Exhaustion

Every day I sit in front of the laptop and I think about what has transpired in the day, how I'm feeling and what I want to tell you about.

The last two days have been entirely about exhaustion. It's not just a physical exhaustion but a mental and emotional one too.

It's prevented me from writing actually. Reading too.


Largely because my mind cannot comprehend the written word. I went to bed last night and didn't even read. I can honestly say I don't remember the last time that I went to bed alone and didn't read.

I've essentially become useless in that regard. Thinking has become a luxury I cannot afford.

I'm slowly starting to rebound though. I have been going to bed earlier. I have taken my baths and moisturized my skin. I have started making lists and putting my house in order - slowly.

I have scheduled the birthday party for two of my best girlfriends. I will work with Lili to make this a really special day for them. We have a Cabanna on the ocean and it will be wonderful and I cannot wait. I have my new large brimmed straw hat, with matching bag. I am all set.

My special snack lately has been Diet Coke with Lime. Laugh all you want but I don't drink soda and I found a bottle of it in the house. Ergo - this is my new snack.

I am officially 22 lbs down. But I need to get my sleep patterns back in line. I cann't sleep in the heat so being minus A/C in that room doesn't help me much. I went back to cooling the room off until I go to bed and then turning it on when the heat wakes me up. My money just arrived from my trust today so I can buy my A/C by the weekend I hope.

My house is clean. Housekeeper was here. I am trying to maintain that better and organize again. I am planning to Feng Shui the house once more to tighten it up a bit.

I have an empty head right now. What I wish for on some days is an empty heart. I have that stupid song that my best friend wrote about the whore in my head. He asked me to listen to the professional recording he did of it. Seriously from a musical standpoint - it's brilliant. But the premise makes me a little bit crazy.

Tomorrow is his last day as primary caregiver. After this our lives change. Not right away or overnight, but mark my words on this day. It will happen. I just don't know if it's for better or for worse.

I'm praying for better.