Vacation Day 1

The alarm went off and I looked out the window at the pouring rain and wished I could stay in bed.

We'll call that foreshadowing.

I hauled out of bed at 8:45 and got my juice and vitamins. I was just contemplating my shower when the phone rang. My priest had an unavoidable situation come up that would cut into my appointment. He asked if he could reschedule for tomorrow.

Hmmm - back to bed!!!!! YAY! I said yes, and hopped back into bed.

I was just getting comfortable cuddling into my pillows, when I suddenly missed my best friend. I wanted to be cuddling into him. And he liked to do that. So I was suddenly sad, but not overwhelmingly so. I dosed off.

I woke up and read, dosed off again, read some more. I finally dragged my butt out of bed at 1PM.

I tend to sleep a lot the first few days of my vacation. It's my decompression time. I used to think it was depression related, but after significant research, I realized that I tend to wake up at my regular time, then go back sleep when I know that I can. It's my body's way of decompressing. After a couple of days of this, I spring back into life and have more fun. I know that I need a vacation, when I start waking up later and later.

So my going back to bed doesn't concern me all that much. And I am tired enough to sleep right now, which that in itself is telling.

I did venture out though. I had lunch with my Voice Twin - or Linner since it was 4PM. We talked for awhile, it was fun and nice to be out.

Then I went on my round of students. I was on top of my game and things were going OK.

I am really fine without him. But when he calls, no matter what else is happening with us, my heart smiles.

So while I can live without him and I am OK wihtout him, I just don't want to be. When we are together, in good times and bad, I feel like the truest and best version of me. He doesn't judge it, he revels in it. And the same is true for him.

The thing that keeps coming back to me in my mind, If what he gets from me is unconditional love, and he comes to me for that and support for Alex and support for The Whore, what the hell is the Whore giving him?

(Besides that. get your mind out of gutter!)

So this ends Day 1 of my vacation.