Her or Me

There are days
There are days when your life clouds over
And the world gets so dark
That all at once you can't tell night from day

I notice that this particular verse comes to my head a lot lately. Part of it's work in the past 4 days, but prior to that it was making it's way out of m y mental musical filing cabinet.

It really is true. There are just "days". The old joke is "I just shoulda stayed in bed"


There are times
When your heart cries this isn't happening
But the truth is cold and real
And I know this storm won't go away

given, well, everything - my heart cries that this isn't happening to me all the time. It also continually asks "What were you THINKING????" to God. I'm sure he has some plan or joke up his sleave. But seriously - NOT FUNNY. Because this storm inside my heart won't go away. I don't see how it can. It occured to me today, that both of us have dated others since we first were together 7 years ago. We know of each others interim relationships and yet we never met one anothers significant others. And we were still talking and socializing quite a bit. Huh. Strange as that's how it was when he was married too. He never strayed from his wife, BUT they never socialized together with our crew. I h eard a rumor that she didn't like us but I have to believe that wasn't meant for me, we've never met.

It's her or Me
Now there's no way to hide
She is not some fling
From long ago

It's her or me
Now I know why he
I think it was better when I didn't know

This is indicative of the whore. The thing about this tune is that the character who sings it? She does win. But it's not quite the same contest. And the other woman isn't a whore. Not really.
The other woman in my scenario may not be a whore in reality though as I have explained it makes me feel better to call her that, she is a gameplayer and I do not have any respect or patience for that. Playing with someone elses heart and emotions for your own sadistic reasons really makes me angry. I was angry at my best friend for unsuccessfully attempting that with me ( He has since stopped as it's not in his nature and was taking way too much toll on US) and I am angry at him for allowing her to do it to him. And of course the easy shot - I'm angry at her for doing it.

In her eyes, in her voice
In the heat that filled the air
Part of him still lingers there
I know what pain her life must be
But if it all comes down to her or me
I won't wait, I swear
I'll fight

But I'm not really angry at her. To be honest, what she does is her problem. If that's the extent that she needs to go to, she will never experience the wonderous closeness of sharing your soul with someone. I'm actually sorry for her. Because the person that she could be sharing her sould with has already been spoken for. His soul is with me. For better or for worse. Even if by some stupid twist of fate, they end up in some kind of twisted relationship, that part of him won't be with her.


It's her or me
And it's me he must choose
I don't hate this girl even so

It's her or me
It's a fight I won't lose
I can't live wondering where his heart is
Now I have to know

And I know that this true. When he needs to decompress or just be wiht someone in an environment that's safe, where he gets his love and support, he comes to me. He does not go to her. She is not capable of giving that.

I don't hate the whore - When I choose to allow myself to acknowledge her in my world, I feel sorry for her.

So I have to make one change in the last part of the verse.

It's her or me
And it's me he will choose
I don't hate this girl even so

It's her or me
It's a fight I can't lose
I needn't live wondering where his heart is
Now I already know