Re-charging

Today was a great day.

Why?

Because I did very little that I didn't want to do or choose to do.

I had my voice lesson which went well. We're talking about the possibility of another recital next year. This time I am picking the material. With recommendations of course, but I am not doing the killer program that I just did this year.

I'm looking to by a docking station for my ipod. One for the bedroom so I can hear my tunes while I take my bath at night. I have already blown out two sets of ear buds because they fell in the tub. I really don't want to keep spending money on those...

I came home, after by passing Weight watchers... Nothing personal, I should have gone, but I wanted to get home, get in my suit and sit by my pool and work on my tan. Which is exactly what I did. I read my book, listened to my JOni Mitchell CD and just generally disconnected from the world for 2 hours.

Which brings me to my next point. I have noticed how difficult it is for me to disconnect lately. I've started making a checklist of the shift I undergo depending on whether I am dealing with job related stress, emotional stress or worse - both. So far:

Job Related stress:
Weight Gain due to over eating
Unable to sleep at night - requires 2 different sleep meds to get 6 hours in.
Eczema breakouts despite meds
Unable to disconnect even for an hour
Snapping at the slightest provocation
Tears of frustration just hovering under the surface

Emotional Related Stress:
Weight Loss due to under eating
Excessive sleep - more than 8-9 hours a night
Tears of emotion at controlled intervals.
Disconnectiong from the world entirely for long stretches of time
Disinterest in my normal activities.

Isn't this interesting? Today, I made a conscious decision that disconnecting was my only choice. I spend two hours reading, tanning, listening to music, swimming. Then I came upstairs and had a lovely cool shower using my lavendar scented scubz sugar scrub.

When I emerged from my cool shower, feeling so refreshed, I applied my Aveeno Cream Oil and made some lunch. I watched Keeping the faith and took a nap. I can honestly tell you that it was the best nap I have had in months. I felt rested but I will still sleep tonight. I have laid out my outfit for my nephews baptism tomorrow. My parents are picking me up on our way out to Forest Hills. I am looking forward to this. I will take pictures!

I am recovering from the week. I will not have this week twice in a row. I just won't. And I have already decided that if my boss needs 7 hours to understand what is happening, he is going to have to get it from someone else - I am not up for the discussion at this time. I can't make him less clueless and multiple hours of explanation just takes me away from what I need to do for the customer. I can't operate the way he does. I am too old to live on that kind of adrenaline all the time.

We, as human beings, spend too much time connected. Email, cell phones, pagers, blackberrys. It's too much. No one should be that connected all the time. It burns us out too fast. It's information overload. It forces us to live on adrenaline so frequently that the fight or flight syndrome can't work the way it is intended too because we live it day to day now.

I have worked very hard in my life to play as hard as I work and to make the time for both equal. I have learned that my sacrifice of my life for my job will not be rewarded. It will be taken for granted. That's quite a sacrifice if you think about it. Handing over your life to your employer? And not getting compensated for it? All that does is set an ugly precedent. And instead of appreciating your noble gesture of handing over your life all they do is expect it and take it for granted. And - it's not their fault either. In most cases, they didn't even ask for it!

I am the first person for doing your job and doing it well. Not to be trite, but seriously Be the best that you can be while you are at your job, but go home when you are supposed to, take your lunches when you should - and not at your desk while working. This enables you to recharge you batteries so that you can come back tomorrow and be the best again.

People who have lives outside of their careers are the ones who go far. The workaholics often get passed up for higher positions because the workaholic tendancy tends to mask other issues. Management classes tend to teach that people who work round the clock like that have one of two issues, either they are ineffective in the position that they hold meaning they are really not qualified to do the job or are not trained properly OR there is truly so much work that the headcount needs to be increased.

Once I realized that my tendancy towards being a workaholic masked my confidence in my ability to do my job, I relaxed and did the best work I could during my alotted work hours, took my lunch when I was supposed to and then went home and relaxed. I became more productive and better at what I do. My problem was fear and confidence.

I just won't go back to that again.