Irritation

Whenever I hit the point that I am in any phase of burnout - I notice that people irritate me.

With very few exceptions.

I was supposed to call my vocal coach yesterday to confirm if I could assist him in a funeral. I got tied up with my job. He called and left a message. saying he wasn't mad at me. Which made me mad at him. Then I got another message a hour later. An hour after that a third message.

Now I can't stop what I'm doing because it will be a conversation of whining and wheedling. And I Can't do it. I can't do the service and I Can't handle the whining and wheedling.

So I waited till I knew he was tied up, and left him a message.

At 10PM he returned the call that didn't need to be returned. I am serious when I tell you I screamed at the answering machine.

I like my coach, but he's a very needy person. I generally am not. So it really makes me angry when I do need people and they can't deliver. I don't ask for much - at least I don't think that I do.

My mom called last night after a lovely day with my family. I provided her the info she needed we chatted a bit and hung up. Not 10 minutes later, she calls back. Why? to ask me if I remembered to give my sister my gift.

Are you kidding me? What am I? twelve?

I was angry. I answered her calmly - largely because I couldn't believe that at my age, she is still making calls like this.

I hung up - and the anger and aggravation slammed me between the eyes. I confess that I was sitting on the toilet so I had some time on my hands with which to think.

I called her back. I calmly explained that I didn't understand her need to check on me. How would she feel if Grandma did that to her?

I had to laugh at her answer. We both did.

She said

"It wouldn't surprise me at all. Now you know why I do it. I don't even realize it. I overorganize everything. "

She proceeded to tell me that she not only irons and lays out her own clothes for events, but my step dads too. Right down to jewelry, pocketbook, accessories etc.

Damn.

I'm SCREWED. I do the same things.

We hung up fine. But after the call from my coach FOUR times today with the last one at 10PM, I went nuts. That was the end for me.

It's not the time that bothers me so much as the presumption. I don't call ANYONE at 10PM unless I know that it's OK or I have been requested to call at that time. It would never occur to me to make a call at 10PM on a weeknight like that.

He has a tendancy to be presumptious on the relationship too. I don't complain about it too much. I do address it immediately when he crosses the line. I am working on an aria from the Barber of Seville and the woman who sings it is a temptress. His commentary was "this is perfect for you being the hot temptress that you are" My response "You're an idiot" he said "that's prof idiot to you". Whatever.

That didn't bother me to be honest. He is learning slowly that its not acceptable behaviour. I learned this technique from his wife.

My aggravation and irritation exists on many levels. I have a tendancy to yell at ringing phones, throw soft objects at cats who don't listen, and don't start with me on the damn fruit flies. I take great pleausre in killing them. It helps me vent my frustration.

I am very frustrated and I am desparately trying hard to vent it in productive ways and not attack people who may mean well.

bear with me if I appear on the attack - more than likely it has little to nothing to do with you.