The Amusement Park

I love Amusement Parks.

I adore Roller Coasters. I am getting smarter about them though. I can't deal with them when they are too fast.

This started when the Great American Scream Machine first came out at Six Flags Great Adventure in NJ. I forgot what the year was.

I went on this ride without giving it a thought. When I got off, I threw up.

This is a big deal for me. First, because I LOVE Roller coasters and Second, Unless I have some hideous stomach virus, I rarely if ever throw up.

I couldn't figure out what went wrong. So I got back on line. This time I timed the roller coaster for the length of track.

Ah ha.

The damn thing was traveling too fast.

Fast forward to the Batman and Robin Ride at the same park. This one is a red car and a blue car that intertwine. They were running at less than a minute around the track including a backwards run.

I gave it try.

I didn't throw up, but there were a few dicey moments.

Lesson learned: Time the roller coaster vs the length of track and use those two rides as the benchmark ( both are still there in case you are curious).

This is kind of how my life has been until this month. A roller coaster that while I love it, makes me ill when the ride is over. The speed of change, the peaks and valleys. All of it.

This is how my emotions have been operating.

I LOVE Merry-go-rounds.

Growing up we had a local mini amusement park called Nunleys Carousel. It started out as just the carousel and a mini park sprung up around it. In fact my Uncle got married there with my dad and my brother and I, his 3 stepkids and 2 boys in attendance. This was their reception.

They Closed Nunley's when I was in college. But that didn't stop me from traveling to Syracuse to visit my room-mate and going on the Carousel at the new mall they built there. I have some of the best pictures of Maplemama, Jax and I on a Merry-go-round framed in my living room from one of visits. It was a really good time.

I had a favorite horse. It was black and it had Roses on it's bridle. I ALWAYS got that horse. I can still picture it. I had wanted to buy it at auction, but sadly I was a poor college student and was unable to even bid as the reserve was high. I heard recently that the entire thing was sold to one of the malls here... so perhaps I will ride the wild stallion with roses again some day.

What I love about the Merry-go-round is the fact that it is predictable. the horse goes up and down while the ride goes in a circle. If you are coordinated, you can stand up on the horse, walk around the merry-go-round while it's moving. It's restful, It reminds me of days gone by, when this was the ONLY ride ( before my lifetime for certain and my parents too). I picture women in big hats with parasols, riding side saddle trying to get the brass ring for the free ride. I love the music that's played. I can even hear it in my head now as I write this.

This is where my life is now.

I have removed myself from the nauseating roller coaster and put myself on the more soothing Carousel.

The question is - how long do I stay on it? Even for those who love this ride, eventually it gets boring and you want to get off.

So far that hasn't happened. I'm comforted at the fact that I am not dealing with the peaks and valleys and the rapid speed of change.

For now.

Words that drive my best friend crazy. I am fine with this situation for now. At some point that will change. To what I don't know.

My path is unclear. My priest had no ready answers. He expressed how proud of me he is. After one hour with him, he asked if it was OK if he offered up a prayer for me, my best friend and his dying brother. Half way through it he asked for help for me to see the path that I am on and what the lesson is and where it should go. I got choked up and at the end I looked at him and said that this was my problem. I can't see it for the life of me. He looked at me for a minute, and I had to jump in and say that I knew he had no answers or I would have high-tailed it down there months ago.

I don't know what the lesson supposed to be. I have no idea where or what my path is supposed to be.

Until I do, I'll coast on my favorite horse with the roses for awhile.