A revelation

This may appear repetitive and it may be obvious to everyone else, but I had a revelation while having my evening bath.

I decided to have a hot bath earlier than normal and put all my salts and oils and herbs in. grabbed my ipod and my book and had a nice 45 minute long soak.


I was reading and not paying a lot of attention to my thoughts that were sitting in the back waiting for me to break my focus.


I was contacted by a friend of mine the other day. He has feelings for me... of some sort. I suspect they lend themselves more to the physical. The situation is not ever going to work for me and is inappropriate because he is married. This scenario does not interest me in the slightest. In any way. We are friends and have worked together a long time.


Due to recent events, I have started being nicer to him when he contacts me. Because no matter what, he is a nice man who is confused. His problems are not my problems and I refuse to adopt them. However, I have no reason to be mean and short with him. As long as he keeps the conversation on the up and up, there is no reason that I shouldn't be civil to him.

This occurred to me because my best friend has admitted to treating me in a less than stellar fashion for the past number of years in order to make me NOT love him. For all the good THAT did.


Here's where the other half of the revelation happened: The fact is, my best friend is the one for me. I know this as surely as spring follows winter and the sun rises in the east. He's in my blood like Holy wine... so bitter and so sweet.

The thing of it is, through his own admission.... I'm in his too. Our connection, the one that will be there for the rest of our lives - it's the same thing. We have an intimacy that surpasses friendship. It's a very special relationship. And though he needs so much help right now, in so many ways, I don't think I could truly walk away without a backwards glance at this point. I could never stand to watch someone I love twist in pain in the wind. Especially not when they so specifically ask for help. Help I am more than capable of giving.

We are bound together in some cosmic way.

And because I know these things now, I am a little bit more at peace. We have so much work that needs to be done on our friendship to get to a place where we can both be happy and at peace with it. That may go one to be another kind of relationship, or it may not.

Only time will tell.