one has to do to attain the goal you are working towards.

What I love most about Melodie's quote and it's the thing I carry with me in my heart, is this part right here:

"There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don't expect you to save the world, I do think it is not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary, and remove from your life those who offer you depression, despair and disrespect"

It's something I am trying to do more of. Which means the conversations and discussions with my family and friends take a different approach sometimes. The high point of this is that once I started doing it, others followed suit. I don't think my best friend and I have ever had the kind of communication that is happening now. The intimacy and closeness is at new level for us. It's weird too because with the intimacy and closeness that we share through that, other things between us seem to have shifted too. we're not where we need to be yet, but I feel like we are on that path.

And I'm not afraid of it. I have some fears but they are largley stupid if you ask me. Like, I am afraid that when things straighten out with his brother and his job, our relationship will fall apart. Or that I will be rejected for something that was once OK. These are things that are stupid and mostly my issues.

At the end of the day, you have to tell the people you love how you feel while you have the chance. God doesn't drop these gifts on our laps twice and no matter what you may think or feel, the people we love and who love us are gifts.

We are not mindreaders though. Not truly. With our loved ones, we sometimes know each other so well that we don't even need to speak in full sentences or at all. But this is not to be relied upon. If you tend to be secretive about your feelings, and I speak only for myself, and I am, you will miss some really good opportunities.

Being Secretive with out feelings and desires is usually a form of self esteem or lack thereof. I certainly know that this is my problem. It also is my best friends. But one thing I realized. This situation with us, while I can't define it in conventional terms, is very special. For both. I tried to leave twice in the past 7 years. The first time amounted to nothing. Nothing changed because I didn't change.

This last time did. Because I wasn't afraid to say how I felt. I didn't play for abstract. I laid it out there. specifically and in great detail. Now, to be fair, it didn't net me the reaction that I wanted, but I should have known going in that the possibility of that happening is about 70/30. I tried to leave the relationship altogether. I cann't live with a small piecec of the pie and the crumbs being thrown at me when it's convenient.

But then something happened. To my best friend. He wouldn't let me leave. And he's worked harder at keeping me than ever before. It's not perfect, but it just gets better. That connection is strong. communication is open. And I'm giving the space he needs - happily I might add - to do what he needs to do for himself and his family - and me.

And he's doing it.

I am content right now with the way things are. Imporvements on both sides need to be made but I am fairly content.